Wilting Away
by JuxtaposedVixen
Summary: "Love is when she gives you a piece of your soul, that you never knew was missing." Erwin said. "It doesn't matter anymore. She's dead." Levi answered. "Is that what you really wish to believe?" He questioned.
1. Prologue

**A/N: It has been without a bloody doubt, a long time. 2 years almost. Well, I'm back now. With a brand new fanfiction. May you enjoy.**

 **IMPORTANT: This story is based on the anime.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

The underground city had never been of my liking. How people could live without seeing daylight was beyond my young innocent mind.

My parents had insisted that the best wine was sold underground. While they were busy discussing their interests, I caught a glimpse of a man. He was a member of the military police. The way he used the 3D Maneuver Gear was simply magnificent. It seemed as if he was flying.

I turned to my father and squeezed his hand softly.

-What is it, dear? – He asked smiling.

-I want to join the Survey Corps when I'm older. – I stated.

His smile faded and it turned into a frown. He sighed and kneeled.

-Why would you say such an awful thing? – He questioned while staring at me.

-Because I want to be able to fly, just like him. – I said while pointing at the man I had seen earlier.

My father looked at him and sighed once again. He stood up. He glared at the man.

-Merethe, you are still young. When you are older, you'll marry and have a family. You are not joining the Survey Corps. Your mother and I will not allow such nonsense.

-But, daddy…

-No. That is my final answer. – He finished.

I should've known he wouldn't approve. We arrived at the store and my parents entered. I stood outside while staring at my father's back sadly.

-Miss Soltvedt, would you like a cupcake? –Asked one of our servants.

I directed my gaze towards him and answered.

-Yes, please.

* * *

The chocolate cupcake I picked was inside a small box, decorated with lace. Even though my father had disapproved of my dreams, I hoped he would change his mind.

While the servant walked me back to the wine store my parents were at, I noticed a boy.

He was sitting with his back to the wall. His hair was black, and his bangs were covering his face. His clothes were covered in dirt, and his hair was also dirty. I approached him slowly and kneeled down in front of him. He glared at me, and I smiled. I placed the box on his lap and stood up. He stared at the box and then at me. I was about to introduce myself when my mother yelled.

-Merethe, we have to leave! – She yelled.

Before I could say anything, the servant grabbed my arm and pulled me towards my parents.

* * *

 **A/N: This is just the prologue, so fear not. Chapters will be longer.**


	2. Chapter 1: What I Want

**A/N: Here you have the first chapter of Wilting Away. Feel free to review.**

 **Enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

 _5 years later…_

I never saw that boy again. It was as if he had disappeared. My parents and I had made countless travels to the underground city, but he was nowhere to be found. I even asked a couple of people, but no one seemed to know who he was.

Laying on the grass of my garden, I stared at the setting sun. I loved peaceful times like these. When I didn't have to learn about the way life worked inside Wall Sina. As far as I knew, only people wealthy enough could live here. Inside the safest place on Earth. All that mattered inside this wall was social standards and money.

My parents had already told that when I grew up, I was to take their place on the marketing business. I wasn't overly fond of the idea.

Ever since I was little, my dream has been to join the Survey Corps. Though, when I told my father about it, I was immediately denied the permission. I had only been 5 years old at the time. Why was my father so scared of what lay beyond these walls? Titans didn't sound so bad. Or at least, that's what I thought; since I had never seen one in real life.

I got up and made my way back to my room. I remembered seeing a member of the Survey Corps enter my house once. He was tall, blond and emotionless. His name was Erwin.

My parents had scolded me because I kept on asking how the world beyond the walls was. He answered all of my questions when my parents weren't listening. Before he left, he gave me a piece of paper, telling me to keep it a secret. When he left, I ran upstairs to my room and unfolded the piece of paper. It contained a single message.

"Should you ever need my assistance, send me a letter through one of the members of the Survey Corps."

I sat on my desk and started writing. I asked him to train me. To keep it a secret. My parents would never approve my desire to train. When I finished writing, I stood up, grabbed a cloak and left my house in silence. I didn't want my folks to know where I was going. It took me quite a few minutes to find a member of the Survey Corps, since they didn't leave the headquarters that often. He agreed to deliver my letter to Erwin.

Having completed my mission, I went back home and snuck inside. My parents never noticed that I had left.

* * *

It took a few days for Erwin to answer my letter. My father was picking up the mail when I noticed the white envelope with the Survey Corps insignia on it. I ran up to him and asked if I could help. By the time I delivered the mail to his office, the letter was already inside my pocket. Thanking me, my father started opening the mail up. I sighed and went outside to open the letter.

Erwin agreed to train me without my parents knowing. Though, he insisted that if I wanted to become stronger by the time I was fifteen, I would have to start immediately.

And I, happily, complied.

Training with him had been harder than I thought. I often ended up bruised, and had to hide the wounds from my parents.

-Punch harder – He ordered.

-Dodge – He reminded me.

-Run faster – He yelled.

-Think faster – He said.

-Try harder – He insisted.

No wonder that by the time I turned fifteen I already had muscles.

* * *

 _3 years later…_

I got up and made my way to the kitchen. Today was my 18th birthday. My mother had told me that she had a surprise for me, and that I had to get ready.

So, I grabbed a piece of toast and some orange juice, not exactly feeling hungry. When I was done eating I made my way to the bathroom and got in the tub. Some hot water would do nicely for my sore muscles. Erwin had been merciless on our last training session. He insisted that if I was to become a recruit and join the Survey Corps I would have to be on the list of Top 10. With that thought in mind I got out of the tub and changed into some pants and a tank top, with boots. Of course, my parents didn't have to notice I was wearing such manly clothes, as my mother often said; so I put on a long jacket on top of it all. I tied my hair into a ponytail and looked for my gloves. It was cold as hell outside, and I wasn't about to freeze my bloody ass off.

As I made my way to the door, I heard my mother say my name. Shit. She wasn't supposed to be back this early. She said she needed to run some errands. I turned around and looked at her.

I wasn't expecting to see a young man standing next to her. I didn't even know who the guy was. I had never seen him before. My mother noticed the puzzled look on my face and smiled. She signalled for me to sit down. I sat on the chair farthest from him.

-Now, we just have to wait for your father. –She said.

-Mother, I don't intend to be rude, but I have somewhere to be. –I tried to say as politely as possible.

-Hush, now. Your father will be here very soon. –She happily announced.

While waiting for my father, I studied the man. He wasn't bad looking, though he seemed a bit snobbish. He was staring at me.

-I'm back. Pardon me for taking so long. –My father said.

-Oh, there is no need to worry, dear. We were just getting to know each other. –My mother lied.

-Good. –He whispered. My father took a sit next to me.

I had a bad feeling. I could feel it. Something was wrong.

-Now, Merethe, we would like you to get to know this young man, since he is your future husband. –My father stated.

I couldn't believe my ears. Impossible. What the fuck was this bullshit?

-What? –I asked.

-He will marry you in a few months, honey. –My mother answered.

-But…why? –I whispered in a barely audible tone.

-Because soon, you will be in charge of our business. –My father said.

How would I tell them that I had already been enlisted on the military?

For fuck's sake.

* * *

 **A/N: That's all, folks. If I'm honest, I wasn't going to upload anything else until the weekend, but I was too excited and ended up writing an entire chapter. I hope you enjoyed.**


	3. Chapter 2: The Right Choice

**A/N: Since excitement is really hard to contain, here is the next chapter. Do enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

* * *

What the hell was wrong with my parents?!

-I'm not getting married to an asshole I don't even know! –I screamed at them.

I knew the guy didn't deserve that, it wasn't his fault; but I was furious. My mother gasped at my swearing. I usually didn't swear around them, since I was supposed to be a good girl. But, hanging around Erwin had taught me more than just fighting techniques.

-Take that back now! –Said my mother.

-Hell no! Why the fuck do you get to decide what I do and don't do?! –I yelled while pointing at them.

My father was about to slap me, but my instant response, thanks to training, was to dodge.

-That is no way to speak to your parents, Merethe Soltvedt! –Yelled my mother, finally losing her temper.

I couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't about to take any more of their bullshit. I had been obedient ever since I was little, in hope of one day getting what I wanted, but clearly my parents had other plans for me. So, I stormed off. I left the house and almost broke the door on my way out.

I walked all the way to the training grounds, where I was supposed to meet Erwin an hour ago. He was still there, looking pissed as hell.

-Why are you arriving until now, Merethe? –He questioned. I could hear the angry tone in his voice, and if that wasn't enough he was glaring at me.

-Well, I'm not getting married to someone I don't know. –I said, trying to keep calm, yelling at Erwin would only anger him further.

-What? –He asked. The look on his face softened and it turned into concern.

-My parents introduced me to my "fiancée", but I told them to fuck off. –I said.

He signalled me to sit down and I did as told. He patted me in the head, and sighed.

-I should have known it would happen sooner or later. –He said.

-What do you mean? –I asked, confused.

-Whether you want it or not, you are a Soltvedt. Your parents would eventually want for you to get married. –Erwin admitted while looking at me.

-Well, fuck them. –I said softly.

-You did the right thing. Not for their sake, but for yours. You deserve happiness, little one. –He added.

Erwin had been more of a father to me than my biological one. My parents were rarely at home, and I was left alone. The servants had seen me grow up. Not my parents.

-Thank you. –I whispered.

-Now, I think it's about time you go join the others. The welcoming ceremony will start in just a few hours. –He announced.

I smiled. He was right. I stood up and waited for him to join me. We both walked to the Training Corps Headquarters. It was long walk, indeed. When we arrived, most cadets; like myself, were lined up, chatting. Just in time, I thought.

I said goodbye to Erwin and found a place to stand. The truth, suddenly, hit me. I had left my parents behind. After this, there was no going back. I hesitated, but made up my mind quickly. This was what I had always wanted.

When I heard the Commander's voice, all trace of doubt was gone. I felt at home.

* * *

 _2 years later…_

I was far too concentrated on knocking the guy in front of me, that I didn't hear Commander Keith talking to Erwin about me.

The guy was taller than me, therefore slower. So, I took that to my advantage. I punched him in the jaw. He lost balance and tripped. While he tried to regain his balance back, I kicked him in the chest. When he fell to the floor, I punched him straight in the face. He passed out. Shit. I might have taken it too far.

-Soltvedt! –Yelled Commander Keith. He motioned for me to approach him. I slowly walked towards him, scared that he might do the same thing I did to the poor guy.

-Yes, sir? –I asked.

-Well done. –He said.

-Thank you, sir. –I answered.

He looked at Erwin and he nodded. It seemed as if they had some kind of plan. What was going on? Erwin smirked, and nodded back. Commander Keith turned to me.

-As far as we've seen, there's no need for you to keep training. You are already on a superior level. –He proudly stated.

-Do you really believe so, sir? -I asked.

I could barely believe his words. I knew I was well trained, but I never considered that I was that good.

-Indeed. Are you ready to join the Survey Corps, cadet? –He asked.

I didn't even hesitate.

-Yes, sir.

* * *

The headquarters of the Survey Corps where fascinating. I had been sent to the dining area, since it was nigh time by the time I arrived. Some of the members, stared at me as if I was some kind of fresh meat. It creeped me out.

No one seemed interested enough to approach me. And I, sure as hell, wasn't about to do it. That's what I thought, until I felt someone poke my back. I turned around and saw a brunette wearing glasses. She looked excited. She was grinning from ear to ear. If the members who stared at me creeped me out, I couldn't even begin to define how I felt at that very moment.

She started speaking, but I didn't understand a word, she spoke way too fast for me to understand whatever she was saying. I only managed to catch a few words such as: friends, titans, experiments, excited, you, forever.

-Wait! –I exclaimed. She finally stopped talking.

-What? –She asked confused.

-I didn't understand anything of what you said. Could you speak slower? –I requested.

-Oh, I'm sorry. I got excited. My name is Hanji Zoe. It's a pleasure to meet you. –She introduced herself.

-My name is Merethe Soltvedt. The pleasure is mine. –I said.

She had the brightest eyes I had ever seen. She was an overzealous individual. No wonder she started jumping up and down, asking why I was here.

-You are still so young! How did you manage to skip training? –She questioned.

-I've been training to join the Survey Corps since I was ten. –I answered.

And that was the last thing I said, before she interrupted me and started talking again. I paid attention to every word she said, until I saw a man sitting in the back of the room. His gaze was directed towards me. He seemed vaguely familiar. I had seen him before. He had black hair, and his skin was incredibly pale. But then again, so was mine. He stared at me for what seemed like an eternity, then he left.

I felt as if I had seen him before. But, fuck, I couldn't seem to remember.

* * *

 **A/N: And that concludes this chapter.**

 **IMPORTANT: I won't update the story every day. But, I will try to write, at least, two chapters per week.**


	4. Chapter 3: May I Feel

**A/N: This chapter was written from Levi's POV. Please enjoy.**

* * *

Levi's POV

My brain refused to believe what my eyes were seeing. The Cupcake Girl was sitting next to Hanji, chatting. I never thought I would see her again. Her skin was as white as that part of your enemies' eyes you should see before you shoot them. Her faces was covered in small freckles, her dark brown hair had certainly grown, and it almost reached her small waist. Without a doubt, she was shorter than me. It was, indeed, her. And, bloody hell, she was beautiful.

I stared at her. I didn't even consider talking to her. And I highly doubted that she remembered me. Her hazel eyes focused on me, captivating me. Analyzing every inch of my body with a puzzled look on her face. I couldn't take it anymore. Why was she here?

Filled with questions, I left the room. Heading towards my bedroom, I noticed that the mirrors in the hall looked dark. And the candlelight only worsened it. Irony? Perhaps.

Opening the door to my room, I heard Erwin's voice calling my name.

-Rivaille! –He yelled while walking towards me. He looked at me and noticed my frown.

-What do you want? –I asked.

-I told you I would find her. –He said smiling. Why was he smiling?

I once told him about her. Once. I couldn't believe that he remembered it. But the real question was: how the fuck did he do it?

-How did you find her? –I asked. There was no way he could've found her that easily. I never saw her after that one time. And there was a shitload of people inside these walls.

-I've known her ever since she was child. –He answered. The bastard knew her and never told me.

-Asshole. –I said. I had wasted enough time talking about nonsense with him. I turned around and entered my room, closing the door and locking behind me.

The room was quiet, until I heard Erwin chuckling outside and then, his footsteps fading. I changed into a pair of sweatpants and lied down on the bed. I knew I wouldn't get much sleep tonight.

I just knew it.

* * *

I was woken up by sunlight hitting my eyes. Miraculously, I was able to fall asleep. After thinking about Cupcake Girl all night. She plagued my mind, like a parasite; and I wanted it gone. I wasn't going to be able to concentrate like this. I got up and entered the bathroom. Every bedroom had its own bathroom. Which didn't bother me at all, in fact I appreciated it. Not having to share a bathroom with all those brats.

I filled the bathtub with water. And stepped in. The water was cold as fuck. I forgot to heat it up. Now, I would have to deal with the consequences. I bathed fast, not feeling like spending much time in the freezing water, and got out. While changing into some clothes, I heard a knock on my door. Well, that's a first. I opened the door and found Hanji standing there, staring at me.

-What do you want, shitty glasses? –I questioned, annoyed.

-It's time for training, Shorty. –She answered while patting me on the head.

I scoffed and slapped her hand away. Closing the door behind me, I walked to the training grounds, not even looking back to see if she was following me. She stayed behind, while knocking on the door of whoever had his or her room next to mine.

When I arrived, everyone was whispering. What was going on? Did someone finally die or something?

Erwin, now a Commander, was standing in the front, looking like he was about to give an order. Tch, asshole. He ordered everyone to line up, and that's when I saw her. Her dark wavy hair was tied into a ponytail. Her expression was serious, she looked at Erwin with respect. While pretending not to care, I stood as far as possible from her.

-Listen up, soldiers. To make things interesting, we will have a fighting competition. The winner, is freed from cleaning duty for a week. –He stated. It sounded like a great price, since cleaning duty was often really harsh.

Everyone stayed silent, until a girl raised her hand. Her name was Petra Ral. I had seen her around the halls many times. I never paid attention to her. Though, Hanji had once said the girl had a crush on me. Women.

-Sir, how will you decide who wins the match? –She asked.

-Until one of you gives up or passes out. –He said, smirking. The guy must have taken his happy pills. He looked so happy about it.

Most soldiers started whispering amongst themselves. It was cruel but fair, I wasn't going to lose anyway. We were separated into two groups, and the competition started. The first idiot who had to fight me looked like he was about to pee his pants. A punch to the face, and he fell to the floor.

After a fighting a few more people, I realized most of them were incredibly weak and bad at hand-to-hand combat. There was someone else who kept on kicking everyone's ass, but I was too busy to see who it was. Everyone who fought me ended up in the floor bleeding or knocked out. And then I noticed, that eventually there was no one else to fight. So, I waited for my next victim. Erwin announced that the last fight was about to take place.

I wasn't prepared for what happened next. I saw her. Cupcake Girl. Sweating, and out of breath. It looked like the last guy she fought, had taken a toll on her. I looked over to the guy, and he was tall. Incredibly tall and muscular. How on earth did she manage to take him down? I was surprised. The thought of her being good at fighting had never crossed my mind. And then, it hit me.

* * *

 _-I want to join the Survey Corps when I'm older. –I heard someone say. I directed my gaze to whoever said it, and noticed a little girl. She looked younger than me, about 5 years old._

 _A man kneeled next to her, who I assumed was her father._

 _-Why would you say such an awful thing? –Her father asked._

* * *

She eyed me, and frowned.

-What? Are you scared? –I joked.

-Of you? You cannot fathom the amount of fucks in which I will not give when I kick your ass.-She answered. Her voice was smoky and low. Very pleasant. I could've listened to her talk all day.

Her answer amused me. I chuckled and smirked at her. She didn't what was about to hit her. She smirked back. And it was a sardonic one. Tch, I'll show her who's boss. So, I took her distraction as an advantage, and hit her square in the jaw. She fell to the floor and gave me a mirthless smile. A trail of blood could be seen in the corner of her mouth. She wiped it with the back of her hand and glanced at me.

-You are going to regret that, handsome. –She said.

Distracted by the compliment, I didn't see her foot connect with my jaw. I certainly didn't see that one coming. I lost my balance but regained it quickly. She was good. I knew that kick would leave a bruise. She stood up and smirked. Lifting her fists to cover her face, she spit blood and glared at me. I couldn't help but to chuckle at her feistiness. This was going to be fun.

* * *

 _An hour later…_

We were both tired of punching and dodging. I never managed to hit her again, and neither did she. Out of breath and annoyed, she prepared to punch my face, but I dodged. I tried to kick her, but she dodged. It was almost like a never-ending cycle. None of us would be able to win this fight if things kept going like that. I tried to punch her, with more strength but she blocked it with her fist.

-Alright, you two. Stop it. –Erwin finally said, bored and tired of seeing us fight. He dismissed everyone and left.

Cupcake Girl and I were the only ones left in the training grounds. She stood up and offered me her hand. I took it, and felt how warm she was. And that's when I saw it, that bloody drop of sweat that travelled from her neck to the valley between her breasts. I gulped. Those mounds were perfectly round. My mind was immediately clouded with lust, but I fought it.

-It was a good fight. –She admitted. She smiled. Her smile was beautiful, just like the rest of her.

-Indeed. –I answered.

-Come to think of it, we never introduced ourselves. –She mentioned.

-Levi. Levi Rivaille. –I said. Her eyes widened and she smiled. Then, she giggled. What was that for?

-My name is Merethe Soltvedt. Nice to meet you. –She said. Letting go of my hand, she untied her hair.

I missed the warmth of her hand. The softness of her skin, even though she punched hard. She touched my face and wiped the trickle of blood she had caused.

-I'm sorry for that. I wasn't going to kick you that hard. –She apologized and dropped her hand.

-I punched you with equal strength so I believe that makes us even. –I said, guilt washing over me.

She giggled and turned around to leave. Waving farewell, she walked back to the headquarters. Her hips waved back and forth, seductively.

I sighed. She was amazing. Too good to be true. I felt like within moments a life time of control vanished to give way to lust.

I will be the first man to kiss you, to bed you. Whether you come willingly or not, Merethe.

* * *

 **A/N: Hope you enjoyed. Feel free to review.**


	5. Chapter 4: Cleaning Duty

**A/N: Please, do enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

* * *

I was speechless. After all this years, he was right there, right in front of me. Kind of kicking my ass. But I wasn't going to give up that easily, so I fucking kicked him in the face.

The fight was long, and neither of us managed to hit the other again. After an hour, Erwin forced us to stop. Everyone had gotten bored. The excitement had obviously faded after the first 20 minutes.

And, when I touched his face, to wipe the trail of blood that I had caused, he stared at me from head to toes. Chills running up my spine, I realized that he made me feel strange, warm.

His name rolled off my tongue deliciously. It was almost sweet. Like a lullaby. The complete opposite of what I saw when we fought. I actually felt bad for leaving him in the training grounds, but if I had stayed longer, I would've done something stupid. Like…kissing him. Heavens bless him, his lips looked so soft. I blushed just from remembering.

-Not now, Merethe. You are a grown woman. Not a blushing teenager.–I said, trying to convince myself. But I couldn't help it. He did something strange to me. Those grey eyes of his had hypnotised me.

I entered my bedroom and stripped naked. I really needed a cold shower. The cold water did wonders to my mood, until I got out of the shower. My whole body froze. I could've sworn I locked that bloody door. There she was, grinning like a maniac. Hanji Zoe.

-For fuck's sake, Hanji! You scared me! –I exclaimed.

Hanji approached me and grabbed my shoulders.

-Tell me all about it. I want to hear every detail! –She stated. She forced me to sit down. Almost dropping my towel in the process.

-What are you talking about? – I asked confused. What the hell was she talking about?

-About you and Shorty, of course. –She giggled.

-S-Shorty? –I stuttered.

-Levi. –She added.

My eyes lit up and I felt an overwhelming happiness. I had found my very own gossip friend. So, I giggled along with her. Though nothing happened, I told her everything. She gasped and nodded excitedly. She assured me that Levi was an emotionless bastard. And I laughed at her words. We didn't get any sleep that night. It actually felt nice having someone to talk to.

* * *

I was woken up by a loud bang at the door. I didn't even notice I had fallen asleep. I groggily sat up and made my way to the door. I then noticed, Zoe was no longer in my room. I opened the door and found Erwin standing there with a mop in his hand. He smiled and handed it to me.

-Good morning, little one. –He said, ruffling my hair. He was undoubtedly, taller than me.

-What do I need this for? – I asked yawning.

-Cleaning duty, of course. –He said.

-What? But no one won! – I exclaimed. Did Erwin randomly decide that Levi won? I thought we were friends!

-Exactly. That's why, both of you are going to clean. –He announced.

I tilted my head to the side and opened my mouth to argue, but I noticed Levi behind him. I didn't even notice him at first. He was so short, I couldn't see him behind Erwin. I snorted. Levi emerged in all his housewife glory. I giggled and he raised his eyebrow. Erwin noticed the exchange and chuckled. He left without saying another word.

-This is unfair. –I muttered as I tied my hair into a ponytail once again. Levi stared at me, not a hint of emotion on his face. Once I was done with my hair, he handed me a feather duster. I scoffed. Honestly, why did we have to clean this place?

* * *

I was almost done moping when Levi scoffed behind me.

-What now? – I asked annoyed.

I turned around to look at him and raised my arms in defeat. He glared and brushed past me, picking up the mop and cleaning a tiny, like really tiny, spot. My eye started to twitch and I cursed under my breath.

-You suck at cleaning. –He stated, looking at me once again.

-Thanks, asshole. –I answered. What had gotten into him? He had been so nice last night.

The silence in the room was awkward. He didn't care enough to answer my last insult. I knew something was bothering him. I could feel it. I was about to open up my mouth to ask him, but he spoke.

-Why? – He asked. I was confused, why what?

-What do you mean? –I questioned, tilting my head to the side. Placing my hands on my hips, I stood up.

-15 years ago, you gave me a box. Why? –He clarified. He stopped cleaning the window and finally looked at me. The look in his eyes was serious. He had definitely recognized me, huh?

-I don't know. I just…couldn't stand to see you there, all by yourself. –I answered.

He frowned, and glared at me. Maybe that wasn't the right thing to say.

-I didn't need your pity. –He stated, brushing past me, again.

-It wasn't pity. It was curiosity. – I said, trying to keep the conversation going. I didn't want him to hate me, I liked having him around. Even though, I had only seen him a couple times. His presence was somehow calming.

Levi was taken aback by my words. His whole body froze. I noticed his hand was trembling. Whether it was out of anger or fear, I didn't know.

-Curiosity? How do you call that curiosity? –He questioned. His voice was lower than before. I had to be careful, and choose my next words wisely.

-I wanted to talk you, and I gave you the cupcake as a way to start a conversation, but I had to leave. I was a weird and lonely kid, ok? I didn't have much friends. –I tried to explain.

He sighed and looked at me.

-You are odd, indeed. –He said, smirking.

-Hey! I'm the only one who can say that. –I argued, pointing at him. At least, I had managed to make things better. The air inside the room was lighter after clearing things up.

Though neither of us had said it, we had become friends. He was finally done with that bloody window, and I was done cleaning the stupid bookcase. The room was spotless. I had to admit, he was incredibly good at cleaning, unlike me. I was raised in a wealthy family, it was to be expected for me to hate cleaning.

-Alright, then. We are finally done. – I announced happily, clapping my hands.

Levi stood up and pointed at a spot on the bookcase.

-For fuck's sake, Levi! –I groaned.

He chuckled.

* * *

 **A/N: Inspiration was fucking hard to achieve this time. I need some reviews. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed.**


	6. Chapter 5: Of Biscuits And Kittens

**A/N: Here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

* * *

 _A few days later…_

I was sitting on a bench outside the Survey Corps HQ. The weather was nice. It wasn't too hot nor too cold. It was just perfect, or so I thought. Until it started to rain. I felt a few drops of water hit my face, and I sighed. I hadn't spoken to Levi. I hadn't seen him either. I actually missed having him around. We had some kind of silent friendship, which consisted of training together and cleaning. But I felt like that wasn't enough. He needed to smile or even laugh. I had never seen him do it. So, as his friend, it was my responsibility to accomplish such a hard task. I smiled to myself and went back inside. I had no time to catch a cold.

As I entered the headquarters, I felt a tap at my shoulder. I turned around and saw Levi, standing there, with his hand wounded.

-What happened to you? – I asked concerned.

-Cut myself while training. Nothing serious. –He answered hiding his hand from my view. He was lying. I could tell from the tone of his voice.

-Are you sure it doesn't need treating? –I questioned, trying to reach for his hand.

-I'm sure. –He answered while glaring at me. Alright, fine. He can bleed to death for all I care.

-Alright, then. –I said slowly. Lowering my head, I noticed a small kitten next to him. It was black, it also looked really thin. Kneeling down, I tried to pet it, but it scratched my hand. The cut started bleeding. That little…

-Be careful. –Levi warned a little too late.

-Thanks, mom. –I retorted frowning. Standing up, I figured out where Levi got that cut from. He must've found the kitten in the streets and taken it with him. The kitten hissed at me. Did it really dislike me that much?

-What do you plan to do with it? – I asked him. I wasn't sure we were allowed to have pets.

-I will take care of it. –He answered, kneeling down to pet it. The cat purred and leaned closer to him. That is so not fair. I huffed. Levi noticed my disappointment and handed the kitty to me. The kitten tensed but quickly relaxed and leaned into my chest. It seemed to finally like me.

I giggled and scratched the kitten behind its ears. It started to purr and it fell asleep almost instantly. I loved animals, they were incredibly innocent. I pulled the kitty closer, trying not to suffocate it.

-I want to help. –I said, smiling. Levi looked at me and gave me a half smile. Holy fucking shit. He almost smiled. And I was the one who almost caused it. I grinned like a maniac and stood up.

-Let's go, Levi. –I said heading towards my bedroom. He stayed silent and followed me. The hallway was already dark, and I bumped into Levi a couple of times. It was a miracle that the kitten was still asleep by the time we arrived at my room.

* * *

We both entered and I handed the kitty to Levi, looking for a match to light the candles in the room. He just stood there, in the doorway. It was as if he was waiting for my permission to enter. I chuckled and pulled him inside, closing the door in the process. It felt weird being in my bedroom with him. But I ignored the butterflies in my stomach.

I searched for a spare pillow. I found one inside my drawer, inspecting it, I turned around and carefully assisted Levi into placing the kitty on top of it.

-I don't mind having it here. – I whispered, trying to not to wake it up. He set the pillow on a small table in the corner of the room. The temperature dropped, out of nowhere. Levi made his way towards the window and closed it. It was snowing outside. That was fast. When I entered the headquarters, it was raining; then, it was snowing. The weather is completely fucked up.

-It's freezing in here. –I said hugging myself, trying to shield my skin from the cold.

-It is, indeed. –He replied, while turning around to face me.

Out of a sudden an idea came to me. I hadn't had a good cup of tea in a while. I didn't know whether Levi liked tea or not, but he would be forced to join me. So I took his hand and dragged him into the kitchen. Not before making sure that the kitten was covered and safe, of course.

-What is it now? – He asked trying to loosen my grip on his hand, while glaring daggers at me. I could feel it.

I turned to face him and smiled. He stared at me with a perplexed look on his face, all traces of anger gone.

-I wanted to have some tea with you. –I answered.

He must've been holding it back, because the smirk he flashed at me, was stunning. He closed his eyes and chuckled. Pushing me out of the way softly, he made his way to the sink and filled a kettle with water.

-Would you mind helping me? –He said, pointing at the stack of logs that lay beside the wood stove. Filling the stove with logs and almost setting the kitchen on fire was actually fun with Levi. He scowled me for being so clumsy and careless, but smiled nonetheless. He actually smiled at me. It was almost impossible to describe how that made me feel. The butterflies in my stomach fluttered like there was no tomorrow. I could feel myself blushing. It was almost as if I had just seen his other side. The happy side of him. Perhaps it was because he actually enjoyed tea, or because he enjoyed my company. But at that point, I really didn't care. I made him smile. That was a huge success for me. And there I was, thinking it would be harder to make him smile.

The sound that the kettle emitted ruined the moment, but it also announced that the tea was ready. Smiling to myself, I took the kettle and asked Levi to put the fire out. Taking a seat, I filled two cups of tea. He took a sit next to me and slowly brought the cup to his lips. Sipping silently, he offered me a biscuit. I didn't know we had biscuits. Awesome.

I thanked him and bit into it. It took me a moment to realize how horrible the taste was. Because of my manners and the strict etiquette I was taught when I was a child, I didn't spit it out. He smirked. Oh, the bastard knew.

-You knew it, didn't you? –I asked with a low voice.

Levi chuckled and placed his cup of tea back on the table.

-Yes, I did. –He answered smugly.

I sighed in annoyance and got up. I would show him what real biscuits were. While I was looking for the ingredients, he came up to me.

-What are you doing, Merethe? –He questioned me, crossing his arms.

-Whatever it is that I ate, I can assure you, were no goddamn biscuits. –I muttered.

Turning around to face him, with all the ingredients I needed in my arms, I stared at his expression. Emotionless. That was a particularly fast change of mood.

-So, I will be making some real biscuits. –I announced proudly.

He seemed surprised by my words.

-I'll help you, then. –He stated. Whilst searching for a bowl, I found a bag of chocolate. Smiling I picked it up, and placed it on the counter.

Throughout the time we were mixing all the ingredients, the bag of flour almost fell, but I caught it before anything happened. Flour accidentally fell on the palm of my hand, and instead of doing what normal people would do. A, likely, suicidal idea came to my mind. I turned my back on what some would call common sense, and did it. I wiped my hand, covered in flour, in Levi's face.

His expression said it all. He was going to murder me. I laughed so hard that I cried. My stomach actually hurt because of it. Levi cleaned his face and glared at me. I would have never expected what he did next.

He fucking grabbed a handful of flour and did the same to me. He chuckled and returned to mixing all the ingredients.

-You asshole! –I hissed while pointing at him.

-You did the same thing. –He shrugged.

I was about to open up my mouth to argue and realized he was right.

-Fine. You win. –I said playfully punching his arm and chuckling.

-Damn right, I win. –He answered, looking at me and smiling.

The biscuits turned out surprisingly delicious. Levi was a good cook, I had to give him that. Without a doubt, I had found a great friend in him.

* * *

" _My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me." –Henry Ford_

* * *

 **A/N: Hope you liked it.**


	7. Chapter 6: Until The Sun Goes Down

**A/N: Enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

"How far are you willing to go to protect those you care about?" was a question I often asked myself ever since I joined the Survey Corps.

As I walked towards my bedroom, I heard someone calling out my name from behind me. I turned around and noticed Hanji catching up to me. Smiling I pulled her into a hug. She accepted it but her expression changed, as soon as she opened her mouth to talk.

-Erwin wants to see you. –She stated, placing her hand on my shoulder. I didn't get it. Did something bad happen? I thanked Hanji and headed to Erwin's office.

Knocking softly on the door, I wondered what was wrong. The weather was chilly, since it had been snowing for the last couple of days. I heard Erwin's voice telling me to enter. Levi was sitting in a chair, holding a cup of tea in his hands. Seems like I wasn't the only one who was cold. It was not like I didn't like the cold. In fact, I preferred winter over summer. Erwin folded his hands on the desk and sighed.

-I'm afraid we've run into some trouble. –He said, looking at us. He stood up from his chair and turned around to face the window, with his hands behind his back.

-What happened, sir? – I asked concerned. I hadn't seen him like that in quite a while. He sighed in frustration and faced me.

-It seems that a few boars have been sighted around the forest closest to Trost, and have attacked civilians. It is your job to get rid of them. –He stated, handing me a sheet of paper. Just as he had said, the sheet showed the areas in which it was believed the boars roamed. Levi stood up and took the sheet of paper. I could feel him breathing behind me. He made me feel so nervous.

-Yes, sir. –We both said at the same time.

-Alright, then. You leave immediately. Take Branislav with you. –He ordered.

At first, I was confused. But then, I remembered. I had fought against him. He was, almost impossibly, tall. He was not only tall, but muscular as well. He had been the only one to tire me out during the competition Erwin had randomly made. I had managed to knock him out by jumping, wrapping my legs around his neck and elbowing him on the head. I almost lost that fight. But, I took my small size and agility to my advantage. Something, that he must've taken for granted.

Levi was the first to leave the office, and I followed him soon after.

-Merethe, please make sure Meadow is fine. I'll go find Ezekiel. –He said, leaving me alone in the hallway.

I slowly made my way to my bedroom, once again. I opened the door, trying not to wake the kitten up. She was sleeping peacefully on top of my bed, her small body rising up and down with every shaky breath she took. I covered her with a small blanket, and carefully petted her head. Kneeling down, I inspected the kitten. Her black fur was soft. She flinched and I stopped petting her out of fear of waking her up. Meadow purred and continued sleeping. Smiling, I stood up and left the room, closing the door behind me.

* * *

We had been searching for the boars all morning and we hadn't found anything. Not even a single clue. Dusk was upon us, and the cold weather had become ruthless. Our horses were already tired, and so were we. No sound could be heard. The sky became darker with every hour that passed, and with them the faces of my comrades.

Around midnight we were ready to give up until the sudden snap of a branch alerted us of the upcoming danger. And if that hadn't been enough to set off alarms, the ground started shaking. The horses started neighing and trying to escape, but we managed to steady them and keep them silent. Branislav, pulled out a bow and pointed at whatever was heading towards us. I was expecting a giant animal to appear, but what came into view was much worse.

Those were no boars.

There were 3 abnormal titans heading towards us. I had never seen a titan in my entire life, and the first that came to my mind was that the bastards were ugly as fuck. Sadly, I had no time to dwell on their ugliness. One of them came rushing towards me. Its mouth completely open, arms reaching out to me. It must've been a 7 meter class. Using the 3D Manoeuvre Gear, I landed on top of its back and sliced the nape of the neck; steam immediately prevented me from seeing, the heat being too much to handle. I landed on the ground with a soft thud. The titan fell to the floor, dead.

Levi, on the other hand, was battling against a 15 meter class. I was about to help him when I heard Branislav's screams. The titan he was supposed to kill, had him trapped in its fist. I rushed to his aid, perhaps a little too late. Because the amount of blood that splattered my face when the titan ate Ezekiel's leg, told me that I had been to0 slow, too weak. He tried to free himself, his attempts growing weaker by the second. Levi had already taken the 15 meter class down when another titan appeared. I realized that if I didn't do anything one of us was going to die. I managed to free Branislav from the titan's grasp, killing it in the process. Laying him on the ground, I noticed that he wouldn't survive if he kept bleeding. Taking my cloak off, I tied it on his leg to prevent it from bleeding any more. That would have to do until we got back. Levi slayed the remaining titan and approached us. Our comrade passed out.

Neither of us heard the last titan, and we sure as hell didn't notice it. The titan appeared out of nowhere, pulling Levi by the leg. Like a rag doll, he was trapped in the titans hold. The titan was squeezing the life out of him, Levi pulled out a knife and stabbed the titan in the eye, which only managed to anger it further. The sound of his bones breaking, was something that I would never forget. Desperate, I left our wounded comrade and pulled myself together. Drawing out the sword, I used the manoeuvre gear to try and cut off the hand in which Levi was being held, but the titan foresaw it and grabbed me. I knew I had fucked up. I was too impulsive, something that rarely happened. Erwin taught me to analyze every situation before doing anything stupid. That was when I felt all self-control leave my body. I couldn't control myself, it was as if something powerful had taken over. I couldn't see anything.

I felt as if something was tearing my insides apart. As if something was crawling on my skin. Something stabbing me again and again. I didn't become aware of my surroundings until Levi grabbed me by the shoulders and shook harshly.

-Merethe! –He shouted. His expression was serious, mixed with a little bit of fear.

My vision was blurry. I could barely register what was happening.

-Your eyes are completely white! Merethe, answer me goddammit! – He shouted even louder at me.

I came back to my senses, and looked at him. I finally regained control. My hand was pointing at the titan, who was bowing and tearing its own flesh apart. It seemed to be fighting against its own demonic nature. It was screaming, I couldn't tell whether it was out of pain or desperation. We were tired of fighting, and my gas tank had been destroyed when the titan got a hold of me. Levi's was ruined too. We wouldn't be able to fight it, if it went homicidal again. I wasn't doubting my comrades' abilities, but they were both wounded.

I thought that if the titan left, or we tried to escape, we would have a chance of survival. But, I didn't expect for the titan to speak up. His words were hard to understand.

"There are no secrets."

It said it in a monotonic way that ran chills up my spine. After speaking, the titan got up and left. Just as I had thought previously. Did I control it? Did the titan do what I wanted it to do? I dropped my arm to the side and fell to my knees. Levi kneeled down and cupped my face.

-Your nose is bleeding. – He said.

-Is it? – I whispered, wiping it with the back of my hand.

-What the fuck just happened, Merethe? –He asked concerned.

-I have no idea. I…I think I controlled it. –I said trying not to sound like crazy.

His eyes widened slightly, but he composed himself and hugged me. Did I actually control that thing? Was I dreaming? I must've been losing my mind. Our comrade would die if we didn't get back to HQ as soon as possible. Returning the hug, I buried my face in his neck, his scent was soothing. I stood up and made my way to the horses. We lifted Branislav and placed him on top of his horse. Levi would make sure that the horse followed us. We made our way back, not wanting to stay in that bloody forest any longer. Leaving the titan alive made me uneasy, but there was no way we would have been able to get rid of it with our equipment ruined.

-Are you certain that you controlled it? –He asked sceptically, facing me.

-I'm not sure. I thought about it leaving, but I didn't think about it speaking!–I exclaimed. I hadn't thought about the titan speaking, so it had been a surprise.

I knew he was making an effort to believe me, but it was just impossible. To be honest, I couldn't believe it myself. But it was real. So real it scared me. I had never heard of anyone controlling titans. Much less, titans speaking. Levi didn't seem as surprised as me. He knew something, but he wasn't saying anything.

-You know something, don't you? – I asked.

-We'll talk to Erwin when we get back. –Was his only answer.

He seemed uneasy as well.

* * *

" _Any truth is better than indefinite doubt." -Arthur Conan Doyle_

* * *

 **A/N: Feel free to review. Thank you for reading.**


	8. Chapter 7: The Beauty In Secrets

**A/N: IMPORTANT: I will apologize since this week's episode came out a little late. I can only say one thing as an excuse: finals week. Enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

Laying on my bed while petting Meadow, I sighed. Memories of what had happened just a few minutes ago carved their path into my mind. It was impossible. Having the ability to control titans was something I couldn't believe. Erwin had analysed the information we had given him. Apparently they had read about titans speaking. Hence, the reason as to why Levi hadn't been that surprised.

But controlling titans was something that had never been written, much less spoken of.

* * *

 _Levi, Erwin and Hanji were staring directly at me. The room was silent. The silence would have probably driven me mad if it hadn't been for the sound of rain in the background. They had asked me if I was completely sure that I had controlled the titan. I actually considered telling them that I hadn't. But I would've been lying. I knew it. I had somehow managed to control that thing. I could still feel it. The power rushing through my veins, the adrenaline, the pain._

 _-Yes. –I answered lifting my head to look at Erwin in the eye. His gaze softened and he sighed. I couldn't help but to notice that he sighed an awful lot. He carried a big burden on his shoulders._

 _He looked at Hanji and nodded. Her eyes widened, disappointment filling her expression. Turning around to face me, she whispered. I wasn't able to hear what she said._

 _-What? – I asked._

 _-You must keep this a secret, Merethe. No one can find out about this. No one. –She said._

 _-I understand. –I replied, trying not to sound scared. On the inside, I was terrified. What would happen to me? I knew it was selfish to think that way, but I couldn't help it. I was aware of the fact that I could put my comrades in a dangerous situation should I lose control on the battlefield._

 _I wondered why. Why did I possess such an ability? Of all people, why me? The questions were endless. There were a million questions and none of them had an answer. Levi placed his hand on my shoulder for reassurance, but I was far too submerged in my own thoughts to pay attention. Branislav had been taken to the hospital because of my stupidity. I had been too slow, too weak. I didn't know whether he was going to die or live. The image of his leg being eaten by the titan haunted me._

 _-Can you tell us how you did it? –She asked, pulling out a small notebook from her jacket._

 _I didn't know that. It just happened. Something triggered it. Something made me lose control over my body, over my mind. I had slipped into an unconscious state in which I had no control over my actions. Darkness filled my mind, my vision. I couldn't remember anything but Levi screaming at me to wake up._

 _-I don't know. I thought about it, and it happened. –I answered truthfully._

 _Erwin remained silent, but Hanji grinned. Her change of demeanour was so sudden that I barely had time to register it. She wrote furiously on her notebook and stared at me expectantly, as if I was going to tell her about all the things that I could do. It was Levi who broke the silence._

 _-Are you certain? –He asked, placing his hand on my back. He somehow managed to comfort me and make me uncomfortable at the same time._

 _-Yes, I am. –I said hesitantly. I wasn't so sure, but I faked confidence._

 _Erwin, my adoptive father, the one man who I could entrust my life, stood up and pulled me into a hug._

 _-You mustn't speak of this to anyone. This could endanger your life. There's not much known about this kind of abilities. The elders will probably take some extreme means to keep this away from people. I trust what has been said will not leave this room. –He whispered into my ear. He was trying to protect me._

 _He dismissed all of us, since it was already late by the time we arrived at HQ. Levi accompanied me to my room and left as soon as I entered. I knew that this somehow bothered him. I would be uncomfortable if I was in his place. But, one of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood. The way he felt at my newly found abilities was understandable, indeed._

 _I took off all of my clothes and filled the tub with hot water. Cleaning my skin from all the blood and dirt in which had been covered, made me notice a scar. One that I had never seen until now. It circled my entire wrist, in a snake-like way. Upon closer inspection, it looked like a bracelet. It was red, still extremely sensitive. I gently placed my finger on it, trying to remove the mark, but it felt as if someone had just stabbed my wrist. I gasped in pain and frowned. That was not normal._

 _I decided that it was wiser not to touch it again, and kept on bathing. When the water turned cold, I got out and wrapped a towel around my body. Making my way to my bed, I stopped dead in my tracks and stared out the window. My window's view was the training grounds, which were normally solitary around this time. It was almost midnight and there was someone training outside. I wouldn't be able to make out who it was if I didn't change. Changing into a pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt, I opened the window and tried to identify the person that was punching the hell out of that log. The log had a rope tied around it, so I didn't know what they expected would happen. It would be almost impossible for someone with average strength to make that bloody rope snap._

 _So, when I heard the sound of the rope snapping, my mouth opened in shock. That was instant respect. I remembered the amount of time and blood on my knuckles that it took for me to do that. If you can't be in awe of Mother Nature, there's something wrong with you. The person turned around and I was finally able to see his face. Levi, shirtless, sweating and breathing hard. That had been enough to turn me on. I needed a cold shower, yes. I closed the window quickly and pulled the drapes. Luckily, he hadn't been able to see me. I blushed profusely and giggled like a teenage girl. He was…so hot. I had almost drooled at the sight of his abdominals and the muscles on his back._

 _Picking myself up from the floor, where I ended up after seeing Levi, I smiled. My nervousness had made my legs weak and they finally failed me when I saw him. Meadow was asleep on top of my bed, breathing softly. The kitten slept a lot. Every time I entered my room, she was napping. Only when Levi was with me, she reacted and playfully waved her tail back and forth. It was not fair._

 _I laid down on the bed and sighed._

* * *

It had been over an hour and Levi was still training. I had been checking up on him through the window every few minutes. Yawning, I closed my eyes. During the week, before the mission, our friendship had developed. I trusted him more than anyone. His smile appeared on rare occasions, but when it did, I made sure to carve every detail into my mind. I didn't knew what would happen to me. The words the titan had said haunted me. The look on my comrade's face when he lost a leg haunted me. The scared look on Levi's face haunted me. Everything seemed to find a way to haunt the deepest parts of my mind. Torturing me. But knowing that Erwin, Levi and Hanji had faith in me, comforted me. They had my back. I fell asleep thinking of what the future held for us.

But, above all, I fell asleep thinking of Levi sweating and shirtless. After all, I was still a human being. And he had a god-like body.

Bless him and his perfect body.

* * *

"Destiny has two ways of crushing us – by refusing our wishes and by fulfilling them." – Henri Frederic Amiel

* * *

 **A/N: I apologize. I hope you enjoyed.**


	9. Chapter 8: Way To Fall

**A/N: Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

 _Two days later…_

Running my finger through the scar I had recently obtained on my wrist, I sighed. Fog coming out of my mouth signalled me that it was time to go back inside. An expedition outside the walls had been announced yesterday. I had never been outside the walls, hence the reason as to why I was scared shitless. And the weather didn't do anything to help either. It was cold as hell. It actually surprised me that it hadn't started snowing again.

I pushed myself of the tree I had been resting on and made my way back inside. I entered the headquarters and smiled sadly. Everyone was running around, preparing themselves to leave. Supplies were gathered by those who had already finished packing up. I knew that most of them would make it back to the walls alive, but some would die in battle.

Remembering what I had seen the night I told Erwin about my abilities made me giggle. I felt an arm wrap around my shoulders and looked up to find Hanji. Damn, she was tall.

-Are you ready, cupcake? –She asked, grinning. She lifted her eyebrows knowingly.

-How did you...- I was about to ask before she interrupted me.

-Shorty told me everything. I had to force it out of him. That was so sweet of you! –She mushed. We kept walking, without direction. I just followed her, or was rather forced to follow her; since she was basically dragging me somewhere. I chuckled at the nickname she had given Levi. It was, indeed, true that Levi was short. But I was shorter, so I couldn't mock him.

-Thanks, I guess. –I answered shrugging. Her eyes lit up almost instantly. She grinned like a maniac once again and pulled out a notebook from her jacket with her free arm.

-Look! Here is where I will write down everything we find out about your abilities! –She exclaimed/whispered.

-I'm afraid you'll be disappointed, Hanji. I have no idea how to activate them. Much less, how to control them. –I revealed.

-Nonsense! We will find out more about them once we are outside the walls. You'll see, Merethe. I believe strongly in it. My gut is always right! –She claimed, letting go of my shoulders and jumping. She seemed happy. Happy to go outside the walls. Geez, I wished I was as eager as her to get eaten.

-Ew, Hanji…- I said resisting the urge to gag. She was hilarious, though. I loved that about her. Her strong sense of humour.

-You'll see. –She said smiling. She said hello to a man and turned around to look at me once again. Chuckling, she pulled out her notebook to write something.

-Is something funny? –I asked confused. What was she laughing about? Did my hair look funny?

-It's just that knowing that most of these men will not return from the expedition is a bittersweet feeling. –She stated, frowning. Curiously, I had been thinking about it. But, I wanted to know what she thought about it.

-What do you mean? –I asked.

-They have trained with all their strenght for many years, and yet, most of them die on their first expedition. It's depressing to know that we, after all this time, are still weaker than the titans. –She explained.

She was right. I was told that she had been on this military division since she was young. She was a higher rank than me and Levi. But, then again, I had just entered and Levi had only been here for a couple of months. I knew he would be promoted soon. He was an amazing soldier. Hanji had told me that he was called "Humanity's Strongest" by the superiors behind closed doors. They had been discussing whether to promote him or not. His past had long been forgiven and he was clean of all crimes committed.

He had narrated everything to me. He never allowed himself to show any emotion, even when he mentioned his old comrades. His voice had trembled a little, but he composed himself so quickly that I barely noticed.

-It is a bittersweet feeling indeed. –I agreed, looking at my feet.

-Well, we shouldn't mourn those who haven't died yet. I'll go get ready, you should do the same. –She suggested, leaving me alone in the hallways.

I walked slowly, making sure not to bump into anyone on the way. Finally arriving to my room, I unlocked the door and entered. Meadow appeared from behind my bed and approached me. Her tiny furry paws were trembling. The cold must have been taking a toll on her small body. In each room, there was a small fireplace, so that when winter came, soldiers could light it and warm themselves up. I grabbed a log and lighted the fire. Meadow purred in content and laid in front of it.

She would be just fine while I was gone. The kitten had recently learned how to hunt for her own food. How did I know that? She had once placed a dead mouse in front of me. Poor creature.

I wasn't sure what to take with me. As far as I was concerned, I only needed my 3D Manoeuvre Gear and a cloak. Other supplies such as food, ammo and water would be taken care of by the supplies department. I knew that arming yourself for an encounter with a Titan required careful consideration, a cool head, and a practical analysis of all factors involved.

I knew that I could also arm myself with weapons that didn't require gunpowder. It was a commonly held notion that using non-firearm ballistics such as bows and slingshots were a waste of energy and resources. In most cases, that was true. However, if used properly, such a weapon would enable you to score a kill at long range with little or no sound. Titans weren't our only threat. There were wild animals and bandits outside the walls. Sadly, my aiming with a bow sucked. I accepted it while practicing with Levi. He hit every target effortlessly and I missed every one of them.

Chuckling, I bid farewell to Meadow and made sure to leave the window open so that she could leave whenever she pleased.

We would be leaving really soon and I needed to know in which squad I would be assigned. I made my way to the operations room and found Erwin assigning people to their squad. After a while, pretty much everyone knew where they would be. My name hadn't been mentioned yet, and I feared that they had prohibited me from going outside the walls because of what had happened.

I was the only one in the room aside from Erwin. Everyone had already left. I slowly approached the commander and tapped him on the shoulder.

-Ah, Merethe. You are in my squad. –He announced, handing a badge to me. It was the emblem of the Survey Corps.

-Thank you, sir. What do I do with this? –I asked, puzzled.

-Wear it proudly. –He said lifting his gaze from the map and turning around to face me.

-I will, sir. –I said. I still didn't understand completely. He hadn't given a badge to anyone else.

-Welcome to the elite squad. –Erwin stated, saluting me. I saluted back and bowed. Being in the elite squad meant that I would be protected from the titans. But we were also in great danger, for if we were to lose every squad, death would not hesitate to knock at our doors. I couldn't disobey my commander, so I sucked it up.

The ring of a bell announced that it was time to leave.

* * *

" _If you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the results of a hundred battles." –Sun Tzu_

* * *

 **A/N: I apologize for the delay. Hope you enjoyed. Feel free to review.**


	10. Chapter 9: Evil Beauty

**A/N: Finals week.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

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I wrapped the dark green cloak with the Survey Corps emblem on its back around my shoulders and braced myself for what was about to come. My first time going outside the walls. Titans were nothing new to me, but I had never encountered them in their "natural habitat", as Hanji often said.

I looked at my comrades. The members of my squad. Hanji, Erwin and Levi. The badge that adorned my arm signalled that I belonged to the Elite squad. It was already my first expedition and I was in the highest ranked team. Before I found out about the abilities that haunted me, I would've been honoured, excited even. But I wasn't. In fact, I was scared shitless.

I petted the horse that would be my companion during the time that would be spent outside the fake security that the walls provided. Erwin raised his arm and signalled the rest of our army that it was time. I looked over at Levi and smiled to myself. Knowing that he would be with me at all times soothed my nerves. His sole presence somehow fought away all my fears. Levi noticed that I was staring at him and lifted an eyebrow. He didn't turn around to look at me, but he smirked knowingly. Even his horse seemed relaxed. Perhaps he was the kind of person that made everyone feel comfortable. I chuckled. Highly doubted it. He intimidated people. He glared, cursed, beat up and yelled at everyone. I had been so immersed in my thoughts that I didn't hear Erwin counting.

-Forward! –He yelled. As a commander, he was the first one to advance, with us following him.

I advanced, side by side, with Hanji and Levi. A moment of darkness appeared while we disappeared, leaving the walls behind. That's when I saw it. The outside world. It was breathtakingly beautiful. The wind flew past my hair, leaving a sense of freedom so strong that you could easily get lost in it. I remembered that I needed to tie my hair into a ponytail, otherwise a titan could grab a hold of it. That would certainly be a shitty way to die.

I noticed that most soldiers started going on different directions. It was then, that I remembered the method used by the Survey Corps.

Because the Survey Corps couldn't afford to fight every titan out in the open, the entire Legion was spread out over a large area, maximizing visibility. Upon encountering a titan, a red flare would indicate the danger and all soldiers who saw the flare, were to fire a red flare of their own; allowing Erwin to quickly be alerted of the titan's presence. He would then fire a green flare in the desired direction in which would be headed, with all members firing a green flare as well to allow the information to spread quickly. The key to the Long-Range Scouting formation, developed by Erwin, was to avoid titans.

However, there were deviant type titans, or abnormal titans, that would break it apart by ignoring scouts on the perimeter and instead, attacking the middle of the formation. In such cases, a black flare indicated the danger and the titan would be disposed of as quickly as possible.

Our position was at the front of the formation, right behind the frontal scout teams. It was the commander's job to judge the situation of the expedition, taking into account the flares fired by the rest of the formation, and signalling the Legion of the new trajectories that would be taken. On the other hand, our job, was to relay verbal messages to the rest of the formation.

* * *

We rushed past the trees, making our way to the nearest safe point. Many of those points had been previously placed on earlier expeditions. The mission was to reclaim a new piece of land by setting up camp and later on, a small base.

We went forward, never stopping until we reached our destination. Everything was going perfectly and just as planned when a red flare was fired from afar. They had encountered a titan. Erwin looked over his shoulder at Hanji and ordered her to fire a green flare. She did as told and our route was immediately modified. Things had changed in the blink of an eye. I had not expected titans to appear so early in the expedition.

-Sir, titans are not supposed to be this close to the wall. –Levi said, breaking the silence.

-I know. Something has lured them closer. –He stated, frowning.

-That sounds great! I can see them from up-close now! –Hanji happily exclaimed.

-Are you mad? –I asked her. I knew she loved titans. She had a different point of view than us about the titans.

-Quite possibly. –She said, raising her arms in the air and waving them like she gave absolutely no fucks.

That was when we all saw it. A black flare had just been fired. An abnormal titan was closing in on us. My heart skipped a beat when we saw another black flare fired from the squad that was supposed to be on our right. The titan was closer than we thought.

-Get ready to fight. –Erwin ordered, unsheathing his blades. We all did the same, but I noticed that Levi held them differently. I had never took notice of that. Perhaps it was the key as to why he was so damn good at killing titans.

We heard a groan behind us and saw the titan. It was probably a 10 meter class. As soon as the titan was close enough to grab one of us I felt affected. My wrist was burning and the pain almost made me drop a blade. I composed myself and inspected it. It wasn't swollen anymore. It had become white. The scar was white, as if someone had tattooed it. As if ink was etched into my skin. Levi was the first one to jump into battle. His grapple hook dug deep into the titan's skin and he killed it in one swift movement. The way he killed titans so easily, with such grace, could almost be considered art.

He returned to his horse and urged the animal to go faster in order to catch up with us. As soon as he caught up, another titan appeared. I looked over my shoulder and saw an eight meter class, though it was not an abnormal. How the hell had they managed to avoid every squad but ours?

It was as if they were seeking for something in particular. Juxtaposing what they were looking for and what they did not want. Hanji announced she would take care of the titan and disappeared. I would've probably taken my time to appreciate her fighting method if it hadn't been for the pair of titans that did not hesitate to attack us.

-Fuck…-I muttered. I felt it again. The unbearable pain on my wrist. Somehow that was what made me realize, what activated it, what made me get off the horse, raise my arm and point my finger at the tallest titan.

The titan let out a blood curling scream and started tearing its own flesh apart. But I did not want it to kill itself. I wanted it to eliminate its companion. Our horses had long stopped running and we were all standing in the same spot, which meant that we were far enough from the battle that was about to take place in front of us.

And it did as told. It attacked the other titan, ripping the titan's arms and digging its teeth into the raging monster. Blood was spilling everywhere. Until, the titan I was controlling tore the nape of its companion, killing it in the process. Glaring at the remaining titan, I mentally ordered it to tear itself apart. It was a gruesome scene. The titan moaned in frustration and its torso was partially destroyed. Blood travelling down its body, pooling under it.

I felt powerful, unstoppable. My senses were overwhelmed with the pleasure of seeing those monsters tear each other apart. The scar had stopped burning and instead of causing me pain, it made me feel stronger. My entire body shook from the adrenaline accumulated. I turned my hand into a fist and the titan let out one final scream.

Its corpse fell to the floor, the piece of flesh that once was its nape was tightly held by its hand. It had killed itself under my control. Levi grabbed me by the collar, telling me to regain control.

-Your eyes have finally become normal again. –He sighed. Putting me down, he let his head rest on my shoulder, as relief filled him. That was, until Hanji pushed him out of the way and shook me.

-Holy shit, Merethe! That was awesome! –She exclaimed. She immediately let go of me and started writing on her notebook.

Erwin got off his horse and approached us. He inspected me and nodded.

-Let's go. We have no time to waste. We will discuss this once we are safe. –He announced, making his way back to the horse.

We all did the same thing. A green flare was fired to signal the entire Legion that the route was, once again, modified. I feared what had just happened. I hadn't lost control of myself, since I was fully aware of my actions. But the feeling, the excitement that I felt while seeing those titans kill each other terrified me. I had been calling them monsters all my life. Their evil actions being the reason as to why I despised them.

But I was monster as well, because I enjoyed every moment of that grim theater.

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" _Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth." –Buddha_

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 **A/N: I do apologize for not uploading last week. Hope you enjoyed. Feel free to review.**


	11. Chapter 10: Determination

**A/N: Here is the next chapter. Enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

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I felt exhausted. As if someone had drained all my energy within a couple of minutes. Controlling the titans took a huge toll on my body. How did I know such a thing? The first time also happened. My nose started bleeding. After leaving the area in which the titans had perished, I felt extremely weak. My nose bled, once again, slightly. The only noticeable difference was that I ended up coughing quite a lot and that led to me worrying everyone.

We arrived at a valley. It was quite hidden by the trees. The sun had already set and everyone was feeling uneasy. The attack of the titans to the Legion resulted in many unplanned casualties. After camp was set up, a few campfires were lighted and food was cooked. Since I wasn't feeling hungry, I entered my tent, which I would be sharing with a young woman. She must've been a year or two older than me. Her hair was short, reaching her shoulders. She had introduced herself as Petra. She was outgoing, cheerful. Someone who could only be described as nice.

I took off my cloak and jacket. The cold winter air hitting my back mercilessly. I felt chills running down my arms and legs. I tried to warm up by embracing myself, but it didn't do much to shelter me. I stared at my arms and noticed that I was covered in blood. Not from the titan's, but my own and my comrade's. On our way to camp, a few more casualties happened and the titans were taken down easily. Sorrow was the only word that could define the ambiance that surrounded us. I needed to bathe. Curiously, I remembered Erwin mentioning a nearby lake. So, I stood up and left the tent to go on a search for a bath. A blissful bath that I required. Even though I was aware of the fact that it wouldn't be a hot bath, I found comfort in knowing that I would be clean.

Leaving camp was easier than I had originally thought. No one seemed to be worrying about soldiers leaving camp, since everyone was already frightened. My feet barely produced sound while I walked towards the direction Erwin had previously pointed at. I made sure that no one was following me. I also checked my surroundings for any titans. Supposedly, this area was safe, but I wouldn't dare to take the risk.

I found the lake. The very moment my eyes landed on the clear water, I grinned like a maniac. I stripped of all my clothes and did not hesitate to get in the water. But, I mentally scolded myself for my foolish actions. The water was absolutely fucking freezing. I could've sworn that my nipples turned into stone as soon as my body entered the lake. It took quite a few minutes to adjust to the temperature of the water. I started scrubbing off all the dirt and blood that had etched itself into my skin. As naughty as it sounded, it was actually exciting to be skinny dipping in a lake. I took my time getting cleaned up. I washed my hair and untangled the knots peacefully.

Until I heard a branch snap. I turned around instantly. I frowned and lowered myself so that the water would cover my entire body. I narrowed my eyes and scanned the area. There was absolutely no one. Or so I thought. I saw a shadow move but I didn't get to stare at it, since it disappeared as soon as it came. That had been enough to scare me.

-So much for a peaceful bath…-I murmured.

I exited the water and dried myself as much as I could before changing and heading back to camp. Instead of feeling warm and comfortable, I was fucking freezing my ass off. I couldn't complain much, though; since that's what you get when you prefer winter over summer. But, I couldn't help but to feel weird. Someone had been staring at me from afar. Someone or something.

* * *

I arrived at camp. Everything was as I had left it. I could hear people yelling inside Erwin's tent. At first, I thought he was having a…good time. Or that was, until I heard Hanji arguing with him. I approached the tent slowly and silently so that I could eavesdrop on them. I knew it wasn't polite to do so, but I didn't live with my parents anymore.

-You don't understand, Erwin! –Hanji yelled at him.

-It's not that I do not understand, but what you are suggesting is highly dangerous. You are asking me to risk her life! –He exclaimed slamming his hand on the table.

-I am not. Her abilities are something that we have never seen before. You saw what happened today. She tore those titans apart without moving more than an inch. –She said slowly, trying to measure her words.

-We do not know if she is stable. What if she loses control whilst training? What if she leads titans into the walls without knowing? You are trying to control something that cannot be controlled, Hanji. –He told her, shaking his head.

-I'm trying to be logical and cautious, Erwin. She needs to learn how to control it. What you are saying could be avoided if she learns to control it. –She stated, standing up from the chair she was sitting on to look at Erwin in the eye.

They were obviously talking about me. Debating whether to teach me how to control whatever kind of fucked up abilities I had or let me go around the world praying to a non-existent god that I wouldn't lose control. I knew what I wanted. If learning how to control it would prevent any more people from dying I was willing to do it. So, I lifted myself from the spot I was hiding and opened the tent. Both of them turned around to look at me. Pretending like the conversation had never happened, Hanji made a move to leave the tent, but I stopped her.

-I want to do it. –I stated, facing both of them.

-Do what, Merethe? –Erwin asked, pretending like he didn't knew what I was talking about.

-I want to learn how to control it. –I answered, not bothering to point out that he was pretending not to know shit…I couldn't blame him though. They didn't know I had been eavesdropping on them.

There was a moment of silence before it was rudely interrupted my Hanji.

-In your face! –She said pointing at Erwin.

-Don't make me give you stable cleaning duty for a month. –He sighed in defeat.

He sat down and buried his face in his hands. Shaking his head, he started muttering some unintelligible words. He sighed, once again, and lifted his head to look at me.

-Fine, do as you please. But, be careful and make sure no one finds out. –He said before leaving the tent, probably to get away from us as fast as possible. Well, not before glaring at Hanji.

-Girl power. –She said, raising her hand for a high five.

* * *

We headed out early in the morning to continue on our main mission. No titans appeared. Not even one. It was a relief for every squad. To allow our horses to rest, we walked beside them. Sadly, we wouldn't be stopping anytime soon, since we had already wasted enough time the day before. Erwin was walking in front of me, with Levi and Hanji following me.

Levi had been unusually quiet. Like he knew something none of us did. The one thing that amused me the most during our journey was that every time I turned around to look at him, he blushed slightly, and hid his face from my view. It was adorable.

A few miles later, I felt as if someone was staring at me. I couldn't shake the feeling. So, I turned around. Levi, the emotionless man, humanity's strongest, Mr. I-Hate-Everyone; was staring at my butt. I quickly looked in front of me to hide the fact that I was blushing like a tomato. For fuck's sake, Levi. Of all people, he had to stare at my butt.

A mischievous idea popped into my head and I slowed my pace so that he could catch up to me. He noticed it and glared at me. I giggled and leaned in to whisper into his ear.

-Were you just staring at my ass? –I asked, pretending to be angry.

-Are you insane? –He questioned, pushing my face away.

-Levi, were you staring at my ass? –I asked again, only this time louder. Hanji heard and laughed.

-Of course not. –He answered. I noticed that his face was beginning to turn red.

-Oh, he was so staring at your ass! –Hanji screamed from behind us and laughed.

I folded my arms together across my chest and scoffed. Instinctively, I walked in a more seductive way, just to tease him. I knew the answer to the question.

And the answer certainly pleased me.

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" _Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love." –Mother Teresa_

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 **A/N:I apologize if there are any mistakes since I published this in quite a rush. Hope you enjoyed. Feel free to review.**


	12. Chapter 11: The Sweetest Flavor

**A/N: Here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy. Feel free to review.**

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 _A couple of days later…_

Merethe's POV

I was suddenly woken up by a small black paw on my face. Come on, I didn't want to get up. I was aware of the fact that it was almost midnight. I just wanted to sleep more. Sadly, I wasn't allowed to do so. The kitten dared to defy my wrath. It kept on poking my forehead. Groaning I pulled the covers to reveal my face and look at my enemy in the eye. Meadow was staring at me innocently. I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest. Rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand, I felt a sudden pain on my neck. Fuck's sake, training with Hanji had been harder than I had originally thought. She was merciless.

We had been training outside the walls. Yes, it was indeed stupid and dangerous, but it wasn't like there were titans randomly chilling inside the walls. I was willing to bet that, aside from Erwin, no one had been outside the walls more times than Hanji and I. Ironically, after all that training, I wasn't afraid of the titans anymore. They were just something I was able to control.

Even though I had been learning how to control my abilities, the outcome was horrible. Pain, blood, soreness and fatigue often made their presence known after every session. I would writhe in pain all night. My mouth would open itself in silent screams every time I moved in the morning. There was one time when I was walking towards my bedroom at night and passed out. I woke up to find myself in another bedroom. I instantly recognized it due to the clean aroma that lingered on it.

* * *

 _I opened my eyes and immediately became aware of my surroundings. The bedroom I was in, didn't belong to me. I didn't dare move. Instead I closed my eyes, once again and inhaled the familiar aroma. Levi. I was in his bedroom. I opened my eyes and looked at my side. He was right there, with his head on the edge of the bed, sleeping. I lifted my hand to run it through his hair softly. He stirred but quickly fell asleep again._

 _He was definitely tired. Erwin had been working him to the bone lately. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that he was being observed by the superiors. Levi was an amazing soldier and a loyal young man. No wonder Erwin trusted him so much. I allowed my hand to rest on his head and closed my eyes. I still felt tired but the pain wasn't there anymore._

 _Levi somehow brought out the best of me. He was all the motivation I needed to become a better soldier. I wanted and needed to be able to be at his level. I knew I was at his level physically and mentally. But there was something that I couldn't quite get a grip on. His leadership. On the way back from the expedition, he was assigned to a different squad. Since it had lost its previous leader, Levi was to take his place. I had noticed how much soldiers respected him. How they looked up to him, with respect yet with fear._

 _I had come to the conclusion that I was better off as a lone wolf. Not wanting to put anyone at risk, much less my comrades. But, I was well aware of the fact that I couldn't do everything on my own, no matter how strong I was._

 _I slowly drifted off to sleep. It felt as if just a couple of seconds had passed when Levi woke me up._

 _-Hey, Merethe. Wake up, goddammit. –He said, annoyed._

 _-I'm awake, geez. –I answered rubbing my eyes._

 _-Good. –He said, standing up to pick up the glass of water that rested on his nightstand._

 _Levi offered me the glass and I happily accepted it. I was thirsty as hell. I gulped down the water loudly, not caring that Levi would hear._

 _-Thanks. –I said, wiping my mouth._

 _-Alright, I have to go now. You stay here and rest. I'll send someone to check up on you, ok? –He asked._

 _-Ok. –I answered._

 _He nodded and turned around to leave. But, he stopped dead in his tracks. He turned around and approached me. I felt nervous. Did I do something wrong? I closed my eyes, preparing for the worst. Yes, I had seen him punch before. Hell, I had received one of those punches. But, instead felt his lips touch my forehead. Sadly, the feeling left as soon as it came. By the time I opened my eyes, he was already gone._

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I looked over at the clock and sighed. A minute to midnight. I tried falling asleep many times but I wasn't able to conceal sleep. I groaned and got up from the bed. My feet hit the cold floor. I walked towards the window and sat on the chair I had next to it. Resting my arm on the frame of the window, I noticed there was someone training outside. I figured it was Levi. He had a weird tendency to train at night, when no one was around. Much to my dismay, he was wearing a shirt. After debating with myself whether to man up and go train with him or not, I concluded that I wouldn't be able to sleep anymore.

So, I changed into a pair of pants and a shirt, tied my hair into a ponytail and headed towards the training grounds.

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Levi's POV

My knuckles were bleeding from punching the tree bark so hard. I sighed and cleaned the sweat from my face. For quite some time, it had been hard for me to sleep. I didn't know the reason why and I, honestly, did not care as long as I was able to do tasks properly. Looking up at the sky, I noticed that there was a full moon. Full moons actually brought back memories. Nostalgic ones. I decided not to dwell on it too much and returned my attention to the tree. I was about to deliver another punch to it when I heard footsteps. Pulling out the knife I always kept hidden I tried to get a better look at my opponent, for personal reasons, and prepared myself to stab whoever dared to fight against me.

Surprisingly, I saw Merethe approaching me. Her dark hair tied into a ponytail. I lowered the knife and put it back in its hiding spot.

-Hello, handsome. Mind of I join you? –She asked smirking.

I shook my head at her failed attempt to seduce me and advanced so that I would be towering her. She lifted her head to look at me, since she was shorter.

-Please do, Miss Soltvedt. –I answered teasingly.

-How nice of you, Mr. Rivaille. –She commented whilst coming closer. Our chests were already touching. We were so close that I could lift my arms and embrace her.

-I appreciate the compliment. –I said, smirking.

Remembering that she owed me for that one fight, I used my leg to make her fall to the floor. To my surprise, she reacted quickly and took hold of my shirt, making me fall along with her. With me laying on top of her there was not much she could do. I used my elbows to take some weight off her and used one of my arms to pin both her hands above her head. She was breathing heavily. Staring right into my eyes, she smiled. She was absolutely fucking stunning. Beautiful in every possible way. Her hazel eyes had a knowing gleam that made me feel uncomfortable.

-It looks like we finally have a winner. –I stated. Not expecting such a comment, she seemed confused. Merethe was quickly to realize what I was talking about and somehow found enough strength to knock me off balance and climb on top of me. She was straddling my hips. She was dangerously close to certain area. I could simply thrust and she would moan with that sweet mouth of hers. But, I didn't. I was not about to go that way. Knowing I would probably take her right there if she didn't move, I rolled us over so that I was on top.

Pinning her hands above her head, once again, I had her completely at my mercy. I made sure to grip her wrists harder so that she wouldn't move much. I wasn't the one at danger of getting raped. My self-control was ready to fly out the window at any second. No wonder her next words surprised me.

-I dare you to kiss me. –She said. Seriousness covering her face like a veil.

I was dumbfounded, speechless. Was she really that bold? She was the one who asked me to kiss her. I didn't hesitate.

And so I did as told.

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" _The sweetest of all sounds is that of the voice of the woman we love." –Jean de la Bruyere_


	13. Chapter 12: Coward, My Ass

**A/N: Here's the next chapter. Feel free to review.**

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I had dared him to kiss me without considering that he would actually do it. My eyes had widened to the point, I was sure, they would pop out of my skull. His lips were on mine. At first, my body tensed and I froze. But, when I registered what was actually happening I responded. He had loosened his grip on my wrists, which allowed me to wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. My stomach felt strange, as if there were butterflies fluttering inside it like crazy.

We broke apart, out of breath. Breathing heavily, I disentangled my arms from him and used my elbows to push myself up. He rolled on his side in order to get off me. I laughed nervously and stood up. Levi did the same, facing me expectantly. I was absolutely speechless. I was such an idiot. I had basically dared him to steal my first kiss away from me. I was so angry at myself. It probably meant absolutely nothing to him. We were just friends, weren't we?

-Well, it's getting pretty late. –I said, my voice cracking. I prepared myself.

-Merethe, I'm…-Levi was abruptly cut off by me running away from him. I didn't even wait for him to finish the sentence. I could hear him calling my name in the distance.

I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, which was extremely fast due to my training. I didn't even dare to look back. Instead of running to my room, like normal people would do, I ran straight to the wine cellar in the basement. Thanks to Erwin, I had the keys. I entered and locked the door behind me. I checked my surroundings in case there was someone inside. When I was confident that the cellar was empty, I grabbed the nearest wine bottle and opened it. Over the years, I had uncovered the secrets of alcohol. Four was the magic number. Not stumbling drunk, but don't fucking care buzzed. I gulped down the first glass of wine and sighed.

I knew I had made a mistake. Normally, I would've faced the consequences of my actions. But when it came to Levi, I was rendered completely useless. I became a coward. Nursing the empty glass of wine, I took notice of the scar that rested on my wrist. It wasn't red anymore, which meant that the wound was no longer raw. It didn't hurt anymore either. Unlike my head from too much thinking. I paused for a minute, coming into realization that if I didn't drink myself into a coma I would go and look for Levi. I would probably apologize and kiss him. I didn't feel heartbroken, much to my surprise. Perhaps it was because of the wine, or perhaps it was because I wasn't the one supposed to feel heartbroken. I was the one ran away in the first place. I wanted to make things right. Sadly knowing in your mind what the right thing is and doing it can be two completely different things. So, like the deserter I felt, I drowned my sorrow in alcohol. I was pretty sure I was way past the four glasses of wine. I realized that I was a lot drunker than I had thought.

I tried to stand up, but quickly stumbled and fell into the chair. Remembering what had happened I ended up furious. Like every time I was around him, my mind had clouded itself with pure lust and curiosity. There was no doubt that the man intrigued me, but he didn't strike me as the kind that wanted to have a serious relationship. And I couldn't blame him. Romantic relationships, were often frowned upon because of the danger we faced again and again outside the walls. None of us could promise to our family that we would be back. I sighed and drank down what was left of the bottle, not bothering to fill the glass and instead drinking directly from the bottle. I didn't know exactly when it happened, but I passed out.

* * *

I was woken up by the sound of people walking in the hallways. My head was killing me. Curiously enough, the headache made me realize something. That I was always where I started in the morning, only with a fucked up hangover and even more regret. I sighed again, guilt washing over me. I felt horrible. I knew Levi wouldn't forgive me. I knew I had ruined it. I had ruined our friendship. All that effort I put into seeing him smile, at least one time, had gone straight to the shitter. I used my hands to hide my face and groaned in frustration. I knew that staying inside the wine cellar wouldn't do me any good and I would probably worry everyone when they found out I was gone. After all, I was hiding in the cellar, partially drunk.

So, I grew a pair and left my safe haven. Even though I was shit scared, I tried to hide it. Thankfully, I wasn't able to spot Levi anywhere and managed to reach my bedroom without anyone questioning me. And I could tell, that they wanted. Why? I reeked of alcohol. I made it my task to bathe quickly, not caring about the water being cold and changed into my uniform. Being clean felt extremely pleasant. I left my room in a hurry, trying to avoid Levi. I did catch sight of him a few times but I managed to slip past him without being noticed. After that traumatic experience, I knew that stealth was one of the traits I appreciated the most but often took for granted.

I was about to go look for Hanji, because she seemed to know more about that kind of stuff than me. Unfortunately, we were all called into the training grounds. We all saluted and I felt Levi's gaze on me. It was so awkward. I had already committed one stupidity already, I sure as hell wasn't about to look at him. Commander Erwin, my adoptive father, announced that some schedules would be changed in order for us to work efficiently without tiring ourselves. At the end of the gathering, we were dismissed and everyone headed off to resume their work.

I started walking towards the supply room. My job was to arrange and count our supplies to see if gathering more was needed. I was stopped by Levi's voice calling out my name. I did my best effort to ignore it and walked faster. He called out again. I felt the need to shield myself from him and looked for someone I could easily use as a shield. I saw her. Like a fucking angel, standing in front of me talking to some guy. Petra Ral. I could've sworn I saw a bloody halo above her head. Levi was coming closer and I panicked. I walked towards Petra and wrapped my arm around her.

-Tell me, Petra, don't you think the weather is just lovely? –I said nonchalantly, trying to start a conversation. I mentally face-palmed myself for the stupid topic.

-Really? I honestly don't like winter. But if you like it, then I guess it is fine.–She answered. There goes our friendship. I liked you Petra. You were nice.

Breathing in a snowflake, I sneezed. I had a sneeze fest right there, in the training grounds. I felt Levi behind me. I could feel his index finger reaching out for my back. And before he could touch me, I roughly pulled Petra inside the building. I walked with her, my hold on her never faltering.

-Where are we going, Merethe? –She asked confused. When we first met, back in the tent, she had called me Ms. Soltvedt but I had corrected and ordered her to call me by my first name. I could tell she admired me. But I couldn't understand why.

-Just taking a walk through the hallways. –I said lamely. Geez, that was a shitty excuse.

-Oh, I see. Ok. –She said. Well, at least she was supporting my sorry ass indirectly.

When we reached the supply room, I withdrew my arm.

-Well, thanks, Petra. See you later. –I said entering the room and leaving her in the hallway confused.

After a while of counting and rearranging supplies, I felt like I needed a cup of tea. I couldn't get it. Why couldn't soldiers organize their own shit? The bravest men humanity has, my ass. These assholes were useless. They would be dead if no one organized their shit. I groaned and crossed my arms. I was just taking out my anger on them. It wasn't their fault. I was just one moody bitch.

I was already done. I was about to open the door to go and get a well-deserved cup of tea when the door swung open before I could even reach for the doorknob. And the sight that greeted me was not pleasant. Fuming and breathing heavily, Levi approached me. He had dark aura surrounding him. I knew I had lost my mind when the sight of Levi angry at me turned me on. His face told me everything. He was going to murder me if I said something wrong. I didn't notice Levi's proximity until I felt his breathing in my face. He had, somehow, managed to trap me in a corner. He had his arms on either side of my head, blocking any possible escape route. I didn't realize I had stopped breathing until he opened his mouth to talk.

\- Why are you avoiding me?- He asked angrily.

\- I'm not avoiding you. –I lied. Trying to look at anything but his face.

\- Yes you are, tell me the reason. –He demanded.

\- I don't have a reason, I'm not avoiding you. Leave me alone. –I told him.

I tried escape by ducking, but that only helped to anger him further. Levi grabbed my hips forcefully to prevent me from escaping. His grip was so hard that it hurt.

\- I didn't know you were a coward, Soltvedt. –He stated, leaning in to my face.

\- I'm not a coward. –I hissed, using my hands to push him softly just so that he wouldn't keep on invading my personal space.

\- Then, accept the fact that I kissed you, not because you asked me to, but because I wanted to. It was my fault too. But, would you like to know something?

I opened my mouth as if to say something but quickly shut it.

\- I don't regret it, in fact I would kiss you again, if you allowed me to do so. Just let me... – Staring at my lips with longing desire, he didn't finish his sentence. Letting go of my hips, he cupped my face.

And leaned in, once again, without my permission and slammed his lips onto mine. I melted into the kiss and placed my hands on his shirt, tugging him gently as he pressed himself onto me. I moaned into the kiss and wrapped my arms around his neck. Levi smirked and pulled me closer, hands snaking around my waist.

We separated, gasping in need of air. He pressed his forehead on mine and closed his eyes.

-I don't regret it, Merethe. I never will. –He said, opening his eyes and smiling at me.

I grinned and squealed, embracing him.

Neither did I.

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" _A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous." –Ingrid Bergman_

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 **A/N: Thanks for reading.**


	14. Chapter 13: My Pleasure

**A/N: IMPORTANT: As Adele would say: Hello. Due to the slightly explicit description I gave, this story has now been rated M. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

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Our foreheads were touching and I couldn't help but to blush. His proximity did strange things to my mind and body. My mind was so clouded with lust that I was sure I would undress him right on the spot. My body was so hot that not even the cold winter air could do anything about it. Levi's arms were still around my waist. The feeling of his skin against mine only helped the butterflies in my stomach flutter more than they already did. I could feel his breathing hit my face softly.

I closed my eyes and simply enjoyed him. Him, his skin, his gaze on me, his hands pulling me impossibly closer, the fabric of his shirt against my chest, the feel of his soft hair when I ran my hands through it. He hid his face in my neck, inhaling the scent of my hair. That made me giggle unconsciously. He must've studied my reaction to it, because I felt him smirk against the crook of my neck. Levi didn't hesitate to do it again.

-Stop it…Levi…it tickles...damn it...stop... –I managed to say between giggles.

He lifted his head to look at me in the eye.

-Does it? –He asked, feigning innocence.

-Yes, it does. –I answered, pushing him away softly and smiling.

He smirked again and closed his eyes. Levi shook his head and chuckled.

-I am rock hard right now, you have no idea. –He stated honestly.

I couldn't help but to blush at his words. I laughed nervously and smirked. A devious idea came to my mind. I could either let things carry on as they already were, or I could leave him in his current state.

-I do not like the look on your face. –He admitted, looking into my eyes searching for a hidden meaning behind my expression.

-Well, I'm hungry. I'm going to go get something to eat. –I told him as I detangled myself from him and made my way to the door.

He knew what I was planning because as soon as my hand touched the doorknob his arm shot out straight and grabbed my wrist. The look on his face was between anger, confusion and lust. And that, only helped to turn me on even more.

-Where do you think you are going, sweetheart? –Levi said, his voice low and raspy. If I didn't leave the room quickly, I would melt into a puddle.

-Uh, to eat? –I answered, but it ended up sounding more like a question.

-I'm afraid not. You made me like this, now you are fixing it. –Levi ordered, pulling me closer so that our chests were touching and one of his legs was between mine. I could've moved my hips and that would've caused me a great deal of pleasure. The bastard knew what he was doing. He had me trapped.

-Hell no! –I exclaimed trying not to move, because if I did, I wouldn't be able to resist him. But, in reality, I did want to fix him. To fix his current state. But, that would be taking things too far too fast.

-Are you sure? –He said, leaning in to kiss me hard. I moaned. He felt so good. My hands reached out to his hair. I ran my hands through his scalp.

I moved my hips out of instinct, which only caused me to moan even loader. His hands travelled from my back to my hips. We broke apart only to breathe but resumed our previous actions instantaneously. His hands guided my hips to his own. He didn't lie when he said he was rock hard. I could feel the wetness between my legs. He stopped kissing my lips to focus on my neck. Levi started sucking and biting softly. My hips jerked up, making him groan. I reached out to undo the buttons of his shirt. I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted him. All of him.

Sadly, we were rudely interrupted by Hanji. She started yelling outside, trying to open the door.

-Hey, Merethe! Why did you lock the door? –She questioned/exclaimed. Why, Hanji? Just, why?

Levi and I broke apart, my eyes wide open and him smirking.

-Did you lock the door? –I whispered.

-Yes. –He answered, fixing his wrinkled clothing.

-Do I give off the easy vibe or something? –I asked quietly, looking at the floor. I had allowed him manipulate me.

-No. I'm just a hopeful man. –He said, lifting my chin with his finger and kissing me softly. He licked his lips and I felt my anger draining as I melted under a strange, erotic spell.

I sighed and fixed my clothing and hair. I was pretty sure my hair was a complete mess from all that kissing.

-Merethe! Are you okay?! I'm going to go look for the keys! –I heard Hanji say as she ran off. Shit.

She had decided to bother me at the wrong time. I was so turned on, and so was Levi; who was breathing heavily.

-You need to leave before she finds you here. –I said, just as I finished fixing my hair.

-Perhaps. –He said, looking at my lips longingly. I wanted to kiss him again, but I knew Hanji would return soon.

-Just leave, will you? We'll have this "conversation" later. –I told him, biting my bottom lip. Just the thought of him made me hot.

-I like the sound of that. –He answered as he walked out the door, not before giving my butt a nice squeeze. I squealed and slapped his hand away, laughing.

A full minute passed before Hanji returned and found me organizing some supplies that had fallen during my make out session with Levi.

-There you are! –Hanji yelled as she pulled me closer for a hug.

-Hanji…can't…breathe…-I tried to say since she was hugging me like she hadn't seen me in a month.

-Oh, sorry. –She apologized, letting go of me.

-It's alright. What happened? –I asked, trying not to let the annoyance in my voice show. She had interrupted a very pleasant moment.

-It's just that I had been looking everywhere for you and no one had seen you besides Ral. She said you took a walk with her and then, dumped her in the hallway. She also pointed out that you seemed uncomfortable. I had to make sure you were fine. –She told me. I couldn't get mad at her, she truthfully seemed worried.

-I'm fine. I was just organizing some stuff. –I told her, patting her on the back.

-Thank the heavens. What would I do without my prime subject? –She said, inspecting me closely. I giggled and placed a strand of hair behind my ear as a nervous act.

Her eyes widened like plates. She gasped and pointed at my neck.

-Is that a hickey?! –She screamed for everyone to hear. I blushed and quickly covered it with my hand.

-Oh, this? No, it is not. I fell and hit myself with the stool. –I lied.

-Really? –She questioned, still not convinced.

-Yes. –I said. I was surprised at how true my words sounded. Then again, I had mastered the art of lying during my teenage years. When I had to lie to my parents about my training, I had to make it sound like it was the bloody truth.

-Whatever you say, Merethe. –She said, obviously not convinced. But I mentally thanked her for not questioning me further.

She left the room satisfied with herself. After finding me, the aura surrounding her went back to her joyful normality. I sighed and ran my fingers through the hickey. No wonder Levi left the room looking so happy. I was happy as well. Happy, excited, confused, angry, scared, horny. No words could describe what I was feeling. I wasn't exactly sure what it was. I had a vague idea, but quickly discarded it. It was too early for that. But, I was sure of one thing.

Only time would tell.

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" _Love is a game that two can play and both win." –Eva Gabor_

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 **A/N: Feel free to review.**


	15. Chapter 14: Reverie

**A/N: Enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

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 _I was panting, sweating, trembling, and hurting. A chil_ _d lost in an abandoned mansion. My small body shook with every sob. My hands were covering my ears, preventing me from listening all the noises in the background. The hallways echoed and groaned with every step the mysterious hooded figure took. It was getting closer. Trapped in a corner, there was nowhere I could run._

 _I lifted my face to look at my attacker in the eye. The closer it got, the more its figure faded. Arms made of shadows reached from behind me to cover my mouth. I couldn't breathe. The figure reached out to touch me. As soon as its fingers touched my face I felt my skin burn. Letting out a small whimper, I tried to push the hands away from me, but to no avail. The dark shadow pulled me up, preventing me from covering my naked body. The hooded creature, whose figure faded more by the minute, stabbed me._

 _Blood started spilling out from my small frame. The arms let go of me, allowing my child-self to fall to the floor. Clutching my stomach, I tried to get a glimpse of the figure. Only, when the hood fell, it didn't reveal a man. It was me. Me, my actual body. The body of a woman. Her face was covered in cuts and blood. She was smirking wickedly, as if she enjoyed seeing me in pain. Her bloodied hand reached out to me. Caressing my cheek in a sickeningly loving manner, she used her long broken nails to open up a wound. There was a pool of blood around my body and I could already feel my consciousness fading. My vision was blurry and I could no longer distinguish her face._

 _-P-please, stop. You are scaring me. –I begged the woman. She laughed and pushed her nail deeper into my skin._

 _-God damn right, you should be scared of me. Who is in control now, Merethe? –She asked, taking hold of my jaw, forcing me to look at her._

 _I wasn't able to answer. I didn't understand what she was saying. She slapped me, hard._

 _-Who is in control? –She asked again, grinning wickedly._

 _My eyes weren't able to remain open. Darkness consumed the last bit of life I was clinging onto._

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I woke up screaming. I couldn't stop. I wasn't able to stop screaming. I heard my door opening, but I wasn't able to register who opened it. My body was trembling. The scar on my wrist was burning. My voice got hoarser by the minute. I felt a hand touch my back, which resulted in me slapping the hand away with more force than I would've liked to. I felt wetness over my cheeks. I was crying. I heard someone calling my name, but I ignored it. Pulling my legs close to my chest as some sort of protection I backed into the corner. I didn't know when I had stopped screaming, but I was able to tell when I spoke.

-She's coming for me…-I muttered, covering my ears in order to stop the sounds.

I lifted my gaze to look at whoever was in front of me. Hanji was trying to calm me down but then, I saw myself, covered in blood, grinning evilly. Hanji had turned into my infamous nightmare. Her hand reached out to me and I screamed again. My throat was hurting because of all the screaming I was doing. My mind was running wild. I was no longer able to distinguish what was real. I hid my face in my hands, as an attempt to stop all the visions I was having. I closed my eyes and shook my head. I needed to get rid of those poisonous thoughts. I started whispering incoherent words. I held no knowledge of what was coming out of my mouth. Whilst my face was hidden between my knees and hands, I opened my eyes. My thighs were completely covered in blood. As if I had been straddling someone as I stabbed the person. I could hear whispers. People whispering. I looked at my thighs again, and the blood was gone.

-What's going on with her?

-She's lost her mind.

-Someone get Erwin.

I could only listen to their words. Helpless, I braced myself, my body shaking in fear. I had never felt so afraid. I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. Somehow, those arms felt different. They felt warm, protective. My body stopped shaking, embracing the warmth that was being provided. I heard a male voice say something and the whispers stopped. Pulling me into his waist so that I was straddling him, he placed a hand on my hair. I was still crying. It was hard to breathe.

-It's okay, Merethe. I'm right here. –The man whispered into my ear, in a loving manner. I wrapped my arms around his neck and took comfort in his scent.

A bittersweet aroma hit my nose. Sweet yet sour. A sweet scent like tangerine. It took me a couple of minutes to recognize to whom it belonged to. My crying ceased. The world didn't feel so fucked up anymore. In his arms, everything felt fine.

-Levi…-I whispered. Hiding my face in the crook of his neck.

-I'm here. –He said, holding me tighter.

Those were the last words we spoke that night. He held me close and I thanked him for it. Levi probably got tired of being sat down, because he somehow laid both of us down in my bed. I wasn't going to let go of him anytime soon. He sighed and pulled me even closer. I slowly drifted off to sleep, allowing Morpheus to lull me into the world of dreams.

I fell asleep wondering how Levi had found himself in my room, comforting me. He was the one. The one that made me feel secure. I needed to get back on my feet, to get back up off the ground, to drive myself forward, to brush aside scorners, to unleash myself beyond the anchor of despair, to break through walls of doubt, but I knew I wouldn't be able to do it on my own. If I was to trust someone, with my burdens, it would be him. If I was willing to give up my life for someone without hesitating, it would be him. Of all people, he had been the one to dig deep enough into my nightmares and pull me out. He had not feared my shattered state.

At that moment, I finally understood what I had been feeling but had denied so much. I'd be lying if I said that standing on the edge of something so unknown wasn't a little bit frightening. Hell, I would have probably pissed my pants if it wasn't so damn intimidating at the same time. But, I realized that it would be easier to embrace it than denying it. Perhaps, it was a little too early for it.

But, the heart sometimes sees what is invisible to the eye; and the best proof of love is trust.

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" _Life has many ways of testing a person's will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once." –Paulo Coelho_


	16. Chapter 15: Endearment

**A/N: Enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

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I woke up by the sunlight hitting my face softly. Mentally refusing to wake up due to exhaustion, I tried to cover my eyes with the back on my hand; but as I moved my hand, I noticed that I couldn't move much. Levi was hugging me from behind. My back close to his chest, with my arm trapped in his embrace. I sighed in contempt. His closeness made me feel strange. I slowly rolled over on my side, trying not to wake him up. He stirred a little, which caused me to freeze on the spot. I studied his face for a minute before moving again. Then, face to face with him, I closed my eyes.

His hand pulled me closer, so that my face was close to his chest. I rested my forehead on him and sighed. Being with him in that way was my own personal utopia. That was, until he woke up. I knew he had woken up because of the sudden change in his breathing pattern. He sat up, trying not to hurt me or wake me up. I pretended to be asleep out of curiosity of what he would do. I felt his gaze on me. Levi sighed and placed his hand on my shoulder, rubbing it with his thumb. My heart was beating fast. So fast I thought it would jump out of my chest.

Levi leaned down close to my ear and whispered.

-I know you are awake. –He said smirking into my ear. I shivered and opened my eyes.

-How? –I asked.

-Your breathing pattern changed. –Levi stated, lifting himself up.

Perhaps he had woken up before I did and pretended to be asleep. He had stolen my idea! I blushed at his words, after realizing that he could've been watching me asleep.

-Were you watching me sleep, you creep? –I teased.

-Says the one who did it just a few minutes ago. –He teased back. Levi knew. Fuck.

-Whatever. –I said, brushing it off and standing up. He knew just how to get on my nerves.

I headed to the bathroom. Being so close to him had made me hot. My hands were sweating, my breathing was ragged. It was as if arguing was some kind of fucked up foreplay for us.

-Merethe. –Levi called from behind from me. I turned around to face him and crossed my arms, waiting for him to talk.

-Yes? –I asked, a little nervous.

-Why were you screaming last night? –He questioned, his expression serious.

-I had a nightmare. –I answered, looking down at my feet.

-What kind of nightmare would make you scream so loud? –He said, standing up from the bed to approach me.

-I don't know…-I said, truthfully. I could barely remember that bloody nightmare. The only thing I could recall was that woman. Funny. I called her the other woman, but she was me. Her face, her body, it all resembled me. But her personality, was…evil. She was evil.

-Hanji woke me up in the middle of the night, saying that you were screaming. No one could seem to get to you. She asked me to try and calm you down. –He said, his mind trailing somewhere else.

-I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to worry anyone. –I said, my voice so low it was almost a whisper. He let out a humourless chuckle and looked at me.

-When I saw you, screaming and holding onto yourself for dear life, I felt something inside me break. You seemed so helpless. I felt the urge to protect you. I wanted to protect you. –He told me, his head turning towards the window.

I could not believe what he had just said. He, who was so emotionless towards most people, had just told me he had been worried. His words tugged at the strings in my heart. I was speechless. My mind was blank. My eyes had widened without my consent. I was pretty sure I was gaping at him. My hands had clenched themselves into fists. My heart was about to stop. My stomach was filled with those fucking butterflies I had come to hate.

I begged my eyes to refrain from crying. I begged my heart to stop beating so wildly. I begged my heart to stop feeling so strange. I begged my mind to stop thinking about his words. I begged for my feelings to leave. I begged to a non-existent god to stop time.

-Why? –I managed to choke out whilst trying to keep control of my emotions.

-Because I care about you, Merethe. –Levi said taking my hand. I let out a scoff and sighed.

-I care about you, too. That's what friends are for, correct? –I said, trying not to look at him. I knew that if I looked at him, I would lose the fight. I couldn't let myself be so careless. I was exposing myself. He stayed silent for a full minute before he took my chin and forced me to look at him. Levi was frowning. His grey eyes seemed dead. As If I had just stabbed his chest. But, I couldn't help but to hope. Tell me that you want me and I'll be yours completely, for better or for worse. I had the urge to tell him those words. Those words that would change everything between us.

-Yes, we are friends. But, I want us to be more than that. –He stated, so confident of himself. The truth, the seriousness of his words sunk deep into my mind.

-Why me? –I asked. I wanted to know. I knew Petra had a crush on him. Hell, everyone knew. So why not her? She was smart, beautiful, composed. Everything I once was when living with my parents, but that I easily threw out as soon as I became a soldier.

-Because you don't take shit from anyone. Because you are willing to give up your life for your comrades, and that takes courage. Because you hold on to what you believe. Because I've never met someone who kicks ass so easily. Because you are the only one who can understand Hanji. Because you are kind. Because you never doubted your own and your comrades' abilities. Because you are you. –He conveyed, his eyes never leaving mine.

I wiped a tear from my cheek before Levi noticed and let out a choked laugh.

-That's so much bullshit. –I jokingly declared. He smirked. His arms encircled around me and pulled me closer to him in an embrace.

-Is that a yes? –He asked, a little bit unsure of what my words had meant.

-Yes. –I answered.

He shook his head and chuckled. He let go of me and pushed me towards the bathroom softly. I looked behind me, with a confused expression and gave him a questioning look.

-Today we have the day off. Go get ready. We are going out. –He announced.

-Wait…-I wasn't able to finish my sentence, before Levi closed the door right in my face. I smiled at myself and started stripping from all my clothes. The lingering feel of the butterflies in my stomach was still present. My heartbeat had slowed down. I still had a stupid smile plastered on my face.

Grinning like a fool, I entered the tub and relaxed.

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" _You make my heart feel like it's summer,_ _w_ _hen the rain is pouring down_ _,_ _you make my whole world feel so right when it's wrong._ _That's how I know that you are the one_ _,_ _that's why I know you are the one." -Kodaline (The One)_


	17. Chapter 16: Jack Of All Trades

**A/N: Feel free to review. SUGGESTIONS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME. Enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

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While walking around Wall Maria I realized that Wall Sina, the place where rich people could live comfortably without worrying about titans fucking the place up, was extremely different. And not in the best of ways. I had lived inside those walls most of my life. Feasting on my wealth whilst people starved. I spent some time in the underground city during the early years of my childhood, since my family owned one of the entrances. As I child, I never understood quite well why people wanted to leave the city. I used to think it wasn't all that bad until my parents took me to the poor side of town. People were dirty, tired, ravenous, and sick. It was never a pleasant sight. It was not a sight meant for a child. A child who grew up with a silver spoon.

Somehow, that trip to the poorest part of town did something good to me. I was no longer blind to the injustice that laid beneath our feet. I learnt a lot about economics and business as I grew up. I trained to become a soldier but that didn't take away all the knowledge I gained from my parents and teachers. I never forgot the people who looked at me, stretching their hands out to me as if had been some kind of child goddess sent to take away all their problems. At the time, I was clueless as to why my parents rushed me, telling me to look away. I just couldn't. I wasn't able to ignore the fact the death was just around the corner for those people.

Gazing at Levi, I sighed. I knew where he came from, and I couldn't even begin to imagine what he had gone through. I looked up to him. His strength, his confidence. How he never allowed the bad things in life to determine who he was. But then again, I didn't know him completely. I never would. You can never know a person entirely.

I remembered my father teaching me about economics and how to negotiate. Teaching me about marketing and social behaviour. It was educational, though often times boring. In the end, I mastered all the skills I was taught. I could sew, cook, dance, play a variety of musical instrument; hunt, identify plants, bake, write, paint. I was also pretty good at gardening back in the day. Most of those skills, were what helped me get through military training. All mental skills were also helpful. Like most wealthy people, I was well-educated and well-mannered.

As a child, I never felt out of place. Just lonely.

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Deciding not to dwell on the past any longer, I focused my gaze on the kids running around. I would most likely never have any kids. Why bring an innocent child into such a horrible world? Smiling sadly, I took notice of a young boy. He looked similar to Levi. Black hair, white skin, grey eyes. His behaviour, though, was different. Levi was often serious and emotionless, only allowing certain people to see through him. The child, on the other hand, looked sad and defeated. He seemed to be crying, but I couldn't tell. I stopped walking, which caused Levi to turn around and look at me with a perplexed look on his face. I raised my hand, signalling for him to stay quiet. He raised his eyebrows and looked at the child, understanding the reason behind my sudden halt.

I focused my attention on the boy and tried to identify the object of his sadness. Inspecting the scene that lay before me, I noticed that he was staring at a small toy on the store display. It was a wooden boat. It turned out that the kid wasn't crying. He was gaping at the toy. His eyes filled with emotion. I smiled, admiring his innocence. I was about to start making my way back to Levi when I heard his small legs hit the floor. Looking back at him, my heart broke at the sight. He was kneeling in front of the display, with his hands on the glass. Tears truly coming out of his big doe eyes. My heart clenched. His eyes looking longingly at the toy. Levi placed his hand on my shoulder.

-Let it be, Merethe. You can't do anything about it. –He whispered regretfully, his gaze concentrated on the child, as well. People had stopped to look at him, whispering amongst themselves.

I sighed and tried to look at anything but the child. I couldn't. I just wasn't able to ignore poverty as I had when I was younger. I walked towards the store and entered, with Levi trailing behind me. He called out softly but I kept walking. I grabbed the toy from the table in which it was placed and immediately felt the child's gaze on me. I smiled and turned around to face the store owner. I placed the amount of coins indicated on the small piece of paper tied around the jib halyard. The man took the money and handed me a small paper bag. I thanked him and exited. The child was still kneeling. I knelt down next to him and placed the bag on his lap. He looked at me hesitantly and took the bag in his small hands. He opened it slowly and his eyes widened. He stood up and hugged me.

I felt relieved and returned the hug. His small frame was so fragile. I felt as if he would break any time. I allowed him to breathe and grabbed him softly by the shoulders. He opened his mouth to speak but I silenced him placing a finger on my lips and winking at him. He giggled and ran in the opposite direction. Levi took my hand and dragged me out of the streets.

-You really are something. –He muttered.

-Sorry. –I apologized, smiling.

-I didn't mean it that way. You are just…unbelievable. –He stated, looking the sky, his mind trailing somewhere.

I laughed and punched him playfully. He chuckled and headed towards a small store. He opened the door and motioned for me to stay outside.

-What are you doing? –I asked, grinning mischievously.

-Wait for me. It won't take long. –He answered, entering the store and closing the door behind me.

I studied the outside and realized it was a bakery. My stomach grumbled. I hadn't eaten breakfast. Levi had told me to bathe and get dressed, and then he pulled me out of the headquarters. I had heard Hanji calling out behind me, but Levi made sure I wasn't able to answer her. I stared at the people walking around the busy streets. A couple was buying fruit. They were laughing and smiling to each other, the hold on their hands never faltering. A little child, about 2 years old appeared behind the girl and tugged at her skirt. She focused her attention on the toddler and lifted her in her arms, tickling her. The man ruffled the child's locks and pinched her cheeks. I smiled at the scene. I watched them until Levi came out and talked to me.

-I hope you like cheese. –He said, holding a small bag.

-I love cheese. –I answered smiling.

-You seem to be quite happy today. May I ask why? –He questioned

-I have no idea. –I answered truthfully. I actually didn't know the reason why. I just felt happy. It was as if being surrounded by normal people made me feel joyful.

They did not need to worry about the people they love dying, unless the walls were breached. Those walls had been around long enough and nothing had been close enough to touch them, but the future would forever be uncertain.

-That was an unexpected answer. –He said, looking perplexed. His eyes travelled to my lips and he pressed his own together. I knew what he wanted and I waited for him to do it. But he didn't. He looked straight ahead and grabbed my wrist, resuming our walk. After thinking for a couple of seconds and hiding my unhappiness about the fact he hadn't kissed me, I noticed that he hadn't told me where we were heading.

-Levi, where are we going? –I asked, trying to keep up with his quick pace.

-If there is one thing that Wall Maria possesses that no other wall has, is the valley. –He answered, as we left behind the crowded place of town. A couple of cottages passed my view and there were no longer rock paths. It was all dirt. I didn't have to worry about getting my clothes dirty, for I was wearing my uniform. Levi had never mentioned we were going to have lunch together.

I appreciated the view. The valley was green, completely covered in flowers. A couple of trees stood proudly and their leaves were a deep hue of green. Even though the wall didn't allow much than that to be seen, it was truly a breath-taking sight. The valleys outside the wall were, indeed, beautiful, but none was able to compare to its beauty. The one thing that stood out the most was its liveliness. People were cheerfully chatting, whilst gardening. Women were harvesting their crops and kids were playing in the field. I found it extremely strange that I had been thinking a lot about kids. What the fuck was wrong with me?

Levi poked my shoulder in an attempt to catch my attention. I looked at him and he motioned for me to sit down. We were under a tree. He never acted like this. It was a first. I knew this was a date. An extremely strange and unexpected date. Levi pulled out a bottle of wine from his jacket. I was surprised.

-Did you have that in there all this time? –I questioned, pointing at the bottle.

-No. I bought it while you were fantasizing about your children. –He answered serious. Though, I could tell he was holding a chuckle back.

-Tsk, asshole. –I insulted, shoving him softly to the side.

-Weren't you doing that? –He asked, opening the bottle. I ignored his comment and threw at small pebble at him. Offering me the bottle, Levi pulled out the cheese from its bag. I immediately identified it. Gouda.

I took the bottle and waited for him to hand me a glass that never came.

-What? Real men drink without a glass? –I asked teasingly.

-Oh, shit. Must've forgotten. –He stated. Shrugging, I pulled the cork and drank from the bottle. Fuck, I loved wine.

-Easy, I don't want to carry your drunk ass to base. –He joked, taking the bottle and handing me a piece of cheese. I placed it in my mouth, enjoying its salty flavour. Fuck, I loved cheese.

-So, tell me about yourself. –I said, trying to be seductive while raising an eyebrow.

-What do you want to know? –He asked, placing the wine on the floor.

-Is Hanji your only friend? –I questioned, smirking and containing my laughter. He pushed me with enough strength to make me lose balance.

-She's hardly my friend. She's an annoying pest who follows me around. –He said, smirking.

-Friends do that. No, seriously, do you have more friends?–I suggested, winking at him.

-No. They...died in an expedition not too long ago. –He answered, his eyes losing all life.

I shouldn't have asked that. I shouldn't have fucking asked that.

* * *

" _The family you come from isn't as important as the family you are going to have." –Ring Lardner_

* * *

 **A/N: I may upload another chapter later this week. Hope you enjoyed. Feel free to review.**


	18. Chapter 17: With Me

**A/N: Enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

* * *

-No. They…died in an expedition not too long ago. –He answered, as his eyes lost all life.

I was speechless. I shouldn't have asked him that. I didn't know. I felt like a horrible person for making him remember that. I looked down at my hands and thought carefully about my next words.

-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…-I tried to apologize, but was quickly interrupted by Levi.

-You didn't know. It's fine. –He said, cutting me off.

After that, we stayed quiet for a couple of minutes. The silence was killing me. I did not know what was going through his head. No helpful sentence could come to my mind. I wanted the earth to swallow me. Not literally, of course. I just wanted to get out of that awkward situation. I slowly reached for the bottle of wine and gulped down almost half of its content.

-I didn't mean to kill the mood. –He said, taking the bottle away from me. Geez, I wasn't going to get drunk.

-No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked without thinking. –I sighed, not knowing what else to do.

-Stop apologizing. It's not your fault. –He stated, placing his hand on my back. His touch made chills run down my spine. I instinctively let out a small silent moan.

-What were their names? –I asked, making it sound almost like a whisper. I tried to ignore his hand rubbing my back.

-Farlan and Isabel. –He answered, opening the bottle and gulping down what was left of it. He definitely needed it more than I did. He seemed like he wanted to continue.

-You haven't spoken about this to anyone, have you? –I questioned, letting both my hands rest on my lap and leaning my head on the tree bark. Sitting down under its shadow was calming.

-No. –Levi whispered, closing the bottle and placing it next to him.

-Would you be willing to talk about it? –I asked, trying not to push it too much.

-Perhaps. If you give me something in exchange. –He offered, lifting an eyebrow cockily. That was fast. His mood changed, alarmingly fast.

-What? –I asked, more to myself than to him.

-Lighten up, will you? –He smirked, rubbing his hand down my back. I shivered. He didn't know how much control he had over me when he did that.

-What do you want? –I questioned, my voice coming out angrily, even though I didn't mean it.

-What are you willing to give me? –He inquired. Asshole. He was taking advantage of me. To think I had felt horrible about mentioning his friends a few minutes ago.

-How about…a punch in the face? –I suggested, grinning.

-Something nicer. –He ordered, pushing me softly to the side. Sometimes, we both acted like children. It was quite amusing.

-An ass kicking? –I offered, once again.

-How about this? –He suggested, though he didn't say anything else.

He kissed me. Passionately and hungrily. He pulled me into him and placed me so that I was cradling his waist. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I deepened the kiss. He placed both his hands on my hips and pushed me into his chest. He felt so damn good. We separated gaping for air. My breathing was uneven and my heart was pounding like a frenetic drum. Levi's name clouded my mind. I kept repeating it inside my head like a mantra.

-Merethe…-He said my name, his voice dangerously low and raspy. His voice alone did wonders to my body. Bringing his face closer to my own, he kissed me again, only it didn't last long it was a quick peck on the lips which caused me to let out an unsatisfied moan. I inhaled his scent. It was intoxicating. He smelled like sin, wine and desire. The moment his hand travelled to my neck and his fingers caressed the skin softly, I was putty in his hands. His head dipped down to make our foreheads touch. His dark locks were shielding my peripheral view of the outside world, as if no one but us existed. We kissed again, his tongue begging for entrance. I allowed him to do whatever he wanted and deepened the kiss. We battled for dominance, a battle he won. I didn't go down so easily, though.

My hands travelled to his chest, and I started unbuttoning his shirt. He broke the kiss and grabbed my hands, stopping me.

-Not here. –He said, his voice low and his breathing ragged. His cheeks were flushed and his mouth was slightly parted, in an attempt to fill his lungs with air. I was damn sure I looked the same way.

* * *

I got off his waist and sat down in my previous spot. I studied my surroundings and thanked the heavens that there was no one around but us. I placed my hand on my chest and felt my heart. It was regaining its normal rhythm. I looked at him. He was fixing his clothes and his hair. I giggled and rested my head on his shoulder.

-Now, tell me. –I ordered, even though my voice didn't sound serious at all. He chuckled and wrapped his arm around my waist.

-You didn't give me anything. –He joked, closing his eyes.

-Hey, that's not true. I kissed you…-I said, those last words coming out like a murmur.

-I kissed you, like every damn time. –He said nonchalantly.

I frowned and crossed my arms. It was, indeed, true. He always kissed me first. I had never been the one to start such intimate contact with him. Then, I lifted my head and gave him a small kiss on the corner of his mouth. His eyes widened and he looked at me, raising an eyebrow.

-That's nice for a change. But, it's not enough. –He added smugly.

-Fuck you. –I said, untangling myself from him and standing up.

-Daydreaming again, sweetheart? –He questioned, standing up as well. That cocky, bastard.

I gasped and poked his chest with my index finger. I had look up to see his face. I frowned at the smirk in his face.

-You wish, dickhead. –I insulted him, my words filled with venom.

-It's nice having to look down at someone. Honestly, how tall are you? –He questioned, wrapping both his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. How dare he?

I tried to wiggle free from his grasp and punched his chest in frustration. I didn't kick him in the balls because I liked him. Otherwise, he would be on the floor nursing his crotch.

-I'm not answering that. –I stated angrily.

-Are you sure? –He asked, leaning his face to mine.

-Piss off. –I told him, pushing his face away with my hand.

-How tall are you? –He insisted. The asshole just wanted to feel taller. I knew he was shorter than everyone. Well, everyone but me. Even Hanji was taller than us.

I hesitated before telling him. I knew he would make fun of me because of it, but I was obviously shorter than him. It wasn't like I would be able to lie about my height.

-1.45m. –I answered, hiding my face in his chest. I was embarrased. I had never been ashamed of my height. I actually learned how to embrace it and enjoy its perks. But, I had never said it outloud.

He didn't answer, but he placed his chin on top of my head and pulled me impossibly closer.

-I'm not telling you anything. –He said before abruptly letting go of me and heading back into town.

-Hey! Fuck you! –I yelled at him. He just left me standing there, all alone. The sun was begining to set. We had been out in the valley for quite some time.

-You wish! –He yelled back before disappearing into the crowd.

Tch, asshole. I couldn't exactly get mad at him, anyways. I sighed and started making my way back to the HQ. I didn't even try to catching up to Levi. He would pay for his devilish actions. He hadn't told me shit.

He wouldn't know what hit him.

* * *

" _Never a lip is curved with pain that can't be kissed into smiles again." –Bret Harte_

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 **A/N: Let me know what you think. Hope you enjoyed. Suggestions are always welcome.**


	19. Chapter 18: Monster

**A/N: Suggestions are always welcome. If you wish to give me any ideas, feel free to do so. I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

I arrived at the HQ around dinner time. The hallways were almost empty, with a few soldiers guarding being the exception. I greeted them and headed towards the dining area. Hanji was most likely enthusing about titans to some of the new recruits. Poor creatures. I personally knew how exhausting it was to listen to Hanji talk about all her experiments.

For the last couple of weeks, she had been rambling about how she would study the titans if only she managed to her hands on one or two. She wanted to study me, as well. My condition was something, "extraordinary" as she often put it. I refused most of the time because her study sessions often involved syringes and scalpels. It wasn't like I was afraid of pointy things. I worked with pointy things. But having them piercing my skin was not something I wanted or needed to do. On the other hand, Levi was on my to-do list.

I was horny and frustrated. I understood that we couldn't have possibly…had sexual intercourse on the valley, but the bastard had left with a smug look on his face and a satisfied smirk. I, sure as hell, wasn't satisfied. All those teenage hormones that never presented themselves when they had to were slowly carving their way into my system. They never had the chance. I didn't pay much attention to boys back when I was training. I did admire their beauty, but never approached them. I regretted not flirting a little, just for fun. That would have definitely made it easier to seduce Levi into fucking me senseless. I had to keep my animal instincts in fucking control.

Hanji was sitting in a table all alone, though she didn't seem sad. It was as if she was expecting someone. When her eyes landed on me, her whole face lit up and an insane grin graced her features. She looked like she had lost her bloody mind. She patted the sit next to her and motioned me to sit. I slowly made my way to the table, bumping into a few cadets on the way and apologizing. As soon as I was sitting down, her arms shot up straight and she grabbed me by the shoulders. Her face leaned in and our noses were almost touching. I could feel people staring at us, probably thinking we were about to kiss or something.

-You went on a date with Levi. Yet, you didn't come back with him. What happened? –Hanji whispered, scanning our surroundings quickly before returning her attention to me.

-Uh…what? –I tried to feign innocence, not wanting to go over all that again.

-C'mon. You and shorty have been wanting to devour each other for quite a while now. Don't think I didn't notice. The sexual tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife. –She stated, using her finger to mimic a knife cutting through butter.

I sighed and looked around the room. People were no longer staring and instead focusing on their own business. Standing up, I grabbed a piece of bread and took Hanji's hand, dragging her ass out of the room.

-Where are we going? –She asked, trying to keep up with my fast pace.

-To my room. –I answered, sneaking past a couple of people. Upon catching sight of my bedroom's door, I tightened my grip on Hanji's hand and made a run towards my room. I opened the door and pushed her inside, I entered behind her and locked it. At least, no one would listen to us.

-So? –She asked, lifting an eyebrow. Taking a seat in my bed, Hanji giggled. Sometimes, she was really strange. She acted like a mad scientist one second and the other she turned into a normal twenty year old woman. Meadow jumped into her lap and started purring.

I took a sit next to her and took a bite out of my bread. I knew that we would spend all night talking and gossiping. It was ironic. I never had that kind of friendship and it was really nice. Having someone to talk to without any worries. She was still grinning like a mad woman. I laughed. I truly laughed at her expression.

-Alright, I'll tell you everything. –I said between giggles.

* * *

By the time we finished talking it was midnight. She had laughed, blushed, cursed, sighed and smiled at everything. The room was covered in silence after a while. It wasn't an awkward silence. It was an enjoyable silence. We had both agreed that she would sleep with me tonight, so that we wouldn't get caught. We wouldn't get in trouble for being in each other's room, but we liked having an excuse for her staying in my room. I was laying in my bed, pressed against the wall. Hanji was next to me, only her feet were next to my face instead of her head. I had my eyes closed when I heard her prop herself up with her elbows.

-Hey, Merethe. –She whispered, using her foot to poke my head.

-Ouch. –I complained. Her foot had accidentally hit my head harder than expected.

-Sorry. –She apologized. She sat up.

-What? –I asked, sitting up as well.

-Why were you screaming last night? –She questioned, her eyes filled with worry.

-I had a nightmare. –I answered, bringing my knees close to my chest.

-You were screaming so loud people thought someone was hurting you. I was the first one to arrive and you were crying and trembling. I tried to get your attention but it only scared you further. It wasn't until I ran to get Levi that you calmed down. He was the only one who managed to through you. I couldn't understand why you started whispering nonsense when you saw my face. I thought I had hurt you. –She said, her voice trailing off.

-I'm sorry. When I looked at you, it wasn't your face…it was mine. –I clarified, placing my hand on her shoulder. She was a head or two taller than me, so I had to scoot closer in order to reach her.

-Your face? –She repeated, confused.

-Yes. –I answered, waiting for her to ask more questions.

-What are you talking about, Merethe? –She pressed, rubbing her temple.

-When I control the titans, I lose control over myself. It's like someone else takes over. I become bloodthirsty, merciless, cruel and ruthless. It's not until someone stops me that I regain consciousness. Otherwise, I keep on killing. It's like…my own demons possess my body and mind, clouding it with an insatiable lust for death. –I explained, hugging myself.

I knew all along what happened to me, I just hadn't been brave enough to say it out loud. When I told Hanji about it, I felt as if I had just accepted the fact that I turned into a monster every time I used my abilities. We had long stopped training due to the toll it took on my body. I was both scared and relieved.

-So that's why…-She said to herself, not finishing the sentence.

-What are you talking about? –I questioned, looking at her.

-That's why Levi is the only one who's able to get to you. –She replied, her eyes filled with excitement.

-I don't understand. –I told her, tilting my head to the side in confusion. A brown wavy lock tickled my arm and I tucked it behind my ear. I would need to cut it soon.

-Levi has demons of his own, you know. He has fought them well during these past months. He knows how you feel and knows how to bring you back. That's why I can't really seem to read neither of you. We are friends, yet you both remain a puzzle to me. –She claimed, shrugging.

-I didn't know, Hanji. I'm sorry. –I added, after hearing her words. I was searching for an answer. I wanted to reassure her.

-It's ok. I'm sure I'll end up understanding you both in time. We are friends, after all. Friendship will always find a way. We'll get through everything together. –Hanji said, touching my hair in a caring manner.

-Hopefully, we'll be able to repay you. –I declared, sighing. I loved Hanji. She was my best friend. I wished I had met her sooner. But, life has mysterious ways of bringing people together.

-You have no need for that. I hope I'm able to repay you for tolerating my shit. –She added, chuckling and fixing her glasses.

-I love you, Hanji. Thank you for being my friend. –I said, hugging her.

-I love you, too. –She answered, returning the hug.

* * *

" _One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood." –Lucius Annaeus Seneca_

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 **A/N: If you wish to coolaborate with ideas, feel free to do so. I hope you enjoyed reading.**


	20. Chapter 19: Shanenigans

**A/N: I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

* * *

I woke up with a pair arms around me. For a moment, a sweet blissful moment, I thought it was Levi and enjoyed the warmth his arms provided; until I ran my hands up and down his arms and noticed he had lost a considerable amount of muscle. That was when it hit me, it was not Levi. Hanji was hugging me from behind like I was a bloody teddy bear. I gave her a sideways glance and resisted the urge to laugh. She had her eyes closed and her mouth partially open. I wasn't able to hold it any longer when I finally noticed that she was drooling. I laughed out loud, loud enough to wake her up.

She hit her head against the headboard and groaned. That only made me laugh even harder. After I was done laughing my ass off I realized she had been cuddling me in an extremely loving manner. In a manner only Levi had. Only, with Hanji it wasn't loving. To me it was awkward. Whilst she was rubbing her head, a mischievous idea came into my mind. I brought my legs closer to my body and kicked her out of my bed. Hanji fell to the floor with a loud thud.

-Hey! –She yelled at me, rising from the floor and kneeling down next to my bed. She rested her head on the edge of it and sighed.

-You went full lesbian on me. –I stated, crossing my arms against my chest.

-I did not! –She exclaimed pointing her index finger at me. That was when I realized she couldn't see clearly without her glasses. She was pointing at the wall. I picked her glasses up from the nightstand and handed them to her. She put them on and laughed.

-Geez, you can't see shit without them, huh? –I commented, laughing with her.

-I can't really see without them. That's the reason I almost got killed in an expedition once. –She told me, standing up from the floor and sitting down on my bed.

-Are you serious? –I questioned, amazed by her words. I didn't know that. Though, it wasn't hard to believe. Hanji was extremely careless when out in the field.

-Yes. Luckily, Levi was there to help me. That's how we became friends. –She said happily, clapping her hands.

-That's nice. Levi never told me that. –I mentioned, remembering Levi's cruel words. It was kind of sad that she considered him as a friend but he didn't. Or, at least, that he'd let out.

-Alright, it's getting late and I don't want to miss breakfast. –She stated, standing up once again and fixing her clothes. She made her way towards a chair sitting on the corner and grabbed her jacket putting it on.

-You go on ahead, I have to take a bath. –I excused myself. I stood up from the bed and headed towards the bathroom.

-Oh, come on. You don't even smell. Levi is rubbing off on you. –She said, sticking out her tongue at me and petting Meadow.

-Alright, fine. I'll take a bath after breakfast. –I replied, putting on my boots.

-Oh, no. After breakfast, you and I are going to have some fun on the laboratory. –She stated excitedly.

-Hell no. –I said, preparing myself to run away from her.

-Oh, no you don't. –Hanji added, before grabbing from behind and throwing me into the bed.

-No! Fuck! Fuck no! Hanji get off me, dammit! –I shrieked, trying to push her. She was obviously taller than me so there wasn't much I could do to get away.

-You have been avoiding my experiments ever since we stopped training! –She exclaimed, pining my hands against the bed.

-Because you always want to cut me wide open! –I hissed, finally freeing my hands from her grasp.

-That's not true! I only suggest it! –She exclaimed, highly offended.

-Yeah, right! Let me go, damn it! –I cursed, trying to free my legs.

We were so caught up in our fight that we didn't see nor hear Levi enter the room.

* * *

-I didn't know you two were dating. –Said mockingly a familiar manly voice. We both turned our heads to the direction of the sound.

-It's not what you think. –I stated, using Hanji's distraction as an opportunity to get her off me. I pushed her with enough force to make her fall to the floor, again.

-Hey! That's the second time this morning. –She complained, rubbing her rear.

-Then what is this? –He asked, signalling with his hands the scenario that stood before him.

-Oh, it's exactly what you think, Shorty. –Hanji said, crawling all the way back to my bed.

I saw that evil glint in her eye and feared for my life. She was going to rape me. I somehow managed to manoeuvre my escape away from her.

-It's not. –I argued, using Levi as a shield between her and me.

-Why are you denying it, honey? –Hanji teased, coming closer. Levi must've sensed my uneasiness, because he blocked Hanji. He put his hand on her face to stop her from getting closer.

-Alright, that's enough Hanji. I already reserved her virginity. –He stated cockily. I frowned, that was not true. His ego had gotten to his head.

-Hey! None of you are getting my virginity! You don't even know if I'm a virgin! –I exclaimed, punching Levi in the shoulder.

-Oh, stop lying to yourself. We all know you're a virgin. –Hanji joined. She was such a traitor. The bitch is supposed to be on my side. Girl power.

-Fine. I may be a virgin, but that doesn't mean any of you is getting it. –I huffed, blush rising up to my cheeks.

-Keep telling yourself that, beautiful. –Levi mocked, getting closer and kissing me in front of Hanji.

Hanji gasped and giggled. Levi deepened the kiss, which caused me to moan softly. He was such an asshole. He knew how to control me.

-We are definitely not dating. Get a room, you two. –Hanji commented, making her way towards the door to leave.

Levi broke the kiss and glared at Hanji.

-We are in a room, shitty glasses. –He spat out, his hands traveling from my back to my ass.

-Geez, fine. Just don't eat her, ok? I need her for my experiments. –She said, before leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

-Alright, let me go. I think she got the message. –I said, attempting to push him away from me softly.

-Do you really think we're done? –He asked, leaning in closer to my face.

-It's time for breakfast. Aren't you hungry? –I asked him, placing my hand on his cheek and caressing it.

-I'm hungry for you. –He answered seductively and kissing me again. I broke the kiss and glared at him.

-That's so corny. Get away from me, you creep. –I teased, breaking apart. I reached for the doorknob and opened the door. Levi's hand shot out and grabbed my wrist.

-You do realize that I will eventually get what I want? –He questioned, his grip on my wrist tightening.

-Maybe, but not today, handsome. Specially, not before breakfast. You may become my breakfast one day, but that day isn't coming anytime soon. –I answered, winking at him and exiting the room.

I knew I was lying to myself. If he kept our making out sessions up, it would happen sooner than expected.

And I was looking forward to it.

* * *

" _Behind every great man is woman rolling her eyes." –Jim Carrey_

* * *

 **A/N: Hope you enjoyed. Feel free to review.**


	21. Chapter 20: Orders

**A/N: I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

* * *

 _2 weeks later…_

I had worked day and night, helping Erwin go over paperwork. It was no wonder he was always exhausted. My eyes were tired from reading and the first rays of sunlight appeared through the windows in the empty hallway. The weather had finally settled for winter. The cold air was relaxing. I yawned and headed to the dining hall to get a cup of tea. I desperately wanted to go to bed and sleep until dinnertime. Sadly, I knew that doing so would fuck up my sleep schedule.

I poured tea on a cup and sipped it silently, looking out the window and enjoying the view. It wasn't snowing but the trees had already begun to lose their leaves. I had talked to Levi a couple of times, but I wasn't able to spend as much time with him as I would've liked. I missed him. It was quite hilarious. I missed kissing him. I missed his arms around me. I pretended like it annoyed me, when in reality it didn't. I wanted to be curled up in a bed with him, I wanted him to wake me up in the morning with a hug. I giggled, realizing how cheesy it sounded and placed the cup on a counter and crossed my arms, shielding myself from the cold.

I heard footsteps and turned my head towards the direction of the sound. A very perplexed Petra Ral was looking at me. She was still wearing her sleepwear and her eyes were slightly closed.

-Good morning, Petra. –I greeted, waving my hand at her.

-Hello, Merethe. –She greeted back, approaching me.

She walked slowly, as if her feet were heavy. Her hair was all ruffled. I was almost certain I looked worse than her, having pulled an all-nighter. I pulled another cup from the cabinet and poured tea in it. I offered the cup to her and she gladly accepted it, muttering a small "thank you" in the process. It was still pretty early, even for the Survey Corps. I glanced at the clock in the kitchen. It was unholy to be awake this early. She gulped down her tea so quickly I wasn't even able to ask her if she liked it. She frowned.

-Is something wrong? –I asked, concerned.

-There's no sugar in this tea. –She said, her voice groggy. I chuckled at her words and offered her a sugar cube.

-I'm sorry. I usually drink my tea without sugar. –I admitted, watching her hand reach out for another sugar cube.

-It's ok. Why are you awake? –She questioned, inspecting me. She lifted her eyebrows when she realized I was wearing my uniform.

-I was helping Erwin out with some paperwork. –I answered, pouring more tea into my cup.

-That was nice of you. –She commented, her mind trailing elsewhere. Her eyes were directed to the window.

-Thank you. Why are you awake? –I asked, bringing her out of her daydream.

-I couldn't sleep. –She replied, placing her cup down and directing her attention to me.

-I know how that feels. –I said. I hadn't been able to get to know her much, she seemed like a nice person.

-You do? –She questioned, her eyes lighting up. She was taller than me, ten centimetres or so from what my eyes could gather. I looked up and smiled.

-I do. What keeps you awake at night? –I asked curiously. She opened her mouth to talk but quickly shut it, as if hesitating whether to tell me or not.

She placed her cup on the sink and sighed. Her hands gripped the edge of the sink until her knuckles turned white. In the end, it looked like she had finally made up her mind.

-Unrequited love. –She whispered, her voice shaky.

I blinked and tilted my head to the side in confusion. I wasn't expecting that when I asked her to tell me. Her words picked up my curiosity and I placed my hand on her shoulder.

-Unrequited love? How could anyone not love you back? –I pressed, wanting to comfort her.

-It doesn't matter, does it? He just doesn't love me back. –She answered, her eyes filling with tears. I had never loved someone who didn't love me back. Perhaps my parents could count, but that was a different kind of love.

-Who doesn't return your feelings, honey? –I asked, rubbing my thumb on her shoulder softly. She was sobbing. I could tell she had been holding those tears back.

-Him, him. He doesn't even talk to me and I love him. I don't even know if it's love anymore. Perhaps I'm just in love with the idea of him. –She claimed, letting go of the sink and hugging me. She hid her face in my chest and cried her heart out. I waited until she had calmed down to speak again.

-Have you told him how you feel? –I whispered at her, my voice soft.

-N-no. –She answered, looking at me. Her eyes were red and puffy. I wiped a tear from her cheek and hugged her back.

-You should. How can you be so sure he doesn't like you if you haven't even told him? –I stated, playing with her hair. It was a light hue of brown. Unlike hers, my hair was dark brown. A kid had once told me it looked like chocolate.

-You…are right. –She muttered, her voice no longer shaky. She seemed happy. As if my words had had an effect on her, she composed herself and fixed her hair.

-See? Don't give up on him until you try. The art of love is largely the art of persistence. –I stated, deep in thought.

-Thank you, Merethe. I'll do it. You are a great person. –She complimented, smiling at me kindly. She washed her cup quickly and bid me farewell. A happy aura surrounded her.

I smiled and did the same. Heading to my room to get a few hours of sleep

* * *

Erwin had given me the day off, saying I had worked more than enough last night. At first, I was annoyed at the fact I had woken up thinking I would work; but I ended up in a good mood when I remembered Petra. I was walking through the hallways, seeing soldiers run around, concentrated on their work. I caught sight of Hanji quite a few times and greeted her. She had excused herself, saying she was working on something extraordinary. Knowing her antics, she was probably working on a new plan to capture a titan.

A headache had been abusing my head most of the morning and it was still bothering me. I knew I could just take some painkillers to make it go away but I didn't feel like visiting the nurse, knowing she was busy with real patients. I sighed, quietly complaining about the noise. I walked away from the crowded hallways and found myself in an isolated area of the headquarters. It was silent, aside from a few voices from far away. My head was no longer pounding and the pain was lessening. I sat down on a chair and closed my eyes, trying to relax. I hadn't felt like heading into town, hence the reason as to why I had stayed indoors.

I heard a male voice talking, or rather muttering. I ignored it and continued relaxing. That was, until I heard the footsteps stop and felt a strong gaze on me. I cracked an eye open to see who it was and sit up straight when I identified the man as Levi. I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand and stood up. I studied his expression. He looked pissed as hell. I couldn't seem to recall having done anything to anger him. I placed my hands on my hips and frowned.

-What happened, handsome? You look furious. –I asked, lifting an eyebrow.

-It seems like I haven't made the fact that you are my girlfriend and that I'm no longer available clear enough. –He sighed, leaning in to place his forehead against mine. I closed my eyes and opened up my mouth to speak.

-What are you talking about? Are we dating? –I questioned, curious about his words.

-Did I not make myself clear enough, love? –He asked opening his eyes, looking at me with lust.

-I'm afraid not. –I answered, leaning in closer. We were so close our lips were touching, yet not connected.

-You are my girlfriend. –He claimed, placing his hands on my hips and bringing my hips close to his own.

-I didn't know that. –I answered, smiling into his lips.

-Now you do. –He said, closing his eyes and kissing me softly.

-I never said yes. –I teased, breaking the kiss.

-Yes, you did. –Levi implied, his hands traveling to my butt.

-My, aren't you eager? –I giggled, placing my hands on his chest. I rested my head on his shoulder and inhaled his scent.

-I still want you. –He said, kissing my neck. My breath got caught in my throat at his actions. My hold on his shirt tightening, I moaned.

-Levi, stop. Someone might see us. –I said, knowing we could be caught.

-Let them. It's about damn time they found out. –He said, licking his lips and leaning in to kiss me again.

I gave in and tangled my hands in his hair. I heard footsteps and panicked. I took hold of his cravat and pulled him into the nearest room. Surprised by my actions, he let himself be dragged. I closed the door quietly and locked it. It was pitch dark in the room and I waited until whoever was outside left. Levi chuckled and cupped my face to kiss me again.

Our kisses were often rough, filled my lust and passion. And that kiss, was no exception. He lifted me up against the wall and started unbuttoning my shirt. I gasped and he didn't waste no time to stick his tongue inside my mouth. I mewled in pleasure and gripped his arms, trying to keep myself from falling to the floor.

-Wrap your legs around me. –He breathlessly ordered me. I did as told and opened my eyes in shock when I felt the growing tent in his pants. He started grinding against me. His movements only made me feel even more turned on. I wanted him so bad.

-Ah, you feel so good, Levi…-I whispered, throwing my head back in pleasure, allowing him unlimited access to my neck.

He licked and kissed every corner of my neck. My shirt was hanging from my hips, for he hadn't finished unbuttoning it. I withdrew my hands from his arms and started unbuttoning his shirt. He was growing impatient. And so was I. His hips connected with mine with every movement he made. The wetness between my thighs only kept on growing. His mouth travelled to my chest. He kissed the valley between my breasts lovingly. I was breathing heavily. His shirt was already on the floor. The room was hazy. He groaned when I kissed him roughly. His mouth was everywhere. I couldn't take it anymore. My hands eagerly started unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his pants. They dropped to the floor with a soft thud. I was able to feel him. And, fuck, he felt so damn good.

I moaned and arched my back when he pressed himself against me. I felt something hit my back, but at the moment I didn't care. I wanted him to take me to a pleasure-filled nirvana. It was already too late to back out. He lowered me to the floor and began working on my clothing. He tossed my boots to the side and started taking off my pants. I was a little self-conscious, but I ignored the feeling. He rose again, only to kiss me mercilessly. It was just me and him. We had nothing to lose.

-Hey! Levi! Merethe! I know you're in there! Are you guys fucking already?! –We heard yelling from the other side of the door, which caused us to stop. Hanji was almost punching the door.

-Ignore her. She'll go away…-Levi whispered, resuming his actions.

-No…Levi…stop…she'll break…the door down…if we don't open it. –I said between breaths, bending down to pick up my shirt.

-For fuck's sake, shitty glasses! –Levi groaned in frustration.

For fuck's sake, indeed.

* * *

" _Love begins with an image, lust with a sensation. " –Mason Cooley_

* * *

 **A/N: Ah, cliffhangers. Don't you just love them?**


	22. Chapter 21: Touch

**A/N: I truly hope you enjoy.**

 **PLEASE READ THE A/N AT THE END.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

* * *

I put on my jacket and turned around to look at Levi. He buttoned the last button on his shirt and stared at me, with a frown on his face. I sighed and wrapped my arms around him, with my head on his chest. I could hear his heartbeat. It was fast, and I knew why. Mine was beating fast, too. I hugged him tighter and hid my face in his chest, ignoring Hanji calling us from the other side of the door. He returned the hug, placing his chin on the top of my head. Hanji's yelling was getting louder. She would alert half of the army that Levi and I were…kissing?

-I swear that if you are raping her in there, I'm going to castrate you, Levi! –Hanji yelled, punching the door.

-I'm not even touching her, damn it. –Levi told her, separating his body from mine and throwing the door open, hitting Hanji's face in the process.

-Fuck's sake, Shorty! –Hanji cursed, rubbing her bruised cheek. Levi looked down at her and smirked triumphantly.

-That's what you get for interrupting us. Every. Fucking. Time. –He emphasized darkly.

-Give me one good reason as to why I should let you have her. –She exclaimed, pointing her finger at him.

-I can give you five. –He stated, lifting his hand.

-Fine, please do. –She said, crossing her arms. The scene that stood before me was quite hilarious. Hanji was still sitting on the floor with Levi towering over her.

-One, two, three, four, five. –Levi counted, lowering his fingers as he did so. When he reached number five, his hand turned into a fist. Raising his eyebrow, he waited for Hanji response.

Her eyes widened, and she stood up so fast that she almost hit Levi. She approached and poked his chest with her finger.

-This is not over, Shorty. –She announced, spitting out his nickname with venom. She glared at him.

-Bring it on, shitty glasses. –He replied, glaring at her. He slapped her hand away and frowned.

I knew that they were friends, but they would probably kill each other if they kept it up. I placed myself between them, pushing them softly to the side so they would be at a farther distance.

-Stop it, you two. –I interfered, glaring at them.

-Tch, fine. –They both said at the same time. Hanji walked away from us, heading somewhere. Levi smirked and cupped my face, giving me a sweet kiss.

-Mine. –He said, walking away from me as well. I was horny and angry. I was sexually frustrated, and I knew that if I didn't get laid soon, I would end up raping him.

* * *

I sighed and headed outside. So much for a peaceful day. The gardens that decorated the entrance to the headquarters were beautiful. A walk would put my mind at ease. I headed straight into town and watched the people. Families laughed, smiled, argued and laughed again. It made me feel nostalgic. The time my parents spent with me, were not always business-related. On rare occasions they would spend time with me as a family.

We would have a picnic or eat inside. We would head to our backyard and read together. I wanted to see them, to make things right between us. I had left without telling them where I was going. It had been years since they had even heard from me. They had probably long buried a body that was no longer there. They had probably mourned their missing daughter. Two long years without seeing them. I kind of missed my mother yelling at me from downstairs and my father telling me about how we would spend more time together once he closed his current deal.

The sun was hidden behind the clouds. A thunder resonated from far away. The cold winter air made everyone brace themselves. I headed further inside the walls. I was inside Wall Sina by sunset. My legs and feet were killing me. Back when I was younger, I wouldn't have felt out of place, but now I did. All that wealthy people, chatting and laughing without a care in the world, unaware of the injustice that grew with each passing day beyond the inside wall. The streets, as expected, were beautiful. Flowers, rock paths, streetlights, fountains. Rain started pouring down and people ran to shield themselves. I didn't care, I enjoyed the feeling of the droplets hit my skin.

I didn't know where I was going. My feet were walking on their own accord. A couple of people stared at me curiously from their windows. I could feel their gazes on me. A lone woman, in a military uniform, walking under the rain. I would probably get sick, but at the moment I didn't care. I embraced the cold. Without noticing, I ended up in front of the doorstep of my old home. I could tell there was people inside. The lights were on. I could hear voices. It sounded like my parents were inside. They still lived there. I approached the door slowly and thought of knocking. I hesitated. Would they even want to see me? Had they forgiven my harsh words towards them? I didn't know and I wasn't sure whether I wanted to or not.

As I lifted my arm to knock I heard voices coming closer. I heard my mother's voice yelling at my father to hurry. I heard a baby's cry. A baby? Perhaps they had visitors. But then, I overheard something.

-Take care of…-I repeated in a whisper. I hadn't been able to listen to the entire sentence. After my mother spoke, the baby went silent. Her steps approached the door. I saw the doorknob turn and I panicked.

I ran away from the house. And I ran away from them. Like the first time. I knew I was coward. I hadn't dared to make my presence known to them. I was curious and, even if it sounded stupid and impossible, I kind of missed them. I didn't cry. I couldn't find it within myself to shed tears. I knew I had become a monster. A heartless monster. One who couldn't cry, even for its own family. I walked all the way back to the HQ. Everything was dark. It was, most likely, midnight. No one was around. I silently made my way towards my bedroom and opened the door, locking it after me. I could hear Meadow purring. The room was pitch black. I reached for the candle that I kept next to the door, on a chair and lit it. I was surprised by the scene that greeted me.

* * *

Levi was sitting on my bed, the kitten next to him. He rose from the bed and slowly approached me.

-What happened to you? You are soaking wet. –He asked, embracing me. I put my arms around him and sighed.

-I went for a walk and got caught up in the rain. –I replied, breaking our embrace.

I took off my jacket and laid it on the chair. I took my boots off and placed them next to the door. And that was when it hit me. Levi was in my bedroom.

-What are you doing here, handsome? –I asked, raising an eyebrow at him and placing my hands on my hips.

-I was just casually waiting for you to come back. –He answered cockily.

-Whatever you say, creep. –I said jokingly, waving my hand as if to shrug it off.

-I'm here because we didn't finish what we started today. –He admitted, placing a hand on my hip and the other lifting my chin with his finger.

-Oh? I'm afraid, sir, that it's late and I'm tired. –I lied, trying to piss him off. My hands found themselves against his chest. He wasn't wearing a shirt. I could admire his god-like body. My gaze slowly travelled to his stomach. My breath got caught up in my throat at the sight. His abdominals. My legs suddenly felt weaker than before.

-Are you really, love? –He questioned, as he leaned in. My eyes closed in anticipation. Our lips connected and I mewled at the sensation.

-Yes…-I said between kisses. One of his hands was behind my neck, pulling me closer; and the other, was unbuttoning my shirt.

He pressed me against the door and ripped my shirt off. His hips, suddenly rubbed against mine and I arched my back in pleasure. Without a second thought, he attacked my neck. Kissing, licking and biting every spot he could reach. I was pretty sure that would leave a mark in the morning. He played with my hair and lifted me.

Placing me on the bed softly, he stood up to take his and my pants off. I looked at him and gasped.

-Holy shit, Levi. I could probably wash clothes using your abs. –I expressed in amazement. He chuckled at my words and crawled back to me. He was on top of me, and I could feel him. And, bloody hell, he felt so good.

-Maybe another time, love. Tonight, no one will interrupt us. –He whispered into my ear, biting it softly as he did so. I grabbed a hold of his shoulders and moaned.

If Hanji dared to interrupt, we would bury her alive.

* * *

" _The best thing to hold onto in life is each other." –Audrey Hepburn_

* * *

 **A/N: IMPORTANT: Whether I write a lemon or not is up to you. Let me know if you wish for me to write it. If not, I will just continue the story. I hope you enjoyed.**


	23. Chapter 22: Coming Down

**A/N: Do keep in mind that this story is rated M for a reason. Teen or not, read at your own risk.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

* * *

 **WARNING: Explicit content ahead.**

* * *

With my head on top of Levi's chest, I closed my eyes. Our recent activities had been exhausting, especially for me. I didn't have nearly as much stamina as he did. Was he even human? His arms around me, my head hid in his chest, our breathings ragged. I was still sore. It had been painful at first, but it had soon turned into a never-ending cycle of pleasure. I could still remember everything vividly.

I kissed his chin softly and placed my arms around him. His body was under mine. His skin against mine. The smell of sweat, tangerine and sex lingered in the room.

* * *

 _Merethe's POV_

 _I couldn't stand it any longer. He was driving my senses crazy. He must have put a spell on me the first time we met. His hands were everywhere. My chest, my legs, my arms, my neck, my hair. His hands trembled every time he got close to the objects of his desire. He spoke in riddles each time he whispered into my ear. With his lust-filled eyes and his head between my thighs, he drove me to insanity multiple times. Pure ecstasy and euphoria clouded my mind. My hands pushed his head further in, urging him to continue. I loved him. Heavens, I loved him so much. I wasn't ready to tell him, though. I didn't want to scare him._

 _The moment he rose to kiss me again, I felt him. I felt him between my legs. I could taste myself in his kiss, not caring whether it was vulgar or not. He moved his hips, pleasuring himself. His groans made it hard to stay calm. I wasn't thinking straight anymore. My neck had long been assaulted roughly by kisses and bites. Slowly, he got rid of every piece of clothing that separated us and our thoughts. He gripped my hips and lifted me. Watching his every movement, I was taken aback by his eyes. His gaze softened when he looked back at me. I tilted my head and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him close to me. He closed his eyes and inhaled._

 _-This is going to hurt, Merethe. –He warned, his voice somehow sweet yet lustful._

 _-It's fine. I'm a big girl. –I joked kissing him._

 _And just like that, I let him climb inside my body and held him captive._

* * *

 _Levi's POV_

 _I knew very well I would hurt her as soon as I entered her body. I grimaced as she cried out in pain. I saw her throwing her head back and biting her bottom lip. It took every ounce of self-control not to thrust into her hard and fast. Her hands were gripping my shoulders. Her nails digging into my back. Her eyes filled with tears. I remained still for a minute, letting her body get used to my invasion, and when I felt her starting to relax around me; I moved very slowly, relishing the feeling of her hot, wet embrace._

 _I experimented a little with my movements, the feeling of her so overwhelmingly exquisite that I thought I was drowning in her. Drowning in a sea of bliss. Her legs were wrapped around my hips, her hands and nails digging into my back. She moaned and whimpered beneath me, meeting me thrust for thrust. Her face told me what she liked. Her small freckled-covered nose, her hazel eyes, her reddish brown hair sprawled all over the pillow like a halo surrounding her. She was perfection and I was lost in her. It felt so good, I didn't want it to end. Alas, nothing could last forever._

 _I brought my mouth back to hers and pushed my tongue into her mouth in time with the thrusting of my length. That seemed to ignite her, as she ached her body up. I felt the contractions of her orgasm to the very surface. I thrust into her once, twice and then, pulling myself out of her body, I exploded with the force of an erupting volcano, shuddering and groaning, seeing her and only her with the intensity of my climax._

 _When I came back to myself, I had entered her again drawing the last of the pleasure, her hands were stroking my arms up and down in a loving manner. I couldn't help the smirk that spread across my face as I nuzzled into her sweet smelling neck._

 _Holy fuck. There were no words to describe what I had just felt. I brought my head up and gazed into her eyes._

 _-Are you ok? –I whispered, kissing her softly._

 _-Yes. –She whispered back, a gentle, satiated smile on her lips._

 _I would've loved to stay connected to her indefinitely, but I needed to make sure she was alright. As I pulled myself out, she made a little mewling sound that made me chuckle. I stood up and bended down to give her a peck on the lips._

 _-I'll be right back. –I stated, forcing myself to get away from her and into the bathroom. I heard her give a low whistle when I turned around. I smirked and closed the door behind me._

 _I needed to clean myself up. I hadn't noticed, so it was no wonder I was surprised by the sight that greeted me. Damn, there was a lot of blood. Something primal inside of me felt an intense satisfaction in the sight of Merethe's virginal blood all over me. Though, I'd never admit that out loud. It seemed primitive. Sadly, it was the truth._

 _When I entered the room once again, she was wearing my shirt. It looked big on her. I loved the way it looked on her. I picked up my pants and put them on. She turned around to face me._

 _-Are you ready? –She asked, a devilish glint in her eyes._

 _-For what, love? –I questioned, approaching her and wrapping my arms around her waist. She smiled and kissed me._

 _-For round two. –She stated, biting her lip and looking at me lustfully._

 _-My, aren't you eager? –I joked, my hands traveling to her ass and smacking it playfully. She gasped and lifted and eyebrow._

 _-I am, handsome. –She answered, her hands cupping my face. She stood on her toes and I understood her actions. I lifted her up, and she wrapped her legs around me. Merethe kissed my forehead. I loved every bit of her. I wasn't going to tell her, yet. It felt too soon for it._

 _I gently placed her on the bed and kissed her neck._

 _-Not tonight. –I said, knowing fully that she was sore._

 _-Oh? Are you sure? –She questioned, pulling me down and grinding her hips against mine._

 _I groaned. If she kept that up, I wouldn't be able to stop._

 _-Take me again, Levi. –She whispered into my ear, her nails digging into my back._

 _Her wish was my command._

* * *

It was probably morning already. Levi and I had spent quite some time…working out. I hoped no one had heard us. Although, that was highly unlikely since we had been a little loud. I disentangled myself from Levi and sat up on the edge of the bed. Stretching my arms, I headed to the bathroom to take a bath.

The hot water helped soothe my sore muscles. Especially the ones that had been used the most. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and gasped. My neck and chest were covered in hickeys. They weren't just one or two. It was like someone had eaten me. Well, someone had eaten me, but not literally. I scrubbed my arms and legs and relaxed for a while.

I got off the tub and put on Levi's shirt. It was big enough to cover me all the way down to my thighs. I tied my hair into a bun and headed back to the bed. Laying down next to Levi, I rolled over on my side to face him. He looked so peaceful. A strand of hair had fallen on his face, and I gently tucked it away. He opened his eyes and smirked.

-Good morning. –I whispered, smiling warmly at him. He stretched and yawned. It was really cute.

-Good morning. –He whispered back, turning my body around so that my back was against his chest, and hugging me from behind.

He kissed my shoulder and played with my hair.

-How did you sleep? –He asked, lifting his head and resting it on my shoulder.

-I barely slept, Levi. –I answered, enjoying the feeling of his warmth.

-I know. –He stated. I could feel him smirking.

I closed my eyes, happy to go back to dreamland. Levi sighed for an unknown reason. That was until a knock resonated from the door. I slowly stood up to open the door. I heard Levi telling me to let it be, but I ignored him; knowing it could very well be an emergency.

I opened the door to find Petra Ral. She seemed confused.

-Good morning. –I greeted, waving.

-G-Good morning. –She managed to stutter out. She looked horrible. She had bags under her eyes. I couldn't seem to find the source of her confusion.

-Is something wrong? –I asked her. She studied me and frowned. Her expression had turned dark.

I remembered. I was wearing nothing but Levi's shirt. My neck was covered in hickeys. I heard footsteps from behind me. Levi hugged me from behind and rested his chin on my head, completely unaware of the situation. Petra caught sight of him and she blushed slightly. Then, her eyes studied us both and she frowned. The aura around her suddenly turned murderous.

-I hate you. –She muttered. She took off running. I managed to catch a glimpse of her tear-filled eyes.

-Wait! –I exclaimed, trying to reach her. Why had she said that to me? I hadn't done any wrong to her or had I?

-Let her be. –Levi said, his expression also dark.

-But, she is crying! –I argued.

-I know the reason why. –He admitted, pulling me inside and closing the door.

-Why? –I asked.

Why had she said that?

* * *

" _Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex." –Hunter S. Thompson_


	24. Chapter 23: The Grind

**A/N: Merry Christmas, everyone. I may be a little late, but it's the thought that counts. I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

* * *

The words that came out of Levi's mouth were not what I expected. Why hadn't Petra told me that night? I felt guilty. She had confessed to him and he had rejected her because of me. I felt like a heartless bitch. Levi had assured me that he had known, but never returned the feelings. He didn't think of her that way. She was only a comrade and nothing else.

Even though his words held the truth, I found myself searching for her. My uniform, luckily, hid the hickeys in my chest. Alas, it didn't cover my neck. I was forced to wear a scarf. The hallways were packed with soldiers. Everyone was minding their own business. I vaguely remembered seeing Petra's room once. Hence the reason as to why I was sitting in a chair, trying to guess which door belonged to Petra. Sitting in a position that no woman should ever sit on, I studied the door, hopelessly hoping for Petra to come out.

I caught sight of a female soldier knocking on a door, with a worried expression on her face. She called out.

-Petra, come on. We are all worried. –She yelled, banging on her door. There was no response. After a couple of minutes, the girl gave up and left. I stood up and knocked on her door gently. I didn't want to scare her.

I heard her standing up from her bed and heading towards the door. She opened the door slightly and her eyes narrowed.

-What do you want? –She asked, her eyes filled with fury.

-I wanted to apologize, Petra. I didn't know it was Levi…-I said, looking down at my feet.

-Everyone knew it, but him. How could you?! –She screamed, opening the door roughly and placing her hands on her hips.

-I didn't know. You never told me. –I excused myself, trying to make sense of my words.

-Just leave, Merethe. I don't want to see you again. –She hissed, closing the door in my face.

I sighed and decided to leave her alone. I knew I had hurt her pretty badly. Perhaps she wouldn't be able to forgive me. Adjusting my scarf, I headed to Hanji's laboratory. I knew she would be able to make me feel better. As expected, she was right there. Her face covered by her hair, and her hand gripping a mug tightly. Sheets of paper were scattered around her and splats of ink covered her hands. Judging by her appearance and surroundings, she had pulled an all-nighter. I slammed my hands in the desk she was resting on.

-I'm awake! Tell Erwin to prepare the horses! –She exclaimed, lifting her head up, unaware of what was happening around her.

-It's me, Hanji. –I announced, picking her glasses up from the desk and placing them were the belonged.

-Oh, Merethe. What's up? –She greeted, nonchalantly placing her elbow on the table and resting her head in her open palm.

-Well, I…may have unknowingly hurt Petra. –I admitted, laying my head on the desk in defeat. That picked up her interest.

-What are you talking about? –She questioned, her eyes scanning me and the empty mug of coffee.

-She saw us, Levi and I, in…quite a compromising scenario. –I explained, not wanting to tell her I was no longer a virgin.

-Fuck. That must've left her devastated. –She sighed, pushing the mug aside and tightening her ponytail.

-Wait, you knew? –I asked, lifting my head from the table and staring at her.

-Everyone knows. –She stated, lifting her eyebrow.

-Shit…-I murmured, my head returning to its previous spot.

-Wouldn't be surprised if she hates your guts now. –She said, rubbing her temples.

-It's all my fault. I told her to confess to Levi, but at the moment I didn't know it was Levi who she loved. –I said, reaching for the pen that laid next to me and playing with it.

-You did that? –She said, a wide grin spreading across her face.

-Yes. –I whispered.

-Holy shit, this is amazing. –She said to herself, quite amused by my suffering.

-It's not. I apologized and she told me to fuck off. I feel bad. –I argued, breaking the pen. She took the broken pen from my hands and glared at me.

-Honey, you shouldn't. It wasn't your fault. You didn't know. If she wants to be a bitch to you, let her be. You apologized and she rejected you. Besides, Levi chose you, didn't he? Respect his decision. He likes you, not her. –She explained, standing up from her chair and throwing the remains from the pen in a nearby trash can.

-I…you're right. –I said, lifting my head and rubbing my temples, like she previously had. I could feel the upcoming headache.

-Anyways, why are you wearing a scarf? It's not even cold in here. And, quite honestly, the cold never fazed you. –She questioned, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.

-Oh, I think I'm going to catch a cold. I've been feeling shitty lately. –I lied, nervously readjusting the scarf so that it covered the hickeys.

-Really? –She said, as she walked behind me. I didn't expect her to grab the scarf and roughly take it away from me. I heard her gasp and I turned around to face her.

-Hanji, why did you do that?! –I exclaimed, covering my neck with my hands in a pathetic attempt to hide the hickeys from her view.

-Holy shit. Shorty finally got laid…-She whispered, a mad grin adorning her features.

-Don't tell anyone, Hanji. –I begged, taking the scarf away from her and putting it back on.

She had a mischievous glint in her eyes that signalled bad news. She opened the door and took off running. I heard her yelling what she had told me a few seconds ago.

-Shorty got laid, everyone! –Her screams could still be heard. I was pretty sure that by dinnertime, the entire Scouting Legion would know about it.

I sighed and gave up on stopping her. It was useless. A small smile crawled its way onto my face while I left the room. Her words had affected me for the better. I felt better. She was definitely wiser than she let out. When I exited the room, I felt people's gazes on me. Shit. She had probably yelled who fucked Levi. Well, I didn't have to fuck and tell them anything.

* * *

The training grounds were filled with rookies fighting each other. No one seemed to stand out. Some of them were on the floor, complaining about small bruises. Some were celebrating the fact that they had beaten an opponent much smaller than them. We had just received new soldiers, so they were preparing.

I heard a familiar voice in the centre of it all. Levi was teaching them how to fight. His gaze was set on a young boy. The boy was on the floor being beaten by someone much stronger than him. His opponent was bigger than him, and much stronger. He was being beaten up badly. His lip was bleeding, his cheek was bruised. The bigger guy was mocking him. Mocking his size and his lack of muscle. Levi got angry and separated them. He picked up the boy by the collar and forced him to stand up. He stopped everyone and told them to line up. I knew it was going to be a long speech.

-It sickens me to see how weak you brats are. There was reason you decided to join the Survey Corps in the first place. So, sit up, put your feet on the floor and don't look back because we've got work to do. For what is each day but a series of conflicts between the right way and the easy way, 10,000 streams fan out like a river delta before you, each one promising the path of least resistance. Thing is, you're headed upstream. And when you make that choice, when you decide to turn your back on what's comfortable and what's safe and what some would call "common sense", well that's day 1. From there it only gets tougher. So just make sure this is something you want. Because the easy way out will always be there, ready to wash you away, all you have to do is pick up your feet. But you aren't going to are you? With each step comes the decision to take another. You're on your way now. But this is no time to dwell on how far you've come. You're in a fight against an opponent you can't see. –He yelled, his expression serious.

He got off the plataform commanders used when training soldiers and approached the guy who was beating the boy up.

-Oh but you can feel him on your heels can't you? Feel him breathing down your neck. You know what that is? That's you...Your fears, your doubts and insecurities all lined up like a firing squad ready to shoot you out of the sky. But don't lose heart, while they aren't easily defeated, they are far from invincible. Luck is the last dying wish of those who want to believe that winning can happen by accident, sweat on the other hand is for those who know it's a choice, so decide now because destiny waits for no man. It's all up to you now.–He said, as he walked around the rookies.

Every soldier stood in silence, with a newly found motivation within them. I stood from afar, hidden in the shadows, staring at them. Even I had been inspired by his speech. I smiled to myself. Everyone resumed their training. I had long taken my attention away from Levi. The boy was, once again, fighting against the same guy. He fought with all his might, every punch he landed was meant to knock his opponent. He used his small size to his advantage. I couldn't help but to clap when he knocked the guy out.

I felt a strong pair of arms hug me from behind. Recognizing the tangerine aroma, I rested my head on Levi's shoulder.

-I loved your speech, handsome. –I said, closing my eyes.

-You did? I'm glad. –He stated, kissing my forehead. I giggled and enjoyed the feeling of him.

-Shall we teach them how to fight? –I asked, lifting an eyebrow questioningly.

-If I recall correctly, I won the last fight. –He answered cockily.

-Whatever helps you sleep. A rematch, then? –I asked.

-Sounds good. –He said, taking off his jacket and heading towards the only free spot to fight. In the centre of it all. All rookies turned around, curiously, eyeing us.

-I'm going to kick your ass. –I stated, taking my jacket and scarf off, not caring whether they saw the hickeys or not. It was about damn time I stopped hiding them.

-Bring it on, love. –He answered, lifting his fists.

I loved this man. I smirked when I heard everyone whispering.

Time waits for no man, indeed.

* * *

" _When we are in love we seem to ourselves quite different from what we were before." –Blaise Pascal_


	25. Chapter 24: Colours Of Love

**A/N: I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

 _3 years later…_

I was woken up by the soft sound of a heartbeat against my ear. Lifting my head to look at its owner, I smiled. Levi and I had been promoted to Squad Leaders. Now in the same position as Hanji, we were burdened with a lot more work. I honestly couldn't seem to understand how she got through all that paperwork without feeling tense. I lifted my head higher up in order to look outside the window. It was probably a little after noon. Levi and I had finished paperwork and had decided to take a nap.

A few weeks later after we made our relationship official, he had decided that we would share a bedroom. At first, I argued; but it ended up being a good idea, since we would be able to spend more time together, even while working. Time flew out the window incredibly fast during the past years. The clock had ticked the life away from some of us. We went on a couple of expeditions, claiming land and such. Levi and I had encountered some rebellious titans during that time and I had been forced to control them. I didn't rely on my abilities as much. After all, during my years in the military training, I had been deemed as an extraordinary fighter. I matched Levi's skills on the battlefield. We often betted on who would kill more titans if we were to encounter them. So far, we were tied.

I slowly got up from the bed. Levi stirred and I stopped dead in my tracks. After a minute, he seemed calm. I resumed my activities and headed to the bathroom to wash my face. I had lost countless nights of sleep filling paperwork and training the people in my squad, and it showed in my face. I had bags under my eyes and I looked dead tired. I was becoming some kind of female Levi, only he needed less sleep than I did. I envied his flawless complexion. Even though he spent more time than I did awake, he had absolutely no signs of insomnia in his features. Bastard.

Before leaving the room, I approached Levi and kissed his forehead. His hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. With his eyes still closed, he murmured something I wasn't able to catch.

-What? –I whispered, leaning down to listen to him more clearly.

-Where are you going? –He asked, opening his eyes to reveal those grey orbs I loved so much.

-I'm going to look for Hanji. I promised I would help her with something. –I said, smiling to him and tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. He smirked and let go of my wrist, only to place his hand on my neck and pull me closer for a kiss. I smiled into the kiss and broke it apart. I knew we wouldn't be able to stop if we kept it up.

-Fine, go ahead. I'll see you later. –He said, letting go of me and rolling on his side to get some more sleep. I giggled at the sight and left the room quietly.

* * *

The hallways were as crowded as ever. I had come to love seeing everyone so active and energized. Some people greeted me as I was heading to Hanji's laboratory. She spent an unhealthy amount of time inside that room, but I wasn't one to talk when I spent an equally unhealthy amount of time inside the wine cellar. Opening the door to her haven, I was greeted by her explaining something to Erwin. I rested my body against the doorframe, listening to what they were saying.

-I'm not joking, Hanji. Their numbers have increased dangerously. –Erwin stated, his hand gripping the table he was laying against with enough strength to turn his knuckles white.

-That doesn't fare well with our next expedition, then. –She said, deep in thought.

-It doesn't, but we are in no condition to cancel it. –Erwin stated, rising from the table and approaching Hanji.

-I know. We could ask Merethe to send them away. She could do it easily. –She suggested, emphasizing the word easily.

-No. We have seen her control one or two, not many at once. It's too dangerous. Every time she uses her abilities it takes a toll on her body. We don't know what could happen should she put herself at risk.–He rejected, his tone filled with concern.

-You're right…she does suffer a lot when she controls them. –She sighed, leaning against the board behind her.

-We'll discuss later. –He announced, glancing at his pocket watch and turning around to leave. I panicked, and retreated from the doorframe and into the hallways once again. I faked my look of surprise when seeing Erwin exit the room.

-Sir. –I greeted, saluting him. He smiled and patted my head, like he used to when I was child.

-Forgive me, little one, but I have a reunion with the superiors. You know how it is. –He said, smiling and winking at me. I chuckled at his actions and hugged him.

-Go. –I ordered, pushing him in the direction of his destination. He waved farewell.

I entered the room once again to find Hanji sitting on the floor. Her legs close to her chest and her head resting against the wall with her eyes closed. I made my way towards her, dodging all the boxes and sheets of paper that laid scattered around the room. I sat next to her and kept quiet. She opened her eyes and focused her attention on me.

-What's wrong, Hanji? –I asked, concerned for her well-being. I knew that all those all-nighters would get the best of her.

-I'm worried, Merethe. I have a bad feeling about this next expedition. –She commented looking down at her feet.

-Why? –I questioned, placing my hand on top of hers and squeezing it in a reassuring manner.

-I don't know. I just feel as if something is going to go wrong. –She explained, lifting her gaze from the floor and staring at me.

-Everything will be alright, Hanji. We'll be there for you. –I encouraged her, resting my head on her shoulder.

-That's what I'm afraid of. I don't want to lose you guys. –She said, her voice breaking. I knew how she felt. I understood how she felt.

-Hanji, have you seen how awesome our fighting skills are? –I joked, trying to lighten up the mood.

-You guys are full of yourselves. –She said, shoving me to the side and giving me a teary smile. I laughed and returned the gesture.

-Don't be afraid. Everything will be alright. You'll see. –I assured her.

-I hope. You and Levi are my best friends. –She stated, grinning.

-Damn right we are best friends. –I said, grinning back.

-Merethe, can you promise me something? –She asked, her face adorned by a serious expression.

-Of course. –I answered without hesitating. I was willing to do anything for her.

-Promise me that no matter what, you won't let anything break us apart. –She said, looking down at our joined hands.

-I promise. –I answered, squeezing her hand tightly.

-Thank you. –She said, resting her head against the wall.

-Anything for you, Hanji. –I stated, doing the same thing.

-Ok, let's get out of here. I'm so tired that I'm actually seeing the floor as an amazing bed. –She joked, standing up. I chuckled at her words.

-Go on ahead, I'll lock the place for you. –I offered.

-Thank you. The key is on the desk. –She said, leaving the room.

I took the key and locked the door behind me. The sun was still shining brightly. I felt a sudden pain on my wrist. The scar, that mysterious scar that held a snake-like grip on my wrist, turned red. My eyes widened at how fast and sudden the change was. It was as if someone had dropped red ink on it. My skin was burning. I bit my lip in an attempt to keep my pain a secret. I tried wrapping my fingers around it, but it only worsened the pain.

Annoyed at the pain, I looked for the nearest sink and drowned my the sensation in it. The water soothed the burning feeling. I sighed and took my wrist out of the water and gasped. The scar held a beautiful yet frightening crimson shade. I felt it. I felt Hanji's worry. I felt her hesitation towards our next journey. The pain in my wrist. The crimson shade that was etched upon my scar. The chills that ran up my spine.

I had a bad feeling about the expedition.

* * *

" _Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." –Marcus Aurelius_

* * *

 **A/N: This story is barely starting. Hold on to your seats, because this is going to be a long ride. I hope you enjoyed. Feel free to review.**


	26. Chapter 25: Bound To You

**A/N: Happy New Year. I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

* * *

My hands were trembling, my head was dizzy. I was walking slowly, preventing my body from giving in. I was able to reach the bedroom I shared with Levi. Opening the door, I found him sitting on the bed, reading a book. His head lifted at the sound of my footsteps and he frowned when he saw me.

-What happened to you? –He questioned, standing up from the bed and helping me lay down.

-I have no fucking idea. –I joked, letting out a humourless laugh. I didn't want to worry him.

-You look like shit. –He mentioned, inspecting me for any wounds. He took hold of my wrist and lifted my arm.

-I know. –I answered, trying to free my arm.

-What happened to you? –He repeated, his voice dangerously low.

-I don't know. –I claimed. I didn't know what had caused the sudden pain in my body. It terrified me.

Levi sighed and rubbed his temples. He stood up, and looked for something in a nearby drawer. He came back and kneeled in front of me, taking my hand and wrapping my wrist carefully. I watched his every move. After he finished, he placed the bandages back in the drawer and sat down next to me.

-If someone dared to hurt you, I'm going to shove my foot up their asses. –He stated. I laughed at his words and kissed his cheek.

-Then, you'd have to beat me up. –I answered, staring at the bandages.

-Did you hurt yourself? –He asked, frowning. I could see that he tensed up. He was gripping the sheets.

-No. My body did this. –I signalled to the scar. Although, it was already covered by the bandages, he understood immediately and sighed.

-It causes you pain, Merethe. I don't like it. –He said, laying down and pulling me closer to him.

-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. –I apologized. I knew he probably felt miserable, not being able to do anything about my pain.

-I hate seeing you in pain. This is the first time in years I've seen you this bad. –Levi trailed off, his gaze focused on my wrist. I knew what he meant by that. The first time I had controlled a titan, I had bled. A lot. As if my body had accepted the rush of power but quickly rejected it.

-I'm sorry. –I repeated, not knowing what else to tell him.

-Don't. It's not your fault. You can't control it. –He stopped me. Burying his face in the crook of my neck, he held me close. I wanted to stay like that forever.

Meadow jumped into the bed and placed herself between Levi and me. She kept on pushing me to the side so that she could have Levi all to herself. Damn cat. I separated my body from Levi's and allowed her to cuddle up with him. I huffed in annoyance.

-Don't tell me you are jealous of the cat. –Levi said, raising an eyebrow questioningly and smirking.

-I'm not. –I replied, looking away. I was jealous of the cat, but my pride didn't allow me to admit it. I crossed my arms and looked at anything but him.

Levi chuckled. I could hear the cat purring in the background. I didn't expect Levi to place the cat aside and hug me. The satisfaction of hearing Meadow hiss in the back made me smirk. My smirk was quickly replaced by a gasp when I felt Levi's fingers tickling me. I erupted in laughter.

-L-Levi, stop…-I managed to say between laughter. I couldn't breathe. I was kicking the air in a pathetic attempt to stop him. I could hear him laughing along with me. It was barely audible, but my ears picked it up. I lifted my head and looked at him. His eyes were closed and a huge smile was spread across his face.

Suddenly, my eyes filled with tears. I didn't know the reason why. After three long years, I had never heard his laugh, not even once. It filled me with joy. His tickling ceased to bother me and I was no longer laughing, but crying. I wasn't sad, I was overwhelmed with happiness. Levi heard my sobbing and stopped. He looked at me, the smile on his face fading and instead, replaced with a worried expression.

-Did I hurt you? –He asked, taking his hands off me, as if he had just broken the most fragile object in the world. I sat up and he imitated my actions. I wiped the tears from my face and embraced him. His arms, hesitantly, wrapped themselves around me.

-No. –I answered, burying my face in the crook of his neck, as he had previously done. One by one, tears slid off my cheeks and landed on his shirt.

-Merethe, what's wrong? –He asked, grabbing me by the shoulders and looking into my eyes. He couldn't seem to read me.

-Nothing's wrong. Everything is alright. –I stated, pulling him closer. That was when I knew it. That the only way to feel truly alive is giving someone the power to destroy us. I had given him my life. My heart. Him, and him alone, had the power to throw it all away and destroy what I was.

I kissed him and smiled. He had a perplexed look on his face. Tears stopped flowing from my eyes. I caressed his cheek and kissed the tip of his nose. He smiled. There it was, that smile I loved so much but rarely saw. He played with a misplaced strand of my hair and tucked it behind my ear. He leaned in so that our foreheads were touching.

-There's something I have to give you. –He whispered, taking my hands.

-What is it? –I asked curiously.

-I'll give it to you tomorrow. –He answered, giving me a quick peck on the lips.

I giggled and scooted closer to him. He lifted me and sat me on his lap, so that I was straddling his lips. Our noses were touching, our lips were so close. I couldn't believe how much I saw, when he looked back at me. For the first time, I understood what love was.

He closed his eyes and chuckled. I leaned in to his ear and whispered.

-What's so funny? –I asked, letting out a little laugh.

-Nothing. I'm…happy. –He said, placing his hand on my neck and pushing me closer into his body.

-Why? –I questioned.

-I found love where it wasn't supposed to be. –He answered. I frowned and lifted my head.

-What do you mean? –I demanded. Perhaps I had misunderstood his words.

-I never expected to fall in love with a comrade. I always thought I would die before meeting someone. –He answered, his eyes looking down.

-Well, life has strange ways of bringing people together, right? –I replied, rubbing the temple of his jaw with my finger.

-Indeed. –He said, before kissing me. I smiled into the kiss and separated our lips. He stared at me.

I had never told him. I had never gathered enough courage to tell him. His eyes, told me everything, somehow without words.

-I love you, Levi. –I confessed. Finally saying those words to him, made it feel extremely real.

His eyes widened at my words and it took him a moment to register them. For a moment, his expression was sad, but it changed to happiness. He smiled and kissed me.

-I love you too, Merethe. –He replied, embracing me.

Everything was alright.

* * *

 _"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you." -A. A. Milne_

* * *

 **A/N: To The Moon reference, people. I hope you enjoyed. I look forward to seeing you on 2016.**


	27. Chapter 26: Ours

**A/N: I won't be uploading two chapters a week, since my vacations are over. I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

Levi and I had taken the day off. He had told me there was something important he wanted to give to me. I didn't have the slightest clue as to what it was. It wasn't my birthday. We didn't celebrate anniversaries, since we found it unnecessary. It was quite strange, but I allowed him to surprise me. For the first time in a long time, I wasn't wearing my uniform. Instead, dressed in a pastel blue dress. While putting it on, I remembered the reason I didn't wear them often. The corset was a bloody nightmare. I had asked Hanji to help me and she had tightened it to the point it was hard for me to breathe. With my hair pulled into a braid, and the stress from all the paperwork gone from my face, I looked different. I looked the same way I had all those years back. Back when I had lived with my parents.

It was no lie that the military made you age sooner than expected. Although I didn't have any wrinkles, I still looked tired. I was sitting outside the HQ. The wooden bench was anything but comfortable, but the view made it worth having your butt hurt. I still remembered Hanji's words about the expedition. I had tried to ignore the feeling I got every time I thought about it. I caught sight of Meadow taking a walk around the gardens. I chuckled. She had learnt how to escape the bedroom and often times found herself outside, taking a stroll or hunting for food. Even though we fed her, out of instinct, she hunted for mice. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the morning air. Inhaling the scent of flowers, reminded me of my first date with Levi. That valley had been filled with flora of all kinds. I smiled to myself.

The feeling of more weight on the bench forced me to open my eyes. Levi was sitting next to me, his arm around my shoulders. He wasn't wearing his uniform either. A black suit, with his ever-present cravat. He smirked at me and kissed my cheek. I giggled at his actions and rested my head on his chest.

-You look beautiful, love. –He stated, looking at my hair and dress. I smiled at him and blushed. We had never seen each other with normal clothes. It was quite amusing for me to be wearing a dress, since I had hated them when I was young.

-Thank you. You look quite dapper yourself. –I answered, playing with my hair.

-I like your hair like that. –Levi commented, his gaze set on my braid.

-Compliments will get you nowhere. –I joked, kissing his jaw. He chuckled at my words and stood up, offering me his hand.

-Then, shall I take you out for a walk? –He asked, his tone playful. I laughed and took his hand, standing up and walking with him.

-What am I? A dog? –I asked jokingly, raising an eyebrow questioningly. He chuckled and ignored my comment.

* * *

As we walked through the streets of Wall Rose, I felt people staring at me. I could feel their gazes set on me. Why were they staring at me? I felt like some kind of exotic animal. I felt Levi's grip on my waist possessively tightening. I looked at his face. His expression was dark, glaring at every man who stared at me. I finally noticed. Men were staring at me lustfully. Their stares made me feel uncomfortable and Levi was well aware of it. His groan was almost inaudible, but I heard it, being so close to him. He took my hand and leaded me to the entrance that connected Wall Rose with Wall Sina. Next to the gate that separated the people from each territory, there was small door that led to the top of the wall. Being military, we were easily allowed inside. It was quite simple as to why only military went through that door. No one wanted to climb up all those stairs. Especially not me, since I was wearing a bloody corset. Even though my desires to stay under the wall were ignored, I couldn't deny that the view was beautiful.

On the top of the wall, there were members from The Garrison, casually sitting and drinking. The Garrison were responsible of patrolling and protecting the walls. They were set the task of evacuating the citizens and dispatching the titans in case of an emergency breach in any of the walls. Since nothing had touched the walls in years, none of them really did much than drinking and sitting on their asses all day. It was quite annoying. They saw the Survey Corps as the madmen who risked their lives for no reason.

One of the soldiers who was sitting near the edge of the wall, gave me a low whistle and it instantly pissed me off. Levi's hand turned into a fist and I took hold of his hand and slowly undid the fist, easing his irritation. I turned around, and approached the guy. I felt Levi smirk from behind me and I smiled wickedly at the man.

-Wanna go get a drink, baby? –The man, who looked like he was in his early forties, asked. I placed my hand on the back of his chair, my face close to his.

-Why, you are such a gentleman. –I answered, sweetly. I glared at him and pushed the chair closer to the edge. The man's eyes widened and he tried to take hold of my waist to support himself.

-S-stop. Don't do this. –He stuttered, failing to grab a hold of me and closing his eyes, expecting the worst.

-Fuck off, mate. –I whispered into his ear. I returned the chair, and him, to its original position and made my way back to Levi. He chuckled and turned his head to the man to glare at him.

When we were far enough from them, he hugged me from behind. I rested my head on his chest and closed my eyes, enjoying the proximity of his body. He turned me in his arms and brought mine around his neck, until we were staring at each other. He touched his forehead to mine and smiled. I giggled at his actions and kissed his cheek. He stared at my face with such intensity that I started fidgeting. He smirked and poked my nose.

-I see a new freckle. –He stated casually, his hand returning to my waist. I tilted my head to the side in confusion.

-What? –I asked, resisting the urge to laugh at his unexpected choice of words.

-Right here. –He answered poking my nose again. I pushed his finger away and glared at him.

-Stop poking my nose, Levi. –I said, my voice annoyed. He sighed and turned me around, so that my back was against his chest once again. He slowly reached my hand and took it gently. I was about to turn my head to inspect his actions, but he stopped me. I huffed in annoyance and waited for him to finish whatever he was doing. I felt him slip something into my finger. He freed my hand. He was suspiciously silent.

I looked at my hand and gasped. My eyes widened at the sight. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. A ring. I turned around to look at his face. He was looking at his feet. I lifted his chin with my finger and forced him to look at me.

-Is this…? –I couldn't seem to finish the question. His gaze was glued to my hand, with the engagement ring on it.

-Yes. –He answered. I smiled. He didn't do it the normal way. He did it in his own way. He hadn't asked me to marry him, he had ordered me. I grinned and kissed him. He kissed me back and wrapped his arms around my waist.

We broke apart so that I could talk again.

-Yes, Levi. Always. –I whispered to him. He smiled and kissed my forehead.

The answer would forever be yes.

* * *

" _Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife. " –Franz Schubert_

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you, BraziaRios, for always brightening my days with your awesome reviews. I hope you enjoyed.**


	28. Chapter 27: Fear

**A/N: I hope you enjoy. Feel free to review.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

Sitting on top of our horses, we were waiting for the gates to open. Our next expedition was about to start. Hanji kept enthusing about the titans and Levi looked annoyed at her. People on the streets were staring at us. Some cheering and some jeering, but they were there to see us leave nonetheless.

I caught sight of a young boy and a girl in the back of the crowd. They looked no older than seven or eight. The boy had brown hair and dark green eyes. The girl had black hair and dark brown eyes. He was cheering and looked quite excited. The girl, on the other hand, had a serious expression that oddly resembled Levi's. I kept my attention focused on both of them until I hear Levi telling Hanji to shut up. I looked at Hanji and smiled. I knew she was hiding the fact that she was scared. I hid it behind a fake smile, as well. Levi didn't seem bothered at all, yet there was a worried glint in his eye, as if he knew something.

I redirected my gaze back to the crowd to find that the children were gone. I smiled sadly and focused my attention back to Erwin's speech. Quite honestly, his speech was more like yelling about our goal for the expedition. I sighed and petted my horse. I could see Petra in the back of the line. She wasn't paying attention to me, but I knew about her resentment. Her hatred towards me. I would've liked to be better friends with her, but there were just some things that couldn't be fixed.

After Erwin's speech, we saluted, which resulted in my fist accidentally connecting with my breast. With more strength that I would've liked. The pain immediately shot through my body and I resisted the urge to curse. Levi noticed my frown and my tear stained eyes and leaned in to my ear.

-Are you ok, love? –He questioned, his eyes focused on Erwin but his attention set on me.

-I accidentally hit my boob. –I said childishly, biting my lip. He lifted an eyebrow in amusement and chuckled.

-Do you want me to make it better? –He asked, his tone filled with lust. I mentally groaned at his words. There was no use lying that it was tempting to let him do it.

-Maybe later. –I answered, smirking at him. He returned to his previous position and prepared his horse to run. I did the same and looked straight ahead.

As soon as the word "Onward" came out of Erwin's mouth, every soldier followed his horse. With the walls being left behind, most of the new cadets were overwhelmed with the intense feeling of freedom and fear. Hanji's enthusiasm could be felt by half of the Survey Corps. I chuckled at her and kept going forward. It looked like it would start to rain anytime soon, so I pulled the hood of my cloak over my head and prepared for the incoming water. The members from the elite squad had a symbol embedded on our cloaks to distinguish us from the rest.

As we ventured deeper into the outside world, titans started to appear. I noticed some of them were walking strangely. As if they had a stick up their asses. I laughed to myself and looked at Hanji, immediately catching her attention.

-Where the fuck are they going? To a bloody catwalk? –I joked, pointing at them. Hanji laughed and mimicked one of them. Levi just sighed in annoyance at our antics.

Erwin noticed the titans and fired a green flare to redirect the troops. We entered a deep forest. It was unknown territory, for we had never been there. Hanji frowned when she caught sight of a titan acting differently from the others. The titan seemed to be studying us. It looked like an abnormal titan, other than that it was no different from the rest. It was staring at us from afar.

-Stay here. –Hanji murmured, while changing her own route and heading towards it. I knew she was curious. I was too. But I didn't want to risk disbanding our squad. I didn't move from my spot, but I never looked away. I wanted to make sure she would be alright.

* * *

Levi's and Erwin's head turned in the direction I was looking at when we heard Hanji give a blood curling scream. I stopped my horse and made my way in the direction Hanji headed. Levi and Erwin followed. As soon as I saw Hanji on the floor, sitting in a pool of her own blood and a hole in her torso; the titan turned to us, preparing to attack. I manoeuvred my way to its neck and sliced its nape. The titan fell to the floor, dead.

Assisting Hanji, Levi and Erwin had captured her horse and were trying to stop the bleeding. They were yelling at each other, debating what was best. I pushed both of them out of the way and took of my cloak. I wrapped it around her waist, apologizing as she groaned in pain.

-It won't stop the blood for long. She needs medical assistance. I'm taking her back to the walls. –I told them, still kneeling at her side.

Erwin hesitated, but Levi didn't. He carefully lifted Hanji and placed her on the cart attached to her horse. Erwin helped him move all her equipment.

-I can't let you do that, little one. You'll be in danger. –Erwin said, in a futile attempt to stop me.

-I can't let her die, either. –I answered, handing him my horse. He took it and sighed.

-Take care of her, ok? –He requested, placing his hand on my shoulder.

-Yes, sir. –I answered.

-Alright. Go. Levi, you stay with us. –Erwin ordered, checking if she was comfortable in the cart. He took of her glasses from her face and handed them to me.

-No. I'm going back with them. –Levi stated, getting on the horse.

-Levi, we need an expert on the field. By leaving, you leave us with no back up. –Erwin argued, shooting a green flare.

-I'm not leaving them alone. You said it yourself, with no one else, they'll be in danger. –Levi argued back, crossing his arms.

-Fine. –Erwin sighed, as troops began to arrive at the scene. He yelled some orders and a temporary elite squad was made.

-Let's go. You take care of leading us back, I'll make sure Hanji doesn't bleed to death back here. –I ordered Levi, getting on the cart, next to Hanji. He raised an eyebrow, and opened his mouth to say something but quickly shut it. I knew he would bring up the fact that I ordered him around later, since he was usually the one ordering me around. Mostly in bed.

Leaving the forest behind, the rain stopped. The rough movement of the cart made Hanji cry out in pain a few times. I couldn't do anything but to reassure her she would be alright and keep checking on the wound. The valley was clear of titans. Levi's tense back was the only form of human presence, aside from Hanji and me.

I noticed that a pool of blood began to form under my knees. I knew that I would have to cauterize the wound if it didn't stop bleeding, otherwise she would bleed to death. I unsheathed a blade from my manoeuvre gear and used a lighter to heat it up. I also knew that it would hurt like hell. I knew how it felt to be cauterized. Cutting her shirt so that I had better access to her wound, I finished heating the blade up. When the blade was at the desired temperature, I murmured an apology to Hanji. I pressed the hot blade against her wound and she automatically let out a cry.

-I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. –I repeated over and over. I couldn't stand to see her in pain. Her eyes filled with tears at the heat of the blade against her. I knew it was hell for her. She screamed, she tossed and turned. I had to hold her still with an arm, while cauterizing her with the other. She kept crying.

-I'm sorry, Hanji. Forgive me. I know it hurts. –I whispered to her, my voice cracking. I felt Levi tensing up. He heard everything, unable to do anything to help her. He had to bear her cries. I knew it was killing him being useless in such a situation. He couldn't exactly get off the horse and help me.

After a couple of seconds, the wound stopped bleeding and I retreated the blade. I looked at Hanji's face and sighed. She had passed out from the pain. Levi was urging the horse to go faster. At such a pace, we would reach the walls in no time.

I allowed to body to relax and rested my head on the edge of the cart, never taking my eyes of Hanji. The bad feeling we had both had, was finally out of the picture. Its outcome had been her getting hurt. I placed her head on my lap and rubbed her head. As soon as the walls came into view, Levi announced our presence to the Garrison. They opened the gate so that we could enter. I hadn't noticed how fast time had gone by. We had left for the expedition in the morning. The sun was beginning to set.

We reached the HQ as fast as we could, and the doctors tended to Hanj. They had ordered us not to enter the room in which they were taking care of her. I rested my back against the door and allowed my legs to give in. Sitting on the floor, I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my chin on them. Levi sat next to me and put his arm around me. I wanted to cry. I wanted to help her. I feared for her life.

-She will be alright, Merethe. Hanji is a strong woman. –Levi whispered, trying to comfort me.

-Do you promise? –I asked, even though I knew I was asking him to promise me the impossible.

-I promise. –He answered, not before hesitating. He sighed and let his head rest against the wall.

He had promised me something he had no control over.

* * *

" _While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die." –Leonardo Da Vinci_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed. I'll try to answer to as many reviews as I can. Thank you for the support.**


	29. Chapter 28: The Last Goodbye

**A/N: I hope you enjoy. I'd like to thank those who have left reviews. It really does help out a lot. The song I used in this chapter is "The Last Goodbye" by Billy Boyd.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan nor the song used.**

* * *

I fell asleep holding Hanji's cold hand. The doctors had allowed me in after healing her wounds. They had congratulated me on my quick thinking, referring to the cauterization I did on her. I cringed at the memory. I couldn't seem to get her cries of pain out of my head.

I had waited for her outside her room, sitting on the floor with Levi next to me. He had fallen asleep and I suggested for him to get some rest. He had been hesitant to leave me alone, but I reassured him I would be fine.

I was woken up by her fingers moving. I lifted my head from the bed and looked at her. Her tired eyes were staring straight at me. She had been asleep for two days. I had feared she wouldn't wake up. I had refused to cry until she gave her last breath. Thankfully, she had pulled through.

-Good morning, sleeping beauty. –I greeted her, unable to hold the grin that spread across my face. She smiled at me and tried to sit up. She hissed in pain and returned to her previous position.

-I feel like shit. –She whispered, massaging her temple.

-And you look like shit. –I half-joked, trying to cheer her up. She chuckled and her eyes widened when she finally realized that we were no longer outside the walls.

-Merethe, did I…-She asked, before I nodded, knowing full well what she was about to say.

-We had to retreat. We are back at the walls. –I informed, looking at the nightstand in which her glasses rested. I handed them to her and she gratefully took them. She sighed and looked down at her lap.

-I'm sorry. –She apologized. I frowned at her words. She didn't have to apologize. It had been an accident. It hadn't been her fault.

-It wasn't your fault. We chose to bring you back. I wasn't going to let my best friend die. –I told her, while reaching for the bowl of soup that I had prepared for her. I took the spoon and signalled her to open her mouth. She raised an eyebrow and took it from me.

-I can eat on my own, Merethe. –She giggled, taking the bowl from me and gulping down the soup. I smiled. As soon as she woke, I had felt relief wash over me. She was alright.

-Sorry, my bad. –I admitted, looking at her eat. She offered to share, but I turned her down, saying I had already eaten. Which had been a lie. I hadn't been able to eat out of worry.

Her eyes were starting to close. She was tired. It was no wonder. Her body had been fighting against death for the past days. I just kept her company. I closed my eyes and listened to her breathing. She broke the silence.

-Would you sing for me? –She asked, looking at me. I opened my eyes and looked at her with a confused expression on my face.

-Sing? –I repeated, tilting my head to the side.

-Yes. –She answered.

-What do you want me to sing? –I asked, unable to refuse her petition.

-Anything. –She stated, smiling warmly.

-Let me think then… -I trailed off, trying to remember any song. I remembered a song I had once read in a book when I was younger. Nostalgia filled me but I took a deep breath and started singing for her.

 _I saw the light fade from the sky  
On the wind I heard a sigh  
As the snowflakes cover  
My fallen brothers  
I will say this last goodbye_

 _Night is now falling  
So ends this day  
The road is now calling  
And I must away_

 _Over hill and under tree  
Through lands where never light has shone  
By silver streams that run down to the sea_

 _Under cloud, beneath the stars  
Over snow and winter's morn  
I turn at last to paths that lead home_

 _And though where the road then takes me,  
I cannot tell  
We came all this way  
But now comes the day  
To bid you farewell_

 _Many places I have been  
Many sorrows I have seen  
But I don't regret  
Nor will I forget  
All who took that road with me_

 _Night is now falling  
So ends this day  
The road is now calling  
And I must away_

 _Over hill, and under tree  
Through lands where never light has shone  
By silver streams that run down to the sea_

 _To these memories I will hold  
With your blessing I will go  
To turn at last to paths that lead home_

 _And though where the road then takes me,  
I cannot tell  
We came all this way  
But now comes the day  
To bid you farewell_

 _I bid you all a very fond farewell_

-That was beautiful, Merethe. I didn't know you could sing so well. –She complimented, smiling.

-Bullshit. –I joked, smiling at her words. I was taught how to sing as a child, but I had long lost practice.

-I'm not kidding. I loved it. Perhaps, you could do well singing for the King should you ever leave the military. –She stated, a hint of sadness in her voice.

-I don't think so. I'm quite happy here. –I assured her, taking her hand. She shook her head and chuckled.

-Who came back with you? –She curiously questioned, her gaze set on the door.

-Levi. Do you want me to go get him? –I offered, preparing to stand up, but her grip on my hand prevented me from doing so.

-It's fine. I'll annoy him later. –Hanji answered, letting my hand go.

I sat back down and rested my head on her the edge of her bed, once again. I was slowly drifting off to sleep when the door swung open, waking me up.

* * *

A young soldier stood outside the open door. Gasping for air, he seemed frightened. Sweat was trailing down his forehead, as if he had been running all the way from Wall Maria. I inspected his state and frowned. Something was wrong.

-Squad Leader Soltvedt! –He exclaimed, entering the room in a rush.

-What's wrong, cadet? –I questioned, my voice filled with worry.

-Wall Maria has been breached! –He yelled, his eyes filling with tears.

-What? –I asked more to myself than to him. He took a deep breath and repeated his words.

-Wall Maria has been breached, ma'am. –He repeated, his voice cracking.

-Shit. Go get Levi and we'll meet in the training grounds. –I ordered him. He nodded and ran outside, leaving me and Hanji behind.

-It can't be…-Hanji whispered. She tried to sit up but I stopped her.

-Don't. You are in no condition to fight. Stay here. I'll go. –I told her, pushing her back into the bed gently. My hands were trembling. I was about to leave the room when I heard her calling out to me.

-Merethe! Promise me you'll come back. –Hanji begged, her eyes pleading me. I made my way back to her bed and hugged her.

-I promise. –I answered, unsure whether I would be able to keep it or not. I felt her hand travel to my neck and then pulling me closer to her. She kissed me. My eyes widened and I softly pushed her away out of instinct.

-I-I'm sorry. I…don't know why I did that… -She nervously stuttered. I frowned, but quickly shoved my thoughts away.

-We'll discuss this later, Hanji. –I answered, leaving the room and closing the door behind me. I hoped nothing happened to her.

* * *

I made it into the training grounds as fast as I could. When I arrived, Levi was already there, yelling orders to the cadets. Everyone seemed frightened.

-When was the wall breached? –I questioned Levi. As soon as he caught sight of me he embraced me. I returned the embrace.

-A few minutes ago. It's chaos inside Wall Maria. We have to defend the wall at all costs. –He answered, pulling away and preparing his manoeuvre gear.

-Those walls are supposed to hold them off. What the fuck was able to break it? –I asked him, as I prepared my gear as well.

-A titan. It is 60 meters tall. Civilians claimed that it appeared out of thin air. No one knows. –Levi stated, turning around and directing his gaze towards the frightened remaining members of the Survey Corps. We were less than twenty soldiers. We would have to join forces with the Garrison if we wanted to defeat those things as quickly as possible.

-Everything will be fine, people! We divide into two groups. Levi will lead one and I will lead the other. Ten soldiers each. –I ordered, pulling my hair into a ponytail.

With ten soldiers behind me and ten soldiers behind Levi, we made our way to the entrance that connected Trost with Wall Maria. The Garrison were already fighting against the titans that had managed to enter. The scence that stood before us was gruesome. Blood everywhere, people being eaten. I resisted the urge to gag.

-You take west and I'll take east. –Levi said, inspecting our surroundings.

-Yes, sir. –I answered, walking into the direction I was ordered, with the cadets trailing behind me.

-Merethe! –Levi called out to me. I looked back at him and waited for him to catch up.

-What? –I asked, tilting my head to the side in confusion. Was I missing something?

-Please, be careful. –He begged, taking my hand and intertwining our fingers. I kissed him and faked a smile.

-I will. I love you, Levi. –I confessed, holding my emotions back.

-I love you too. Come back to me, love. –Levi stated, letting me go and kissing my forehead.

-Trust me. –I answered, turning around without looking back at him.

I never saw his expression turn grim as soon as those words came out of my mouth.

* * *

" _It never troubles the wolf how many the sheep may be." –Virgil_

" _Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." –Lao Tzu_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed reading. Feel free to review.**


	30. Chapter 29: All I Wanted

**A/N: I hope you enjoy. The song I used is "All I Want" by "Kodaline".**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan nor the lyrics for the song used.**

* * *

 _Merethe's POV_

Jumping from rooftop to rooftop was becoming tiring. My squad had long lost sight of Levi's. I had gotten a bad feeling from the moment I had parted ways with him. We were getting close to the wall when I saw the titans. They were pouring in, like water. So many of them had people on their hands. Blood was splattered everywhere. Since we were far from the floor, we were in danger. I looked down to the floor and saw men and women running for their lives.

I ordered my team to dispose of as many titans as possible. A titan walked right in front of me. A five meter class stood before me. I glared at it and manoeuvred my way to its back, slicing the nape of its neck. The steam that came out of it, blinded me for a couple of seconds. After I regained my vision, I returned to the roof. Scanning my surroundings, I noticed a small child, weeping, hidden behind a box. I jumped off the roof and ran towards him. My heart almost broke at the sight. I knew the kid.

I had bought a small boat for him a long time ago. His facial features had changed, but I had managed to recognize him from the look in his eyes when he noticed me. He gasped and stood up to hug me. I hugged him back and kneeled down in front of him.

-Listen to me, honey, I'm going to get you as far away from here as possible; but you need to make a run for the gate that separates Wall Maria from Wall Rose, alright? I can't protect you, so I need you to be brave. Can you do that for me? –I asked him, looking into his frightened, tear-filled eyes.

He nodded and I grabbed his hand. I knew that using the 3D Manoeuvre Gear to get there would be risky. There was a high chance he wouldn't have enough strength to hold onto me, should we encounter a titan. Hence the reason as to why we took the alleys and hidden streets to get there. A few meters away from the crowd fighting for entrance, I let his hand go, signalling the end of the road. I pulled out a small dagger and handed it to him.

-Should it come to it, protect yourself. –I ordered, knowing it would be hell to enter Wall Rose. I caught sight of one of my soldiers and prepared to follow him. I turned my head towards the direction he was heading. I didn't want to leave the child on his own, but there was no way I could protect him and my team. I patted his head and smiled at him reassuringly.

I proceeded to climb up the roof, leaving the child behind. I had told my team to meet up near a church. Thinking about it, made me frown. I couldn't understand why people devoted their lives to believe in a non-existent god. Humanity had built the walls with their own sweat and blood; not some random deity. Deciding not to dwell on it further I headed to the rendezvous point. My team was already there, gasping for air and covered in blood. As I was walking towards them, I noticed there was one member missing. I frowned.

-Where's Eaton? –I demanded, making my presence known to them. They saluted and I signalled them to rest.

-We had to leave her behind, ma'am. She was injured. –A teenager, no older than fifteen or sixteen, spoke up. I was pretty sure that I looked absolutely deranged, when she uttered those words. I was furious. One does not simply leave a comrade behind.

-What? –I questioned, unable to believe her. My hand curled into a fist, as I made my way towards her.

-You have to understand, I had to leave her behind! She was putting everyone at ri…-She didn't manage to finish her sentence.

-Understand the palm of my hand, bitch. –I hissed, after slapping her. Everyone was silent, a frightened aura surrounding them. The girl placed her hand on her cheek, surprised by my actions.

-Squad Leader Soltvedt, what do we do now? –A boy asked. He was the one who alerted me of the breaching. I looked at him and sighed.

-All of you, retreat. Help the civilians get to safety. If needed, help Squad Levi or The Garrison. –I stated, as I prepared to go the other way.

-What are you going to do, ma'am? –He questioned, his tone filled with worry.

-I'm going back there. I can't leave a soldier under my command die. I can't. –I whispered, as I left them behind.

I searched everywhere for the girl. I wasn't expecting to find her corpse laying on a roof, a piece of paper protected by her hand. I sighed. I wasn't able to save her. Guilt washing over me, I punched the wall in which her back rested. I registered the fact that she had crawled all the way to the pinnacle. The path of blood that led to it had told me so. Being in the military wasn't like death, but it wasn't living. Most of the teenagers who lived in poverty were forced to join the military.

When I kneeled down to take the piece of paper from her hand I noticed that I was surrounded by titans. Their groans had alerted me of their presence. How the fuck had they managed to sneak up on me? Air caught up in throat when I identified their kind. Aberrant. Their mouths open, their arms stretching towards my body with the intent to get a hold of me. As if my body had had a mind of its own I stretched my arm towards one of them, and focused. The sudden rush of power flowing through me caused me to whimper in pain. I refused to let those fuckers get the best of me.

I controlled the tallest of them. Making it turn against its nature and tear the others apart. The other deviants knew what was going on and attacked it as well. Six against one. It was a gruesome sight. I turned the other way, in order to escape, but was unable to. An eighth titan appeared out of nowhere, using its gigantic fingers to tear the 3D Manoeuvre Gear from my body. It had been as if it knew exactly what to take away from me. Without it, I felt vulnerable. An easy prey. I stumbled and tried to get away from it. Fighting against it for my gear was a possibility, but I knew I couldn't win a hand-to-hand battle against a titan.

At that moment, fear surrounded me. I knew controlling more than two could kill me, but I didn't have any other choice. I would die if I didn't do anything. Raising my arms and closing my eyes tightly, I hoped it would work. I focused on the strongest of them. Pain immediately started wrecking my body from the inside. I felt the blood coming out of my nose. When I finally opened my eyes, I saw four of them standing before me, unmoving. The others were still tearing its previous attacker to shreds. I mentally ordered them to attack. They started tackling each other, punching the faces of those who weren't under my command until they were nothing but steam and blood on the city ruins.

Screams and cries of pain clouded my senses, making it one of the most grim and macabre sights I had ever seen. Seconds after their opponents were nothing but pieces of decaying meat on the floor, they started tearing their own skin apart, killing themselves in the process. I climbed to the nearest rooftop and hid behind the flashing, resting my back against it. I tried to calm down. The house underneath me was untouched, providing steadiness to the place where my feet stood. I was trying to come up with a plan to get back to the rendezvous point I had previously set for my team, but without my gear there was no way I could get there unscathed.

As soon as Levi came into my mind, I gulped. My eyes were burning, as a reminder that I was trying to hold my tears back. I looked at the ring in my finger, and my heart broke. I wouldn't be able to get back to him if I didn't fight back. I wouldn't be able to embrace him if I didn't grow a pair and return. I wouldn't be able to marry him if I didn't gather enough courage to leave my hiding spot. I wouldn't be able to see our children if I lost all hope. I wouldn't be able to be with him anymore if I died.

I lifted myself from the ground and turned my head to the direction in which the city was in. But I wasn't greeted by the sight of the path that led to it. I was greeted by the sight of a 60 meter tall titan. I gasped when I saw it. The crimson colour of its skin was repulsive, and its height intimidating. My first instinct was to turn around on my heels and run as fast as I could to get away from it.

I wasn't able to. The titan took a hold of me. Trapped in its fist, I punched and wiggled to try and escape from its grip. The titan lifted me from the roof and looked at me. It was inspecting me, as if it was trying to identify who I was. Slowly, I pulled out the dagger Levi had given to me and stabbed its eye. The titan seemed unfazed by my actions, until I felt his grip on me tightening.

The sound of my bones breaking and my cries of pain as it opened its mouth was the last thing I heard before everything turned to black.

* * *

 _All I want is nothing more  
Than to hear you knocking at my door  
'Cause if I could see your face once more  
I could die a happy man I'm sure_

 _When you said your last goodbye  
I died a little bit inside  
I lay in tears in bed all night  
Alone without you by my side_

* * *

 _Levi's POV_

I felt relief wash over me when I saw Merethe's team returning to the city. I searched for her between the 18 soldiers that were quickly approaching. A bad feeling engulfed me. Where the fuck was she? She wasn't with them. I stopped the first soldier to come close to me and glared at him.

-Where is she?! –I demanded to the man. He started trembling and his expression told me he was about to piss himself.

-S-s-s-she s-stayed b-behind, s-sir! –The soldier managed to stutter. I frowned and worry filled me. She was completely alone. Her fucking team had left her behind. I grabbed him by the collar and glared daggers at him.

-Where the fuck is she, you bloody coward? –I hissed at him, bringing my fist closer to his face.

-She went back to Shiganshina, sir. –A girl stated from behind.

-May I ask why? –I questioned, my voice low. Fear was starting to build up inside me, but I didn't allow myself to let it show.

-To save an injured girl. –The female soldier said monotonously. The uninterested tone in her voice only managed to anger me further. I dropped the brat to the floor and made my way towards the female brat that spoke in his place. I noticed her swollen cheek and smirked. It would be nice to punch the other in order to make it symmetrical. Grabbing her by the collar and allowing her to hang near the edge of the tower in which we were standing, I allowed my grip to loosen a little.

-S-sir, p-please stop! –She exclaimed. Her hands reaching for my shoulders. I inspected her eyes for any signs of guilt. The bitch was completely scared.

-You left her behind, huh? -I whispered to her, loosening my grip some more in order to scare her. She started crying. Tch. I pulled her back to the tower and threw her in the floor.

These fucking kids wouldn't be able to give me anything else.

-Stay here and help the civilians, you little shits. –I ordered before leaving for Shiganshina.

Fear building up in a way I hadn't felt in a long time, I hoped for her to be alright.

* * *

 _But if you loved me_ _  
_ _Why'd you leave me?_ _  
_ _Take my body_ _  
_ _Take my body_ _  
_ _All I want is_ _  
_ _And all I need is_ _  
_ _To find somebody_ _  
_ _I'll find somebody like you_

* * *

I couldn't find her anywhere. It was impossible for her to have disappeared. I didn't want to believe she was dead. She couldn't be. There was absolutely no way for her to be dead. She knew how to handle herself in battle, and if needed, she used her abilities to control those fucking things. I heard a thunder resonating from not too far from where I was standing. Lifting my gaze to identify the source of it, I was overwhelmed by the sight of a titan. A 60 meter titan stood before a house. I made my way towards it as fast as I could. I had no doubt that it had been the one to destroy the wall. I had to get rid of it before it tried to reach Wall Maria.

Only a few houses away from it, I noticed her. My fiancée. Merethe. She was trapped in its fist. I hurried my way over to her, but was stopped by a deviant titan. I manoeuvred my way to its back and sliced the nape of its neck. I jumped into the roof in which she was standing, not wanting to waste time, before the titan took a hold of her.

My breath got caught in my throat as I saw the titan putting her into its mouth. I had heard her screams of pain. I had almost felt it. My heart was beating erratically. I tried to get close to the titan and kill it, but it turned around and walked away as fast as it could. I didn't follow it. There was no way she could've survived that. I lost all hope in a matter of seconds. The pain of losing those I loved again was overwhelming. I had lost Isabel and Farlan. And had lost her. I had been too weak.

The truth finally sunk into me. She was dead. That fucking thing had killed her. It had eaten her.

I dropped to my knees and punched the floor over and over, until my knuckles started bleeding. I wasn't able to protect her. I wasn't able to save her. I wasn't able to reach her in time. The tears started flowing out of my eyes unknowingly. I wasn't able to breathe. I was sobbing uncontrollably. I started crying. I screamed. I cursed. I couldn't hold it any longer. I allowed reality to wash over me. To tear me up from the inside. I could still kill it, even if that wouldn't bring Merethe back.

I looked at the direction the titan had headed and frowned when I wasn't able to find it anywhere. It had disappeared along with her. It was gone. That thing was fucking gone. It was fucking gone. It had taken her. It had killed her.

She was gone.

* * *

 _So you brought out the best of me_ _  
_ _A part of me I've never seen_ _  
_ _You took my soul and wiped it clean_ _  
_ _Our love was made for movie screens_

 _But If you loved me_  
 _Why'd you leave me?_  
 _Take my body_  
 _Take my body_  
 _All I want is_  
 _And all I need is_  
 _To find somebody_  
 _I'll find somebody_

 _Like you._

* * *

" _If you must die, sweetheart, die knowing your life was my life's best part." –Keaton Henson (You)_

* * *

 **A/N: We're halfway there now. I hope you cried as much as I did when writing it. Feel free to review.**


	31. Chapter 30: Unendurable

**A/N: I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

 _Levi's POV_

I didn't know for how long I had been sitting in the same fucking roof. Tears had long stopped flowing from my eyes. I knew crying wouldn't bring her back. Nothing would. Titans kept entering Shiganshina. The sun was beginning to set. I could see from afar how people entered the boats and prepared themselves for the worst, should a titan come close to them. The Garrison had proved to be completely useless. Fear had taken control of them. A fair number managed to get a hold of themselves, but most of them escaped.

I stood up from and slowly walked to the edge of the roof. Everything was covered in blood. The scene disgusted me. It was filthy. I sighed and manoeuvred my way back to Wall Rose. A few cadets gasped when they saw me. They probably thought I had gotten myself killed.

-Sir, are you ok? –A soldier asked, I didn't bother to answer him. I wasn't in the mood.

-Is everyone safe? –I questioned, trying to avoid anything that was related to answering them.

-We've managed to get the majority of people into safety, sir. –He answered, studying the people that gathered below our feet.

-Good. Get everyone to safety and help people get settled wherever the Garrison indicate. –I ordered.

-Yes, sir. –The soldier said, turning around to do as he was told. I chuckled humourlessly at myself. If I had answered his first question, I would've told him I was hurting. That would've been a bloody understatement. I was fucking being torn apart from the inside. I felt as if my lungs would explode at any second. My eyes were burning, but I refused to shed more tears. I felt empty. Pain and anger filled me to the very core.

My fists clenched and I felt something cold against the palm of my hand. I looked down at my hand and my breathing got caught up in my throat. There it was. That bloody ring. The one reminder that I wouldn't be able to marry Merethe. That I would no longer be able to hold her. I looked away from it, unable to bear the pain it brought me any longer.

-Squad Leader Levi. –A man behind me called out. I directed my attention to him.

-What? –I unknowingly hissed at him.

-…Your soldiers did a fantastic job. We'll take on from here. You are free to leave. –He hesitantly told me. Nodding, I turned around and made my way to the HQ. Merethe's squad followed me. And so did my own. As soon as the front gate came into view, some of them dropped to the floor. I inspected them before resuming my way towards the room where Hanji was. They would live.

When her door came into view, pain filled my chest. Bringing my hand to it, the feeling of loss overwhelmed me. I silently sobbed in front of Hanji's door. With my head down, I heard whispers. The soldiers that belonged to Merethe's team were getting close. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and opened the door.

-Levi! –Hanji exclaimed from her bed. She was sitting down, seemingly feeling better. She noticed the dark raging aura that surrounded me.

-She's dead. –I blurted out. It pained me to say it out loud. I missed her so damn fucking much.

-What? –She gasped, her eyes widening. She covered her mouth with her hand. As realization hit her, her eyes filled with tears.

-She's gone, Hanji. Merethe is dead. –I repeated more to myself than to her. Saying it made it real; it forced me to face the truth.

-How? –Hanji managed to choke out between sobs. Her hands were covering her face. I could see each tear she shed silently hitting the floor.

-A titan ate her. –I answered, trying not to break down in front of her. I knew one of us had to be calm, otherwise everything would go to hell. Everything had already gone to hell inside of me, but I wasn't going to tell her.

-God-fucking-dammit! How could you let her die, Levi?! –She yelled, throwing a cup at me. I dodged it and it hit the wall, breaking into tiny pieces.

-I didn't let her die! I wasn't fucking able to reach her in time! –I yelled back, unable to hold it any longer. I was in so much pain. It was agonising. It was a pain so raw that it felt as if I would break. Hanji sobbed loudly. I walked to her and dropped to my knees. With my head in her lap, I finally allowed myself to let it all out. I cried until I wasn't able to breathe and she cried along with me.

Merethe had made me promise her I wouldn't cry if she died. I wasn't able to keep it. The feeling of losing her was overwhelming. It eclipsed any other emotion that threatened to come out. Hanji was hugging my head, as if it provided some sort of comfort. She slowly dropped to the floor, next to me and wept. The room had become dark. Not even the moon shone that night. The entire human population was mourning.

-Did she suffer? –Hanji whispered, her face covered in pain.

-I…don't know. –I answered her truthfully. I had seen the titan put her in its mouth. I didn't see it bite her or break her in half.

-I can't believe it…-She murmured, wiping her tears with the back of her hand.

-…- I stayed silent. I didn't feel like answering. I couldn't believe she was gone. Why wasn't it me? Why didn't the titan take me in her place? Because I wasn't there.

-She was as strong as you. She was as smart as you. She reached your level in every aspect. What happened to her? –Hanji kept talking. I wasn't paying attention to her words anymore. I couldn't.

I spent hours awake, ignoring every need to get out of the room and break down in the bed I used to share with my fiancée. I knew her aroma lingered in it. I knew the bed would be empty. I knew the bed would forever be empty. I knew that she was forever gone. I knew, from the darkest part of my soul, that I was alone. That she had been alone the moment she died.

I was digging like I could bury something that couldn't die. I couldn't bury the pain. I couldn't bury reality. I stood up from the ground and carefully placed Hanji on her bed. She was still wounded. I didn't want her to die as well. Ironically, she was all I had left.

Closing the door behind me, I walked aimlessly through the empty halls. No soldier would be able to sleep tonight. I wasn't concerned with titans reaching the headquarters, since they were quite hidden and well-protected. The door that led to the wine cellar caught my attention. I was drawn to it. As if my body had taken control over my mind, I was sitting down on the only chair in the room. The second bottle of wine I had drunk was resting on the only table in the room.

The third bottle trapped in the vice-like grip I held on it. I was holding on to that fucking bottle as if it was the only thing that kept me sane. I was losing every last bit of humanity left in me, as I drowned my sorrows in alcohol. I needed Merethe. I needed her. I needed her smart mouth, her witty comments, her humour, her love. I let every ounce of strength in me go. I allowed every pain filled teardrop hit my shirt. I was pretty sure my blood would become alcohol by the time the sun started to appear.

I kept sipping the wine, trying to numb the pain. She had once claimed it was impossible for me to get drunk. It was, indeed, true. I had an unnatural high tolerance for alcohol. It didn't matter how many bottles of wine I was willing to drink, I wouldn't be able to get drunk. I had to deal with the pain of losing her without getting drunk. She was never coming back.

She was never going to marry me. She was never going to give birth to our children. I would never be able to hold her as she cried out in pain. I would never be able to make love to her again. We would never get to see our children grow up. We wouldn't be able to grow old together.

Because the very moment she died, my capability of loving died along with her.

* * *

" _True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen." -_ _Francois de La Rochefoucauld_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Please, feel free to review.**


	32. Chapter 31: Emotionless

**A/N: Thank you mika1617 for making me laugh. I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

* * *

 _Levi's POV_

I woke up with a killer headache. Lifting my head from the table turned out to be a much harder task that I had originally expected it to be. For a sweet blissful moment, I forgot who I was and what had happened. I had lost all sense of reality. Until I, once again, felt the cold band on my finger. It took no more than a couple of seconds for me to feel the agonising pain. I clutched my chest, trying to steady my breathing.

My throat started to burn. I reached out to the wine bottle that rested next to me. I put it down disappointedly when I felt its light weight. Empty. I chuckled humourlessly and coughed. That bottle was as empty as I felt. I stood up from the chair in which I had fallen asleep and headed back to the hallways. No one was walking around. There were absolutely no voices interrupting the silence.

My feet were moving on their own. I ended up in front of the door that led to the bedroom I shared with Merethe. My trembling hand turned the doorknob and I entered. The room was completely dark. I closed the door behind me and pulled the curtains so that light could enter through the windows. As sunlight lit up the room; the clothes neatly folded on the chair, the shirt under the pillows, the lingering aroma of tea; darkened my expression. The room was just like we had left it. Like she had left it.

I heard meowing from under the bed. I kneeled down to pull Meadow in my arms. I smiled sadly at the sight of her. Her eyes were wildly searching for Merethe. I petted the cat and sighed. Laying down on the floor with my back against the matress, I remembered the day I had brought Meadow to the headquarters.

* * *

 _The kitten kept backing into the corner every time Merethe tried to touch it. I couldn't help but to chuckle at her lack of satisfaction with the kitten's actions._

 _-I don't get it, Levi. It's scared of me. Did I hurt it? –She whispered, kneeling on the floor pointing her finger at the cat and pouting. Her expression was adorable, but I wasn't going to admit it out loud._

 _-I don't think so. Perhaps it doesn't like you. –I teased, kneeling down next to her and taking the cat in my arms. It instantly started purring._

 _-It's not fair. –She stated, crossing her arms against her chest and resting her back on the wall._

 _-Do you want to name it? –I asked, knowing it would bring her smile back. She smiled lovingly and looked at me, her eyes filled with excitement._

 _-Can I? –She questioned, her body getting dangerously close to mine. I tensed up and tried to avoid her gaze. Her hazel eyes were captivating, I didn't want to get trapped in them and do something I would end up regretting. But, bloody hell, I craved those luscious lips of hers._

 _-Yes, cupcake, yes you can. –I joked placing the kitten on her lap. She glared at me and poked my chest with her index finger._

 _-Stop calling me that. –She ordered, petting the cat and inspecting it._

 _-Whatever you say, love. What are you doing? –I questioned curiously, she smirked and scratched the cat's ears._

 _-I was trying to find out whether it was a boy or girl. –She admitted, bringing the cat to her face so she could inspect it further. The cat seemed so small in her hands._

 _-And? –I pushed, since she hadn't told me whether it was a male or female. She turned her head to look at me and giggled._

 _-It's a girl. –She answered, putting the kitten back down on her lap. Staring out the window, her expression took a focused turn. I focused my gaze on her and smirked. I couldn't believe that young girl had become a breath-taking woman. The freckles on her pale face covered by her reddish-brown hair. A smile graced her features when she faced me._

 _-Meadow. –She stated. I lifted an eyebrow in confusion, unable to grasp the context of the word._

 _-What? –I asked._

 _-We should name her Meadow. –She repeated, poking my arm. I poked her back and she giggled._

 _-Why? –I questioned, looking down at the cat and trying to find the reason behind her choice._

 _-Because of her eyes. They're green. It reminds me of a meadow. –She answered, tilting her head to the side._

 _-Meadow it is, then. –I agreed, petting Meadow's head._

 _-Are you sure we can keep it? –Merethe asked, handing me the kitten and standing up to grab the small bowl of milk she had brought, and placing it in front of me. The kitten wiggled out of my hands and dove head first into the milk, gulping it down._

 _-They don't have to find out as long as it remains silent. –I replied, standing up as well. Her eyes focused on me and she smirked._

 _-Thank you, daddy. –She teased, hugging me._

 _-Don't call me that, it sounds bizarre. –I stated, hugging her back._

 _She laughed and gently pushed our bodies apart so that she could concentrate on the cat._

 _I admired her._

* * *

The cat's meowing brought me back from my daydream. I sighed, looking at Meadow and realizing she would never see Merethe again either. I stood up from the floor and sat on the bed. I laid down and inhaled the sweet cinnamon aroma she used to carry around with her. My face dug deep into the pillows, hiding my pained expression from the world.

I knew I would be spending an awful lot of time inside the wine cellar, trying to avoid memories from the past to resurface and eat me away. I heard the gates from the HQ open. Hundreds of horses entered base. On top of it all, I heard Erwin's worried voice. He kept yelling orders, aware of the current crisis humanity was living.

His voice, somehow, forced me to bottle my pain up. Even if her death was tearing me apart from the inside; even if her voice ceased to wake me up in a loving manner, I had to live. She wouldn't want me to drown in depression. I rose from the bed and took the ring off my finger, placing it inside a small box Merethe used to keep in a cabinet. She had claimed it would be there so that we could store things that reminded me how much she loved me. I closed the lid and closed the cabinet.

I wasn't going to jump straight into a relationship. In fact, I didn't want a relationship. No one would be able to replace her. Absolutely no one. I wouldn't allow myself to fall in love with anyone. I would become what I had once been. An emotionless person. It had been easier to keep everything bottled up than to wear your bloody heart on your sleeve when I was younger. It was no different the moment I returned to the bedroom without her.

I headed to the bathroom and washed my face. I fixed my shirt, getting rid of every last bit of evidence that exposed my emotional breakdown. I'd live up to the title I was given. I wouldn't allow anything to faze me.

I would become Humanity's Strongest.

* * *

 **A/N: I fucking love Levi, damn it. I hope you enjoyed. If you liked this chapter, please feel free to review, it does help me out a lot.**


	33. Chapter 32: Smother

**A/N: I apologize for the delay. I had some personal matters to attend to. Without further ado, I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

* * *

 _Merethe's POV_

I could feel every drop of blood travel down my back. I could feel the cold air hit my naked skin. I gasped for air, unable to get enough of it into my lungs. I was curled into a ball in the floor, bracing myself. I was unaware of how much time had passed. My throat was aching. I had cried and screamed out in pain as _they_ destroyed me, insisting that I told them something I had no knowledge of.

I could barely recall what had happened after the titan placed me in its mouth. I was certain I would die. I was certain I wouldn't be able to survive. Instead, I found myself locked up in an empty room.

Every once in a while, a man or woman would come in. They would kneel down in front of me and ask me in a sickeningly sweet way to tell them everything. My answer would always be the same, and so would the outcome.

Screaming and yelling, blood and sweat, pain and suffering. I didn't know for how long it had been going on. They had tortured me to the point I was coughing up blood. My skin was covered in bruises. They had marked me. The nape of my neck had been marked by blazing metal. A symbol they had said, as they held me with chains. My hair had been cut to my shoulders. My long hair was gone. So was my will to fight, but I was sick and tired of the never-ending cycle I was being forced to go through.

I heard voices coming closer to the door. A woman came in. I wasn't able to distinguish her features, since her face was covered. Just like everyone else's. She kneeled down in front of me and whispered into my ear.

-This is your last chance, sweetheart. –She whispered in a low voice. I could feel her anger starting to build up as I kept quiet. I wasn't going to repeat my words.

She looked at me and frowned. Filled with annoyance, she delivered a punch to my jaw. I didn't even cry out in pain. The blood was filling my mouth. I spit it out and glared at her. She smirked and forcefully pulled me out of the cell. She blindfolded me and roughly sat me down on a chair. I knew what was about to come. The screaming and threatening words. The cold stares and hands reaching out to hurt my body.

-Tell us. –A familiar voice demanded. I didn't know who the person was. I only knew the voice. I stayed silent, refusing to repeat myself over and over again.

-We will be forced to kill you if you do not tell us how you acquired your abilities. –Another voice whispered in my ear. Chills ran up my spine and I clenched my fists. I had been getting a powerful feeling over some time. It happened when there was a certain person in the room. Since they kept me blindfolded, I didn't know who the feeling was linked to. I could only feel the person's presence. Sometimes, it would be more than one.

The feeling travelled down to my wrist, where the scar started causing me pain. My senses caught up with it and I silently whimpered. I knew that whoever the person was, he or she was connected to the sudden rush of adrenaline that cursed through my veins. Perhaps it was through desperation that I came to realize that I could try and control the person. I blocked the sound of the woman in front me and focused on the unknown individual that stood somewhere inside the room where they kept me.

Slowly but surely, I was able to hear groans coming from the other side of the room. The woman started yelling orders and the sound of lightning resonated through the room. I was able to hear the sound of walls breaking. The sound and feeling of air seeping through the hole that had somehow opened up in the room. My mind wasn't able to register what had happened, until I heard the titan groan. I felt the blindfold being torn away from my face and I was met with the woman's angry covered face.

-Stop it, right now! –She hissed, untying my arms and legs. She glared at me and pointed at the titan. My breath got caught up in my throat. The titan was covered by bones. It was as if its body was inside out. It was holding its head, groaning in pain. The feeling had gotten stronger and I realized, that whoever caused me to feel such rush of adrenaline, could turn into a titan.

Undoubtedly, the person had been inside the room with me. I had identified a person who could turn into a titan. Although it was not as new to me as they thought, since I had overheard their conversations most of the time, I was amazed by the sight. I lifted my naked body from the chair and turned to face the woman.

-No. –I answered, my voice deep and raspy. Her eyes widened and she reached for a dagger. I blocked her attack and took the dagger from her hands. My body was weak. I was only able to throw the dagger far from her before collapsing back into the chair from exhaustion. Fury filled me. I was in no condition to fight.

I focused my attention back to the groaning titan and mentally ordered it to defend me. The titan immediately turned to the woman and picked her up with its gigantic hands. The woman struggled to break free, screaming and cursing, hitting the titan's hand with her fists. The titan closed its hand entirely. Blood fell to the ground, and so did the woman's corpse.

* * *

The titan tore the place apart and stood in front of me, waiting for orders. I shakily stood up and ordered it to open its palm. The titan did as told and I climbed onto it. Following my command, the titan caged me inside its hand and took me as far away as possible from the place in which they kept me. We arrived at a white forest. I realized the temperature had dropped significantly. I braced myself and silently asked the titan to put me down. My feet connected with the white ground. Snow. I smiled sadly, remembering how Levi insisted we stayed inside to avoid me getting sick.

A lump formed in my throat and I blinked away the tears, focusing on the matter at hand. I had ran away from them, but I had no clue where I was. Knowing I wouldn't be able to control the titan forever, I ordered it to go back. As soon as I lost control over it, it would try to kill me. I knew that very well. The air hit my skin and I became aware of the fact that I would develop hypothermia if I didn't find anything to cover myself. I sighed and mentally cursed myself for being so stupid.

-I should've looked for my clothes first. –I whispered bitterly and smiled sadly. If _they_ hadn't managed to kill me, the cold weather would.

I was far away from the walls. That much I could tell. I was alone and vulnerable. Not entirely. I had to find a way to survive. I could manage.

The sound of steps caught up my attention. I identified the owner of the sounds. A 5 meter-class titan. And a moose. I chuckled humourlessly and sighed. How ironic. I focused on the titan, to stop it from killing me and took control over it. The titan immediately ceased walking and kneeled down in front of me. Glancing at the moose, I smiled sadly. But, that's just how the food chain works. I needed to survive. I wanted to survive.

And I would, whatever the cost.

* * *

" _All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." –Havelock Ellis_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Please, feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**


	34. Chapter 33: Golden Leaves

**A/N: I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

* * *

 _Levi's POV_

Chaos reigned inside the walls of the Survey Corps HQ. A couple of weeks had passed after the "Colossal Titan" and the "Armoured Titan" had breached the walls. Refugees had invaded Trost. The Garrison had taken control over the situation, but they were doing a shitty job at it. People had begun to starve, for food had long started to run low.

Hanji had physically recovered. She had stood up from the bed to work on her experiments, trying to find a logical reason behind the titan's actions. Even though her body had fully healed, she still mourned Merethe. I had walked by her door many times, only to hear her weeping. I wanted to comfort her. I wanted to see Hanji running around exclaiming that she had found something interesting.

I wouldn't be able to endure seeing her broken. She was one of the strongest women I had ever met. Just like I was supposed to be humanity's strongest soldier. We carried those titles, yet we didn't feel like we could live up to them. We had silently agreed to never mention my fiancée again. I missed Merethe so damn much. I missed everything about her. Her laughter, her smile, her eyes, her freckles, her body, her hair, her voice, her wit, her mischief, her everything.

I sat down next to Hanji. The dining room was packed with soldiers. All of them eager to eat after being worked to the bone. Hanji gave me a sideways glance and placed her glasses on the table. She brought her hands to her face and rubbed her eyes. Facing me, she smiled sadly. I could tell from the lump in her throat that she was trying to hold back her tears. I had lost my fiancée, my partner, my best friend. On the other hand, Hanji had lost her sister. We were both slowly sinking into depression without knowing. Both of us were trying to hold on. Telling Erwin had been hard for both. Erwin had broken down in front of us. We had only talked to each other when it came to business.

* * *

 _I knocked gently on the door. Hanji was nervously playing with her glasses behind me. Telling Erwin about Merethe would be hard. I didn't know whether I would be able to hold my own bloody tears back if it came to it. Erwin acknowledged our presence and commanded us to enter. The room was a fucking mess. Paperwork scattered around the floor, empty bottles of wine lined up next to his desk, curtains lying on the floor. I walked inside and looked down at his head resting on the desk. The place reeked of alcohol. So did Erwin. Hanji knocked one of the bottles over, causing it to wake Erwin out of his daze. He lifted his head from the stack of paperwork and looked at us. The breaching of Wall Maria had taken its toll on him._

 _-Both of you are here. It must be important. What's wrong? –He asked, his gaze focused on our miserable state. Both of us had bags under our eyes. I was certain I looked equally bad as him._

 _-She's dead. –I stated bluntly. There was no point in beating around the bush if we were going to tell him either way. Hanji sobbed behind me. It took a moment for Erwin to register my words. His eyes widened and he gasped._

 _-M-my daughter is…dead? –He hesitantly asked. I knew about Merethe's relationship with Erwin. He had trained her when she was young. He had been more of a father to her than her biological one. He had been the one cheering her on when she joined the military. I was about to open up my mouth to speak when Hanji sat down in front of Erwin and wiped away her tears._

 _-Yes, Erwin. –She answered, taking off her glasses and laying them down on the table._

 _-How? –He asked, his voice breaking. I stayed silent, until I noticed him staring at me. He wanted me to tell him. I didn't want to recall her death. I didn't want to recall the fact that I had been too weak, too slow to save her._

 _-She…-I wasn't able to finish the sentence. A lump formed in my throat, stopping me from speaking. I looked down at my feet and curled my hand into a fist. Anger filled me to the very core._

 _-What happened to her, Levi? –Erwin pressed, his voice weak. His eyes filled with tears and he hit the table with enough strength to scare Hanji._

 _-She was…devoured by the Colossal Titan. –I answered, now being able to name the killer. Something inside Erwin broke that night. He cried. He cried like a child. Just like I had the first night and all the ones that followed. Just like Hanji had cried._

 _We all broke. We had become a family. Unknowingly we had become a family that could rely on each other when needed. Somehow, we had tolerated each other's shit for years. And it was taken away from us._

 _It was all taken away from us when she died._

 _All of it._

* * *

-Hello, Shorty. –Hanji spoke up, bringing me out of my daydream.

-Shitty glasses. –I answered, looking at her. She chuckled and placed her hand on my shoulder.

-How are you holding up? –She asked, her voice filled with concern.

-I'm fine. You? –I asked, taking the glass of water that laid in front of me and drinking.

-I could do better…-She answered truthfully. The new amount of weight that was suddenly added to the table caught my attention. Erwin sat down in front of us, a fake smile plastered on his face.

-Hello, both of you. –He greeted, his voice tired. Hanji seemed surprised at his actions. She had assured me that Erwin would be back to normal in time, but she had clearly expected him to take more than a couple of weeks. I saw past his façade almost instantly. Perhaps it was for the better. To pretend everything was alright. Just for our sake.

I wasn't going to lie and say that Merethe's death wasn't killing me. Slowly but surely, it was tearing me up from the inside. I had stopped sleeping on the bed, not wanting to recall every morning I woke up next to her. I had begun to sleep less. Three or four hours did the trick.

-You look like shit. –I stated, looking at Erwin. He smiled and poured himself a glass of water.

-I do. I…haven't been able to sleep well. –He confessed, nursing the glass. He focused his attention on Hanji, waiting for her reply. She nodded. All of us were avoiding sleep like the fucking plague.

-What about you, Levi? –Hanji spoke up, putting her glasses back on and yawning. I could tell she hadn't gotten much sleep lately.

-I…don't sleep. –I admitted, closing my eyes and sighing.

-Why? –Erwin asked, his voice taking a serious tone. I opened my eyes and noticed both of them staring at me.

-My mind has the horrifying capability of being dark and demented. –I whispered. I feared my own dreams. I feared the nightmares that haunted me ever since Merethe died. She had been able to make me forget about them. As if her presence was enough to take it all away. To turn nightmares into dreams I didn't want to wake up from.

-You are afraid of your dreams? –Hanji asked, placing her hand on my shoulder and allowing it to rest there in a motherly manner.

-Yes…-I said quietly, not wanting to dwell on the subject any longer.

-What are you so afraid of? –Erwin pressed, sitting upright and crossing his arms.

-Both of them. I fear them. I fear my dead fiancée and my dead mother. –I hissed. Anger filled me unknowingly. I had been too weak to save them. I couldn't save either of them. I kept beating myself for it over and over.

Hanji sighed and she undid my fist, massaging my tense hand. I hadn't noticed the fact that I had started crying. I furiously wiped the tears away and composed myself.

-It's alright, Levi. We're here for you. –Erwin murmured, trying to convince me. It sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

-We can't keep on beating ourselves for this…-Hanji said, standing up. I lifted my head and looked at her.

-We're not. –I lied, frowning at her sudden change. I looked at her eyes. They were dead. They looked dead. She kept trying to hold on. She missed Merethe as much as I did, yet she was doing a better job at smiling than I did.

-Yes, we are. We have to move on. We can't mourn her forever. We all loved her deeply, yes. Perhaps some of us more than others, but we all did nonetheless. –Erwin admitted, standing up as well. I knew he was referring to me when he said it.

Erwin stood next to Hanji, looking at me. Were they expecting me to stand up and look like an idiot next to them? I wasn't going to give them the pleasure of joining them in their stupid heroic speech.

-She wouldn't want us to be like this. We must move on. You have to live. If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for her. –Erwin spoke up again, stretching his hand out to me. He had lost his adoptive daughter. He had raised her. He had seen her bleed during training. He had prepared her for battle.

I couldn't remain buried in depression and grief forever. I could bottle it up and move on. Set an example for all those shitty cadets. He was fucking right. I took his hand and stood up next to them. Hanji wrapped her arm around me and grinned.

-We can all still be a team, Shorty. –She said, chuckling.

-Shut it, Shitty glasses. –I snapped at her.

-You are like my little brother, idiot. I'm not letting anything happen to you. –She replied, laughing. Erwin chuckled. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to let her go. Perhaps it wouldn't be so fucked up.

-You are not my friend. –I joked, though my voice still remained low.

I'd try and live. I wouldn't marry anyone. I wouldn't fall in love with anyone. I couldn't. But I could try and survive.

-Whatever helps you sleep, asshole. –She answered, punching me in the shoulder playfully.

-Alright, you two. We have plans to make. –Erwin said, bringing us out of our fight.

-Let's go. –Hanji ordered, letting me go and following Erwin.

I looked over at the table before leaving. There used to be four chairs in that table. Only three remained. As long as the three chairs stood their ground for as long as I managed to survive, it was a good enough reason to wake up.

-Now, my dear, we are golden leaves. –I whispered, fully aware of the fact that we were all walking down the same road. Walking down the road that led to a certain death. A road in which at its end, Merethe waited for us. Words couldn't describe the relationship we had.

But what's left to say when every word has been spoken?

* * *

" _We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated." –Maya Angelou_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**


	35. Chapter 34: A Little Pain

**A/N: I hope you enjoy.**

 **IMPORTANT: I do not support wearing real fur. What is mentioned, is sorely for the purpose of the story.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

* * *

 _Merethe's POV_

 _I could still feel it. I could still remember how they looked. Their green cloaks and the wings of freedom attached to them. I was never able to see their faces. I hadn't been able to distinguish the face of those who tried to murder me._

 _I hadn't been able to talk to them. I hadn't been able to see Levi. I hadn't been able to see Erwin. I hadn't been able to see Hanji. I could hear the voice in my head whisper the same word over and over again._

 _The forest had allowed me to escape their blades and arrows. I had been naively filled with hope the moment I had seen them. Only a couple of weeks had passed after I escaped the facility in which they had been keeping me. I had managed to survive the cold by sewing the skin of the animals I had killed. I had murdered them without hesitating, the instinct of survival far stronger than pity. I had eaten their flesh and worn their skin._

 _Primitive. I felt primitive killing innocent animals, using their corpses to dress myself. But then again, it was no different from buying the meat inside the walls and cooking it. It was no different from buying a fur coat and wearing it during the winter. Mercy had long disappeared from my vocabulary. A word I didn't utter when I killed. A word I didn't utter when controlling the titans to kill for me._

 _With each day that passed, I lost my humanity. The person I became when controlling titans had started to take over. My demons had stopped begging me and instead had instructed me what to do. I had become addicted to death. I had become addicted to survival. I had become addicted to controlling everything around me._

 _I had approached the soldiers than belonged to the military branch I had joined. They didn't speak, they didn't look at me. One of them moved silently and pulled out his bow. The arrow hit the tree next to me. I brought my hand to my face and the warm red liquid stained my skin. I looked at them in confusion and opened up my mouth to speak when I felt a pair of hands wrap themselves around my neck from behind me. I elbowed my attacker in the stomach and turned around to look at him. A mask covered his face. I didn't waste time in taking the blade he held and slitting his throat._

 _I could hear someone walking behind me. Tightly holding onto the dagger I stabbed the man. Their intent to kill me had clouded any trace of hope left in me. One of them yelled an order and they all dismounted their horses. They had become shadows. Darkness surrounded me. Their hands reaching out to me._

 _I took off running. I ran away from them. The forest was deep and obscure. I would use the environment to my advantage. I heard them chasing me. I heard their voices telling me to stop. I heard their arrows hit the ground and their blades collide against the floor. The earth trembling beneath me with each step they took._

 _As soon as I caught sight of a titan, I focused on it. Ordering the titan to kill them, I was able to get away from them. I ran as far as my legs allowed me to. I had left the forest behind. I didn't know where I was running to. I arrived at a subarctic environment. I instantly recognized it to be a terrain type called tundra. Books had taught me how to recognize any type of land. Ironically, such environment was the most human-friendly on earth. Long winter nights were safe for travel, as the extremely cold temperatures froze titans in their tracks, or at the very least, slowed them down. The long summer days put sight-dependent humans on equal parity with their omnisensed, cannibal pursuers._

 _Even though I no longer had to worry about titans eating me, I decided to settle there. I had never liked the hot weather. But I knew that I wouldn't be able to stay there forever. I wouldn't be able to live in such a place in solitude for the rest of my life. Eventually, the Survey Corps would find me._

 _I realized that I had become their enemy. I didn't know the reason why. But there was something that didn't feel right. Nothing about it felt right. Putting the fact that they tried to kill me aside, I didn't see any of their faces. They wanted my death to be by an unknown hand. They wanted me dead. They fucking wanted me dead._

 _Did Levi agree on this shit? Did Erwin? Did Hanji? I couldn't believe it. They wanted to kill me. Did they have a saying in it? Was Erwin forced to send a group of people to kill me? If then, how did they find me? Were the Survey Corps linked to the people that tortured me? Why was I able to identify those who could turn into titans? Did they give me whatever abilities I possessed?_

 _My own kin was trying to get rid of me._

* * *

I was sitting in front of the fire, playing with the engagement ring Levi had given to me. My heart ached for their betrayal. I refused to cry. The man I loved, my father and my best friend had agreed on my assassination. It pained me to think it was possibly real. It pained me to believe everything they were willing to do.

My body was starting to give in. I didn't want to close my eyes. Levi's face haunted me. His smile, his chuckles, his soft laughter, his peaceful expression, his groans, his body. I rubbed my eyes, wiping away the tears that threatened to come out. Somehow, in front of that fire, with nothing but the cold and the titans that stood far away from me to keep me company, I broke. I didn't cry, I didn't smile, and I didn't show any emotion. I sat there, feeling the last bits of my past life go with the waves of the ocean that silently calmed me.

-I never thought I'd see the ocean…-I whispered to myself, smiling sadly when I came to reality once again.

I had read about the ocean in various books that my father kept hidden in the attic. I had read about the sand. I wasn't that far away from the beach, but I preferred to stay close to the nearby forest. Snow covered the floor like a blanket. I caught sight of a couple of arctic foxes. A family. I just stared at them from afar, sighing. I could see my breath. I rubbed my hands together, trying to heat them.

I pulled the fur coat closer to my skin to keep myself from the cold and gave in to fatigue. I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. My head hit the floor softly and I fell asleep. I fell asleep, unable to brush aside the feeling of betrayal. I couldn't blame them. I was dangerous. I was a danger to anyone who came closer to me. It was a miracle Levi didn't die when he was with me.

But, fuck, I missed him. I missed everything about him. I missed the life we would never have. I wept his betrayal. I wept his decision to kill me.

Their blades hadn't killed me, but their choice, in time, would.

* * *

" _I used to advertise my loyalty and I don't believe there is a single person I loved that I didn't eventually betray." –Albert Camus, The Fall_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Please feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**

 **Thank you GoldenLombaxGirl for leaving me such an awesome review.**


	36. Chapter 35: Can't Let Go

**A/N: I hope you enjoy. Spoilers for the anime ahead.**

TRULY IMPORTANT: **From this point on, the story takes place after the last episode of the anime. The original story by Isayama won't be the same as the one I will narrate. Do not use this fanfiction as reference to what is happening or will happen in the manga.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

* * *

 _Levi's POV_

 _6 years later…_

I could still hear people screaming in the background as I silently glared at the cocoon that stood before me. Many soldiers had lost their lives in a failed attempt to stop the Female Titan. At last, Eren Jaeger had been able to put an end to her madness, not without failing in one aspect or another.

Annie Leonhardt had protected herself by creating a chrysalis around her body. I chuckled bitterly. What had motivated her to turn her back against humanity? There were probably many others like her and that Jaeger boy. If so, were they hiding among us? Many questions ran through my head, and I was willing to bet the same questions were bothering Erwin. Without any means of obtaining answers I turned around to face Erwin.

-This is not over, is it? It has barely begun. –I stated, trying to convince myself I wouldn't put more lives at risk by trying to stop something we had no control over.

-We have to break her free for that crystal. –Erwin answered, looking at the new members of the Survey Corps and sighing.

-They knew what they signed up for. We cannot guarantee their safety. –I said, measuring my words. I was fully aware of the fear and desperation they felt. It lingered in the air like a bloody disease.

-For now, we'll take her to the HQ. There's got to be a way for us to break that thing. –He murmured, shaking his head and turning around to yell orders.

I caught sight of a soldier trying to break the crystal. Sitting atop of it with his blade in hand and anger in his face, he attempted to cut through the material. Blade after blade, they all broke when they came into contact with the surface. His frustration was building up, and his movements gave him away. I walked to him and grabbed his wrist forcefully to stop him from destroying any more blades.

-Ruining your equipment won't open the damn thing. –I commented, keeping my voice in monotonous tone. He looked at me and sighed. His hand falling limp. And his hair hiding his face.

I wouldn't be able to cheer him up and I did not intend to do so. We were fucking soldiers. We were not allowed to show weakness no matter how we felt. I let his wrist go and followed Erwin. The sound of his manoeuvre gear hitting the ground forced me to give him a sideways glance. Another soldier approached him and placed his hand on his shoulder.

-It's alright, Jean. Not even Eren was able to open it. It's useless. –Said the soldier, trying to comfort his comrade. I stood there, listening to their conversation. The frustrated cadet, presumably Jean, whispered something to his comrade and they both stood up to help the rest of the Survey Corps to lift the cocoon.

-Oi, Horse and Freckles! –I called out. They both turned around to look at me. I signalled them to approach me. They whispered something to each other and approached me hesitantly.

-Yes, Heishicho? –Freckles asked, his voice barely a whisper.

-Let them carry that back to HQ. Assist Ackerman and Jaeger in getting back to base, I do not want them passing out on their way. –I ordered, turning around and finally heading back to base.

It would be, without a doubt, a long bloody night.

* * *

As I walked towards Erwin's office, I heard the Jaeger brat calling out to me in a rushed manner.

-Heishicho! –He exclaimed when he finally caught up with me.

-What is it, brat? –I questioned, unable to hold the annoyance in my voice back.

-Commander Erwin is holding a meeting. –He breathed out, straightening his posture and looking down at me.

-Let's go, then. –I stated, walking past him and making my way to said room. I didn't even want to gaze at the clock. It was probably way past midnight and no one had been able to conceal sleep. Especially, not us.

I walked past Horse and Freckles. I could tell they were more than friends. The way they looked at each other was more than enough evidence. I wasn't against homosexuality. It was none of my business and it would forever stay that way. But, there was something that bothered me about Freckles. I wasn't able to dwell for long on it, since I had already reached the meeting room. I turned the doorknob and entered.

Erwin, Hanji and Mike were sitting there with a cup of coffee on their hands. I knew what the coffee meant. We would be there all night. I sighed and sat next to Hanji. She handed me a cup of black tea, aware of my dislike towards coffee.

-Now that we're all here, it's time to come up with a solution. –Erwin spoke up and directed his gaze to us.

-We could have Eren turn into a titan and destroy the crystal. –Hanji offered, rubbing her temples.

-It could be a possibility. But, his strength alone cannot do it. Perhaps if he manages to obtain the same ability he gained today he can do it. –Erwin tried to agree, but his doubt-filled voice told Hanji otherwise.

-It could've been a one-time thing. We should question him, see if he can do it again. –Hanji spoke up again.

The door opened slightly. Confusion made its presence known in my features when I recognized the familiar faces.

-Come in. –Hanji said, signalling them to sit down.

The dynamic trio entered the room. Jaeger, Ackerman and Arlert. They all took a seat silently and waited for Erwin to talk.

-Eren, can you do it again? –He asked, aware of their eavesdropping on our conversation.

-I…don't know, sir. I wasn't in complete control when I attacked Annie. –The brat answered.

Hanji and Erwin sighed. I knew they hadn't set their expectation too high. It had been spontaneous, unexpected. It was a possibility it would never happen again, but we had to keep on hoping. After all, Jaeger was one of the greatest allies humanity had. I respected the brat. Even though we hadn't spent much time working together, I considered him to be my apprentice. Even his girlfriend and best friend. I saw them as my children. They were kids. Kids who joined the most feared military branch without hesitation. I would never admit it out loud to any of them though.

-Armin, any ideas? –Eren asked, looking at the blonde teenager.

-Unless there's a stronger material to break the crystal with…I highly doubt there's anything we can do but wait. –He admitted, looking down at the table and playing with the cup of coffee that was given to him.

-She has put herself in a hibernation state. There's a chance she could remain that way for years. We cannot give ourselves the luxury of waiting for her to wake up from her bloody nap. –I spoke up, annoyed at the kid's words. He was giving up ahead of time.

-Levi is right. We must find a way to break the crystal open, whether we want to or not. –Erwin agreed.

-We could force her to wake up, to break the chrysalis herself. –Mikasa spoke up, her voice was usually compared to mine. Both monotone and cold. She resembled me. It was quite unnerving.

-How? –Eren questioned, staring at his girlfriend.

-We burn it. –She answered, not a hint of doubt in her voice.

-No. We could burn her alive if she doesn't wake up. The heat would concentrate inside the crystal and we would kill her. It would suffocate her. –Hanji stated, dismissing Mikasa's idea.

-We force her to come out, but in another way. –I said, not discarding Mikasa's idea in its entirety.

-What do you suggest? –Hanji questioned.

-We control her. –Erwin answered the question for me. It wasn't exactly my idea. I only supported Mikasa, knowing it would be impossible to destroy the crystal.

-Control her? –Armin repeated, confusion written across his face.

-You know we can't do it. No one but _her_ has been able to do it. Even so, we don't know if its possible. She never faced a titan shifter. And she's no longer with us…–Hanji answered, ignoring Armin's question and trailing off.

It instantly hit me. I knew exactly who they were referring to. I frowned, gripping my cup of tea with more strength than needed.

-She's not dead, Hanji. I refuse to believe she's dead. –Erwin told her. After delivering my report about Eren's kidnap by the Female Titan to Erwin, he had come up with a theory. He claimed that the Colossal Titan had taken Merethe the same way Annie had taken Eren. Not with the intention to kill them, but the intention to take them hostage.

I had completely turned his theory down. I had seen her disappear under the titan's mouth. He hadn't. She was murdered.

-She's dead. –I claimed, crossing my arms against my chest and glaring at Erwin. I felt anger starting to build up inside me.

-She's not dead, Levi. –Erwin answered, resting his arms on the table.

-Not this shit again, Erwin! We've discussed this before. She's fucking dead. She's not coming back! –I exclaimed, unable to tolerate his shit any longer.

-She's alive. –Erwin held his motherfucking word, no matter how much I tried to convince him otherwise.

-Fuck this. –I stood up from the table and left the room. I heard Hanji calling for me, but I ignored her. I couldn't do it.

I hadn't mentioned my fiancée in years. Not out loud. It killed me to even think about her. I had managed to avoid thoughts about her. But every damn time, Erwin had to fucking bring her up. I wondered if he did it to annoy me.

I entered my office and locked the door behind me. I had requested a change of room. I no longer slept in the bedroom I used to share with her. I had my own bedroom inside my office. I had given a shitty excuse just to avoid that room. It was convenient to have my office and bedroom together, yes. But it was far from the real reason. I didn't want her face haunting me every time I turned around.

Meadow, whose life kept on being ticked away by the pendulum clock in the room, was resting on the bed. Grey fur had started to take over her head. I sighed, knowing she wouldn't be able to keep me company anymore in a couple of years. She would reunite with her favourite human. She would leave me behind.

I smiled sadly, kneeling down in front of her and petting her head. She purred at my actions.

I didn't want her to leave me, too.

I didn't want to be alone.

* * *

" _Did you find the note that I wrote?  
I hid it in the seam of your coat  
It was hard to write, I had a lump in my throat  
Do you even know that I can't let go?" –Adele (Can't Let Go)_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed. If you did, please feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**


	37. Chapter 36: Eased Ailings

**A/N: I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

 _Levi's POV_

I didn't know for how long I had been laying on the floor, petting Meadow. She had long fallen asleep on top of my chest, her breathing slow. It seemed as if Erwin had understood that it was best to leave me alone. I had been furious. She was fucking dead, was it really that hard to understand? Perhaps it was to him. He had always been a hopeful individual.

The sun was already starting to reveal itself. Dawn was upon us. My back was beginning to feel sore. I gently placed the cat back on the bed and sat up, massaging my temple. I could feel a headache starting to grow. It had been six years after her death. I missed her smile in the morning. I missed her. I didn't know how I was able to bottle up my grief after so long. I hadn't allowed myself to mourn her properly, and I still wouldn't. It was too late to dwell on her. To dwell on any of them.

My fiancée had died under my watch. My friends had died under my words. My team had died under my command. It never failed to eat me away. I missed them. I would never admit that I actually missed Oluo imitating me. It annoyed me to no end, but it was amusing. He looked up to me. All of them had. And I had fucking let them down.

Petra, who had been madly in love with me, had turned out to be a valuable member of the team. She was kind, outgoing and smart. She had tried to make a move on me a couple of times, but I always ignored her. After Merethe's death, she had approached me more often. Perhaps she thought she had a chance. However, I had promised myself to never fall in love again. Her obsession with me had reached a point in which she had taken advantage of her drunken state to kiss me. I immediately rejected the kiss and pushed her away. We never spoke of it again. It was ironic for me to remember her when I never saw her as anything but a comrade.

On the other hand, Eld never spoke much. I respected his strong sense of duty. He was responsible and a veteran in the battlefield, which drove me to pick him as the second in command. Remembering how he used to tease Petra and Oluo about pissing themselves on their first expedition brought a smirk to my face. It had been amusing to see them scared.

Gunther had always been the most reasonable one of the team. Like many soldiers who encountered titans, his personality had been affected. He was stern and did not take kindly people who didn't focus on the task at hand. He had always expected the worst in any situation. He never trusted Jaeger.

I was brought out of my daydream by Hanji knocking on my door, demanding for me to open it. I sighed and stood up, unlocking and opening it for her. She glared at me and rudely entered the room, brushing past me. I closed the door and turned to face her. She was sitting on my chair, her hands folded on the desk.

-What do you want, shitty glasses? –I questioned, trying to hide my annoyance at her.

-I know how you feel, Levi. –She stated, her gaze softening.

-What the fuck are you talking about? –I asked, sitting on the couch next to the bookcase in the office.

-It's hard for me, too. I hate it when Erwin throws his damn theory on the table. If Merethe was alive, she would've come back to us years ago. She wasn't stupid. She knew about her abilities and she knew exactly how to use them. If someone had captured her, she would've easily managed to escape. But, she didn't. She's not alive. Erwin doesn't understand any of it.

-Thank you. –I said, allowing my head to relax on the arm of the couch. It was nice to see I wasn't the only one who disagreed with his goddamn theory.

-Look, I know this is hard for us. Especially for you, but you have to bear with him. Let him ramble about it. I highly doubt he will go as far as searching for her corpse. For now, we have to focus on getting Annie out of that crystal.

-Fine. –I agreed, a little hesitant towards her words. Perhaps her crazy had a function. She was the humanity's smartest, after all.

-Thank you, shorty. We should go get breakfast. We may have not been able to sleep at all but we need to eat. –She suggested, standing up from my chair and heading towards the door.

-Damn right... –I answered, picking myself up from the couch and following her into the dining room.

* * *

Hanji had forced me to sit with all the brats, claiming I needed to bond with them. I didn't see how it would be of any help, but I gave in nonetheless. They had no manners, whatsoever. It was irritating to see them eat. Ackerman and Arlert were the only ones who acted like proper human beings. They had been speaking about the most random things, most likely trying to forget about the situation at hand. I couldn't blame them.

A certain topic caught my attention. Freckles, whose name I found out to be Marco Bodt later on, had brought it up; asking Ackerman if she ever considered having a family. She blushed and gave Jaeger a sideways glance, before denying the thought having ever crossed her mind. As simple as that, the question was passed through the table. Even Hanji answered it, saying she would like to have children when the time came.

Unaware of my past, one of the cadets looked at me and asked me the dreadful question. I had been happy only listening to their conversation but I had no intention of joining in. Sasha Blouse stared at me intently, awaiting for my answer. I turned my head and noticed each and every one of those brats was waiting for me to reply her. I didn't feel like answering the bloody question.

-Heishicho? –She pressed, fully aware of my hesitation towards answering her.

-I once considered having a family, but that option is now out of the question. –I answered, looking at her in the eye. Her expression was filled with confusion.

-What do you mean, Heishicho? –Springer asked. As far as I was concerned, Connie and Sasha were some kind of dysfunctional best friends.

-I'm not going to have children. I won't have a family of my own. –I put it bluntly, refraining myself from glaring at him.

They all stayed silent. I knew my answer had been harsh, since the conversation had been pleasant until they forced me to speak. They had wanted to know, now they did. Armin raised his hand.

-Yes, Arlert? –I asked, directing my gaze to him.

-Why, sir? –He questioned, his voice with a hint of fear.

-Because…-I wasn't able to finish my sentence. I didn't want to. Hanji noticed my discomfort and answered for me.

-Because he believes he will die in battle. –She lied, bringing the cup of tea she held in her hands to her lips and sipping it silently.

-That's depressing. –Ackerman commented. She had hated me at first. I had beat her boyfriend up and she, obviously, had not liked it. With time, she had learned to respect me, since I had saved his ass from the Female Titan. Even though she respected me, it did not stop her from having, as Hanji called them, "sass battles" with me.

-Your current relationship status is depressing. –I answered, glaring at her. The table was filled with laughter, bringing back the happy mood. I smirked at her dark expression and shook my head. I looked at them and wished the best. We'd pull through together. We'd find a way to make it work.

After all, perhaps I wasn't be alone.

* * *

" _Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend." –Albert Camus_

* * *

 **A/N: I truly hope you liked it. Please feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**


	38. Chapter 37: Au Revoir

**A/N: I'd like to apologize for the grammar mistakes found in the previous chapter. I revised it in a rush and did not notice. Without further ado, I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

As I looked down at the panting cadets in the floor, I was reminded of how amusing it was to train them to the bone. That didn't necessarily mean it pleased me to see them suffer. In fact, it was better if they suffered. Suffering made people stronger. I noticed how every trainee reacted differently to fatigue.

Springer and Blouse were both laying on the floor, claiming they regretted eating too much the night before. Jaeger and Arlert were sitting, talking to each other and trying to compose their breathing. Ackerman seemed unfazed. She stood next to them, her mind and gaze set on something I couldn't quite see. Bodt was happily chatting away with some people I didn't know.

There was something about Marco Bodt that bothered me. I didn't know why. He acted eerily similar to my late fiancée. His personality resembled hers. The way he treated people. I did not hate him, but I did hate seeing her every time I saw him. I ignored it as much as I could.

I scanned the training grounds, fully aware that there was someone missing. Kirstein. I was suddenly reminded that I had ordered him to tend the horses. Shit. I had kept him in there for more than four hours. I silently left the rest of the trainees alone and made my way to the stables. As expected, he was there. Apparently, speaking to the horses. Fucking brats. They kept on doing the weirdest shit. It was unnerving.

-Oi, brat! –I yelled, not feeling like walking all the way to him. His eyes widened and he nervously stood up and saluted. I signalled him to be at ease and he relaxed.

-Yes, Heishicho? –He asked, petting one of the horses.

-You should've stopped hours ago. Your boyfriend is desperate. –I teased. I was in need of some amusement, since training was long over.

-I-I'm sorry, sir. –He bowed. I sighed and made my way to the stable. He immediately tensed up at my proximity. Of course, most of the cadets were traumatized after having heard about the beating I had given to Eren. They did not want to fuck with me. I inspected the place. It seemed clean, for the most part. We couldn't exactly keep the stables fully clean since the horses would always shit on it.

-Go rest, son. You've spent too much time here. –I ordered, motioning him to leave.

I brushed my finger against the wooden railing and frowned. Dust. They couldn't do anything right. Fucking kids.

-Oi, Siguanaba! –I yelled, once again at him. He turned around and tensed up.

-Y-yes, sir? –He stuttered. I mentally smirked. It was hilarious to see how I was able to scare them shitless just by yelling.

-If you clean the railings as thoroughly as you wipe your ass, you'd be long dead by an infection now. –I stated, keeping a serious expression. He apologized and I just waved him off. I didn't feel like scolding him any further. I picked up the rag that laid on the floor and wiped the dust of the railing. Admiring my work, I smirked. I could hear someone snicker. I lifted my gaze to see Hanji standing in front of me, a hand over her mouth trying to supress her laughter.

-What do you want, shitty glasses? –I questioned, my voice filled with annoyance at her antics.

-That was pure gold, Levi. Siguanaba? What the hell is that? –She managed to say between laughter.

-It's a supernatural character from some old country's folklore. –I answered. I had once found a book on Erwin's office that spoke about past cultures. It had kept me busy for some time.

-And? What does that have to do with Jean? –She asked, giggling. She placed her hands on the railing. They were dirty. She had done it just to tick me off. I pushed her hands off and cleaned again.

-The creature was known for luring men into danger by showing an attractive appearance from behind and when it turned around to murder you, it revealed its face to be the one of a horse. –I explained, folding the cloth and placing it in its rightful place.

Hanji broke out in laughter once again. I simply waited for her to finish so that she would reply.

-That's evil, Shorty. –She commented, wiping the tears off her eyes.

-The kid looks like a horse. It's not my fault. –I replied, walking away and heading back to the HQ with Hanji following close from behind.

I was absolutely knackered. We had spent countless nights trying to come up with a way to break the bloody crystal. Erwin had finally decided to keep his mouth shut about Merethe. He hadn't mentioned her since that time. And I was damn glad about it.

* * *

 _-As a punishment for tickling me, you have to reply yes to anything I say. –Merethe teased, poking my nose a few times before kissing my forehead._

 _Her naked body was lying on top of me. With my arms around her, I chuckled and gave in to her antics. The damn woman had me eating from the palm of her hand._

 _-Yes, ma'am. –I joked, bringing my hand to the back of her neck and pulling her closer for a kiss. She smiled into the kiss and pushed my face away gently._

 _-That's not fair. You are cheating. –She argued, pouting. I would erase that pout from her face. I pinched her cheeks. Surprised by my actions, she let out a gasp._

- _Am I? –I asked, smirking. She nodded, unable to speak because of my hands on her face. She moved my hands away and folded her own under her chin, with her elbows resting on my chest._

 _-You are, Levi. –She answered, giggling. Her long chestnut hair cascaded down her back. She looked absolutely stunning. I loved seeing her with her hair down. She didn't usually keep it down because of the danger it presented on the battlefield, even inside the walls._

 _Taking a strand of hair between my fingers and playing with it, I stared into her eyes. She was smiling. I could identify every freckle on her face. She slowly closed her eyes and started drifting off to sleep once again._

 _-No you don't. –I stated as I flipped her around and kissed her. She opened her eyes and giggled. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she pushed herself closer to my body. Damn it. We had been going at it all night. It was unreal how easily she managed to turn me on so fast._

 _-Ready for round…9? –She asked unsure of how many times we had done it. She smirked and mischievously allowed her hand to travel down. I stopped her before she did anything reckless._

 _-Aren't you sore, love? –I asked, concerned. I knew I could go for another round, but I had to make sure she could take it. If she sounded like she was in pain, I sure as hell wouldn't like it. She wriggled a little underneath me and flinched._

 _-A little. –She answered truthfully. I rolled over on my side and brought her body closer to my own. I embraced her._

 _-Not tonight, then. –I said, kissing her forehead and closing my eyes._

 _-Tomorrow. –She suggested before I fell asleep._

 _Women..._

* * *

I woke up, panting. I massaged my temple with my fingers before sighing. I mentally cursed when I felt the stiffness of my back. I had spent too much time sleeping on the damn chair. I knew I had to sleep in a bed like normal people did, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Putting the fact that falling asleep in a chair would prevent me from sweating at night and keep my clothes clean; I couldn't do it. I couldn't lay down in a bed and not think about her.

I couldn't drink tea or think about something witty without her crossing my mind. I lifted my neck from the chair and groaned. I needed a different chair. Something softer. I stood up and stretched. A few bones cracked in a satisfying way and I fixed my cravat. The sun was beginning to rise. I yawned and rubbed my eyes.

There was another brainstorming session scheduled. I wasn't looking forward to it. Most people had racked their brains trying to come up with a solution. Some had been tested and some hadn't. Either way, all had the same result.

As I searched around the drawer of my desk for a spare button, my hand brushed against a small box. My eyes travelled to it and I was immediately filled with nostalgia. I opened it and found myself staring back at the engagement band that matched the one I had gifted Merethe. I refrained myself from crying and closed the lid.

-You're everywhere, aren't you, love? –I whispered.

* * *

" _I don't want to live. I want to love first and live incidentally." –Zelda Fitzgerald_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed.**


	39. Chapter 38: Thin Ice

**A/N: I apologize if there are any mistakes. I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

 _Merethe's POV_

 _I could hear someone whispering into my ear unintelligible words. I couldn't figure out to whom the voice belonged to. It took more strength than needed to force my eyelids open. My arm covered my eyes in a defensive manner against the sunlight. When my vision adjusted to the brightness, I studied my surroundings. I was in some sort of valley. I wasn't able to admire the view for long before I felt the strong pair of legs underneath my head._

 _I lifted my gaze and found myself staring into Levi's grey eyes. I couldn't refrain myself from smiling. My hand reached out to touch his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned in to my touch, sighing in contempt. With my head on his lap, I realized. Neither of us were wearing our uniforms. He was wearing a long sleeved white shirt. Casual clothing. I didn't know where we were nor how long we had been laying in the grass._

 _My attention was focused on him and him only. He leaned down to kiss me. I happily returned the kiss. The look on his eyes when he pulled away surprised me. Pure fear. His eyes had widened and his mouth was slightly agape. I lifted my head from his lap and sat down. I inspected his face. His face contorted in pain, a groan escaping from his lips._

 _-Levi? Are you hurt? Where? –I asked, examining his body for any wounds. My heart skipped a beat when I noticed the blood._

 _His white shirt was covered in blood. An open wound across his abdomen. It kept on bleeding, no matter how much he tried to stop it with his hands. I tried to help, remembering what I knew about first-aid. I searched the ground in hopes of finding anything that could help me stop the bleeding. By the time I turned around to look back at him, his eyes were closed and he was breathing heavily. The blood had completely stained his torso. His hands had fallen limp. I could feel death around the corner. A trail of blood from the corner of his mouth inked his features._

 _-_ _No, no, no. Fuck. Levi? Levi, wake up. You can't fall asleep now. You'll die if you do. Goddammit. Levi. –I called out, trying to keep him awake. I placed my hand on his chest, not caring that my hand would get covered in his blood._

 _I felt his hand on the back of my neck. His eyes opened and he gave me a faint smile. I refused to cry. He couldn't die. It was impossible. He breathed one last time and his eyes closed. His hand fell to the floor._

 _-Levi! –I yelled._

* * *

-Levi! –I yelled, sitting up from my resting position. I was panting. My heart was beating erratically. I noticed a few drops falling on the pelt that covered me. I touched my cheek with my fingers and felt the familiar wetness.

I brought my knees to my chest and cried. I cried like a child. I had been holding everything back for too long. I couldn't do it anymore. I missed him so damn much.

So damn fucking much.

* * *

 _Levi's POV_

I chuckled as I stared at the sweating cadets. We had been training them to improve their close combat skills. The need for close combat fighting training had proved itself to be a necessity after discovering that spies hid among us. It was unnerving to think we could be working with them. Hanji and Erwin were sitting next to me, laughing. I didn't know what they were laughing at, so I focused my attention back to the cadets.

I scoffed when I noticed Blouse and Springer making some kind of fighting stance. It was more comical than threatening. I stood up from my chair and approached them. Thankfully, they didn't notice my presence. Perhaps they were too focused on their "fighting". I used my leg to make Blouse lose her balance and fall down to the floor. She fell down with a loud thump. She seemed surprised at my actions. I smirked and offered her my hand. She gladly took it and I helped her stand up.

-If you two keep joking around, you'll have to fight against me. –I stated, turning my back to them and walking back to my chair. Hanji punched me in the shoulder playfully and she chuckled.

-Goddammit, Shorty. That was hilarious. –She said. Erwin chuckled and rubbed his temples.

-What? Are you getting too old for this, "commander"? –I teased, enjoying the irritated expression he gave me.

-Says the one who's turning 34 this year. –He shot back. I smirked and shook my head. I was getting old. I had never thought I would have the privilege of living as long as I had. Especially with the line of work I possessed.

-Calm down, gentlemen. We all know I'm younger than both of you. –Hanji commented, arrogantly flipping her messy pony tail.

-Fuck you, shitty glasses. You look older than me. –I snapped, smirking triumphantly when her cocky smile turned into a frown.

-Fuck you, too. –She answered, flipping me off. I chuckled at her childish behaviour. Erwin laughed at our words, wiping the tear that threatened to escape from the corner of his eye. Hanji was trying to stick her finger in my ear. Annoyed by her actions, I slapped away her hand and pushed her face away from me.

-Stay still, shitty glasses. The cadets are going to see you being immature. They will lose respect for you. –I stated, looking at the cadets who were panting.

-Fine. But, this isn't over, asshole. Watch your back! –She exclaimed, pointing at me.

Tsk, as if. I heard footsteps approaching the bench in which we were sitting. A soldier saluted and Erwin ordered him to be at ease. The soldier gave me and Hanji a sideways glance before leaning down to whisper something into Erwin's ear. Erwin's eyes widened and he stood up. He motioned for me and Hanji to follow him.

* * *

Erwin sat on his chair. Hanji looked confused, as if she had no idea of what was going on. I was quite certain I looked the same way as her. I could feel something was off. I just fucking sensed it. Erwin rearranged some paperwork and placed it in the corner of his desk. He folded his hands on the table and took a deep breath.

-Sit down. –He commanded. We did as told. Waiting expectantly for his next words, I couldn't help but to wonder what was going on.

-Erwin, what happened? –Hanji spoke up. Erwin stared at her and sighed. It seemed as if he was debating whether to tell us or not.

-I…-He trailed off. Something bothered him. He didn't normally fear speaking his mind. He wasn't afraid of telling people what he thought.

-Erwin. –I called. He studied my expression before rubbing his temple and sighing.

-My expedition has been approved. –He simply stated. Hanji and I stared at each other in confusion.

-What kind of expedition? –Hanji questioned, leaning forward.

-A rescue mission. –He said, looking at her.

-A rescue mission? Why? –She repeated, taken aback by his words.

-Because she is the only one who can force Leonhardt out of that crystal. –Erwin finally explained. I didn't like the sound of what he was saying. I didn't like where he was heading with it.

-What the hell are you talking about, Erwin? –I demanded, standing up and slamming my fist against his desk.

-We are going to find and bring Merethe back home. –He replied, staring straight into my eyes with a defying look.

He's fucking mental.

* * *

" _Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." –T.S. Elliot_

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 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**


	40. Chapter 39: Compass

**A/N: I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

* * *

 _Levi's POV_

-Are you fucking mental?! –I exclaimed/questioned. I couldn't believe it. He had lost his bloody mind.

-No, I am not, Levi. –He answered calmly. The fact that he looked so calm about it only helped to anger me further. I heard Hanji gasp in the background when I grabbed Erwin by the collar and pulled him down close to my face.

I was glaring daggers. Anything he said would trigger me, and I would take responsibility for the beating I would deliver into his face. I would enjoy beating the living shit out of him. I didn't care at the moment if he was my superior.

-You are walking on some thin ice, here, Erwin. –I hissed, his face only inches away from mine. He glared at me.

-It has been approved, Levi. –He simply stated, using his hand to detach my own from his shirt.

-Why are you doing this, Erwin? You have gone too far. –Hanji spoke up, placing herself in front of me. She knew exactly what I was planning.

-And you have stayed behind, Hanji. Both of you have. She's alive. I refuse to believe she died. –He said, standing up from his chair.

-And I refuse to believe that you actually are this stupid. –I snapped, crossing my arms.

-Whether you like it or not, she's our best shot at freeing Annie from that crystal. –He said, crossing his arms as well.

-Goddammit, Erwin! She's dead! She's fucking dead! She's not coming back! She's never fucking coming back! You are an idiot if you are willing to risk more men just to find a corpse! –I yelled, having finally lost it.

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I wouldn't cry in front of him. I wouldn't fucking let him get the pleasure of seeing me cry.

-Levi, listen to me…-He whispered, fully aware that I was a fucking time bomb. It was just a matter of time before I blew up all over his fucking face.

-No. I won't listen to your bullshit anymore. I'm sick and tired of hearing you say that she's still alive. You didn't see her. You didn't see the look of fear in her eyes when the colossal titan had her in its motherfucking grip. You weren't the one who was unable to save her. You weren't the one who still feels fucking useless! –I exclaimed.

I turned around and exited the room. I heard Hanji calling out to me before slamming the door. I couldn't take it anymore. I hadn't allowed myself to feel pain. It seemed as if Erwin just fucking knew when to trigger me.

I bumped into someone whilst I was making my way towards my office. Whoever bumped into me fell to the floor.

-Ouch! –The person groaned. I looked down to see Marco Bodt laying on the floor, rubbing the back of his head.

-Pardon me, cadet. –I apologized, offering him a hand.

-I-I'm sorry, Heishicho! –He stuttered. He stood up and when he looked at me, his eyes widened.

-What? –I snapped, not in the mood to tolerate any more shit.

-You look…furious, sir. –He hesitated. The way he managed to see past my façade unnerved me. He reminded me of her.

-I am not. –I lied, starting to walk once again. I was stopped by his hand landing on my shoulder.

I turned my head to glare at him. He seemed scared shitless but determined.

-If something is bothering you, sir, you can always count on us. –He stated, his voice filled with confidence.

-I know. –I answered, walking away. It was as if the world had something against me. I knew I had been a shitty person when I had lived underground. Farlan had always told me otherwise, but I knew better. But, did I really deserve it?

Did I really deserve all the suffering I was going through? Did the people I loved deserve to die? No. They didn't. I did. But I owed it to them. My life was no longer mine. It belonged to those who had died so that I could live. The choice of taking my life no longer was mine, either.

* * *

I entered my office and locked the door behind me. I knew that hell was about to break loose inside this room. I knew people would certainly think I was killing someone. But, I didn't give a shit. I destroyed the entire fucking room. I broke wine bottles and teacups. I tore paperwork apart. I flipped the desk and the chair. I threw everything that came into contact with me to the floor. I could hear Hanji banging my door. I didn't answer. I kept on throwing and breaking things. Like a bloody spoiled child. I couldn't do it anymore. I messed the room up until my body gave in. I sat with my back against the wall. I stared at my bleeding knuckles. The pain wasn't enough. It was never enough.

I brought my knees close to my chest and stared at the door that led to my bedroom. I stared at it for a considerable amount of time before making my mind. I stood up and made my way towards it. Turning the doorknob, I was greeted by darkness. The window was open and Meadow was nowhere to be seen. She probably went hunting for food.

I landed on my chair and closed my eyes, breathing heavily. As soon as I opened them, I found myself staring at the engagement band that laid on top of my nightstand. I sighed, and reached out to grab it. I played with it, twirling the ring around with my fingers. It was truly a beautiful ring. Merethe's had been more beautiful. I vaguely remembered how it looked. Diamonds incrusted on it. White gold and diamonds. It had surely been expensive. It had taken me a year to finish paying it off. I chuckled bitterly. All for nothing.

-Fuck. –I whispered. There was a wine bottle on my nightstand as well. I opened it and gulped down its contents. It was impossible for me to get drunk. I knew it. I had tried countless times and the result was always the same.

-Fuck. –I repeated, staring at the empty bed. I sighed. I'd do it for her. I'd fucking ride to my death just to find her peace. I knew Erwin wasn't allowing her to find peace. He still held onto her. I also did. But I didn't want to accept it. Perhaps it was me who didn't let her be free. It was me who didn't allow her to rest.

I stood up and searched the cabinet for some bandages. I cleaned the wounds on my knuckles and bandaged them carefully. I would join Erwin in the expedition. Even if I didn't want to. Maybe that would fucking teach him a lesson. Maybe he would finally accept the truth. I fixed my cravat and my shirt and made my way to the bathroom. I washed my face and stared at myself in the mirror.

-You look like shit, mate. –I joked in a futile and sad attempt to cheer myself up. Somehow, it worked. I smiled.

I exited my room and found the destroyed office mocking me. I knew it would be hell to clean. I sighed and pulled my cravat out of my shirt. I used to it cover my mouth. I opened the cleaning supplies closet that I had specifically requested for my office and started cleaning.

-Holy fucking shit! –I exclaimed when I saw something black at my feet. Meadow was staring straight into my eyes. She had appeared out of thin air. She had startled the shit out of me.

She meowed and purred when I picked her up. I gently placed her on the couch and resumed my work. I knew Hanji would understand me not opening the door for her. I also knew that Hanji would tag along with me if I agreed to go. I would find Merethe's body and bury it. I would finally find the time to properly mourn my fiancée. I would help her find peace. I'd go to the darkest parts of hell just to see her rest.

I'd do it for her. I'd follow that asshole into his expedition just for her. I'd force myself to face the truth. I'd go through hell and back again, just to find her and see her. Even if it was just her skeleton. I knew it would be nearly impossible to identify her just by her bones. We would have to bring back a thousand corpses just to find her. Perhaps the ring on her finger would be enough for me to know.

Anything about her would be enough.

* * *

I exited my office after cleaning it. I had managed to leave it as if nothing had happened. Aside from the broken bottles and destroyed paperwork, everything was back in its place.

I made my way to Erwin's office and entered without knocking. He raised his gaze from the map he was studying and raised an eyebrow.

-I'll go. –I stated, my voice low.

-I'm glad. –He answered, standing up. He approached me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

-But, I swear to you Erwin, if we don't find her corpse, I'm going to assassinate you when we get back. I'll gladly be hung for it. –I threatened. I wasn't lying when I told him the last part. I was determined to kill him, even if my life was the price I had to pay.

-Fine. –He replied, his voice soft. Well, shit. I had expected him to recite all the things that would happen if I killed him. I had surely not expected him to be so calm about it.

-Fine. –I imitated his words.

-We leave in three days. –He stated before leaving me in the office alone.

So be it.

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" _When people are protecting something truly special to them, they truly can become… as strong as they can be." –Uzumaki Naruto (Naruto)_

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 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**


	41. Chapter 40: Stormkeeper

**A/N: I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

As we waited for the gates to open, all I could do was stare at the sky with my brows furrowed. I had tried to prepare myself for what we were seeking. A part of me wanted to find her corpse, her bones. The other part of me didn't. I was torn between my wishes. Alas, there was nothing I could do. I had already made my decision. I had decided to go along side Erwin to find my fiancée. I knew he was filled with hopes of finding her alive. To me, it was but a mere dream. A mere illusion of his guilt eating him away for allowing her to return back to the walls and leading her to her death.

The gates opened and I was greeted by the sight of rain pouring down on us. From the very beginning, I knew that the expedition would be hell. It would be a bloody nightmare. I sighed. Erwin yelled his command and everyone followed his horse. I caught a glimpse of Jaeger and Ackerman from behind me. They had been informed of the mission. Everyone who had volunteered had. Knowing how dangerous it was to go out of the walls in search of someone, Erwin had asked for volunteers. He didn't want to drag down any men to their deaths unless they were willing to risk it.

An hour passed before the first red flare was fired. We were far away from the walls. Erwin noticed it and instructed me to fire a green one, indicating the new route. I fired it and waited for the next green flare to be fired. I focused my attention back on Erwin's horse, following him. It had been a long time since I had been assigned to his squad. Like in the old days, it was him, Hanji and me. Merethe was the only one missing. She would often joke around with Hanji to avoid boredom. It had always been amusing to see and hear them. Mikasa and Eren, on the other hand, remained silent. It was no wonder. Those kids took titans seriously, like most of the soldiers who joined the Scouting Legion. Merethe had taken them seriously, especially after discovering her ability to control them, but she had always claimed it was better to lighten up. Her words still resonated in my head.

They always did.

* * *

 _-You cannot spend your entire life worrying about something you have no control over. If something is meant to happen, Levi, no matter how hard you try, it will happen. It sucks dick, but it's the truth. –She stated, chuckling._

 _-Perhaps there is a method to your madness, love. –I commented, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and leaning down to kiss her head._

 _-I'm not insane. –She hissed, arching an eyebrow at me. I smirked and looked straight ahead, ignoring her glare._

 _-Whatever helps you sleep. –I answered smoothly, content at my attempt to get her riled up._

 _-You asshole! –She exclaimed, stomping her foot on the ground and walking away angrily. I laughed and followed her._

 _-You can't stay mad at me forever, love! –I yelled with my hands on my mouth, trying to supress laughter._

 _-Yes, I can! –She yelled back, walking faster._

 _But, of course, when I had my head between her thighs, she wasn't able to hold onto her word._

* * *

After hours of searching, we decided to give up for the night. Erwin ordered the legion to rest. The soldiers light up a bonfire and ate. I was leaning against a tree, observing them. Finding her corpse would be hell. We hadn't lost any men, thankfully. It was an uneventful trip. I felt tired, so it was no wonder I questioned my own sight when I saw horses moving from afar with men on top of them. I wasn't able to identify them. Their cloaks were over their heads. They were wearing their 3D Manoeuvre Gear. I heard footsteps from behind me and I immediately grabbed the person by the collar, lifting them from the ground.

-H-H-Heishicho! –Jaeger managed to stutter out. I let him go and he fell to the floor. I waited for him to get up and covered his mouth with my hand. I forced him to look in the direction my gaze was previously set on.

-Did Erwin send a troop to look for our objective? –I whispered, not wanting to alert anyone of our presence.

-No, sir. I…haven't seen those men before…-He murmured, focusing his attention on them.

-What do you see? –I questioned, seeking for any clues as to who they were. He focused his attention on them and gasped.

-Sir, do we wear masks? –He asked confused.

-Masks? –I repeated, not sure if I had heard him right.

-Yes. –He answered.

-No, we do not. –I replied, instantly knowing they were not our men.

-Who are they, sir? –He asked, as if I knew who the fuck they were.

-Stay here. Watch them until I come back. –I ordered, heading to Erwin's tent.

* * *

-Levi. –Erwin greeted, staring down at a map.

-There's men on the woods. –I bluntly stated, not wanting to waste time.

-What are you talking about? –He lifted his gaze from the map and stared at me with a perplexed look on his face.

-There's men who do not belong to the Survey Corps wearing our uniforms, with our equipment. I haven't been able to identify them. They are wearing masks. –I informed, already starting to make my way back to the spot where I had seen them.

-Levi! –Erwin called, following me.

Eren saw us fast approaching and stepped away, pointing at them. They were still on top of their horses. We couldn't exactly hear what they were saying. Erwin stared at them and furrowed his eyebrows.

-They are certainly not with us. –He whispered.

-Of course not, idiot. –I replied, he turned to glare at me and resumed his inspection on our identified subjects.

-I'm sending a group of men after them. –He stated, walking away and gathering some of our soldiers.

-I'm going with them. –I said, starting to put my manoeuvre gear back on.

-No. You stay with us. –He stated, stopping me with his hand.

-They need someone to lead them. –I ignored his words and finished putting my equipment on.

-No. That is an order, Levi. –He commanded, his voice serious. I hesitated before taking it off again.

-Yes, sir. –I answered, unable to retain the venom in my voice.

-Go get some rest. You'll need it for tomorrow, son. –He offered, his tone softening whilst he placed his hand on my shoulder.

I nodded and walked back to my tent. I signalled Jaeger to be at ease. I entered my tent and laid down on the mat, with my head against the pillow. I closed my eyes.

Who were they? What the fuck were they doing so close to us? What were they looking for? There was a high chance they were the ones who Leonhardt worked with. After all, she had once managed to acquire our uniforms and equipment. But she had been inside the walls. There was no way they could've infiltrated our base without us noticing. I opened my eyes and sat up. I could still go after them. I could still find the motherfuckers and beat the answers out of them. I was about to stand up, but I hesitated. I wanted to find her. If I followed the troop that went after them, I wouldn't be able to find her. I wouldn't be able to see her. Even if it was her skeleton only, it would give me peace.

I sighed and groaned. I punched the floor and laid back down. I needed to sleep. I needed to see her. I felt tired. Old. Why? Why did I feel so old if I was still young? Fatigue overfilled my senses almost without notice. I closed my eyes and sighed once again. Fuck.

I had a feeling it would be impossible to find her bones. I felt as if all I would find would be a pile of ashes. Or the ground painted in red by her blood. It hurt like hell knowing she was no longer alive. I regretted not being with her. It should've been me, not her. Never her.

But she had said it herself. Some things were just meant to happen, no matter what we did to try and avoid them. I could feel myself slowly drifting off to sleep. I gave in to my fatigue and allowed Morpheus to lull me back to dreamland.

Hell knew I needed it.

* * *

" _No single thing is perfect by itself. That's why we're born to attract other things to make up for what we lack. I think we start walking in the right direction only after we start getting our counterparts beside us." –Itachi Uchiha (Naruto)_

* * *

 **A/N: I truly hope you enjoyed. Feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**

 **Thank you, GrayBlueEyedBelle, for leaving such amazing reviews.**


	42. Chapter 41: In My Remains

**A/N: I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

 **WARNIG: Explicit content ahead.**

* * *

 _A few days later…_

We had returned to the walls. The expedition had been a failure. I had fought with Erwin. I had told him he was an idiot, that he had lost his mind. We hadn't found her. The team that had been sent to inspect the unknown men never returned. I could feel fatigue overfilling my senses. I was holding back my anger. I didn't know whether to let rage consume me or just sit down and fall asleep.

Hanji hadn't spoken much during our journey back home. Neither had Erwin. We were all disappointed. We had been lost in our thoughts. I admitted to myself that I had hoped to find her corpse. Not her. Not her smile. Not her beating heart against mine during our love making. Not her lips against my neck whilst we slept. I had to get rid of my demons. I was becoming my demons. I was becoming bitter. Angry.

It wouldn't be too long until I lost my shit and ended up taking it out on cadets. With that last thought, I made up my mind. I would let rage consume me one last time before finally letting it go. Letting the past go.

Letting her go.

I stormed into Erwin's office. I would let my anger, my hatred towards his stupidity flow freely. The door flung open and its sound caused Erwin and Hanji to look in my direction. Hanji immediately sensed that something was wrong. Her brows furrowed. She had told me that I had become unpredictable. That she no longer could tell what was going on inside my head.

-Levi. –Erwin acknowledged. I approached him. He stared at me.

Our staring didn't last long before my fist connected with his face. I heard his bones against my own and I smirked at the sickening sound. His face was hidden behind his dishevelled hair. He raised his face and I noticed the trail of blood that travelled from his mouth to his chin. He glared at me.

-Levi, stop. –I heard Hanji call. I ignored her before swinging another punch at Erwin. He blocked it and delivered one of his own straight to my face. Ah, the pain. In a masochist way, it felt good. To feel pain that wasn't emotional. I could tell that the deranged look in my eyes frightened him. He knew better. He knew I had lost it.

I wiped the blood with the back of my hand. I smirked and chuckled. It was going to be fun. I grabbed a hold of his shirt and lowered him to my height. I gave him no time to respond to my actions before kneeing him in the stomach. He groaned in pain and pushed me back. Anger clouded his eyes and he grabbed me by the collar, lifting me from the ground.

-What the hell is wrong with you, Ackerman?! –He exclaimed, staring into my eyes, trying to find an answer.

Ackerman. I had forgotten about it. My surname. Not much time had passed since we discovered that Mikasa and I were related in some way. It had been a surprise. We shared the same last name. I had never paid much attention to my own until I discovered it. I hadn't cared. We looked slightly alike, but there was nothing more to it. I had acquired the surname from my mother and uncle. She had acquired it from her father.

When I spoke about Kenny Ackerman to her, I asked Mikasa if she was possibly related to him. Mikasa retold me that when her parents were alive they told her that her father's family, the Ackerman bloodline, was persecuted inside the cities and that her Asian mother's family lost a place to live inside the cities as well, possibly because of her race. She stated that her parents met as fellow people who had been driven into the mountains and out of the cities and got married. She claimed that her father never knew why the Ackermans were discriminated against and that they weren't of a different race like her mother was.

I didn't know how Kenny had gotten to know her parents. I, honestly, didn't care. Mikasa and I didn't exactly hate each other. We tolerated each other, to be specific. It was a decent relationship. It was a possibility for us to be related as family. Cousins, or me as her uncle. Fuck if I knew.

-You've lost your mind, Levi! –Erwin exclaimed, bringing me out of my daydream. He let me go and stared at me with fury.

-No. I'm better than ever. –I simply stated in monotonous tone. I had sworn to kill him if we didn't find her. I didn't forget. I would be hung for it, but at the moment I didn't give a single fuck.

It was as if the psychopath kind of look in my eyes had been enough for him to remember my words. His eyes widened and he instantly reached for something in his drawer. Through my peripheral vision I saw an empty bottle of whisky. I didn't waste time in grabbing it and breaking it on the floor. The very moment he turned around to face me, the empty bottle was against his neck. He seemed unfazed. And then I realized, I had a dagger against my own neck.

-Go ahead. Do it. –Erwin spoke, pushing the dagger into my skin. I felt blood starting to roll down my neck. He hadn't pushed the dagger into my skin with the intent to kill me. I could tell.

-It'll be my pleasure. –I answered, pushing the broken bottle into his neck and drawing blood. He didn't even blink.

I felt something pushing me back with enough force to make me stumble. I dropped the bottle and glared at Hanji. She had pushed Erwin back as well. She was angry. It was fucking clear. She glared at both of us and cracked her fingers. She didn't smile, she didn't furrow her brows.

-Stop it. I don't want to call Mike. He'll gladly hang you. Both of you. –She announced, looking at me.

-Fuck off. –I hissed, approaching her.

-No, Levi. You've done it this time. You have gone way too far. –Hanji said, her eyes softening. She pitied my state. My broken state. She had been the only one to see me cry. The only one to see me broken to the point in which she thought there was no return.

-Let me solve this, Hanji. –Erwin requested from behind her.

-No. Do you think that you are free from this? You, too, have done it. Look at what you've done. If you expect him to go on the next expedition you are insane. –She scolded.

Erwin seemed taken aback by her. He crossed his arms and sat down on his chair.

-What expedition? –I questioned, crossing my arms as well.

-We're not going to give up on finding her. –Hanji said. I had to shake my head. I couldn't believe. Erwin had somehow manipulated her into agreeing.

-You have lost your bloody mind. –I answered. I refrained myself from snapping at her.

-She won't be the only reason, Levi. You saw men outside of our camp. They were wearing our uniforms, yet they didn't belong to the Scouting Legion. We will investigate them further. –She explained.

-And? You are holding onto his fucking idea and irrational hope of her being alive. You will look for her. How many more men is it going to take for the two of you to be satisfied? How many more deaths? –I questioned, standing up.

-As many as it takes. –Erwin stated. I frowned. What the fuck is wrong with him?

-You are going to pay for it. One way or another. –I threatened. Unfazed by my words, he stood up and sighed.

-Don't you think I know that? I keep counting all the men I've led to their deaths. I will pay my debts in Hell. –Erwin admitted.

-Hell is too good for you. –I hissed, turning around.

-I'm sorry, Levi. –His words stopped me in my tracks.

-What? –I questioned, reluctant towards him.

-I said I'm sorry. I know it's hard for you. Just…bear with me. Follow me. Follow me until I accept the truth. Follow me until we find her. –He answered, his voice cracking.

-I…-I didn't know what to say. I had expected him to tell me to pack my stuff and leave.

-You don't have to say anything. –Erwin stated.

-I'm sorry. –I said, before exiting the room.

* * *

I leaned against the door and sighed, running my hand through my hair. All the anger that fuelled me had run out. I was tired, and bleeding. My neck was bleeding. I chuckled humourlessly and started walking. I didn't know where I was going, but I walked.

I met Jaeger on the hallway. He stopped walking and saluted me.

-At ease, son. –I ordered, too tired to salute back.

-Is something wrong, sir? –He asked. Poor kid. I knew I had treated him like absolute shit. I had been an arse.

-No. –I replied, avoiding his gaze and staring out the window.

-Sir! You are bleeding! –He exclaimed pointing at my neck. I touched my neck and stared at my blood-stained fingers.

-I am. Don't worry, Jaeger. I'm certain you have things to do. –I stated, telling him in an indirect way to fuck off.

-Yes, Heishicho. –He understood and left me alone. I felt guilty. He had worried. I looked at him and called.

-Jaeger. –I called out to him. He turned around and looked at me.

-You've done good so far, son. Keep up the good work. –I smirked. He nervously nodded and resumed his actions.

I also bumped into Mikasa. I saw her glaring at me from the corner of my eye. I knew that us being related somehow bothered her. I had taken it as a joke to annoy her.

-Little sister. –I greeted in a mocking tone.

-Sir. –She answered, her expression as serious as mine.

-It's big brother for you. –I smirked, knowing it would annoy her further. I had to get my mind distracted. What better way to do it than to piss off cadets?

-What do you want? –She asked, clearly angry. In the blink of an eye, it wasn't her who was standing in front of me. I didn't know whether my brain was tricking me. I could see the freckles, the reddish-brown hair. Those powerful hazel eyes. I blinked and it was instantly gone.

-Nothing. –I whispered, immediately resuming my walk.

-Sir. –She called out. I turned around to face her and the concerned look on her face surprised me.

-Yes? –I asked, patiently waiting for her to speak again.

-Are you alright? –She questioned, her eyes softening. She had probably been able to see through me, after all, we were alike.

-Aren't I always? –I implied, avoiding her question.

No, I wasn't. I hadn't been alright since she died. It was as if my façade was slowly breaking down. Every cadet, every soldier, every bloody teenager could tell.

The expedition Hanji had mentioned was at the back of my head. It was amazing to see how far Erwin was willing to go. I didn't know whether I was willing to accompany him. I sighed and continued wandering the hallways aimlessly.

I sat down on a chair and closed my eyes. I was an emotional mess. I was the brink of having a breakdown. Of course, I wouldn't allow myself to do so, but it was still pretty fucking shitty.

* * *

 _-Smile for me, Levi. –She ordered. I just raised an eyebrow and chuckled. She could be so childish. She was laying on top of me, wearing my shirt. It looked absolutely erotic on her._

 _-I do not wish to do so, love. –I teased, kissing the tip of her nose. She blinked and blushed. I loved her._

 _-Fuck you, then. –She stated placing her hands on my chest and pushing herself up._

 _-You already have. –I mocked, pulling her back down. She seemed taken aback by my words before laughing._

 _-I have. –She replied, her eyes looking at me filled with love. She smiled and kissed me. It was no wonder that every time we kissed, it ended up in a passionate making out session. I wasn't complaining, though. I fucking loved it._

 _I had her under me in less than a second, her arms wrapped around my neck. She hooked her legs on either side of my hips and pulled me down. I could feel her. She was almost naked, my shirt being the only piece of clothing that separated my body from hers._

 _My hand slowly made its way towards her heat. My fingers entered her and she mewled in pleasure. I pumped them in and out of her, pleasuring her. I could tell she was getting desperate to touch me. Her hands were everywhere, on my back, on my shoulders, on my hair, on my face, on my arms._

 _I teased her with slow thrusts. She moved her hips, desperately trying to reach her peak. She groaned in frustration when I stopped. I removed my fingers from her and brought them to my mouth. Her eyes widened when I licked her juices off my fingers. I stared at her lustfully. She smirked in a sensual manner and brought her hand down to my pants. She pulled them down and guided my length to her awaiting sex. As soon as I entered her, we both moaned._

 _I thrust into her slowly, focusing on my rhythm. I didn't want it to end. Making love to her was always incredible. She gripped my arms, as if they were the only thing that kept her on the human world. Her walls tightened around me. I didn't know for how we had been connected, but I was starting to feel myself reaching my climax._

 _She was the first one to come. My previous teasing on her had made her sensible. I followed soon after, pulling out of her and tainting the bed. I rolled over on my side. She lifted her head from the bed and placed it in my chest, not before planting a soft kiss on my neck._

 _I wrapped my arms around her waist. Her hair tickled my chest but I ignored it. Having her like this, it was my own personal heaven._

 _She was my utopia._

 _-I love you, Levi. -She whispered into my ear._

 _-I love you too, Merethe. -I murmured, hiding my face in the crook of her neck._

* * *

I was woken up by someone shaking me. I opened my eyes to find Hanji staring at me. She was wearing her cloak and her 3D manoeuvre gear. I raised an eyebrow.

-We are leaving. Go get ready. –She told me. I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand.

-What? –I questioned.

-It's morning already, Levi. We leave for the expedition today. –She stated, crossing her arms over chest.

-What? It has only been a couple of days since the last expedition. –I claimed, unable to understand the sudden announcement.

-Time waits for no man. –Hanji said before turning on her side and walking away. I lifted myself from the chair and followed her.

The fucker didn't even wait a week for soldiers to recover. Then, I noticed. All soldiers were getting ready. It was not optional to tag along. I smirked bitterly.

Death was undoubtedly around the corner.

* * *

" _There is always some madness in love. But there is always some reason in madness." –Friedrich Nietzsche_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed this extra-long chapter. It took me a while to complete it, but it was worth it. Feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**


	43. Chapter 42: Be Still

**A/N: I apologize if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes. I do revise my writing, but sometimes things slip by. I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

 _Levi's POV_

I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing. Only a couple of weeks had passed after we had been on this forest. It was immense. Overwhelming. But, amongst all the trees, dozens of titans enclosed us. We had ventured into the forest because Jaeger had fucking suggested it. Of course, seeing as Erwin, Hanji and I were completely lacking on ideas, the cadets spoke up. I still don't even know why we decided to trust the kid's instincts.

He had fucking guided us to our deaths. I had known death was around the corner. They had appeared out of nowhere. Abnormal titans opening their mouths and reaching out to grab every soldier they could get their hands on. It was a bloody nightmare.

As we tried to escape the bloodbath that was taking place, Erwin raised his arm and fired a green flare.

-Levi, we ought to separate. This is not normal. It is impossible for this amount of abnormal titans to appear here, of all places! –He yelled, focusing on the road.

-Which way? –I yelled back, staring at the back of his head. He pointed to the left. I forced my horse to head into the opposite direction. Hanji was following me. Jaeger had followed Erwin. I had a bad feeling. I was, somehow, overwhelmed by fear; unable to supress it, yet never breaking my blank expression. I knew demonstrating how I felt was a sign of weakness on the battlefield. I looked back at Hanji.

She had long stopped smiling. The moment we entered the forest, titans started pouring out from the trees. We had lost many men trying to dispose of them. I hadn't been joking around when I asked Erwin how many more deaths would take to satisfy him. Albeit he had confessed the truth to me, I was baffled by the amount of men we were losing, and how calm he managed to remain.

A titan was heading right for Hanji. I jumped off my horse and manoeuvred my way to its neck. I sliced the nape in one swift motion and returned to my horse. Hanji nodded as a way to thank me and I nodded back. We continued riding, running away from the massacre. I could see from afar soldiers following close behind us. I knew Erwin was not far from us. Just a couple of meters ahead. A 15 meter class titan neared us, forcing me to go astray. To separate from the established road. Hanji followed me along with the other soldiers. I didn't know whether I was leading them to their death or to safety.

I kept chanting to myself that everything would be ok. I just needed to calm the fuck down. I took a deep breath and focused on the road. There was an opening between two thick trees. We had been there before. I remembered the place. It had been the same place where we had found Ilse Langnar's journal. A valuable piece of information, which allowed us to discover that titans could communicate.

Based on what she wrote, during the 34th expedition outside the walls, Ilse's entire flank was murdered and she was the only survivor. With her horse lost and her 3D Manoeuvre Gear broken, she abandoned her equipment and fled afoot north, to the forest. She was trying to reach the walls. She described everything before her death. We found her body one year later, along with the journal.

Because of Ilse, I wasn't surprised as I thought I would be when we found out about Merethe's abilities. I could still remember what the titan had said to her. "There are no secrets" it had said. I signalled Hanji to follow me into the same place where we had found Ilse's body. I heard people yelling as we got closer.

I managed to distinguish Erwin's voice amongst it all. I couldn't make out what he was saying. I hurried my horse and entered through the opening. I was blinded by the new amount of light that streamed from the leaves in the trees. When my eyes finally adjusted to the light, my heart stopped.

My mind went blank for a moment. I heard Hanji gasp. As my eyes focused on Erwin standing in front of someone on a tree branch, my breath got caught in my throat. Even though the cloak was covering most of the person's face, I refused to believe what my eyes were seeing. I jumped off my horse and killed the first titan that stood in my way. The titans were concentrated on the field where I once thought would be safe. They weren't normal titans. That much I was able to tell from the moment I laid eyes upon them.

They knew exactly what they were doing. The managed to dodge some of the less skilful soldiers and kill them instantly. They reminded me of Eren and Annie. They knew how to fight. As soon as that thought entered my mind, I heard Jaeger groan in pain, causing me to focus on him. I saw him, fighting against his own body; trying to stop himself from turning into a titan. He was unable to do it. A lighting enveloped him and his titan form materialized itself. He roared and started attacking soldiers. He was being controlled. I knew it would be hard to stop him. I looked back at the person whom Erwin was trying to talk to. The cloaked figure had its arms in front of it, as if leading an orchestra. Erwin pulled the hood down revealing a face.

My fiancée's face.

* * *

 _Merethe's POV_

I had ventured into the forest in an attempt to escape from the Survey Corps. They had been following me for almost a week. I was tired. It had been six years since I had been abducted. And during those goddamn six years, all I had done was escape from those motherfuckers. They had tried to kill me numerous times. And every time, without exception, they were wearing masks. It unnerved me.

I had finally managed to lose them when I heard horses. I had to kill them. It couldn't go any longer. I was sick and tired of them. I hated them with all my fucking strength. Even though I spent most of the time hiding and escaping from them, I had mastered my abilities. All those years ago, it had been hard for me to control one or two titans. By the time I turned 29, I could control an army. I could control more than a hundred at the same time without even flinching. It was overwhelming to hold so much power. But, like all things, it came with a consequence.

The other side of me, the one that appeared on my nightmares and tortured me every night, always took over whenever I used them. I had grown accustomed to her. I didn't like calling her "me". She was me, but I refused to accept her as a part of who I was.

I hid on top of the tallest tree I could find with help of a titan. I pulled the hood of my cloak over my head and allowed adrenaline to flow through my veins, fuelling those damned abilities I had been cursed with. As soon as I closed my eyes, I heard her voice inside my head.

 _Kill them all._

I did as she instructed me. I controlled every titan I could get my hands on and sent them straight to the Survey Corps. It would be a bloodbath without a doubt. I smirked cynically and enjoyed hearing them scream in fear. I enjoyed hearing their bodies being torn apart. Not much time had passed before I heard horses coming closer to the place in which I hid. Before I was able to register what was happening, I detected something that picked up my interest. A shifter. A human that could turn into a titan.

I had only controlled a shifter once in my life, back when I was imprisoned. I tried to identify the source of the energy that lingered in the air. My blank eyes fell upon a brown haired boy with green eyes. They weren't wearing masks. That was a first. I didn't allow my thoughts to linger too much on it.

 _Make him kill them._

I lifted my arm to control him. As soon as I acquired control of him, I heard a voice calling behind me.

-Merethe! –I heard a man call. I turned to look at him. As soon as identified the owner of the voice, my head was filled with unbearable pain.

I didn't answer. I didn't want to. Had he finally grown the balls to kill me himself? My adoptive father was staring back at me with fear in his eyes. No mask, either.

 _Kill him._

She spoke up again, making me groan in pain. I ignored his calls, and turned back to the boy. I ordered him to turn into a titan. I could notice his reluctance, he was fighting against his own instinct. I ordered him once again to turn, this time with a threatening warning. He bit his hand and a lighting fell on him. As soon as the steam dissipated, I was met with a gorgeous 15 meter class titan. It was truly beautiful.

 _Kill them!_

I followed her orders and commanded him to dispose of every soldier. I felt Erwin's hand pulling my cloak to reveal my face. He gasped when he became aware of my white eyes, devoid of any emotion.

-Sweetheart, listen to me. You're safe. We're here for you. –He whispered, inching closer towards me.

- _Haven't you always been there for me? Trying to murder me!_ –She hissed. She had taken over, pushing me to the back of my mind.

I could feel her hatred. Her killer intent.

-What are you talking about, Merethe? We've been looking for you! We are here to rescue you! –Erwin exclaimed, grabbing me by the shoulders. Was he lying?

I wanted to hug him, but she wanted to kill him. My hand encircled his neck and I tried to suffocate him. He managed to free himself.

- _You have been trying to kill me! So, it's only fair I return the favour!_ –She yelled, pulling a shiv and aiming for his neck.

Neither of us were able to even touch an inch of Erwin's skin before everything faded into darkness. I fell into someone's arms. Through half-closed eyelids, I identified Levi's grey eyes.

* * *

I felt pain all over my body. As if I had been running for days, my muscles were stiff and aching. I tried to open my eyes, but to no avail. My own body was fighting me. I groaned when I tried to move. I heard someone shift on a chair. Somehow, that sound was enough for me to open my eyes and scan my surroundings.

I was greeted by a freckle covered face and a warm smile. I stared into his eyes and noticed how kind they seemed. My hand shot out to grab his neck and his smile instantly faded. His eyes widened in fear. But, as soon as I grabbed him, pain forced me to let him go.

He gasped for air. He sat down and rubbed his neck. He smiled once again, only this time with a sad look on his face.

-My name is Marco. I'm not going to hurt you, Miss Soltvedt. I'm here to help you. If you need anything let me know. –He said awkwardly.

I didn't answer. He stood up and sighed.

-I'm going to tell them you have woken up. –He announced, making his way to the door.

-Where am I? –I questioned, my voice hoarse. Even if I didn't trust him, I needed to know where I was.

-You are inside the Walls. –He answered before exiting.

Inside…the walls? Back at the walls?

Impossible. I couldn't be back. I should be dead. They should've killed me. Why was I still alive? They were going to torture me. They were going to force to tell them something I didn't know anything about.

I heard quick footsteps coming closer. I tried to sit up but quickly regretted it. They had probably beaten me up to the point in which I could no longer move. The door swung open and I found myself staring in fear at Levi's beautiful grey eyes. I found myself staring at the man I loved.

I found myself staring in fear at him.

* * *

" _Learning to trust is one of life's most difficult tasks." –Isaac Watts_

" _A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." –Charles Spurgeon_

 _"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see." -Henry David Thoreau_

* * *

 **A/N: CLIFFHANGER, BITCH. I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. I hope you enjoyed. Feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**


	44. Chapter 43: Better

**A/N: I hope you enjoy. Please pardon any mistakes.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

 _Merethe's POV_

All I could do was stare at the bags under his eyes. He looked tired. He was panting, as if he had ran all the way to the room where I was being kept. He had a worried look on his face. His bangs were covering half of his face. He had undoubtedly grown older. I surely looked worse than him.

As soon as he recovered from what I presumed was a marathon, he approached me. I immediately tensed up. He must've sensed it, because he stopped dead in his tracks. I brought my knees close to my chest and shielded my face from his gaze. I couldn't understand. I was scared. I was afraid of him. I knew the reason yet I was reluctant towards accepting it.

I felt him sitting down on the bed and wrapping his arms around me. I lifted my head and met his love-filled gaze. I didn't register what was going on until I felt the stinging pain on the palm of my hand. He looked at me with a shocked expression. I had slapped him. Hard. He stood up from the bed and stared at me in confusion. He sighed and rubbed his cheek.

-Are you happy now? Happy to kill me? Are you even aware of what you assholes made me go through? Was it worth it? Was torturing me worth it? Are you going to kill me now? You should've done it when you had the chance. –I questioned, my voice barely a whisper. I was bitter and angry. I wanted to yell at him, to hit him again. I didn't know whether it was me who deserved it or him.

His brows furrowed.

-I was afraid! I was alone! I fucking spent six years alone! I fucking cried myself to sleep every night because I just couldn't bring myself to accept that you had agreed to my death! You tried to kill me numerous times! Why did you take off the masks, huh?! Did you finally decide for me to see my killer?! I missed you so damn fucking much, Levi! I fucking missed you! And you tried to kill me! –I yelled, unable to contain my anger.

-You slapped me…-He whispered. What? Did he…? I just fucking told him what they had done to me and all he registered was the fact that I fucking slapped him?!

And just like that, with his pathetic statement of me slapping him, I broke down. I started laughing. I didn't know why. Perhaps I was happy to see him again. I could tell I wasn't sane. Hysteria took control of my mind. I laughed like a child. I was falling apart.

He softly pushed me to the side, so that there was enough space for him to lay down next to me. I was laughing between my tears. He hugged me from behind, hiding his face in the crook of my neck.

Little by little, I stopped laughing. I silently cried. My head began to ache. I knew I had to stop crying or it would be hell to deal with the headache. I rolled over on my side and stared into his eyes. He stared at my own. He smiled sadly at me and kissed my forehead. I used the back of my hand to wipe my tears away and closed my eyes, leaning closer to him.

-You've got it all wrong, Merethe. We didn't try to kill you. We…started looking for you three weeks ago. I thought you were dead. We all did. –He spoke up. His voice finally found its way into my troubled mind.

-I saw you. I heard you. You were all wearing masks. Ever since I escaped, you've been trying to kill me. –I replied, my voice hoarse.

-…masks? –He questioned, rubbing my cheek with his thumb. He had a confused look on his face.

-Yes. –I said, trying to make sense of his expression.

* * *

 _Levi's POV_

Even after hearing her say that she missed me, I wasn't able to articulate anything that sounded coherent. I had fucking missed her so damn much. She had been alone, scared. I couldn't bring myself to think about it. I couldn't think about her crying herself to sleep. It was killing me not being able to comfort her. So, when she finally stopped speaking, the only thing that came out of my mouth was "You slapped me". I knew that it was stupid, but somehow that made her laugh. I felt relieved for a moment before realizing it was not happiness. It was hysteria. Through her uncontrollable laughter, she started crying. My heart broke at the sight.

She was broken. She had suffered. And I hadn't done a damn thing about it. I wanted to make her feel better, but I knew she was afraid of me. I probably looked like a bloody monster to her. As soon as she calmed down, I lied with her. I hugged her. I hid my face in the crook of her neck, trying to hide the anger that seeped through my veins.

The moment she rolled over on her side to face, my breath got caught in my throat. Her eyes were puffy from crying, her eyes were sad, yet she looked so beautiful. So alive. She told me everything. And it hit me.

Shit. She…thought we had been trying to kill her. That finally brought the pieces of the puzzle together. Those fuckers. They had tried to kill her. Leonhardt probably worked with them. It was not a coincidence. I needed to tell her about Leonhardt, but it wasn't the time. She was in no state to bear with that.

I clarified everything for her. She remained silent throughout everything. I could tell she was tired. I leaned my forehead against hers and closed my eyes.

-You should get some sleep. –I whispered. She shook her head, gripping my arm to support herself.

-I don't think I'll be able to. –She answered, smiling sadly. It was bothering me not being able to see her smile happily. It was too much to ask and I knew it, but I wanted to be selfish. I wanted her to smile for me. I wanted her to tell me that everything was alright.

-Everything will be alright, Merethe. I'm here now. –I told her exactly what I wanted to hear. She needed it more than I did.

-I…I'm sorry. –She apologized. Why?

-Why are you apologizing? I should be the one saying that I'm sorry. –I stated, opening my eyes and looking at her.

-I'm sorry for doubting you. –She repeated.

-I'm sorry for believing you were dead. –I breathed out, pulling her body closer to mine.

She chuckled humourlessly and pulled away. Perhaps my proximity had bothered her.

-You had every right to. I never bothered to come back. –She excused, playing with my hair.

-I missed you. I…never moved on, you know? I couldn't. I thought about you every day. Every single thing reminded me of you. I fucking snapped at every one who brought you up, because I couldn't handle it. I…fuck…I'm not good at this. –I tried to tell her, but I failed.

She smiled at me. A true smile. My heart was immediately warmed at the sight. It was fucking cheesy, but there was no other way to describe how I felt.

-I…still love you, Levi. –She uttered, staring into my eyes. She was the only person capable of making me feel like a boy and not like a man. I was nervous. What if she didn't believe me when I said I loved her back?

-I…-I wasn't able to complete my sentence. Her expression automatically changed. Her eyes looked at anything but me.

-Lie to me. –She said. Perplexed by her words I lifted an eyebrow.

-Why would I do that? –I asked, staring at her face.

-Do it. –She ordered, her voice breaking. I was the only one to blame for her being sad. It took me back to the point in which we started. My memories seemed to show up so quick but they left far too soon. I was trying to find within my memories how to answer her command. I was naïve, staring at the barrel of a gun.

-I don't love you. –I lied, hoping she would understand. She closed her eyes and sighed.

-I know. –She answered, opening her eyes and grinning. She pulled me closer to her and brought her lips to mine. It amazed me how much my words meant to her. They had changed her mood in an instant.

I didn't hesitate to kiss her. I was reminiscing about the days in which we were still together. When we didn't care about all of our mistakes and our failures. She wrapped her arms around my neck. It had been so long, but I didn't expect to see how beautiful she was. Perhaps all that time apart had done her well.

With every kiss, I could feel how real she truly was. I didn't know how I managed to hold on for so long. I knew I wasn't the only one. I had missed her so much. She was alive. She was fucking alive. In my arms. Trapped in my embrace, with no way out. It didn't bother her. I could tell.

We pulled away, gasping for air. I got distracted by her. Her freckles, her eyes, her hair.

-Your hair is shorter. –I pointed out, playing with a strand of her hair.

-Does it look bad? –She asked, nervously touching it.

-It looks beautiful. –I answered truthfully. She looked beautiful in every possible way.

-Yours looks the same. –She giggled. Fuck, I had missed her.

-It always has. –I answered, smirking.

-We never got married. –She stated, staring at my hand. I wasn't wearing the ring.

-Do you still want to marry me? Even after I've been such a shitty fiancée? –I questioned. Her eyes lit up and she smiled.

-No. –She answered. Taken aback by her answer, I frowned.

-I understand. –I replied, forcing myself to accept it. I had hurt her that bad, huh? It was a bittersweet feeling knowing she didn't want it anymore. Perhaps it would make it easier for me to let go of her if it came to it.

-Not until you propose again. –She spoke up again, propping herself up with her elbows.

I stood up from the bed and got on my knees. I took her hand and kissed it. I didn't hesitate. When it came to her, I never did.

-Will you marry me again, Merethe Soltvedt? –I proposed.

-Always. –She answered.

I smiled. She would be prepared for what was yet to come. I had to tell her. It wouldn't be easy telling her the true reason as to why we started looking for her. It wouldn't be easy telling her that she was to face the elders. It wouldn't be easy to tell her that they didn't trust her.

It wouldn't be easy to tell her that they wanted her dead.

* * *

" _My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me." –Winston Churchill_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Please feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**

 **Thank you for your support.**


	45. Chapter 44: Burning Desire

**A/N: I apologize for not updating. I hope you enjoy.**

 **IMPORTANT: I've been having trouble with PM, so if I don't answer to your reviews, bear with me until I fix it.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

 **Warning: explicit content ahead.**

* * *

 _Merethe's POV_

I lied.

I lied to him. I knew it had been a stupid decision, but in order for them to trust me I had to make them think I believed their words. I had accepted his marriage proposal once again. I was having an inner battle with myself. It was killing me. I wanted to leave, to escape their lies. But I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay with Levi. I had missed him so fucking much and yet, I wasn't able to believe any of the bullshit that came out of his mouth.

I felt like a horrible human being. But I couldn't bring myself to believe him after what they had done to me. I still had the scar on my back. Sometimes, the pain resurfaced from my memories and ate me away. Levi was asleep next to me. I could hear his breathing. He had his arm wrapped around my waist, as if he didn't want to let go. I rolled on my side and stared at his sleeping face. I could notice the bags under his eyes. A few barely noticeable wrinkles adorned his features. I had forgotten how truly beautiful he was. He was a chiselled god.

I stared at his lips. I loved the way they tasted. His eyelashes were long. I played with a strand of his hair. He needed a haircut. It was too long. Long enough to fall on his face. I held back a sigh. I sat up on the bed and made my way towards the window. I was going to escape. I knew the headquarters. I had been inside them a couple of times. It seemed as if they had changed their base. Even though I wasn't familiarized with the new schedule for guards, I'd make sure to escape without being noticed. I wasn't wearing shoes, but that had never stopped me before. If anything, it would help me mute my footsteps.

I opened the window and looked back at Levi. He was still asleep. I climbed out the window and jumped down, landing on the grass. My quarters had not been far from the ground. I sneaked past a couple of cadets who happened to be walking around. My heart was beating erratically, in fear of getting caught. I took a deep breath. The gate was my best option at escaping. It wouldn't be heavily guarded since no one was crazy enough to fuck with the Survey Corps. My wrist started to burn.

-Shit…-I hissed, staring at it. It wasn't bleeding, but it was shaking. I knew exactly what that meant. Over the years I spent outside of the Walls, I learned to identify titan shifters. My wrist, my mind and my body would react almost instantly to their presence.

Hiding behind a bush, I tried to catch a glimpse at whoever had such an effect on me. I was able to spot a green eyed boy. I smirked. I had controlled him before. His titan was breathtakingly beautiful. I waited for him to distance himself from the bushes. As soon as his back was turned to me, I ran towards the gates. I was able to reach them without getting caught. I studied the sturdy walls and searched for possible climbing material. I spotted a small crack on the wall. It was big enough for me to place my foot and climb. I wondered if they were aware of the titan boy.

I nodded to myself. It wouldn't be too hard to escape. It would be hard hiding from them when they found out I was gone. I was about to begin climbing when I felt a hand wrap itself around my arm with enough force to make me gasp. Fuck it. I elbowed the person in the stomach and threw a punch straight at his face. He managed to catch my fist in his hand and forcefully push my arm against my own back. I hissed in pain and looked back at my attacker. My breath got caught up in my throat. Levi. Levi was glaring daggers at me. He was panting. He had been searching for me. Fuck.

-Are you done yet?! –He yelled at me, his voice filled with anger.

-No, I'm not! –I yelled back, freeing myself from his grasp and pushing him back. He didn't even move.

-Are you fucking done?! –He questioned, moving closer to me. His proximity forced me to take a few steps back, until my back collided with the wall. He was intimidating.

-Do I look like I'm fucking done, Levi?! –I mustered enough courage to yell at him, even though I knew it would be impossible to escape from him.

-What the fuck, Merethe?! You said you trusted me! Why are you trying to run away?! –He exclaimed, his voice deep. I could tell he was hurt, but at the moment I didn't give a single fuck.

-Are you stupid enough to believe I would trust you after you fuckers tried to kill me?! –I hissed, poking his chest with my finger.

-Yes, I am! Because I fucking trusted you! I fucking believed you! –He shouted. His fist landed next to my head. I heard the wall crack. I gulped.

-And I fucking believed you back then! Somehow you managed to capture me! You tried to kill me, Levi! You tried to fucking kill me! You tortured to the point in which I was coughing up blood! You scarred me! You beat me up! You fucking stabbed me! You fucking raped me! –I cried, feeling the tears threatening to escape my eyes.

His eyes widened. His hand fell from the wall, landing on my shoulder. I held back my tears. He looked at me, pain filling every inch of his grey eyes. His head dropped. He stayed silent for a while before speaking up once again. He looked heartbroken. My heart sunk at the sight.

-I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. –He apologized, his voice breaking.

I was taken aback by his words. My stupid heart responded to his words.

-What? –I whispered, trying to make sense of his apology.

-I didn't know, Merethe. You've got to believe me. We never tried to kill you. We thought you dead. You were declared KIA. –He stated.

-I saw you, Levi. Your uniforms, your capes, your manoeuvre gear. –I argued. I couldn't understand.

-And I saw them too. You told me they were wearing masks. –He answered. I remembered. They had always worn masks. It was, indeed, true that when they found me; they weren't wearing masks, with ther faces displayed to the public.

-But…if you didn't…then who? –I asked, staring into his eyes. He smiled sadly.

-I don't know. We don't know. We saw them on the expedition prior to finding you. We sent a team after them. They never came back. –He replied, running his hand through his hair.

-I don't get it. Who would…? –I murmured, hiding my face in my hands.

I was about to have a mental breakdown. I could feel it.

-I don't know, love. I promise you, I'll find them. I'll make them pay for what they did to you. I'll fucking double the pain they put you through. –He said, lifting my chin with his finger. He caressed my cheek with his thumb.

-There's someone pretending to be the Scouting Legion out there, Levi. I…I know how strong they truly are. I've controlled them. –I confessed, unable to explain myself without telling the truth.

-You controlled them? Like you controlled Jaeger? –He asked, kissing my cheek. I closed my eyes, relishing in the feeling of his lips against my skin.

-Who? –I asked, holding back a moan. Even after all those years, he still had that effect on me. He was the only one able to cloud my mind with lust in the most inopportune moments.

-Eren Jaeger. A brat who can turn into a titan. You controlled him. –He clarified, pulling me into his arms.

-He has green eyes, correct? –I questioned, clutching his arms. My legs felt weak.

-Yes. Brown hair, green eyes and a bloody loud mouth. –He chuckled, kissing my forehead.

I chuckled at his words.

-I'm sorry. –I whispered, hiding my face in the crook of his neck and wrapping my arms around him.

-No, I'm sorry. I didn't explain everything to you. I haven't even told you why we started searching for you. –He sighed, pulling away and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

-Why did start looking for me? –I said, smirking. Levi frowned, unable to take it as a joke. My smirk faded and instead was replaced by a frown.

-We need you to control someone. We need you to break that someone out of their cocoon. –He answered, looking away.

-Cocoon? What do you mean? –I asked, forcing him to look at me.

-She is a titan shifter, just like Eren. She, most likely, works with the people who captured you. We are not sure, though. She tried to kill Jaeger. She tried to abduct him. She failed to accomplish it and protected herself by creating a crystal around herself. –He explained.

-A crystal? I don't understand. She created a crystal around herself, how? –I pressed.

-When she turns into a titan, she is able to harden her skin by crystalizing it. It's some kind of ability that she developed. We haven't been able to look into it as much as we would like. –He uttered, taking off his jacket and wrapping it around me to shield me from the cold.

-I've…heard of that before. They mentioned it. –I replied, pulling the jacket closer to my body.

-They mentioned it? –He asked, clearly confused.

-Whilst they had me locked up, I could hear the guards speaking about it. –I stated.

-Then, she does work for them. –He whispered to himself.

-Perhaps. –I whispered to him.

-I never did ask…how did you…control Jaeger? –He questioned. We were still standing outside, with my back against the wall and him towering over me.

-He's a titan. He turns into a titan. Honestly, he's not the first one. He's not the first titan shifter I've controlled. –I admitted, rubbing my hands up and down his arms.

-Not the first one? –He asked, leaning down to kiss my neck. I threw my head back, allowing him further access.

-I controlled the titan that took me away. –I answered. He stopped his actions and stared at me with a perplexed look on his face.

-The Colossal Titan? Are telling me that the Colossal Titan is a titan shifter? –He asked, his brows furrowing.

-He is. I didn't see his human form, though. I was never able to. I controlled him in order to escape the prison in which they were keeping me. I know who is a titan shifter and who isn't. I feel them. They've got this strong aura surrounding them. –I stated.

-Aura? –He questioned.

-Correct. They feel…overwhelming. Their presence is heavy. I'm not sure how to explain it. –I trailed, unable to explain it.

-I understand. –He answered, nodding. He looked deep in thought.

-What are you thinking about? –I questioned, smiling at him.

-It means that there's something bigger trying to fuck us up. –He said bitterly.

I was speechless. I wasn't sure on how to answer to such statement. I smiled reassuringly at him and pulled him closer. He stared into my eyes, his pupils dilating.

-I won't try to escape again. –I promised. He chuckled and kissed my forehead.

-Thank you. –He answered, running his hands through my hair. I did the same, running my fingers through his hair.

-Your hair is long. –I commented, playing with a strand of his hair.

-I should cut it. –He replied, touching my hand.

-No, you shouldn't. Why not keep the undercut and tie your hair? It would look fantastic. –I suggested, showing him how it would look with my own hair. He smiled.

-Whatever pleases you, ma'am. –He teased, kissing me. I was happy to return the kiss. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pushed myself closer into him. I pulled away, suddenly reminded that we were still outside.

-Have you realized that we are still outside and that anyone could be watching? –I asked.

-Let them enjoy the show. –He answered before kissing me again. I pushed him back gently.

-Not here, Levi. –I whispered. He understood my discomfort and took a step back.

-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…-He trailed off, unsure of how to answer.

-Who told you that I didn't want this? Let's go somewhere else. –I smirked, whispering into his ear seductively.

His eyes lit up like a bloody candle. He picked me up bridal style and entered the HQ with me on his arms. A couple of cadets stared at us with a knowing look in their eyes. I noticed the fact that he didn't take me back to the room in which I had woken up.

Something told me we would keep people awake.

* * *

He opened the door and I was greeted by the sight of an office. The wetness between my legs was begging to bother me. He placed me down on the floor.

-Bloody hell. –He said in a reverent whisper.

My lips curled into a smile.

-Take off your clothes. –I ordered. I removed my clothes, leaving my underwear as the only piece of clothing that separated my body from his hungry gaze.

After he'd locked us inside, he reached behind and tugged his shirt over his head. Or, at least tried to. The buttons were too tight and caught on his jaw. Desperate, he tore the shirt apart. Finally he was able to toss the thing aside. He unsnapped his pants in record time and, wavering slightly, kicked them off, leaving him in his underwear. I stared at his muscles. He was so…sensual. My mouth watered for him.

His body was a work of art. His nipples were small, brown and puckered, his stomach total washboard perfection, ripped with rope after rope of strength. The muscles that tapered from his waistline…I would have to enjoy that line. A fine sprinkling of black hair trailed below his navel, leading straight to a long, thick erection.

-Where's your bedroom? –I asked, my tone strained.

He pointed without taking his gaze from me, his hand firm. My body was needy. I wanted him so bad.

-Too far a walk. –I grabbed him, dragged him further into the office and tumbled him onto the couch. He pulled me down to him, rolling us over so that he was on top of me. His weight pinned me down deliciously.

Instinctively, I spread my legs, welcoming him close.

-If you say someone else's name at any time, I'll kill you. –I teased, enjoying him on me.

-Someone else's name? Love, you're all I've been thinking about since I saw you again. –He snorted.

I arched my back and meshed the core of myself against his erection. My eyes closed in sweet surrender and I chewed on my bottom lip. I mewled in pleasure. I heard him suck in a breath.

-So beautiful. –He whispered. I arched my back again, moaned again.

-That's because I'm underneath you and I'm practically naked. –I scoffed, playing with his hair.

-Completely naked very soon, love. –He whispered into my ear. I had to resist the urge to moan. He licked my ear, then my neck and pressed his erection between my legs.

My fingers gripped his back, pinching the skin. He palmed my breast. I wanted to say something witty, but all that emerged from my mouth was a desperate moan. He shoved the cup of my brassiere down and anchored it under my breast, plumping the flesh higher for his view. For his sampling. Then his mouth descended. Hot, so hot. Like his body. He sucked. Hard, so hard. Like his body. He swirled his tongue expertly.

-Ah…Levi…-I moaned. My hips came off the couch at the sharp sensation and ground into his cock.

He gave the other one his full attention, biting until I cried out, then he licked the sting away. That sting nearly undid me…but not the way I expected. I liked it. Oh, how I liked it. I wanted more. It made me feel amazing. Like a wire was connected to my nipples and every time Levi bit them, a jolt of electricity travelled through me.

-I…need you. I don't want to be gentle. –He growled, his voice deep and erotic. He squeezed my hip in a vice-like grip.

-No. Don't be gentle. –I managed to breathe out. I wanted to be taken, ravished. I had been alone for so long. I had missed the touch of a man. The desire embarrassed me, it frightened me. _Hard, forceful, animalistic, that's how I wanted it._ What was wrong with me?

Wasn't I supposed to want it soft? Tender?

-Hard. –Levi said. I knew he was torn. Back then, he had taken his time with me, enjoyed me. At that very moment he was on fire, and the fire demanded fast and rough, even though he knew he should slow down. I hadn't been touched in years and it would probably be painful. No. I didn't want it slow. The need was…so dark. I couldn't fight it. I didn't want to fight it anymore.

Everything about that moment was seductive. Passion was clamouring for release, hot and heavy. I felt violent, erotic, and I knew it was wrong, but oh, I could eat that man up, one tasty bite at a time.

-Merethe…-He managed to get out between clenched teeth. I couldn't give in to those dark desires, couldn't give in… _please give in._

-Levi…-I panted. With my eyes closed, I ground against him. I knew he loved it when I did that, but I also knew that every time I moved I pushed him closer to the edge. Soon, he would lose control. He would probably do something that would scare me. But…I wanted him so bad.

-Merethe…-He was trying to make me understand, he had to slow things down.

-Don't stop. –I moaned. That was my only reply. He forced his body to still and stared down at me.

* * *

 _Levi's POV_

Her wavy strands of hair had come undone and they spilled over the couch pillows. Her skin was flushed with pink desire. She was ecstasy, a goddess and if I didn't make her feel as wild as I did, I would lose it. I needed her writhing, my name on her lips, and my name in her mind. My name on her every cell, branded deep. I was like a caveman, possessive, primitive. Her breasts overflowed in my hands. Her stomach was soft and flat, adorned by her abdominals. Perfect. Her legs were tapered.

Still holding myself back, still trying to regain some semblance of restraint, I spoke up.

-How rough can you take it? –I said. My bloody voice was a growl. She didn't look scared. In fact, my words seemed to excite her.

-As rough as you can give it. Make me scream. –She whispered seductively into my ear, her voice deep and raspy.

-Are you sure? –I asked. A bead of sweat trickled down my temple and splashed into my shoulder. I was practically humming with the force of my own need.

In lieu of an answer, Merethe smiled wickedly and sank her nails into my back. She clawed me, drawing blood. I hissed in a breath as my cock jerked in arousal. Fuck. That was exactly what I craved.

Motion jerky, I ripped off her brassiere, then reached between us and ripped off her panties. The flimsy material tore easily. She fisted my hair and tugged me into her mouth. Our teeth banged together. Her taste flooded me, sweet like cinnamon, smooth like wine, both urging me to take more of her. I tunnelled my fingers between her legs and shoved two fingers deep inside of her.

-Fuck! –She shouted. She was wet, but I wanted her wetter. As I worked on her, she gasped and moaned and writhed.

-Come. Come for me, love. –I whispered huskily.

-L-Levi. –She struggled for breath as her inner walls clenched tight, clasping onto my fingers and holding them captive. She threw her head back, reddish-brown hair tumbling in every direction. She shouted as she came.

I would have come, too, just hearing my name on her lips. Her nails sank into my back again, then clawed their way to my chest. Even when her spasms stopped, she continued to scratch me and I continued to work her with my fingers, keeping up the frantic rhythm. Maybe she truly wanted it as rough as I could give it.

-We're not done. –She said.

-No. Not done. –I replied.

-More. –She demanded, gripping my underwear and pushing it down my legs. I grabbed her hands and pinned them above her head.

-Wrap your legs around my waist. –I commanded. She did so without protest. She was panting and her breasts rose and fell with every intake of breath. Her pink nipples were pearled, begging for attention. Muted beams of light slithered in from the windows and poured over her naked skin.

She was beauty.

My cock reached for her. Arching up, she bit my collarbone. I growled in pleasure. Her sharp little teeth drew blood. Only then did I slam inside her. The entire couch rocked with motion. Merethe screamed my name. My eyes closed at the intoxicating bliss. It was nirvana. Paradise. Hot, tight, soaking wet. I moved in and out of her, fast, faster. Hard, harder. I couldn't hold back and I knew she didn't want me to. She was as wild as I was, bucking, just like I'd wanted. She nipped her way up my neck.

I released her wrists with one hand, still holding them captive with the other. I used my free hand to cant her face to the side. And then I was biting at the core of her neck.

She came.

I bit and sucked and moved my hand to her ass, squeezing, kneading, spreading her wider. The convulsions of her orgasm intensified; she clenched and clenched around me. Wet beyond my wildest dreams. She screamed, loud and long. That was all I needed to send me over the edge. My muscles tightened and a growl spilled from my lips.

-Levi. –She gasped. Sweat was pouring from her skin, maybe mine.

-Merethe. –I struggled to draw in a breath, struggled to get my heartbeat under control. She didn't try to move away.

I held her tight, not wanting to leave.

I knew that her trial would be held tomorrow. I would fucking kill anyone who tried to hurt her.

* * *

" _Anyone who is in love is making love the whole time, even when they're not. When two bodies meet, it is just the cup overflowing. They can stay together for hours, even days. They begin the dance one day and finish it the next, or-such is the pleasure they experience-they may never finish it. No eleven minutes for them." –Paulo Coelho_

* * *

 **A/N: Holy fucking shit. That was a long ass chapter. I guess I had to make it up to you guys somehow. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. If you know what I mean. Feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**


	46. Chapter 45: Roads Untraveled

**A/N: I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

I stared in boredom at the smiling men that stood before me. Levi and I had enjoyed ourselves the night before. I had expected to wake up with him and maybe go for a second round, since I had missed his touch. Sadly, he had woken me up early. He claimed it was judgement day. He didn't put it that way. A trial, he had called it. I wasn't buying his sugar-coated words. I knew I had to trust him.

I was sure the elders were debating whether to kill me or not. They needed me to break Leonhardt out of the crystal. That was my only purpose. After that, I was no longer useful. Of course, I wasn't stupid. I could lay my cards on the table, but that would possibly end up in blood being spilled. Mainly mine.

I held back a sigh. Levi was behind me, guarding me. I was labelled as "dangerous". I was getting ticked off at the lustful stares the elders were giving me. They all kept silent, and so did I. One of them nodded and the shortest of them approached me. He rolled up his sleeves and smirked wickedly.

-Let's see what you've got, sweetheart. We are only checking for weapons. –He excused himself. I flinched the moment his hands fell on me.

I resisted the urge to punch him. His hands were shamelessly traveling up and down my body. He was "frisking" me. Disgust clouded my mind as he grabbed my butt. I tensed up. I glared at him and he smiled. I heard quick footsteps behind me. The old man's hands were off of me in less than a second. The sound of a fist colliding against the man's face made me snicker. Levi was standing in front of me. The elder was laying on the ground, groaning in pain and clutching his bleeding nose.

-Do not touch her again. –Levi warned, his voice filled with venom. The elder stood up and wiped the blood.

-You just hit your elder, young man. There will be consequences. –The geezer spoke up, trying to remain calm.

-I highly doubt the consequences will affect me as much as the long list of sexual abuse victims you've got. If you know what's best for you, you'll keep your dick in your pants. –Levi said nonchalantly. The old man gasped and glared at Levi.

Even though Levi had just disrespected an authority, the elders kept quiet. They all had hidden crimes, from the look in their faces. The fact that Levi knew about them, immediately intimidated them.

One of the elders cleared his throat and signalled for the door that led to the courtroom. He leaded the way and all the elders followed him. Erwin arrived a few seconds later. He had a worried look in his eyes. He was trying to hide it. He smiled forcefully at me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

-How are you doing, little one? –He greeted.

-I'm…scared. –I said truthfully, not even bothering to lie.

-I know. I am too. –He admitted, looking down at his feet.

-Hey, if I'm sentenced to death, I'll pull your sheets at night. –I joked, unable to tolerate how awkward the situation was.

-Keep silent at all times, unless the word is given to you. Do not say anything witty. Nod at everything they say. –He instructed, his voice serious.

-I understand. –I answered, my voice barely a whisper.

-I did all I could to help you. It's all up to you now. –He commented, opening the door to the courtroom.

Levi poked my shoulder and I turned around to face him. He was good at hiding his emotions. I smiled and embraced him. He returned the embrace and allowed me to walk on my own. I followed Erwin.

A lonely chair stood in the middle of the room. There were soldiers from every military branch. Some distinguished civilians. I sighed and walked to the chair. I saluted and waited for the commander-in-chief to authorize my rest. He nodded and I sat down.

I found myself staring straight into Darius Zackly's eyes. He looked down at me. I knew exactly who he was and I had every reason to fear the man. He was the highest authority within the military structure. The three military divisions, the Garrison, the Military Police, and the Survey Corps were all officially under his command, despite having their own leaders. In matters of military law he was the sole decision maker that couldn't be argued against. Within the context of a Military Court, he had the power to condemn the defendant to death if he chose.

He opened up his mouth and fixed his glasses.

-Merethe Soltvedt, daughter to the powerful Soltvedt family and soldier. –He began.

* * *

 _I sat on my mother's lap, playing with the long red strands of her hair. I giggled for some unknown reason and clapped. She looked down at me and pinched my cheeks. Her freckle covered face was beautiful. To me, she was the most beautiful woman in the world. She smiled. Putting me down on the floor, she stood from her chair and kneeled down next to me._

 _-One day, Merethe, you'll grow up to be an exceptional woman. Strong, beautiful and smart. –She cooed, picking up a flower from the floor and handing it to me._

 _-Thank you, mommy. –I replied, my childish mind too young to comprehend her words. I played with the flower._

 _-Try not to break it. All beautiful things are fragile. Just like this rose. –She told me, signalling the flower I held in my hands._

 _A thorn impaled my skin and I cried out in pain. My mother took the rose from my hand and put it on the floor. She took my small hand on hers and inspected the wound._

 _-This is why you have to be strong. You can be beautiful, but you mustn't be fragile. You have to grow thorns. –She whispered, pulling the thorn out of my skin carefully. I didn't understand her metaphor._

 _-I'm hungry, mommy. –I complained. She smiled, picking me up in her arms and entering the house._

 _I had spaghetti for dinner that night._

* * *

-I hereby declare that if you are to break your commitment to the military at any given moment, you'll be executed. You shall be freed from all charges as long as you accomplish your task successfully. You are to be guarded at all times until I see you are no longer a possible threat to humanity. –He finished.

-Yes, sir. –I spoke up, standing up from my chair and saluting.

-You are dismissed. –He announced, standing up from his chair. Everyone headed for the exit. I remained on my spot, unable to let reality sink in.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked back and smiled when I identified the owner of the hand. Hanji was staring at me, tears on her eyes. I turned around to face her and grinned. She smiled and pulled me in for a hug. I returned the hug with all the strength I could muster.

-I missed you so much, Hanji. –I said, breaking the silence.

-I missed you, too. Oh, Merethe. I fucking missed you. –She cried into my shoulder. I rubbed my thumb against her shoulder in a comforting manner.

-I'm here, now. I'm here. –I chanted. She cried her heart out.

-I'm so sorry. I just…fuck, I missed you. –She sobbed, taking off her glasses and cleaning them before putting them back on.

-I'm sorry I never came back. –I apologized.

-It wasn't your fault. Levi told me everything. I…I'm sorry. –She kept on apologizing. I smiled and wrapped my arm around her shoulder.

-Well, now that I'm not dead, would you like to have a drink? –I offered, trying to lighten up the mood.

-Yes, ma'am. –She answered. I was to be guarded at all times and Hanji was a soldier. We weren't breaking any rules.

-Where do you think you are going, love? –Levi spoke up. I looked back at him and offered him my hand. He sighed and took it.

-Would you like to have a drink with us? –I asked.

-I'm afraid you're not off the hook yet. They need to run some tests, see if you are ok. –He answered, looking at Hanji.

-He's right. –Hanji sighed.

-I feel fine. –I replied.

-I know, but we have to make sure. –He argued.

-Alright. –I gave in, letting Hanji go.

Erwin appeared out of nowhere, pulling me into his arms and kissing my head. I returned the hug and inhaled his scent. I had missed my father.

-I'm glad you are alright. –He murmured.

-I'm sorry for what I said. –I apologized.

-What are you talking about? –He questioned, clearly confused by my words. I was referring to my first words to him. When he found me, I had said horrible things to him.

-That time…-I started, but was quickly interrupted by him.

-It's alright. –He answered.

As soon as we pulled apart I caught sight of a group of teenagers. I identified a couple of them. Marco and Eren. At least, those were the names I remembered. They all approached us shyly. As if they were scared of us. The direction of their gazes told me everything I needed to know. They weren't scared of us. They were scared of me.

-Hello. –I greeted awkwardly.

They all smiled. They looked as if they knew something I didn't.

Perhaps they did.

* * *

" _United we stand, divided we fall." –Aesop._

" _In every conceivable way, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future." –Alex Haley_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Please, feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**


	47. Chapter 46: Fragments of Infinity

**A/N: I'm sure we are all sad about the manga's current events, but let us not dwell on it for too long. Let us enjoy the character's life.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

 **WARNING: Spoilers for the manga ahead, read at your own risk.**

* * *

The cadets all greeted me. Some of them were hesitant towards me, but most of them were friendly. Somehow, knowing all those kids had seen death itself with their own eyes, it angered me. They were children. Some of them had seen too few winters. Too few for my liking. Two of the soldiers stood out to me. They were both tall. Intimidating.

After Hanji finished running tests on me, she allowed me to leave. I was looking forward to sleeping. Bloody hell, I needed it. Making my way to the door, Hanji called out to me.

-Merethe. –She called, drying her hands on her lab robe. She had just washed her hands.

-Yes? –I asked, stopping in my tracks.

-When you break her out of that crystal…please be careful. She's dangerous. –Hanji warned.

-I'm certain they labelled me far more dangerous. –I joked, smirking. Hanji sighed and resumed her work.

I exited the room feeling uneasy. The look on her face had been one of fear. Pure fear. None of them had been allowed to spend too much time with me. Except for Levi, who somehow managed to sneak past the soldiers that guarded me. I knew I couldn't wander the halls alone, it was strictly forbidden for me to be unsupervised. I waited for my escort outside of Hanji's laboratory.

My personal space was suddenly invaded. Calling that man tall would've been an understatement. He was a fucking tower. The guy was almost two meters tall. He sniffed me and chuckled. I looked at him from the corner of my eye, he smiled at me knowingly. I lifted an eyebrow in confusion and he chuckled once again.

-You reek of Levi's scent. –He stated casually. I wasn't a person who blushed a lot, but his words made my face turn completely red.

-I…I…shit. –I stuttered, unable to come up with something sassy.

-My name's Mike Zacharius. A pleasure to meet you Miss Soltvedt. –He introduced himself, saluting me.

-…likewise. –I replied, clearly embarrassed. He smiled at me and placed his hand on my shoulder, leading me to the place where I would meet up with Erwin and a small group of soldiers who would retain Leonhardt if she tried to turn into a titan. I did not know what to expect. I was half expecting an adult woman, covered in scars. All I had been told about her, lead to that image.

But then again, things were seldom what they seemed.

* * *

They were keeping her underground. I stood before the metal door that prevented anything and anyone from entering. Or leaving. Levi, Hanji, Mike and Erwin stood behind me. And behind them, stood some of the soldiers I had seen. Nothing but children. Mike walked past me and placed his hand on the doorknob.

Almost instantly, I felt it. Not only one, but two titan shifters. One of the auras was faint, but the other one was extremely strong. Powerful. I vaguely remembered it. I couldn't place it.

-Stop. –I spoke up. Mike stopped, and stared at me.

-What's wrong, love? –Levi asked, placing his hand on my shoulder. I moved Mike's hand away from the doorknob gently and placed my ear on the door, listening intently at the shifter behind the door.

It was almost a whisper. A man. His voice almost like a boy's. Chills ran up and down my spine when I recognized the presence. My heart got caught in my throat. No. Fuck no.

-Wake up, Annie. Come on. You're in danger. _We_ are in danger. He's waiting for you. Please…wake up. –His voice faintly resonated through the cell's walls.

I signalled them to arm themselves. They did, hesitantly. Then, I allowed Mike to open the door. The door creaked as it opened and I was the first one to step inside. The boy turned around to face me and his eyes widened. He, too, had recognized me. I had never been able to see his human form. Only his titan.

In human form, he had short blond hair, pale eyes, and a defined facial structure. His large height, broad shoulders, and serious expression give him an intimidating presence. He made a run towards the door that was next to the crystal. Another exit. Mike ran after him, yelling his name. And after Mike, the entire group of soldiers. Levi ran after the boy, as well. _Reiner._ That had been his name. I had heard that name before. I had controlled him. Only one of the soldiers stayed behind. Presumably to protect me.

I had been his prisoner. I was about to go after him when a hand on my arm stopped me. I looked back to see a blond kid staring at me. His eyes filled with unshed tears. My hatred-filled gazed softened at the sight. He was in pain. I understood the meaning behind his actions. I turned around and approached the crystal. He was silently begging me to break her free.

-Erwin. –I called out, in need of reassurance.

-They should be able to catch him. –He assured me. My heart skipped a beat when I felt another presence. The feeling was weak, but it was there.

-There's another one! Erwin! It's getting away! –I yelled, turning to the door and pointing at it. Erwin, motivated by my words, ran after Mike. I was about to run after him, but was quickly stopped by the image of the boy playing in my head.

-How can you…-The boy who had previously held me back questioned.

-I feel them. –I interrupted, placing my hand on the crystal and looking inside. I was desperate to go after the titan shifters, but I had work to do. If I failed to do it I would be executed, and I wasn't particularly looking forward to dying.

I stared in amazement at the beautiful young girl that rested peacefully in front of me. She had an oval-shaped face, blonde hair, blue eyes, a Roman nose and pale complexion. She was breathtakingly beautiful.

Albeit I was scared shitless on the inside, I focused on her. I closed my eyes, and tried to link her mind to mine. At first, it was hard but she ended up giving in. They all did. Whatever the fuck I had inside me was too dominant. It was powerful, bloodthirsty. I groaned in pain when our mind fully connected. She was fighting me. She was trying to fight me.

-I don't want this...I don't want your suffering! –I cried, when I regained control over her. She was…broken. She was filled with so much hatred and pain.

-Miss Soltvedt! –The blond boy called. I ignored his calls and focused on her. I opened my eyes and stared at her sleeping face.

-Move. –I ordered the boy. He stepped aside, frightened by the sound of my voice.

I distanced myself from the crystal and extended my arm towards it. With my hand clenched into a fist, I was holding her back from turning into a titan. Her eyes were moving uncontrollably under her eyelids. I could tell. She was scared. I knew exactly how she felt. Shallow rapid breaths started escaping from my mouth. I could feel everything she felt.

The arm that was extended towards her started to shake. I could hold her back for as long as I wanted, but it was making her suffer. It was making me suffer. Blood started pouring out of my nose. I could hear every drop of blood fall to the ground. She kept chanting the same word inside her head. The same fucking word over and over again. It was causing her pain. It was causing me pain. Her pain was my pain.

 _Father._

Whatever happened whilst I controlled her, had never happened. Not even once. I had never been able to feel what the titan was feeling. But, she was no ordinary titan. A titan shifter. I hadn't felt Eren's emotions when I first controlled him. Nor Reiner's. My knuckles had long turned white. I didn't know what I was waiting for. Perhaps I was allowing her to torture me with her emotions. With her memories.

I opened my hand and the crystal broke under her weight. Her body fell to the ground. The blond boy was about to run to her when I stopped him. I shook my head. He nodded and stared at her longingly. His eyes widened when she started groaning. Her body was beginning to transform. A titan. The female titan everyone had been talking about.

Although, she was turning into titan, she was still under my control. She remained on the floor. Luckily, the basement in which they were keeping her was large enough for a medium sized titan. I stared at her as she completed her transformation. She was lying on the floor, with her body curled up into foetal position. I lowered my arm, and ordered her to turn back into a human.

When she finally turned back into human, I was able to see it. The crystal was torn to pieces on the floor. Her body was scratched. I inspected her from afar, looking for any open wounds. I sighed in relief when I found none. I delinked my mind from hers. It took her a few seconds to regain control of her body.

But, as soon as she did, she launched herself at me with full strength.

* * *

 _"_ _We allow our ignorance to prevail upon us and make us think we can survive alone, alone in patches, alone in groups, alone in races, even alone in genders." –Maya Angelou_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**


	48. Chapter 47: I'll Keep Coming

**A/N: I'm truly concerned by the lack of reviews. However, it does not refrain me from writing. I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan nor the song used.**

* * *

I could hear her feet touch the ground, the strength in them. By the time I raised my gaze from the floor, it was too late. Her hands were around my neck, tightening their hold on me. My hands instantly reacted and latched themselves to her wrists. She gripped me harder. I could feel the oxygen in my lungs threatening to escape. I was unable to breathe.

-Annie, stop it, please! –The blond boy begged her. She was glaring at me.

I smirked. I released her wrists and dug my middle and index finger on her sternum. I couldn't breathe and neither could she. Panic filled me and I dug harder into her skin. She started coughing. Her eyes widened. Leonhardt released me. I gasped for air. As soon as I recovered I glared at her. She was still trying to fill her lungs with air.

The cadet began to approach her. I signalled for him to stop. He remained anxious but obeyed my command nonetheless. I shook my head. As soon as Annie composed her breathing, I balled my hand into a fist and aimed straight for her jaw. The sound her bones made when my fist collided against her face was sickening. She fell to the floor. Thinking I already had her beaten, I let my guard down.

A kick greeted my face with enough strength to snap my head to the side. I bit my lip to refrain myself from groaning in pain. Leonhardt stood from the floor and took a fighting stance. I looked at her and grinned. She pointed at the corner of my mouth with her index finger, a triumphant smirk on her face. I wiped the blood with the back of my hand and chuckled as I examined it.

-Your bite is clearly worse than your bark, love. –I commented, waiting for her to attack me.

She remained silent, but clearly amused.

* * *

 _Faintly, I'll go_

 _To take this head on_

* * *

She took initiative by slowly walking towards me with her fists in front of her face. I took the same fighting stance that she originally had taken. She directed a punch straight to my face. I took her wrist and used my free hand to bring her to the floor by putting her arm behind her back. I kneed her in the stomach and elbowed her in the head. She whimpered and I let her go. As soon as she lifted her head, I punched her in the face, relishing in the sound of her bones against mine.

* * *

 _Soon I'll come around_

 _Lost and never found_

* * *

-Annie! –Said the boy, rushing to her. I had knocked her out. Blood was pouring from her nose.

-I'm sorry, Armin. I had to do it. –I apologized, kneeling down next to him in order to assist Leonhardt.

-I…know. It's…I'm…-He trailed off, staring at her face. I observed him. I had to stop myself from smiling. After all, I had beaten the hell out of the girl he loved.

Young love. It was such a beautiful thing.

-Come on. Let's get her some help. I think I must've given her a bloody concussion. –I sighed, carrying the girl in my arms.

-Do you want me to help? –Asked Armin, surprised by the strength I possessed.

-It's alright. Please open the door. I'll take her to Hanji's laboratory. –I stated, adjusting her in my arms. I had managed to recover every bit of my strenght in just a matter of days. I was willing to bet it had to do with my so-called abilities.

* * *

 _Waiting for my words_

 _Seen but never heard_

* * *

I put Annie down on the bed. Hanji was nowhere to be seen. I sat down on a chair and rested my head against the wall. Sighing, I inspected Armin from afar. He had taken Hanji's chair and placed it next to Annie's bed so that he could sit close to her.

I was starting to doze off when Armin spoke.

-How is it? Outside? –He questioned, gently caressing Annie's cheek. I smiled.

-I know you've seen it for yourself, kid. –I said, crossing my arms.

-I've seen very little. –He answered. I stayed silent for a moment before opening my mouth again.

-What do you want to know? –I asked, feeding the boy's curiosity. He turned to look at me.

-Have you seen the ocean? –He asked, his voice barely a whisper. I raised an eyebrow at his words. Not many people knew of the ocean's existence. It was a myth amongst "peasants".

-I have. How did you…? –I waited for him to answer. He smiled.

-My parents had a book. A book that spoke about the world that lies beyond these walls. –He replied, his eyes filled with nostalgia.

-I believe it is forbidden to possess such information. –I teased. Albeit I was joking, he seemed frightened by my words.

-I…-He looked down at the floor, ashamed.

-I'm joking. I had a book like that, too. –I confessed. His eyes lit up like torches and he nodded.

-What does it look like? –He asked. It took me a couple of seconds to answer.

-Like a bed sheet made of water, with foam on its edges. It's blue and big. Like a never-ending sky of water. It's also salty. –I tried to describe it to him, but I was certain I had failed miserably.

He seemed pleased with my answer. He grinned, looking back at Annie and back at me.

-You're lucky, ma'am. –He commented.

-Why? I'm sure you'll see it for yourself someday, kid. –I assured, staring into his blue eyes.

-I'll be long dead before that happens. –He countered, pushing his blond bangs out of his eyes

-Don't think like that. Perhaps I'll show it to you. –I retaliated, standing up from my chair and approaching him. I kneeled down in front of him and placed my hand on his shoulder. The kid was obviously taller than me, a head and a half perhaps.

-Maybe. –He added.

-Listen, kid. In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can. –I stated, smiling. He was taken aback by my words. I stood up and ruffled his hair.

Tired of waiting for Hanji, I healed Annie myself.

* * *

 _Buried underground_

* * *

I stayed with Armin and Annie until Hanji returned. I left Annie under Hanji's wing and headed to Erwin's office. I needed to know whether they had been able to apprehend Reiner and the other presence I had previously felt.

I knocked on the door. I received no response from the other side. Sighing, I opened the door and entered the room. Erwin was asleep on his desk, an empty bottle of whisky next to him. His asleep drunken state told me everything I needed to know. I opened a drawer and pulled out a blanket. I covered him and kissed his forehead. I loved him. He was the strongest fatherly figure I ever had.

I closed the door silently behind me and made my way back to Levi's office. I could hear him cursing, even from a distance. I chuckled to myself and knocked on the door.

-Piss off! –He hissed.

-It's me, Levi. –I said, opening the door. He was standing in the middle of the room, a bottle of wine on his hand. It was as if everyone needed to get fucking drunk.

-We didn't catch them, Merethe. Fuck! They slipped from my bloody hands! –He cursed, aggressively running his hands through his long hair. Somehow, seeing him so frustrated turned me on.

It was no time to listen to my hormones, so I approached him and placed my hands on his chest, drawing imaginary circles on him with my index finger. Little by little, his ragged breathing calmed down. He placed his forehead against my own, gazing into my eyes.

-I failed, Merethe. I failed again…-He murmured, clearly infuriated at himself. I smiled sadly.

-I broke her out of the crystal. –I announced, closing my eyes.

-I can tell. She hurt you…-He uttered, displeased. He rubbed the corner of my mouth with his thumb. The trail of dry blood lingered on my skin. I chuckled.

-You should've seen her. I'm not proud of it. –I sighed, opening my eyes and studying his expression.

-You gave her hell, huh? –He snickered, kissing the corner of my mouth.

-How did they manage to escape? –I coaxed him.

-They…fucking mixed themselves with the crowd. They disappeared. But we are certain they left the walls. Witnesses claim they saw two lightning bolts outside of the walls after we gave up on the search. –He recalled, staring at me.

-Well, shit. –I cursed, kissing his cheek. He smirked.

-Holy hell, woman. Every time I'm around you I'm overwhelmed with basorexia. –He confessed, giving me a soft peck on the lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling myself closer to him.

-I love you, Levi. –I stated, kissing him.

-I know. –He answered.

I hid my face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his tangerine scent.

-You still have it. –He pointed out, toying with the engagement band on my neck.

-Oh…yes. I didn't want to lose it, so I used it as a pendant. –I explained.

-I still have mine, as well. –He said, letting the ring go and playing with my hair instead.

We stayed silent for a while, holding each other.

-Levi, I have to find my parents. –I breathed. He lifted his head and looked at me with confusion adorning his features.

-You fancy seeing them again? –He asked, pulling away slightly.

-I…no. There's something I need to know. I need to know how I acquired whatever it is I have inside of me. –I clarified, darting my eyes away from him.

-I understand. I'll help you find them. But…what makes you think you'll find answers with them? –He questioned, forcing me to look at him.

-I won't find answers with them. I'll find them with my ancestors. –I tried to respond.

-That…what? –He seemed confused by my words.

-My parents won't know. At least, I highly doubt it. They feared the outside world. I know my ancestors used to be adventurers. My mother used to tell me her favourite stories when I was young. –I continued, shaking my head.

-I understand. –He agreed, nodding his head.

-When they abducted me…they wanted whatever I have inside. They kept asking me how I acquired it. They insisted on me telling them who had given it to me. I need to know. –I finished, pulling away completely and sitting down on the couch.

-Hanji will be thrilled if you find answers. –He said nonchalantly. I chuckled.

-You're right. –I reckoned.

* * *

 _But I'll keep coming_

* * *

" _A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it." –Jean de la Fontaine_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot. The song I used is "I'll Keep Coming" by Low Roar.**


	49. Chapter 48: Remember Me

**A/N: I hope you enjoy.**

 **IMPORTANT: Please read the A/N at the bottom, it is of upmost importance.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

I was scared shitless. I hadn't spoken to my parents since I had left. Almost 11 years since I had last seen them. They probably had long declared me dead. It bothered me to think that they hadn't even looked for me. But then again, I had told them in a not-so-polite way to fuck off. Perhaps I deserved it. I had been a good daughter until I turned eighteen. It all went downhill for them after that.

Levi had woken up with a killer headache. He was furious. Although he couldn't get drunk thanks to his fantastic genes, he could still feel like shit the morning after. He had notified Erwin that he would be taking me out of the headquarters for some "personal matters". I knew that Erwin would want to tag along if he found out. I debated whether to wear my uniform or not. My parents would surely disapprove. Erwin had allowed me to wear the uniform if I pleased, so there was nothing else stopping me from wearing it.

However, I was old enough to not give a shit about what they thought. I put on my military uniform, wearing the wings of freedom proudly on my back. I was slightly nervous. Before exiting the headquarters, Erwin approached us with Armin following him closely.

-Levi. Merethe. –He greeted, Armin waved at us from behind him.

-What do you want? –Levi spat out, annoyed at him. He was in a bad mood, it wasn't hard to tell. Erwin smiled at him.

-Hello, Erwin. How are you, Armin? –I said, glaring at Levi for being so rude.

-Hello. –Armin answered.

-Can we help you? –I politely asked, wanting to leave the place as much as Levi did.

-Darius Zackly was informed that you managed to break Annie out of the crystal successfully. –He stated.

-I…it was no problem. –I awkwardly added. Armin smiled and saluted me. I raised an eyebrow at his actions but signalled him to rest nonetheless.

-Welcome back, squad leader Soltvedt. –He chirped, a wide grin adorning his features.

It took me a moment to process his words before they finally dug deep into my mind. My eyes widened and I resisted the urge to grin like a maniac. Next to me, Levi was smirking triumphantly.

-Did he…? –I gasped, unable to move. Erwin nodded.

-He revoked your sentence, and I quote: "she did what she was told without hesitating. She's still extremely dangerous, however as long as she remains loyal to humanity she will be allowed to return to the military branch of her choice, with the rank she previously possessed. If you deem her capable, promote her. She's all yours now." –He quoted, emphasizing every word with pride.

-Thank you. –I whispered, trying to hold my tears back. Bloody hell, it was an honour to go back to the Survey Corps. He handed me the badge that would identify me as a Squad Leader. I pressed the badge close to my heart.

-You're welcome. –He concluded, saluting both Levi and I, and turning around to leave. Armin mimicked his actions.

Levi turned to me as soon as they were out of view. He kissed my forehead and took the badge from my hand, attaching it to my uniform. He smirked at the stupid grin I had on my face. He led me out of the headquarters, since I was still too blind in excitement to register anything else.

* * *

-Where to, love? –He questioned when we crossed Sina's gate.

I inspected the streets, trying to remember where my old home used to be. Somehow my feet knew the way, walking on their own and leading me to a big house on the richest part of the inside wall. It was just outside of the wall that protected the King's castle. I had long forgotten how filthy rich my parents were. I gulped hard when I approached the front door. I couldn't bring myself to knock. I turned to Levi for reassurance. He shrugged. So much for help.

-You can do this, Merethe. You've taken on titans yet you are scared of your parents? What's up with that shit? –I gave myself a pep talk. Levi chuckled and pushed me aside gently.

-Talking to yourself is just sad, Merethe. –He stated, knocking the door. My eyes widened and I punched his shoulder.

-Levi! What have you done?! They are going to answer the door now! What will I tell them? "What's up mom and dad? I need some shit from you and I came back for it after running away and never visiting"? –I hissed, covering my face with my hands.

-It will be fine. –He said, placing me in front of him. I waited for someone to open the door. I was a bit disappointed when no one answered.

-See? There's no one home. Let's go. –I croaked, turning on my heels and preparing to walk away. Levi's hand shot out to grab mine forcefully to stop me from chickening out.

-Knock again. –He ordered, crossing his arms and tapping his fingers on his wrist consistently. I stared at him. He was losing his patience.

I returned to my previous spot in front of the door. I grew a pair and took a deep breath.

-Fuck it. –I said, as I pounded on the fucking door. I heard a pair of feet running towards entrance.

I was met with a sight I had never expected to see. A teenager who looked no older than fifteen or sixteen was staring right at me with a perplexed look on his face. He was as tall as Levi, reddish-brown hair and hazel eyes stared at me. I managed to catch a glimpse of a couple of freckles on his nose. My brows furrowed. He looked…just like me.

-Who are you? –I asked. He narrowed his eyes.

-Who are you? –He countered. I glared at him.

-I asked you first, kid. –I challenged.

-I asked you second, lady. –He argued. The kid was starting to tick me off.

-Whatever, brat. Do the Soltvedts still live here? –I questioned, brushing our previous nagging off and focusing on finding my folks.

He stared at me with suspicion, crossing his arms against his chest. He inspected me from head to toe. His eyes widened.

-We do. –He answered, looking at Levi. Levi lifted his head and stared at him with equal suspicion.

-You…do? –I asked, confused by the "we".

-Are you deaf, lady? Yes, we do. –He confirmed, grabbing the door's knob, as if preparing himself to close it in my face.

I stayed silent, observing his movements before scoffing and slapping my hand on the door.

-Who are you, kid? –I repeated.

-Who are you? –He challenged me again. I pressed my lips together, ready to teach the damn kid some manners.

-Ah, fuck it. –Levi intervened, pushing the kid aside and entering the house. I smirked and followed Levi.

-Hey! This is private property! You cannot just enter the house without permission! –The boy called out from behind us.

-We are from the military, son. Yes, we can. –Levi answered. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and inspected his surroundings. His raised his eyebrows. I mimicked his actions. The house hadn't changed much from what I remembered, it was still big and elegantly decorated.

-Mother, father! Some strangers barged into our house! –The kid yelled at the top of his lungs. I turned around quickly, placing a finger on my lips as if to tell him to shut the hell up.

I froze on the spot when I heard my mother's voice.

-What's wrong, Alston? –My mother asked the boy. The boy, presumably Alston, pointed at me and Levi. He had called her "mother". When realization hit me, I felt chills run up and down my spine. My back was still to them.

-Good morning, ma'am. We are from the Survey Corps. We need something from you. –Levi greeted, his attitude changing.

-Oh? What do you need, young man? –My mother asked. I couldn't bring myself to turn around and face her.

-We are here on confidential matters, ma'am. I'm afraid we cannot tell you. –Levi declared.

-Did Erwin send you? I haven't seen him in years. -She commented.

-He did, ma'am. I'm afraid he couldn't come here personally. -Levi lied to her.

-And who is the young woman? –My mother asked, changing the topic. Levi placed his hand on my shoulder. I tensed up but forced myself to turn around either way.

She hadn't changed much. A couple of grey hairs adorned her red hair. She had grown older yet she still looked beautiful. The wrinkles on her face were barely noticeable. She was still elegant, poised. She was the finest example of elegance. A rich woman who took good fucking care of herself.

-Good morning, ma'am. –I greeted, trying to keep the conversation formal. She furrowed her eyebrows when she inspected me.

Tears built up at the corner of her eyes, she gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. She reached out to touch my face but I backed away in fear. She smiled sadly. She had undoubtedly recognized me.

-Merethe. –She uttered. I tried my best to avoid eye contact until she placed her hand on my cheek, forcing me to look at her.

-Hello, mother. –I said. I caught a glimpse of Levi's smile from the corner of my eye.

-Mother? –Alston asked.

The little shit was my brother.

And I was his older sister.

* * *

" _The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward." –Amelia Earhart_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed. If you stopped to read this, I thank you.**

 **It is up to you, the readers, to decide whether I should add filler to this story. I'm leaving this for you to vote, for it is your story not mine. When you let me know in the reviews, please take something into account.**

 **-Filler will just add to the story (it will be mainly fluff and funny stuff).**

 **-The story will be longer, but you'll be able to see Merethe's friendship grow with the cadets.**

 **-If filler is not added, the story might end up looking rushed.**

 **It is up to you. Please let me know. If you liked it, please feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**


	50. Chapter 49: A Lover's Spat

**A/N: People said yes to filler, so let us filler away. I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

I found myself returning my mother's hug. She had cried for a while on my shoulder, perhaps crying out all those years I disappeared. Levi had silently witnessed the whole thing. When my mother finally calmed down I cleared my throat, reminding her that Levi and I were there for a reason. My mother released me from her embrace and smiled at me. She took a seat on the couch, and stared at me.

It ashamed me to think I would've never gone back to my old home unless I needed something. I looked back at Alston. A horrible thought crossed my mind. What if my parents had had him as my replacement? I had denied them the pleasure of seeing me run their legacy as my own. My baby brother was staring at me with a perplexed look on his face.

-Alston, I'd like you to meet Merethe, your older sister. –My mother spoke. Alston opened his mouth as if to say something but quickly shut it. He offered me his hand. I shook it with as much enthusiasm as him.

-What's up? –He greeted in a casual manner. I smiled at his words. He reminded me of myself when I was younger.

-Hello, Alston. –I replied, taking the opportunity to take a closer look at him to my full advantage.

My mother stood up from the couch and ran towards the stairs with a horrified expression. I raised my eyebrow at her actions.

Levi cleared his throat from behind me and I understood the message. I nodded and signalled him to follow me. I still remembered where my father's office was. From the corner of my eye I saw Alston following us. I chuckled at his curious nature.

-If you are my sister, how come I've never heard of you? Mother and father never mentioned you. You never visited. There are no pictures of you around the house. Who are you, lady? –He asked, stopping me dead in my tracks. I could feel the venom in his words. Levi sensed it too, because he took my hand and nudged me to keep walking.

-I…wasn't…I…-I was unable to answer him. He glared at me.

I heard footsteps fast approaching the hallway in which I was standing. My gaze travelled from my brother's face to my father's. His intimidating look had not softened over the years. His ever-dominant posture and his serious face found themselves silently judging me.

-I see you accomplished your goal. –My father broke the awkward silence, eyeing my military uniform. I gripped Levi's hand. Because, fuck, I needed someone to back me up.

-I did. –I answered with the same cold tone my father had taken.

-Congratulations. –He stated, clearly not amused. His eyes widened slightly when he noticed my hand holding Levi's.

-Father…-My younger sibling intervened.

-Silence. –My father harshly barked. I felt my heart clench when I saw the look on Alston's face. I was all-too familiarized with that look. I had had that look when I was younger. The look of embarrassment and humiliation. It was a "must" when speaking to my father.

-Honey, please. –My mother's soft voice begged. My father stole a glance at her, understanding the meaning behind her words.

-Why are you here, Merethe? –My father questioned approaching me. I stood my ground. I had backed away in fear all those years living under his bloody roof. Not anymore.

-I'm here on professional matters, father. I did not come to pay you a visit. –I answered, unable to hide the anger in my voice. My display of emotions seemed to surprise him.

-And what business could humanity's strongest soldier and my daughter have in my house? –He asked, looking at Levi with revulsion. He had recognized him. Of course. Everyone knew who Levi was. Levi glared at him. I knew Levi's glare was frightening, but I didn't expect my father to look away from him in discomfort. I silently congratulated Levi.

-We're here to search your office, sir. It is confidential business civilians should not know of. –Levi retaliated.

-I have the right to know. After all, it is my house you are searching. –My father testified. I glared at my father.

-It is none of your concern, sir. I can assure you, it won't trouble you or your family. –My fiancé answered.

-It already has, son. The military took my daughter away from us. I will not allow you to take anything else. –My father spat out, glaring at Levi. Levi smirked cockily, wrapping his arm around my waist.

-As far as I'm concerned, sir, your daughter left willingly. –Levi challenged. A triumphant look filled Levi's eyes when he saw the furious expression on my father's face.

-For what? A miserable life? Mistreat? Money? Her death? –My father's voice snarled.

-For herself. Because you never supported me. Because you never fucking thought about what I wanted! You are a selfish arrogant man. –I answered, clearly angered at his words. My father raised his hand, ready to slap me. I didn't bother trying to stop him. I deserved it. I closed my eyes, waiting for the upcoming pain on my cheek. It never came. When I opened my eyes, Levi's hand was tightly gripping my father's wrist. His face was clouded with pure fury.

-Don't you dare lay a bloody hand on her. –Levi warned. My father struggled to free himself from Levi's grasp. Levi made a "tch" sound before letting my father go.

-So that you Neanderthals can lay your hands on her? With all due respect, son, you do not deserve her. I'm not blind. I already noticed the band on your finger. Do you really think you can give her everything she wants? Everything she needs? You are nothing but a mere soldier playing the hero. –My father hissed.

-Father! –I exclaimed. That had been a low blow and I knew it. The words he had said to Levi had hurt me. It was not true, but his words had been filled with enough hatred to make you think it was.

-You could've married a rich young man and instead you chose this…this…savage. –My father uttered, pointing at Levi.

-It is none of your business who I decide to be with. Not anymore. –I avowed, holding back my anger.

-What did you do to her in order for her to be with you? Did you brainwash her? Beat her up? Threaten her? –My father insisted, ignoring me.

-I _fucked_ her. –Levi answered with a serious tone. The words had rolled off his tongue deliciously.

My father was speechless. My entire family was speechless. _I_ was speechless. It took a couple of minutes for my father to swallow that piece of information. He closed his eyes and balled his hand into a fist. He clenched it and unclenched it, trying to calm himself down. I refrained myself from giving Levi a pat on the back. That had been amazing. My brother had his mouth hanging wide open. My mother had covered hers with her hand. Her eyes were filled with surprise. I could imagine what was going on through their minds. When my father finally opened his eyes, he sighed.

-Take what you need and leave. –My father ordered, turning on his heels and walking away. I silently stared at his retreating form. The rest of my family remained in the room.

I walked over to my mother and placed my hand on her shoulder.

-I'm sorry, mother. –I apologized, looking into her eyes. She gave me a sad smile before signalling me to follow her.

She led us to my father's office, where I inspected every corner until I found what I needed. My ancestor's journals. They were filled with maps and stories, instructions and old notes. I grabbed the notebooks and handed them to Levi. I smiled at him when I noticed the regret-filled expression that adorned his face. I caressed his cheek, giving him a reassuring pinch on his jaw. He chuckled at my actions and slapped my hand away playfully. My mother was silently staring at us. She had a nostalgic aura surrounding her. Alston was standing next to her, a hand on her shoulder. I inspected the office, looking for anything else that I could use. Satisfied when I found nothing, I turned to face my mother.

-Thank you. –I murmured. My mother smiled, opening her arms, inviting me to hug her; a gesture I did not hesitate to correspond. I buried my face in her neck, inhaling the sweet aroma that she always had. Something similar to caramel.

-Listen, honey, you can always come back to us. My door will always be open for you. Until then, come visit. I'm glad that you came back. I'm glad that you are alive. –She whispered in my ear.

-After what I said to father, I highly doubt he'll welcome me with open arms. –I claimed, smiling sadly.

-He's just…angry. It'll pass. –She sighed, pulling away and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

-I hope. –I said, leaning into her touch.

-I'm not happy that our family reunion was like this. We'll make amends the next time you visit. I'll make your favorite dish. –She chirped. I chuckled at her and nodded.

* * *

She walked us to the door. We bid farewell and I promised to return. She closed the door, ending our reunion. I hadn't even climbed down the stairs of the porch when I heard the sound of the doorknob turning. I looked back to meet Alston's gaze. He seemed hesitant towards talking to me. I turned to him and patiently waited for him to speak.

-You'll come again soon, right? –He spoke up, silently begging me. I smirked.

-I thought you didn't like me, brat. –I teased. His eyes lit up and he smiled.

-I've never seen anyone stand up to father like that. It was…awesome. I think I want to get to know that person better. –He complimented. He tugged at my heart with those words.

-Don't let him intimidate you. I allowed him the pleasure of seeing me suffer. Never let him know what you are feeling. –I advised, ruffling his hair.

-Thanks. –He thanked me.

-Alright, I'll get going now. I'll visit soon. –I promised, holding out my pinkie finger. He hesitated before locking his own with mine.

I was a few feet away from him when I heard him yell at me.

-I think it's cool that you are a squad leader. –He yelled. I smirked. He had recognized the badge. I shook my head whilst chuckling.

-Kids will be kids. –I said to myself.

-Kids will be kids, indeed. –Levi agreed, adjusting the journals on his arm before taking my hand in his.

I had something important to do before actually considering visiting them again. And it couldn't wait. I was eager to read whatever information I could gather off of the journals. I would finally find out what I had inside of me.

And if there was a way to get rid of it.

* * *

" _True friends stab you in the front." –Bring Me The Horizon (True Friends)_

* * *

 **A/N: Holy shit, Levi. I hope you enjoyed. Please feel free to review if you liked the chapter, it really does help me out a lot.**


	51. Chapter 50: Architect Of Dreams

**A/N: I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

WARNING: There are some spoilers ahead. If you know who the real Colossal Titan's and his friend's identity is, feel free to continue. If not, read at your own risk.

* * *

 _To you, dear successor:_

 _By the time you read this, I am long dead. A dead man. I failed to accomplish my goal. The long forgotten goal that was set for our surname. A goal so noble, it was buried along with me. If you are reading this, it means that you have awakened the ability to control titans. I stole that ability. I stole it from the King. I stood side by side with him as a friend, and I became his enemy by betraying him._

 _You cannot undo what has been done to our bloodline. It will be passed down to every Soltvedt generation. The children of your grandchildren will have it. Every member of the Soltvedt house will have it. It is awakened by having close contact with titans. It is most likely your parents did not know of this, or refused to awaken it. Our house will grow as cowardly but regain its prestige. You, who have joined the army, have to accomplish our goal._

 _We need not a monarchy, we need and we crave democracy. Destroy the King, create anarchy within the monarchy. Lead the revolution. Become the leader of our new future. We have forever been ruled by social statuses, eliminate them. Control the titans to show people what the King truly is. Show them that the cause of our grief lives within our Walls. Destroy each and every titan, destroy the Hometown. Bring peace to our broken society. Colonize every corner of the world, bring happiness. Become a monster if need be... I've damned you with this curse. What I did, cannot be undone and for that, I apologize._

 _If you are going through hell, keep going. I cannot say it will get better, because the future is uncertain. Find a way or make one. Make our goal happen. Make humanity succeed. Thrive off your abilities. Find a way to give people what they deserve._

 _Become my architect of dreams._

 _I wish you luck._

* * *

I gulped as I read the words. Who the fuck did he think he was? He had no right to tell me what to do. I was scared. I was confused. I didn't know what he meant. I felt like a child cursed with ignorance. What did he mean by "stealing from the king"? Did he steal the ability I possessed? If so, how? Was it some kind of magical potion or some real shady shit? It didn't make sense. I wanted to ask him. Ask him why the fuck he had been so goddamn selfish.

I lied in bed, staring at the ceiling with the note on my hand. Levi was sitting on the chair next to our bed staring at something I couldn't quite see. He was most likely staring into space. It wasn't normal to see him like that. I didn't want to ruin his moment, but I needed to show him the note. I lazily stood up from the bed and approached him. He lifted his gaze from the ground to look at me. I handed him the note and he raised an eyebrow. I just signalled him to read it. He did as told. With each word, his expression changed. From interest, to confusion, to surprise, to anger and finally to confusion once again.

-He's fucking mental. –Spoke Levi after reading the note.

-I…thought the same thing. –I sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed.

-Are you going to…? –He didn't finish, but I knew what he meant.

-I don't know, Levi. He's asking me to do something dangerous. He's asking me to destroy the life we all know. –I croaked.

-No offense, love, but your family is a little fucked up. –He stated. I chuckled at his words.

-None taken. –I replied.

-I cannot believe the King is involved in this shit. –Levi echoed the man's words in a less diplomatic way.

-What if he is the one that ordered Reiner to break through Wall Maria's defences? –I asked, my eyes widening.

-He could very well be the one that also ordered Bertholdt to break Shiganshina's walls. If what he says is true, then we need to bring him to justice. –Levi declared, folding the note and placing it on the bed's surface.

-One does not simply accuse the King of treason. –I breathed. He raised an eyebrow and smirked.

-Touché. –He agreed.

-What do we do? –I asked, albeit I already knew the answer.

-We show Erwin the letter. He will handle it in a diplomatic way. You and I, we are used to solving things with violence. –He answered, looking out the window.

-Hey! I do not solve everything with violence. –I exclaimed, punching his arm.

-You just hit me. –He teased, smirking triumphantly.

-Suck a dick. –I hissed, glaring at him. His smirk only widened. He kneeled down in front of me and tilted my chin closer to his face. He leaned in, his lips almost touching mine. I closed my eyes, my anger somehow fading at his proximity.

-You'll be the one sucking. –Levi whispered against my lips. I opened my eyes and gasped. The fucker was back on his seat casually reading the note.

I couldn't argue with the fact that that was smooth as fuck. I crossed my arms and pouted.

-I hate you. –I stated, not really meaning it.

-I love you. –He answered, actually meaning it.

We both stayed silent, glaring at each other. In the end, I lost the staring contest. It had been a long day and I needed to sleep. I climbed into the bed and tucked myself in. I blew out the candle that rested on the nightstand of my side of the bed. Levi's was still flickering. I closed my eyes and listened to his breathing. I wondered if he was still reading the note. He was probably analysing it. The note hadn't even been signed. I didn't know his name.

I was starting to fall asleep when I felt Levi's body weigh down the bed. Out of instinct I reached out to wrap my arm around him. My arm met his own and he rolled on his side so that he was facing me. I opened my eyes and looked at him lovingly. He was staring at me with sadness in his eyes. He seemed so insecure, almost vulnerable. It pained me to see him like that. I had never seen him like that.

-What's wrong, Levi? –I asked, concerned for his well-being. He never displayed such emotions, it was rare.

-Am I worthy? –He whispered, looking at anything but me. I didn't quite understand what he was talking about.

-What do you mean? –I asked, dumbfounded. He smiled sadly and stared into my eyes.

-Do you think that what your father said is true? –Levi questioned. It took me a moment to register and process his words. At first, I didn't understand; but then, it hit me. My father had said some cruel words to Levi.

-Levi…he doesn't know you. –I tried to say.

-But that doesn't mean that I'm worthy of putting a ring on your finger and claiming you as mine. I'm not an aristocrat. I have nothing but myself to offer you. I'm not enough. –Levi whispered. It was killing me on the inside to hear him say those things about himself.

-I'm not an aristocrat either. –I said. It was true. The moment I left my house, I was instantly disowned.

-You don't understand, love. I…have this bizarre feeling that I want your family to like me. I don't know why. Perhaps I want a family, and yours is the only way I'm going to get that. I want them to accept me as your partner, but I screwed my chances when I told your father… _that_. –Levi sighed. I resisted the urge to giggle, because that had been fucking hilarious.

-Who gives a shit about my dad? He's an asshole. Besides, my mother liked you. –I tried to console him.

-It's not the same thing. –He countered. I sighed, climbing on top of him, straddling his waist. With me sitting down on top of him, he was unable to move. I leaned in and cupped his face with my hands.

-Listen, Levi. I love you. I fucking love you so much that it actually hurts. And as long as I love you, my father will have to accept it. If not, all that matters is that I chose you. Not some rich asshole that would've treated me like his trophy wife. Like his servant. –I said, smiling at him lovingly.

-I love you too. –He answered.

-If you want a family, once we're married, I'll give you one. We'll have our own family. With mini Levis running around. And a dog. –I concluded, a playful tone on my voice.

-Yes, that sounds good. –He smiled, pulling me closer to his body.

The thought of having a family with Levi sounded like a dream. It was almost like a dream. But, we had a long way to go before actually achieving it.

A mini Levi actually sounded great. I already loved the inexistent child.

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks Treelover808 for always supporting me. If you liked this chapter, feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**

 **KIDS, BITCH.**


	52. Chapter 51: Numbers

**A/N: I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

 _Merethe's POV_

I glared hatefully at the stack of paperwork that rested on my desk. I was back to being a Squad Leader, which also meant piles of paperwork. I had just finished three piles of it and there was still so much of it laying on my desk, silently torturing me. I sighed, taking one of the many sheets and signing it. My wrist was killing me and it wasn't because of the sudden rush of adrenaline I got every time there was titan nearby. Over time, I had learnt to control it. It was amazing how much I had learnt whilst being alone.

I was halfway through a stack when my wrist got cramped. I groaned in pain and angrily put the pen down on the desk. Satisfied by the breaking sound it made when it hit the hard surface, I smiled. I had actually missed paperwork, as fucking tedious as it was. I caught sight of Marco out of the corner of my eye. Erwin had made him my personal assistant. It was quite fun, since I barely had him do anything for me. He noticed me staring at him and he turned to face me.

-Do you need anything, Miss Soltvedt? –His sweet voice spoke to me.

-…I'm tired. –I yawned, covering my mouth with the back of my hand. I observed his hand holding the broom. He had been cleaning my office and I hadn't noticed. I smiled at him and he smiled back, putting the broom aside and sitting down on the chair in front of my desk.

-You should stop for today, Miss Soltvedt. I think you've done more than enough. –He advised, organizing the messy pile of paperwork.

I watched his every move, inspecting the way his hands moved, studying him. I didn't do it with malicious intent, I just observed him with curiosity.

-I'm sorry for trying to kill you. –I apologized. He raised his gaze from the desk to look at me in the eye. He smiled warmly at me.

-Apology accepted. I understand, ma'am. You were scared. I would've been scared if I had been in your shoes. –He replied, excusing me.

-Marco, do you like to cook? –I asked randomly. He seemed confused by my sudden change of topic, but he giggled nonetheless.

-I do, ma'am. Why? –He answered my question happily.

-Come with me. I'm sick of fucking paperwork. –I said, standing up and opening the door. Marco followed me all the way to the kitchen.

I tried to stand on my toes in order to reach a cabinet but failed miserably. Marco saw me struggling and opened it for me.

-What do you need, Miss Soltvedt? –He asked, examining the contents of the cabinet.

-What do you want to cook, Marco? –I questioned, taking a step back and tapping my finger on my chin whilst staring at the inside of the cabinet.

-Uh…a cake, perhaps. A salad? –He replied, unsure. I smiled.

-Why not both? –I said, pointing at the ingredients we needed.

* * *

 _Levi's POV_

Where the fuck was she? I had looked for her everywhere. Her office, my office, Erwin's office, Hanji's office and laboratory. I had even searched the training grounds. She was like a bloody ghost. I didn't know how she managed to disappear so easily. Panic started to creep up on me and I was getting desperate.

Standing in the hallways, I watched people walk past. A few cadets here and there. I hadn't even been able to find her assistant. I caught sight of Armin from the corner of my eye. He spent a lot of time on Merethe's office. I knew that he liked hearing about the outside world. It was ironic. She often spent hours describing the ocean to him, the palm trees, and the fruits. Her words, her voice was hypnotizing. I'd lie if I said I hadn't gotten lost in those hazel orbs of hers. I'd lie if I said I hadn't stopped paying attention to what she was saying because of her voice.

-Armin. –I called the blond boy, and he turned to face. He saluted. It was quite annoying having to tell them to rest every time they saw me.

-Yes, sir? –He asked, his voice trembling. Did he still fear me because of Eren's beating? I sighed.

-Have you seen my wife? –I questioned, signalling him to be at ease.

-Technically, she's still not your wife, sir. –He answered. Little shit. I refrained myself from punching him. I knew it very well. I still wasn't married to her.

-That is not the answer to my question, brat. –I spat, glaring at him. He knew better than to piss me off.

-No, sir. I'm sorry, sir. –He apologized, bowing his head and walking away quickly.

-Fuck. –I cursed, running my hands aggressively through my hair. My movements stopped when I felt the ponytail. I smiled. She had told me to keep the undercut and grow out the hair, so that I could tie it up. She had been right. It looked bloody amazing.

I didn't register what had happened until I was lying on the floor, with someone on top of me. I opened my eyes and glared at whoever was suffocating me. Siguanaba, aka Jean Kirstein, was looking back at me with pure fear in his eyes. He looked like he was about to shit his pants.

-Get off me. –I ordered.

-S-Sorry, Heishichō. –He stuttered, standing up and offering me his hand. I took it and he helped me up.

-What the hell, kid? –I spat, dusting myself.

-I'm sorry, sir. I've been looking everywhere for my boyfriend. I believe, actually, that he was working with your fiancée. –He said, tapping his finger on his chin. I crossed my arms.

-Any luck? –I asked. Kirstein seemed surprised by my words. He shook his head.

-No, sir. –He answered.

-I can't find my fiancée, either. It is quite possible they are together. –I implied, rolling my eyes.

-Perhaps you are right, sir. Would please help me find them? –He asked, rubbing his hands together as if he had just joined forces with humanity's strongest soldier. Oh, wait, he had. Or that's what he tought at least.

-Yes, son. Let's go. –I stated, resuming my search with Kirstein following close behind me.

* * *

I had my mouth hanging wide open. The colour on my face had been completely drained. I closed my mouth and looked at Kirstein. His face looked exactly like mine. We had not even entered the kitchen when we heard groans coming from behind the door. Was she actually doing it? Was she actually cheating on me? I had fucking known it. I wasn't good enough. But, was I really such a shitty partner? Did she really need to find herself a younger man?

-Oh, Marco, you are so good at tossing salads. –I heard her say. Tossing the salad? Fuck no.

-Could you please fasten your pace, ma'am? –I heard the little shit ask. Was she...? Hell no.

-Harder? –I heard her question. No.

I gulped, hard. I mentally prepared myself for the scene that would inevitably greet me. I placed my hand on the doorknob and swung the door open.

Merethe turned around with a look of surprise on her eyes and a spoon on her hand. Relief washed over me. She was cooking. Fucking hell, she was fucking cooking.

-Levi? Is something wrong? –She asked, wiping her hands on her apron and approaching me slowly. Surely, my appearance had told her everything. I smirked the moment she was close enough for me to wrap my arms around her waist. I turned her around and pulled her close to my body, inhaling her sweet cinnamon scent. Her back was against my chest. She giggled, making her hair tickle my nose.

-Everything is fine. –I said, smiling against her head.

-Whatever helps you sleep, mate. –She said jokingly.

I turned her in my arms and brought hers up around my neck. She had a loving look in her eyes. One that she always held every time she looked at me. She gave me a quick peck on the lips.

-I've been looking everywhere for your arse. –I stated, spanking her in a teasing manner. She gasped and smirked.

-Well, you've found it. –She answered, kissing my cheek.

-What am I going to do with you? –I said to myself, shaking my head. She leaned in to my ear.

-I've got an idea. –She whispered seductively.

-I'm dying to hear it. –I answered, biting her neck. She moaned softly.

Kirstein and Bodt cleared their throats. I glared at them warningly. They took their cue to leave the kitchen.

-Grumpy. –She teased, running her hands up and down my arms.

-I'll show you grumpy. –I groaned.

* * *

" _Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." –Mahatma Ghandi_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**


	53. Chapter 52: Lost In The Fumes

**A/N: I hope you enjoy.**

 **IMPORTANT: I know some of you do not read my mature chapters, but I recommend reading this one to the end.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

 **WARNING: explicit content ahead. Read at your own risk.**

* * *

 _Merethe's POV_

I sat in the edge of the bed I shared with Levi, silently staring at the wall. The cold winter air had started to crawl its way into the walls, making the HQ walls colder than they already were. With my naked back turned to Levi, I stole a glance at his sleeping face. I was freezing, yet I couldn't bother with dressing myself. I brought my hand to my hair. I actually missed my long hair. Now it only reached my shoulders.

A strong feeling had woken me up in the morning. I had been awake for over an hour and I still couldn't place it. I felt Meadow's fur brushing against my leg. I looked down at her and petted her gently. She had gotten old. I was surprised about her still being alive. It wasn't like I had expected her to die, but... I was 29 years old and I still looked in my early twenties. I had long deduced it had something to do with…that. I thought I would grow old with Meadow by my side.

Levi had delivered the note to Erwin. Erwin's face had been filled with shock. He had asked us to leave him alone for a while, just long enough for him to sort his mind out. Before falling asleep, he had knocked at our door; informing us that we would be questioning Leonhardt about it, since she was part of the Hometown. We all doubted we would be able to get something out of her without involving torture. Hanji and Levi had both been eager to torture Annie, since they had experienced first-hand how cruel she could be. They had both claimed they wouldn't make it personal, but Erwin knew better. I knew better. If we wanted Leonhardt to be our ally, we needed to make her one of us. She need to believe that we were on her side, that we would protect her. She needed to believe that we were her family.

I knew that would be hell to achieve. But there was something to our advantage. And that was my dear Coconut friend, Armin Arlert. All right, perhaps I considered him a friend, but he didn't. It mattered not. We would force him to make her talk. I knew it sounded cruel, fuck, it sounded like something evil. But, we had no other choice. If we were to create a revolution, we had to make sure the King's allies were dead. They didn't spare any lives, and neither would we.

I stood up from the bed and walked over to the window. Every pore on my naked skin immediately complained. Only a few hours left until the dawn. I rubbed my hands up and down my arms, trying to warm myself up. Everything outside was dark. It was a cold, moonless night. Somehow, even the world knew how fucked we were.

I sighed and returned to the bed. I lied back down and covered myself. I closed my eyes, in hopes of falling asleep without anything or anyone pestering me. I was beginning to fall asleep when I felt something wrapping itself around my waist. I opened my eyes and looked back at the owner of the arm. I smiled.

-Are you alright? –Levi asked, concerned.

-I was, until you woke me up. –I joked, rolling on my side to face him.

-No, I mean before I woke you up. You weren't asleep. –He said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. My mouth opened but quickly shut.

I shook my head, as if to brush it off. He raised an eyebrow, clearly not satisfied with my answer.

-I was…thinking. –I vaguely replied, watching his body rise and fall with each breath he took.

-About what? –He asked, readjusting his position. I smiled, knowing he would stay up all night listening to me if needed.

-About Annie. –I answered. His expression changed. He furrowed his brows almost instantly.

-We'll take care of her, you do not need to get involved. –He stated.

-I'm already involved, Levi. She knows what I'm capable of doing. –I argued, closing my eyes.

-We'll find a way, I promise. –He whispered. Silence covered the room like a curtain, like one of those expensive thick curtains that barely let any light inside the room.

-Okay. –I muttered, opening my eyes and staring into his. I wanted to change the topic. I didn't feel comfortable speaking about her. I could feel something was going to bite all of us in the arse.

* * *

 _Levi's POV_

-You've never dated anyone beside me, right? –She spoke, breaking our silence.

-Only you, why? –I questioned, perplexed by her sudden change of topic.

-Because you're everything I ever wanted. Because to me, you are perfect. –I whisper.

-Even these freckles on my shoulder? –She asked, pointing at her shoulder.

I was barely able to see those tiny spots she was pointing at in the dim light.

-Especially those freckles. I was already on the fence about you before I saw them. Those freckles just sealed the deal for me. –I answered, smirking. She laughed softly.

-Okay, good. Thank you, freckles. –She joked. She ran her hand up and down my abdomen, feeling my muscles. It was ironic how she loved mine, when hers were good competition.

I smiled and brought my lips to hers. I reached down between us and slipped my finger between her legs. Oh, fuck, she was so wet. I groaned into her mouth and she pressed against me, wanting more of my hand. I slipped my finger deeper into her warm wetness and used my thumb to dance lightly over her swollen bundle of nerves. She jerked slightly and whimpered into my mouth.

She brought her hand down to my rock hard erection and slid her hand gently up and down. I pulled away from her mouth, groaning out her name as she continued to stroke me. We stared into each other's eyes, hers clouded with desire, and her lips parted, as our hands pleasured each other for several minutes. We watched each other's expressions change as our arousal rose. It was so intimate and intense that I could already feel an orgasm circling through my abdomen. I closed my eyes and clenched my muscles until I felt it fade away. For the moment.

-Levi…I'm close and I want you inside of me. Now. –She ordered. As she said, she squeezed me lightly and rubbed the tip of my erection with her thumb.

-Ah…fuck. –I moaned.

-Does that translate to "Yes, ma'am"? –She laughed softly.

-Yes. –I said, removing my hand from between her legs and scooting closer to her.

I leaned up over her to position myself at her entrance and pushed inside. Her tight heat surrounded me and the feel of her was beyond description. I was afraid to move. But my body apparently wasn't, as my hips started thrusting practically of their own accord. I groaned.

-Fuck, love, you feel so damn good. –I whispered.

She moaned an answer, clutching me tighter to her. We moved together, moaning and gasping. There was something so primal and beautiful about making love to her in bed, sicne we often had sex in the most unlikely of places. It was actually nice to be in bed with her for change.

As her breathing became faster, I reached my hand down between her legs again and moved my finger over her clit. I was on a hair trigger there and I needed her to come. After only a couple of seconds, she arched her back and pressed into me. She was gasping through her orgasm. Watching her and feeling her walls tightening around me, tipped me over the edge and I jerked inside of her as wave after wave of pleasure spiked through me. We came together. Was anything else more romantic? Of course not. Hanji's erotic books had nothing to do with the real thing. I stared into her eyes and rubbed the tip of my nose against her own. She grinned, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me.

And then, I realized.

I came inside of her.

* * *

" _To have her here in bed with me, breathing on me, her hair in my mouth — I count that something of a miracle." -_ _Henry Miller_

* * *

 **A/N: Fucking shit. I goddamned loved Levi's dick on this chapter. If you liked, please feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**


	54. Chapter 53: Cards & Quarters

**A/N: I apologize for the delay. I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

I sat on one of the counters in the kitchen, eating bread with jam for breakfast. The dining room was completely empty and little by little small fragments of memories came back to me, filling me with nostalgia. I could still remember Petra Ral crying her eyes out to me. I hadn't known at the time that she was madly in love with Levi. She had resented me after she found out that Levi and I had slept together. I couldn't blame her.

I hadn't seen her, not even once since I returned to the Survey Corps. She hadn't been present at my trial and I hadn't seen her around the halls either. I figured that I would make it my job to find her and apologize to her for…stealing Levi away from her. As I was finishing my breakfast, Eren Jaeger walked into the room with his eyes heavy. I smiled.

-Good morning, Eren. –I greeted, finishing my bread and wiping my hands on a napkin.

-Good morning, ma'am. –He greeted back, his voice sleepy. He raised his gaze from the floor to stare at me with his beautiful green eyes.

-I don't like it when you call me ma'am. Everyone does and it makes me feel old. –I stated, preparing a sandwich and handing it over to him. He grinned.

-Thank you. I'm sorry. What should I call you then? –He asked, chewing on his sandwich.

-Merethe would be fine. I'm not even old enough to be your mother, Eren. –I answered jumping off the counter and approaching his tall figure.

-How old are you? –He questioned, confused. I smirked, hitting the back of his head with my hand.

-Ouch, what was that for?! –He complained, rubbing his head.

-You do not ask a lady for her age. –I stated, crossing my arms against my chest.

-I'm sorry…-He whispered, finishing his sandwich.

-I'm 29. –I stated.

-Really? - He asked in disbelief.

-Really. –I answered.

-You look far too young to be 29. –He argued.

-It must have something to do with…whatever it is that I have. –I replied, leaning on the wall.

-That's awesome! Do you think I'll stay forever young like you?! –He exclaimed, his eyes shining brightly. I smiled. He was just a kid. He couldn't have been older than my brother.

-I won't be young forever, Eren. My aging process was just slowed down. –I sighed.

-It's still really awesome. –He said, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. Levi would've probably hated that.

We stayed silent for a while. I knew he was also worried about Armin. Coconut head would be the one to interrogate Leonhardt. She trusted him the most and we planned on taking advantage of it. Her interrogation would take place before sundown. I felt nervous. I knew that whatever she confessed would have to do with the same people that tortured me. I knew she would mention them.

But there was something that she didn't know, that Armin didn't know. We had agreed on it behind closed doors with Erwin. I would hide inside the interrogation room. Hidden in the shadows, observing them. Armin loved the girl, it was quite possible he would lie if needed in order to protect her. But I would also be there in case she tried anything stupid. I had brought her down once, I could do it again.

-Merethe? –Eren spoke, breaking the silence.

-Yes, Eren? –I asked.

-Is it true that you…are engaged to Levi? –He questioned, with an embarrassed expression. I raised an eyebrow.

-I thought it was obvious. Why? –I coaxed.

-It's just…we haven't seen you interact with him in a romantic manner. Most of the time, it is business related. –He continued.

-Do you want us to make out in front of you? –I teased. His eyes widened and he shook his head vigorously.

-No, no. I mean…I don't want to cause trouble by opening my mouth. –He murmured. That immediately caught my interest.

-What are you talking about, Eren? –I questioned, my voice lower. He sighed, preparing himself to speak.

-There was a woman who followed Levi around. I never saw them interact with each other in a romantic way, either; but you could tell that she had feelings for him. She looked at him with admiration and some kind of…love. –He hesitated before uttering that last word.

-I see…Petra? –I asked, fully knowing who she was.

-Yes. Did you know her? –He breathed.

-I do. Wait…is she…? –I couldn't finish the sentence. Eren's eyes saddened and he nodded.

Fuck. I never apologized. I never got the chance.

-She died trying to protect me…they all did. –He said, his voice cracking. It took me a moment before answering. It was killing me on the inside. I would never be abel to apologize. It was heartbreaking. I wanted to cry, but I denied myself the pleasure of crying.

-How? –I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

-Levi's team died trying to protect me. _He_ almost died trying to protect me. Annie tried to abduct me. –He explained, looking away from me. As if he was ashamed.

Levi almost died. I felt selfish for not caring about his team, but the thought of him almost dying hit me hard. I couldn't imagine it, and I didn't want to. He was too strong. Too intelligent. Too perfect to die.

-But he didn't. It wasn't your fault, Eren. They chose to protect you. I would've protected you. –I assured him, placing my hand on his shoulder and bringing his body closer to mine. I hugged him. He sobbed. He was just a fucking child, he didn't have to endure such things.

-They did the same thing to you, right? –He questioned, drying the tears from his face but never breaking the embrace I was providing for him.

-They succeeded. –I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. It was in no way funny, but I knew I could make it seem like it. He laughed through his tears.

-They did…-He echoed. He stared straight into my eyes and smiled sadly.

-Lucky them, huh? –I uttered, ruffling his hair.

-Why did you go back? –He abruptly spoke. Go back?

-What are you talking about? –I interrogated. He closed his eyes, as if trying to get his thoughts in order.

-Hanji told me that you returned to the battlefield, even after you told your team to retreat. The day you were abducted. They never knew the reason why. –He added.

-I…tried to protect a soldier under my command. I failed to do so. –I sighed, closing my eyes.

-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…-He apologized.

-It's fine. –I answered, grinning at him. I had to refrain from showing weakness in front of him. He and I, we were alike. And as his elder and fellow companion of abilities, I had to be his role model.

He broke the embrace and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. He had seemed to realize that he had just been hugging his Heishicho's fiancée. Ironically, he had separated his body from mine just in time. A soldier entered the kitchen and saluted me, I returned the gesture and ordered him to be at ease.

-Is something wrong? –I asked, looking at the awkward expression he had.

-There's someone at the front gate looking for you, Squad Leader. –He informed. I raised an eyebrow in confusion.

-Who? –I pressed.

-A boy, ma'am. He claims to know you. –He answered. Was it…? Had he actually travelled all the way to the Survey Corps Headquarters?

I thanked him and hurried over to the main entrance.

* * *

I found myself staring into my little brother's hazel eyes. Alston was looking back at me with an arrogant expression adorning his features.

-What are you doing here, baby brother? –I asked softly. He was hesitant towards answering me.

-You never visited. –He stated dryly. I smirked.

-Did you miss me that much? –I teased. He glared at me, and took a sip from his tea.

-I did not. I just wondered if you were dead. –He answered.

-Whatever helps you sleep at night, Alston. –I replied, sipping my own tea.

-I…had an argument with Father. I didn't want to stay at home. I had nowhere to go, so I came here. I knew you would be here. –He admitted, looking away from me.

-Hey, it's fine. You can visit me anytime you want. Though, you did choose the wrong day. –I said sheepishly. He raised an eyebrow.

-Is something going to happen today? –He asked.

-That's classified information. –I answered. He sighed, placing his cup of tea down on my desk.

-Fine. –He stated.

-I promise I'll visit. It's just that I've been extremely busy lately. I have to finish some matters before actually having dinner with you. Besides…I'm still scared of Father. –I confessed, chuckling bitterly.

-If only you knew…-He whispered to himself. I heard his angry tone. I placed my hand on his shoulder.

-What do you mean? –I pressed.

-He…he talks a lot about you. He compliments your perseverance. He expresses his admiration towards the fact that his first child is a magnificent young adult. He…perhaps he needed someone to stand up to him. I'm pretty sure he has taken back what he said to you by now. I hate it. I hate how I'm never the one who gets that kind of recognition. Even before you came back, he was still complimenting other people. Never me. It makes me feel useless…-His voice broke and he held back his tears.

I was surprised about my father complimenting me. I had treated him horribly yet he was expressing his admiration.

I knew exactly how he felt. My father had always been like that. Expressing his admiration towards other people but never towards his children. He was a bitter man. I had known that my parent's marriage had been arranged and that they eventually fell in love. But, perhaps he resented the fact that he never got to be with the woman of his dreams. Perhaps every time he saw my brother or me, he felt as if he had betrayed her. It was horrible. I had come to that conclusion when I was younger, but there never was any evidence to prove whether my theory was correct.

-I don't know you very well, Alston; but I can tell that you are an amazing person. You are smart, you are handsome and if you were raised the same way I was, you are skilled at many things. Don't let my father's opinion weigh you down. If there's anything you want to do, do it. Your big opportunity may be here where you are right now. Don't focus only on the negative things. There's people who care for you, I'm certain. If you ever need me, I'll always be here to lend you a hand, ok? Father won't be able to hurt you as long as I'm here to tell him to fuck off. –I smiled, leaning my forehead against his and tapping his nose with my index finger.

-Thank you, Merethe. –He replied, smiling at me. It warmed my heart to see him smile because of me.

-And, you are sixteen. Only two years until you can tell our parents to piss off. If you are planning on running the family business, then you can pay for your own house. –I cheered.

-Merethe…I'm thirteen. –He corrected. My eyes widened. What the fuck?

-What? Are you taking a fucking piss? You look sixteen. –I argued.

-The fact that I'm taller than you does not necessarily mean that I'm old. –He declared.

-Fuck! I'm so damn short. –I cursed, lowering my eyebrows and slamming my fist on the desk.

-Height has absolutely nothing to do on how far one goes in life. –He eloquently tried to console me.

I heard someone clear his throat behind me. I turned to look at the person and sighed in relief when I saw Levi. He kissed the top of my head and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

-Alston. –Levi acknowledged.

-Humanity's strongest. –My little brother replied.

They glared at each other for a full minute before Levi broke the silence.

-Merethe, we need to go now. It's almost time. –He informed, releasing me and taking a step back.

-What's your name? –My brother asked Levi. I realized that Levi never introduced himself properly to my family. They didn't know his name.

-Levi Ackerman. –Levi answered, offering my brother his hand. My brother shook it.

-Well, Levi Ackerman. Please take care of my sister. She's the closest thing to true family I've ever had. I'll be leaving now. Please visit. –Alston concluded, standing up from the chair and heading towards the door. I stood up and caught up with him, I pulled him in for a hug. He had a very bizarre way of saying he cared for me.

-I'll see you soon, brat. –I teased, kissing his cheek.

-Likewise, bubbles. –He answered before exiting my office and heading for the exit.

Bubbles? Why bubbles? It didn't make sense. I shrugged and turned to Levi.

-We need to go. –He said.

I smiled and stood on my toes to kiss him. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to his body. I squealed in delight when he gave my butt a squeeze. He chuckled into the kiss. He begged me for entrance with his tongue, which I allowed without hesitation. I was starting to feel hot and I knew that if we kept it up, we wouldn't be able to stop. I broke apart and pushed his body gently away from mine. He was panting and so was I. He smirked and he gave me a quick peck on the lips before separating from me.

-Let's go. –I said, placing my hand on my chest to steady my breathing.

We would definitely get back to that later. But now, there was something more important that needed to be taken care of.

I was kind of looking forward to it.

* * *

" _My family is my strength and my weakness." -Aishwarya Rai Bachchan_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Please feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**


	55. Chapter 54: The Pugilist

**A/N: I hope you enjoy. Fucking shit with Isayama. Y U GOTTA KILL EVERYONE?!**

 **WHERE THEM REVIEWS AT?**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

I could hear pity in everyone's hushed voices, even in Levi's, as Armin prepared himself to question Annie Leonhardt. His feelings for her were clearer than crystal. Oh, that was a pun. I had entered the interrogation room before Armin or Annie. I was meant to listen to every word they said whilst hiding in the shadows. I knew very well that people's emotions often clouded their judgement and Armin Arlert was no exception. He was a bloody genius and he knew better than to help her escape. If she tried to escape, we would have no option but to seize her and torture her into giving us the information we needed.

I hoped we wouldn't have to take such drastic measures. Torture was not pleasant for anyone. I could still remember how it felt to be tortured in every single way possible. I had a mark on my back to prove it. I was someone's property. A symbol was scarred into my back as a reminder that there was someone out there trying to kill me. I tried to drift my thoughts elsewhere so that I wouldn't have to relive those moments inside my head. Instead, I thought about the future. I wanted to move out of the HQ as soon as Levi and I got married. As much as I loved it, I didn't want to spend the rest of my life living there. I wanted to see little Levi's running around in a place that wasn't so grim. I wanted them to remember a home filled with smiles and love, not grief and fear.

I heard the door open and my eyes fell upon Leonhardt's proud figure. She stared at the soldiers escorting her with hatred in her eyes and a frown on her face. She didn't notice my body hidden in the shadows. I carefully readjusted my position to a more comfortable one, resting against the wall. The soldiers left the room, leaving me completely alone with her. She wasn't chained, there was nothing holding her back from escaping, but she just sat on the chair, staring at the wall with an empty look in her eyes.

When the door opened again, Armin's figure approached her. He kneeled down in front of her and took her hands in his, staring into her eyes with worry. I smiled. Young love was absolutely one of the most beautiful things in the world. Her body relaxed and her gaze softened. Armin stood up and sat down on the chair in front of hers, never letting her hands go.

-Annie, I'm here to help you. I'm only trying to help you, ok? –Armin started. Her mouth curled into a sad smile.

-Are you certain? –She questioned, pulling her hands away and folding them on her lap.

-I am. They are going to forgive you if you are willing to help us. –He answered.

-They will kill me, Armin. I've done far too much damage for them to forgive me. I need to leave. –She stated, looking away.

-I promise, Annie. No one will harm you, not if I have something to say about it. –He smiled, caressing her cheek.

-If your people won't kill me, _they_ will. –She said, her voice lowering.

-Who are they, Annie? –Armin asked, his voice soft.

-You're better off not knowing. –She argued. Armin stayed silent for a moment before speaking again.

-In this case, ignorance is not bliss. –He stated.

-What do you want me to do, Armin? I can't tell you what I know. They will kill me. They will kill my father. That is if he's not already dead. I failed to accomplish my mission and when I return, they will kill me. –She whispered.

-We are trying to stop that from happening, Annie. We can help you. We can save your father. We'll do everything we can to achieve it. I promise. –Armin replied, his voice filled with confidence.

-Are you really that naïve? –Annie hissed. Armin's eyes widened, but he kept his mouth shut.

-What do you mean? –He breathed.

-Even if you use _that_ woman, you won't be able to bring him down. Bring all of them down. They are too strong and you do not know their weaknesses. –She challenged. I felt my body freeze. I knew very well that she was talking about me.

-Are you talking about Merethe? –He asked.

-Yes. –She answered.

-Annie, with your help, we could. I promise we'll help you. _I'll_ help you save your father. I promise that if you help us, everything will be better for you. For us. We can be together. Your father could live inside the walls. You would come back to the Survey Corps as a soldier, not as a traitor. Please, Annie, I love you. –Armin declared as last desperate attempt to convince her.

-What will happen to me if I don't? –She asked, looking at him in the eye.

-We'll let you go. –He answered. It was a lie. He didn't know what would truly happen to her if she didn't cooperate. Levi and Hanji would have their bloody way with her.

Annie sighed and leaned her forehead against Armin's. He looked at her lovingly.

-I'm sorry for all the trouble that I've caused. –She apologized, taking his hands in hers.

-I'm sorry for not being able to stop you. –He mumbled.

-I fear for them, Armin. –She confessed, closing her eyes.

-For Bertholdt and Reiner? –Armin asked.

It took some time for Annie to speak once again. It was as if she had been meditating whether to join us or not. I could feel her fear from where I stood. She was just a child and so were the rest of the cadets. Her troubled mind seemed to cause her problems. I had been inside her head once and it had been a horrible experience. She had made me feel everything that she felt. I had been able to feel her grief, her anger, her fear, her hesitation. I had wanted to take her into my arms and comfort her.

She had told Armin that I wouldn't be able to take them down. I wondered how strong they truly were. I had already controlled two of them and it had been hard. If there were titan shifters far stronger than them, the pain would kill me. My body suffered every time I controlled them. Controlling shifters was harder than controlling average titans. Shifters had a mind of their own. They were able to resist, to fight back, to make me feel their fear. When Annie opened her eyes, she pulled away. Her head hung low and she sighed.

-Annie? –Armin's voice resonated through the room, pressing her to answer his question. She looked at him. She was trying to hold back her tears.

-They're coming. –She stated.

* * *

" _[…] and it takes no time to fall in love, but it takes you years to know what love is." –Jason Mraz (Life is Wonderful)_

* * *

 **A/N: I apologize if this chapter is shorter. Please, feel free to review if you enjoyed, it really does help me out a lot.**


	56. Chapter 55: Of Buns & War

**A/N: I'm afraid this story is nearing its end. About damn time, huh? I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

* * *

Everyone had lost their bloody minds after Annie's interrogation. She had, in the end, decided to join us. We had promised to save her father at all costs. Her warning had, apparently, given us a two week heads up to prepare ourselves. I could lie to everyone about not being scared, but on the inside I was a fucking mess, for whatever had been inside my head during all those years was slowly starting to make its presence known. I could feel the lust for blood inside me. I feared having to face those who had tortured me. I wasn't the only one scared shitless. Eren had come to me after the interrogation, asking me for reassurance.

* * *

 _-I'm scared, Merethe. –He whispered. He had left Mikasa and Armin on the dining hall so that he could talk to me alone._

 _-I would be lying if I told you I'm not. –I answered, looking out the window._

 _-We read your family notes. Their predictions were correct. If the Hometown is going to attack us, it means that the King will also have to be taken down. –Eren claimed._

 _-I know. The entire system will fall. People will go absolutely insane. The fucking social hierarchy that has ruled us for years will crumble. All that we know will fall apart right in front of us. Do you know what that is? –I asked, turning my head to look at him._

 _-What? –He asked, clearly interested in my words._

 _-A revolution. War, Eren, is when the government tells you who the enemy is. Revolution is when you figure it out yourself. My family did that and they failed to show the people who the real enemy is. We will not fail. We have to destroy this monarchy that we have. We will create democracy. –I told him, with a serious expression that could only rival my voice._

 _Erwin, Levi and Hanji entered my office._

 _-Those are extremely dangerous words, Merethe. –Erwin said, placing his hand on Eren's shoulder._

 _-No more dangerous than our current situation. –I answered, standing up from my chair._

 _-Now we've got no choice but to fight. We have to win, no matter what. –Hanji stated._

 _-In order to do so, we need to create a plan. A perfect plan. –Levi intervened, placing a map on my desk and evening it out._

 _-Let Leonhardt in. –I sighed, feeling the clear presence behind the door. Along with her, Armin entered the room, followed closely by Mikasa. After them, the entire 104_ _th_ _trainee squad entered my office, all of them with determined looks on their faces._

 _I let Levi take my place, so that he could face the entire room. I stood behind him, staring at the map and listening to his words. Erwin, our Commander, just watched. He had seen war before, he had fought it; but he knew very well, that this war, was not one he could lead. This was beyond him, beyond any of us. If this war was to be leaded by someone, that someone would be Levi. Who held more influence on people than him? Humanity's strongest soldier. People looked up to him. Hell, I looked up to him._

 _-Those who have seen war will never stop seeing it. Tonight, we will ensure our victory. We are prepared for war, we have always been. But we cannot win this fight on our own. To be prepared for war is one of the most effective means of preserving peace. –He started._

 _Fear would hit us at every corner. It would terrify people, it would make our job harder. We knew better. War didn't determine who was right, it never did. It only determined who was left. We considered ourselves the good guys, and so did our enemy. It never mattered. War was declared by older men, and it was fought by youth. Youth paid the price with death. I had declared war and it was the cadets who would fight it. I knew that sending all those kids to their deaths would torture me as much as it tortured Erwin. We were trying to bury something that couldn't die. That would never die, no matter how much humanity tried. Mankind had to put an end to war, before war put an end to mankind._

 _-First…-Levi began telling them his plan._

* * *

I was lying on the bed I shared with Levi. I had woken up feeling like shit, with a headache and nausea. I hadn't eaten anything weird, so I couldn't quite locate the origin of my illness. Levi was busy trying to join all the military branches together, preparing them for war. I knew it was only a matter of time before the population started suspecting something was wrong. Rumours would start surfacing, creating doubts. It was only a matter of time before we had to warn people to retreat further inside the walls in order to be secure.

I was tired, moody and I wanted chocolate. It had been quite a while since I had eaten chocolate and I was craving it like crazy. I was also craving olives, cheese and pickles. It was fucking disgusting but I wanted to eat those things. Weeks had passed since I had made love with Levi and I was horny. I wanted him to fuck my brains out. I knew that wouldn't be happening any time soon. We were far too busy planning our war.

I sighed, lifting my body and sitting on the edge of the bed. The blanket slid down, revealing my naked body. I stared at myself, inspecting myself. Inspecting every freckle that covered my legs and arms, even my chest. My dark reddish-brown hair was starting to grow again, and I considered cutting it. I had grown fond of my short hair. I had cut whilst I was outside the walls, because it made my life easier. I didn't have to tie it and it no longer bothered me during battle. My eyes caught sight of the engagement band on my finger and I smiled. I knew it had cost Levi quite some money. There was no way he could've been able to afford a ring like the one my parent's had given to the man that had been originally supposed to be my husband. The one Levi had chosen was simple. White gold with a small diamond in its centre. It wasn't big, but it was big enough for me. I couldn't even begin to imagine how much sleepless nights of work it had taken for him to save up enough money.

We had yet to marry. I wanted to get married before the war started. In case something happened to either of us. I wasn't thinking negatively, I was being realistic. One of us could die. Even if one of us died, it would honour the "till death do us apart" thing. I wanted to move out of the headquarters into a house. Now that I knew that my parents still liked me, I wanted to move to Wall Sina, so that I could visit them any time I wanted. It seemed selfish, but I wanted it. I wanted my parents to like Levi. I wanted them to accept him as their son, as part of the family. It would be easier to get to my mother, but my father was an entirely different story. Especially after what Levi had said to him. But it was not impossible. My brother had long accepted him. I could tell. I didn't know my baby brother very well and it was killing me. I felt bad for not being there for him. I felt horrible.

Literally, I felt horrible. I could feel the nausea intensifying. I stood up and ran to the bathroom. I vomited my lunch on the toilet. It felt as if my insides were being torn apart. I sat next to the toilet, almost hugging it. It had become my best friend during the past week, since it was always there when I needed it. After a while of pitying myself on the toilet, I got up and brushed my teeth. I filed the tub with water and bathed myself. I needed to see Hanji.

She would tell me what the fuck was wrong with me.

* * *

I entered her office/laboratory and found her sleeping on her desk. She still spent too much time on her experiments. There was something different about her. She had seemed happier than usual. I didn't know why, and I was eager to find out. I approached her desk, and poked her head with my finger in an attempt to wake her up. She stirred in her sleep but didn't wake. I sighed, grabbing the glass of water that was next to her and checked her desk for any important documents before dumping it on her head.

She woke up, alright. Yelling profanities and saying "it wasn't me, I swear! Levi ate the doughnuts!" When she was fully awake, her gaze landed on me.

-Hello, cupcake. –She greeted bitterly, aware of the fact that I had dumped water on her.

-Hello, Hanji. –I greeted, smiling sweetly at her.

She pointed at a towel on a table and I threw at her. She dried her face and placed it somewhere on the floor.

-What can I help you with? –She asked, standing up from her chair and stretching.

-I'm sick and I have no idea what's wrong with me. –I stated, sitting down on the bed she used to inspect her patients. She fixed her glasses and grabbed her medical tools. She placed the stethoscope on my chest, so that she could listen to my heartbeat. Whilst doing it, she started asking me questions.

-What makes you think you are sick? –She questioned.

-I've been having headaches and nausea lately. –I answered.

-Nausea? –She echoed.

-Yes. –I confirmed.

-Have you eaten anything weird? –She continued.

-No. –I said.

-For how long have you been feeling like this? –She spoke, lifting her gaze from the stethoscope to look at me in the eye.

-About a week. –I said. She frowned. Her gaze returned to her hand and she instructed me to lie down.

-Merethe…are you, by chance, craving specific foods? –She asked.

-Yes! I've been craving olives, chocolate and cheese. –I answered eagerly.

-Have you felt horny lately? –She asked nonchalantly.

-…-I stayed silent, not quite comfortable with replying her question.

-Merethe? –She pressed.

-…yes. –I said, looking away.

-Are your breasts swollen or sore? –She resumed.

-Yes. –I replied.

-Is your period late? –She asked, smiling.

-Yes, why? –I asked, getting impatient. She was looking at me with a knowing look and happiness in her eyes. Plus, that smile in her face didn't help me at all. It felt as if the answer was obvious and I was too blind to see it.

-Honey…-She sighed, pulling the stethoscope away from me and placing it on a nearby table.

-What? –I demanded.

-You're pregnant. –She announced. My breath got caught in my chest.

-Are you sure? –I pleaded.

-All of your symptoms point towards the same thing. You're pregnant. –She assured me.

I was…pregnant. I didn't know how to react. Happinesss started filling every corner of my body. I could feel butterflies inside my stomach.

I smiled.

* * *

" _I think the best thing about being pregnant would definitely have to be seeing just my belly grow and seeing, like, wow, there is, you know, something inside of me." -_ _Tia Mowry_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Please feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.** _  
_


	57. Chapter 56: Double Rainbow

**A/N: I hope you enjoy.**

 **Dislciamer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

Almost out of instinct, I hugged my stomach. I knew I had to tell Levi, but I was unsure of how he would react. He could be happy, worried or angry. There was absolutely no way I could've known for sure. He was unpredictable. Or at least, that's what my brain thought.

I was happy. I had never been happier. I hadn't wrapped the idea of being a mother around my head until Hanji repeated her words. I had looked at her, at first, with disbelief and then with joy. She had smiled at me and hugged me, congratulating me for "getting knocked up by humanity's strongest". Out of my instinct, my hand gently caressed my stomach in a protective manner. I smiled. I knew exactly what it was, I had seen it in action before but I had never felt it myself. Motherly instinct.

I stood up from the bed she used to inspect her patients and hugged her, thanking her for everything.

-Are you going to tell him? –She blurted out, organizing her medical tools.

-Of course, I just need to find him. –I replied, smirking.

-Good luck. Hopefully it'll give him something to be happy about. With the upcoming war that's ahead of us, hell knows he needs it. –She commented, resting casually against the bed.

I had almost forgotten about the war. Fuck. I wouldn't be able to fight, not if I was to put my child in danger. I gulped hard. I knew I would have to participate. I had to. There was absolutely no way Eren and Annie would be able to take them on without someone controlling the titans to avoid holding them back. I knew that if I told Levi, he would refuse to let me fight. I wasn't that far into my pregnancy from what Hanji had told me.

-Hanji. –I called, immediately getting her attention. She lifted an eyebrow expectantly.

-What? –She asked.

The words got caught in my throat. If I told her that I was planning on fighting titans whilst pregnant, she would be against it.

-I…fuck. –I murmured, sighing.

-What? –She echoed. I had to ask her. She was the only one who could tell me whether I would be able to fight or not.

-Will I be able to fight? –I questioned, my voice barely a whisper. She smiled sadly.

-The risk of abortion during the first weeks is high, Merethe. I don't recommend it. If you are planning on staying behind the line of combat, then you can. You are in no condition to fight now. You can't even use your abilities. You and I, we've both seen what it does to you. If you use them, you could kill the baby and yourself. –She explained, her voice soft and comforting.

-I don't want to stay inside the HQ when I could be helping. –I argued like a child.

-I'm not saying you need to stay here locked up. I'm just saying that you cannot fight. You can yell orders all you want, but I cannot allow you to use the 3D Manoeuvre Gear. I cannot allow you to use your abilities. They destroy you from the inside. –She said.

-Alright, thank you. –I say, sitting down on a chair.

We stay silent for a moment before an idea pops into my head. I had noticed her happy aura. She had seemed quite happy for the last couple of weeks. I had a clue on what it was, but I needed to get answers straight from her. I grinned mischievously and giggled. My sudden change of emotion caught her off guard and she tilted her head to the side in confusion.

-You've got a crush on someone. –I stated, enjoying the shocked expression on her face and the blush that followed it. I grinned.

-O-Of course not! Why would I? Where did you get that idea? –She blurted out nonsense, obviously lying to me.

-You are rubbish at lying. –I teased.

-You are rubbish. –She countered, clearly defensive.

-Fine. I'm going to ask Levi. –I said, standing up and heading for the door.

-He doesn't know, dumbass. –She sighed, crossing her arms against her chest.

-Then? Whom do you like? –I asked, trying to refrain from laughing.

I could tell she was debating with herself. Perhaps she wasn't sure.

-I…do you promise not to laugh? It might be a little weird for you. –She warned, avoiding my gaze. I lifted an eyebrow in confusion.

-Go on. –I encouraged. She closed her eyes and let out a deep breath.

-Erwin. –She uttered. What?

It took me a moment to process what she had said. Erwin? What? I knew it made sense. Hanji and Erwin were both older than me. Hanji was a year or two younger than Erwin. I knew it was right, but I was confused.

-When…? –I didn't finish my sentence.

-I don't know. One day we were doing paperwork and we got drunk. We made out and one thing led to another…-She trailed off, blushing.

-Holy shit, Hanji. You crazy woman. –I teased, raising my hand for a high-five. She high-fived me and studied my expression.

-You're not troubled by it. Why? –She asked for an explanation.

-I guess it makes sense. You guys spend a lot of time together. You are only a year or two younger than him. And…hey, we've all got needs, right? See where mine got me. –I joked, pointing at my stomach.

She laughed.

-I guess you're right. –She answered between laughter. As soon as she calmed down, a comfortable silence covered the room. I knew I would have to break it.

-Hey, Hanji? –I hummed.

-Yes? –She questioned.

-You kissed me six years ago. Why? –I stated. My choice of words wasn't the best, but I had to get it out of my chest. I didn't know the answer.

-Well…I guess it was the heat of the moment. –She acknowledged.

-Are you certain? –I pressed, not really buying it.

-Yes. It's in the past, you know. I guess I had a small crush on you, but Levi had already claimed you as his. You can't compete against that, you know? He managed to woo you before I even had the chance to confess. It's not like I had a chance. You are heterosexual. –She declared, her voice breaking. What?

She had liked me. Fuck, she had had a crush on me. I never noticed. I was too blind to notice. I was too focused on Levi to notice.

-I'm sorry, Hanji. I never knew…-I tried to apologize, but she smiled sadly at me.

-Hey, it's not your fault. I also like men. If I had been in your shoes, I would've fucked Levi's brains out too. –She teased, successfully making the situation lighter.

-You don't hold a grudge against me, do you? –I mocked.

-Of course not. After all this time, I've realized that you are more like a sister to me. –Hanji placed her hand on my shoulder.

-I'm sorry I never noticed. –I apologized.

-Would you have given me a chance? –She asked.

Speechless, I tried to meditate it. Would I have given her a chance? I didn't think of women that way. I could never. But, that didn't mean I judged people who did. I was heterosexual. I liked men. I loved men.

-I…no. I'm sorry. –I answered.

-I know. I'm bisexual, Merethe. I've got more game than you. –She joked.

-Hey, that's not true! I could hook up with anyone. –I argued.

-Girl, you ain't got no game. –She said, ruffling my hair.

-Hey, fuck you. –I said, slapping her hand away and huffing in frustration.

-Don't mind if I do. –She said, fixing her glasses and sitting down on the chair next to mine.

-Piss off. I'm going to find a new friend. –I said, storming out of the room in faked anger. I could hear her laughter coming from inside the room even after I had walked away from the door.

I had to find Levi and tell him I was pregnant.

* * *

Instead, I found myself sweating and with my knuckles bleeding after beating the shit out of a punching bag. I had chickened out. I hadn't even looked for Levi. In fact, I had seen him and he had seen me, but every time he tried to talk to me, I ran away like a coward. I didn't know exactly what was keeping from telling him. I was acting like a child. Perhaps it was the infinite fear I held for whatever his reaction would be.

The sun was beginning to set and I caught sight of the female cadets heading towards the showers from the corner of my eye. I hadn't had the chance to interact with them. Hanji was my only female friend. I knew it would be nice to have more friends. I dried my face with a towel and followed them.

As I neared the entrance of the showers, I heard the cadets gossiping. I could hear their squeals and gasps. I could hear them giggling. I smiled. I could remember being like that back in the good old days. I had spent sleepless nights gossiping with Hanji. I opened the door and hid, listening to their conversation.

-I mean, he's so hot! –A girl with pigtails commented.

-I had to tend to him once on the infirmary whilst Squad Leader Hanji was busy. His abdominals are amazing! –Another girl squealed.

-Hey, has any of you girls heard the rumours? –A girl, who seemed a little younger, questioned.

Everyone kept silent, clearly interested in what the girl had to say.

-What rumours? –A young cadet with blonde short hair and brown eyes spoke up.

-Do you remember that mission? The one where they took only elite members of the Survey Corps? No one knew exactly what the mission's goal was. –The girl began.

-I remember. It was so suspicious! They took only the best soldiers. A stupid move on their part, I think. They could've lost them. –A girl with black hair and green eyes added.

-Shut up. Let her continue. –A tall cadet shushed her, sitting down on one of the benches and listening intently.

-Well, rumour has it that it was a mission to retrieve his fiancée. No one knows who she is. They planned it well, because as soon as they returned from the mission, new soldiers entered our branch. So, no one knows who she is. –She finished, adding suspense to her story.

-What? Really? –The girl who had been shushed asked with surprise in her voice.

-Or so I've heard. –The girl answered.

-I bet she's beautiful. I mean, have you seen Levi? He's, like, super-hot. –A girl with brown hair said.

-More like "I-want-you-to-take-me-right-here-right-now" kind of hot. –A short girl giggled.

-No, seriously, guys. I bet she's not even that pretty. Levi is, like, what? 34 years old? I bet she looks old. How would she be able to compete against us? We are young, beautiful and hot. –The blond girl joked.

All of them laughed. I could feel myself getting angry. How dare they? I stepped from out of the shadows and faked a laugh along with them. I casually rested my back against one of the walls and waited for them to finish.

-I bet she's fat. –I added. They all turned to look at me.

-Uh, who are you? –The blonde one asked. She was starting to get on my nerves.

-I'm fairly new. I entered about a month ago. Just like the new recruits. –I lied smoothly.

-How come we haven't seen you? –The tall girl asked suspiciously.

-Squad Leader Hanji has been working me to the bone ever since I entered. I've been stuck in her office. This is actually my first time seeing you guys. –I added, smiling.

-What's your name? –The brown-haired girl intervened.

-Merethe. –I answered, not giving them my surname.

-Well, hello. It's nice to see a new face around here. By the way, I am _so_ in love with your hair. Is it red or brown? –The blonde girl commented, touching my short hair. I almost flinched. Almost.

-It's a strange mixture between red and brown. –I replied.

-Anyway, I think you're right. She could be fat for all we know. –She continued.

I slowly took of my shirt, giving them a full view of my abdominals. Their mouths opened and one of them even gasped. I faked innocence. Fuck yes, I knew I was ripped. My abdominals rivalled Levi's.

-Ok, you just have got to tell us your secret. How are you so ripped? –The tall girl asked.

-Oh, this? –I pointed at my stomach innocently.

-Yes. –They all answered in unison.

-Ah…well…I guess my diet is what keeps it like that. –Bullshit. I had eaten a box of chocolate biscuits before training. I regretted nothing.

-Whatever. –The blonde girl shrugged it off. She turned to the black haired girl and urged her to change the topic.

-Do you think she's got wrinkles? –The black haired girl obeyed.

-Surely. Not just anyone ages like Levi. Do you think her legs are full of cellulite? –The blonde girl giggled.

Most of them chuckled.

-I guess. If she's old, then I bet keeping up in shape must be hard. –The brown haired one said.

As in cue, I took off my pants and neatly folded them. My undergarments followed and I wrapped a towel around my body.

-Holy shit. Your ass is amazing. Please, tell us how you keep in shape. Like, I've been working on the same toning routine for a month and even my ass doesn't look that good! –The blonde one exclaimed.

I smirked. I was about to answer her when I heard footsteps approaching the room. All of the girls covered themselves. Levi opened the door abruptly and entered. He looked…pissed as fuck. Like "I'm-going-to-kill-someone" kind of pissed. He studied the room with an angry expression but his features softened when he caught sight of me. He approached me and pulled me in for an embrace. His tangerine scent invaded my nose and I closed my eyes. He separated our bodies just enough for him to kiss me on the lips. I hadn't seen him in what seemed like an eternity. I deepened the kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck.

Some girl cleared her throat and we separated. I had forgotten about the cadets.

-I've been looking everywhere for you, love. –Levi whispered in my ear.

-I'm sorry. –I apologized, smirking triumphantly when I saw the angry faces around us.

-Let's go. I need to talk with you. –He ordered, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the room.

The angry expressions on the cadet's faces had made me happy. I was satisfied with myself. I knew it had been a shitty thing to do, but I wasn't able to resist. I had once been a teenager and I knew how good payback felt.

And, damn, it felt good.

* * *

After taking a bath and dressing myself with one of Levi's shirts, I allowed myself to lie down on the bed next to him.

-Did you manage to convince them? –I asked. He cracked an eye open and raised an eyebrow. I smiled at him and kissed his cheek. He rolled on his side so that he could face me.

-Convince isn't exactly the word I would use…perhaps, threaten would be adequate. –He smirked, clearly satisfied with himself. I chuckled.

-So? –I pressed.

-They are on our side. –He said, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me closer to his chest.

We stayed silent for a while. I was beginning to drift off into dreamland when the sudden guilt washed over me. I had to tell him. I opened my eyes and lifted my head gently to look at him. His eyes were closed but he wasn't asleep. I could tell.

I poked his shoulder once. He didn't even flinch. I poked it again. He ignored me. And again. He opened his eyes and looked at me expectantly.

-I need to tell you something. –I said, my voice taking a serious tone. He raised an eyebrow and he propped himself into a sitting position.

-What's wrong, Merethe? –He asked worryingly. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and caressed my cheek. I leaned into his touch and sighed.

-I…fuck…why is this so hard? –I murmured, closing my eyes and enjoying his touch. On the inside I was scared.

-Are you alright, love? –He questioned, pulling his hand away. I softly moaned in frustration. Opening my eyes I stared into his grey ones.

-I am…it's just…-I closed my mouth.

-Merethe? –He pressed, gently squeezing my hand.

-I'm…pregnant. –I whispered.

-What? I didn't quite catch that. –He said. I had said it and he hadn't even heard me. I closed my eyes, mentally preparing myself for what I was about to tell him.

-I'm pregnant! –I blurted out with every bit of confidence in my body.

When I finally had enough courage to open my eyes, I saw his face. He wasn't angry. He wasn't sad.

He was grinning like an idiot.

* * *

" _Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you._ _" –Walter Winchell_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Please feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**

 **Thank you to everyone who has recently followed the story.**


	58. Chapter 57: It Takes Two

**A/N: I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

Standing in front of my old home made me feel like a child once again. I had had the balls to knock the first time, or at least that's what I told myself to help me sleep at night. I was on my own, no Levi. He had apologized for not being able to accompany me. The military, all of it, had just begun with Phase 1 of our plan to protect humanity and get rid of the monarchy that ruled us. Contrary to popular belief within the cadets, I was actually doing something. I had hung low for a while, but it was time to get back on track.

The King would be hosting an exclusive ball, aristocracy only. There was absolutely no way for us to enter the ball unless I managed to obtain an invitation. Luckily, my family was part of that shitty aristocratic portion of the population. The Soltvedts, owners of one of the entrances to the Underground,successful entrepreneurs and part of the bourgeoisie, were undoubtedly invited. In order to get rid of the King, we needed to bring him to justice. The people deserved to know what he was. I was ordered to capture him and bring him to the Survey Corps HQ. If I did manage to acquire the invitation, Levi was to accompany me. Originally, we had planned for Erwin to accompany me, but his presence would raise suspicion. My parents had surprisingly done a marvellous job at keeping the fact that I had ran away and joined the army a secret. To the King, I was nothing but a spoiled child. And, Levi was my fiancée. It would be used as an excuse. Hence the reason as to why I found myself standing in front of the door, with my fist mid-air, contemplating on whether to knock or to sneak in.

Behind me, my father cleared his throat. I froze.

-Hello, Merethe. –My father greeted. I turned my head and forced myself to smile.

-Hello, father. –I greeted back, looking at his cold eyes.

-To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit? –He asked, approaching the door and unlocking it. He opened it, and gestured me to enter the house.

-I need something from you. –I answered, not giving a shit about manners.

-What do you want? –My father's voice was low, almost threatening. I held my head high, mentally refusing to let him see me scared.

-You've been invited to the King's ball. I wish to assist. –I said as monotonously as I could.

-Are you, perhaps, missing your old life? Have you finally gotten tired of the filthy and sweaty soldiers? The stench of death? –He mocked.

I remained silent. I wasn't about to sink down to his level.

-What about your husband? Are you tired of him? –He pressed, arching an eyebrow.

-He's not my husband…yet. –I replied, crossing my arms on my chest. He scoffed in a judgemental way and turned to the kitchen.

I followed him closely, watching his back. I noticed that his hair had begun to turn grey. He seemed more tired than the last time I saw him.

-Do you fancy a cup of tea? –He offered, surprising me.

-Yes, thank you. –I accepted, taking a seat in one of the many chairs of our table. I watched him as he filled the kettle with water and added a couple of leaves to it. I watched his eyes soften when he placed it on the stove.

-Did you come all the way here just to ask for the invitation? –My father's voice was barely a whisper. He sounded…hurt.

-Father…-I whispered. He turned to me and sat down on the chair next to mine.

-Why didn't you come back? Your mother and I searched everywhere for you. We only stopped our search when your brother was born. We thought you dead. –He blurted out, staring straight into my eyes.

I was speechless. I didn't know whether to answer him or just walk away. My father had never been too affectionate. He had always been a serious man, too proud to display any emotions.

-I didn't come back, Father, because I didn't want to. –I replied, my voice sounding colder than I actually meant.

He closed his eyes, taking in the words I had just uttered. The silence that overtook the room embraced us both. The clock's ticking in the background was the only thing refraining me from running away from my father like a bloody coward.

-I understand. –He stated, standing up from his chair and returning to the stove. He poured himself a cup of tea and then he prepared mine. No sugar, just milk. I mentally smiled. He still remembered how I liked my tea. He handed me the cup and he sat back down. He just….sat there. Not uttering another word.

-I'm sorry. –I apologized, though not entirely sure why. He placed his cup on the table and looked at me.

-For what? –He asked, raising an eyebrow.

-For…everything. –I clarified, looking away.

-For following your dreams? For doing what you always wanted to do? For being happy? –He continued. I looked back at him with disbelief. He was smiling triumphantly and his eyes were closed.

-Yes. –I answered. He opened his eyes once again and crossed his arms over his chest.

-Don't be, Merethe. I am…proud of the woman you've become. –He said, sipping his tea.

Slowly but surely, my eyes filled with tears. My chest felt heavy, my hands started trembling. And I cried in front of my father. I wept like a child, whilst hiding my face with my hands. I cried. My father remained silent during the entire thing. Hearing him say those words to me…it had been the best thing he could've ever said. My father spoke after I stopped crying.

-So, can I expect an invitation to your wedding? –He asked.

I choked out a laugh between my sobs.

-There won't be a wedding, dad. We'll only sign the papers and we'll leave it at that. –I explained, wiping my tears. He scoffed disapprovingly.

-Nonsense. There must be a wedding. –He insisted. I smiled at him.

-So…that means you like Levi? –I tried, unsure of his answer.

-Well…I could end up liking him. He has made a name for himself, after all. That's not an easy task to accomplish. –My father said.

-Thank you. –I breathed.

-So, I will speak to your mother. We have to start planning that wedding of yours. –He continued.

-We can't, father. There's not enough time. It won't be long before the…-I shut my mouth. They didn't know. No one knew. No one but the military knew that there was an upcoming war ahead of us.

-Before what? –He questioned. I gulped. My happy expression quickly faded away, replaced by a serious one.

-Father, I need you to listen to me carefully and do exactly as I say. –I began.

-I don't understand…what are you…? –He expressed his confusion.

With every word I uttered, his expression acquired fear.

* * *

 _-Are you certain? Is it 100% certain? –Levi asked, his grin never fading. I propped myself up into a sitting position, mirroring his own._

 _-I am. I even asked Hanji. She diagnosed me. –I joked. Nervously tucking a strand of hair behind my ear._

 _His eyes travelled down to my stomach and his gaze softened. His hand slowly reached out to touch me. He ran his fingers up and down my stomach, feeling the life that was growing inside of me._

 _-It won't move, Levi. Not yet. –I giggled, placing my hand on top of his. He remained silent._

 _He signalled me to lie back down_ _and I complied. He rested his head on top of my chest, listening to my heartbeat. His face was directed to me, so I was able to watch his expression. He had his eyes closed, he was smiling. A small, yet meaningful smile. I stared at him. When he opened his eyes, I could see them overflowing with happiness._

 _-Thank you, Merethe. –He said, lifting his head from my chest and accommodating me in his arms so that he could embrace me._

 _-For what? –I asked, even though I already knew the answer._

 _-For everything. For this. I don't know what I did to deserve you.–He answered, placing his hand in a protective manner over my stomach._

 _-I love you, Levi. –I stated._

 _-I know. –He whispered._

 _The feeling didn't last long. Levi suddenly tensed up._

 _-Merethe. You cannot fight. –He began._

 _-I can fight, Levi. I can and I will. –I answered._

 _-No. It's too dangerous. I cannot lose you. Not again. –He said. My heart clenched. I knew I was being selfish, but I needed to fight._

 _-They won't be able to fight on their own, Levi. Eren and Annie will die without me. –I argued._

 _-You could abort if you push yourself too hard. –He warned. His words felt like a slap to my face._

 _-I won't. I know that, Levi. –The truth was like swallowing sand._

 _-You don't need to fight, Merethe. You don't owe humanity a damn thing. –He added._

 _-And neither do you. Yet we are both fools. –I said, sitting down on the bed._

 _-You know what using your abilities does to you. You haven't controlled the Colossal Titan. You said it yourself, it could kill you! What if the situation requires you controlling both the Armoured and the Colossal Titan? Your body wouldn't be able to take it. –He argued._

 _-Anything could kill me, Levi. –I countered._

 _-Your life is not yours to risk anymore. –He declared._

 _-What are you implying? –I gritted out._

 _-Our child is growing inside of you. Your life is not just yours. –He scolded._

 _-I can take care of myself. –I hissed._

 _-Like you took care of yourself six years ago?! –He barked._

 _-I didn't know, Levi! –I exclaimed._

 _-That's exactly the reason! I will not let you fight! –He yelled._

 _-I do not belong to you! I can do whatever I please! –I yelled back._

 _-Not with my child growing inside of you! –He hissed._

 _-Why are you being such an asshole?! –I questioned._

 _-Because I don't want to lose you, idiot! –He snapped._

 _-Who says you will?! –I snapped back._

 _-My mother, my friends, my squad, all dead. I fucking lost you once! I don't want to see you die in front of me! I don't want the family I have to die! I don't want to lose, however small, the chance of a family I possess! I don't want to lose everything I fucking have! –He yelled._

 _-Levi…-I whispered. Tears formed on the corner of my eyes. He had never raised his voice in front of me, never._

 _His eyes widened when he noticed that I was crying._

 _-I'm sorry, Merethe. I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm an asshole. I'm sorry... –He apologized, pulling me into his arms and comforting me._

 _-I'm sorry. I know that you're only trying to protect me. –I apologized as well. I had been a bitch._

 _-I'm sorry. –He said._

 _-I'm sorry. –I echoed._

* * *

I breathed in as much air as I could. I closed my eyes, anticipating the pain that was about to take ahold of my body. I mentally prepared myself to die. I was breathing in and out. Inhaling and exhaling loudly.

-Stop exaggerating, Merethe. It's just a corset. –My mother scolded. I had waited for my mother to return home. If I was to attend the ball, I needed a dress. Standing there, with my mother behind me, I remembered why I hated wearing dresses.

-It hurts, mother! –I argued.

-You'll only make it worse if you keep on moving. –She answered, tightening it.

-Don't tighten it too much, mother. It's harmful for the…-I didn't finish my sentence.

-For what? –She questioned, stopping her actions.

-Nothing. –I answered.

-Merethe…-Her warning tone scared me.

-For the baby, mom. I'm pregnant. –I snapped. I couldn't see her face, since she was behind me, but her lack of words told me everything I needed to know.

She forced me to turn around and I inspected her expression. Her eyes were filled with happiness, and her mouth was curved into a grin. Her eyes started tearing up and I sighed. I reached out for a handkerchief and I handed it over to her. She blew her nose and started fanning herself with her hand.

-I can't believe it! My baby is going to be a mother. Oh, Merethe, you are all grown up now! We have to buy clothes for the baby! We need to buy a crib, shoes, and bottles! Is it a boy or a girl? I'm so excited! I'm going to tell Miss Castillo! That old woman will have a heart attack when she finds out that _my_ daughter is pregnant! And she claimed that she had two beautiful daughters! Ha! Both of them are thirty two and neither are married! Oh, she's going to be so jealous! –My mother rambled on and on until she tired herself.

-Mother. –I called, bringing her attention back to me.

-Yes? –She asked, out of breath.

-I need to get to that ball. –I signalled my hair and the dress.

-Oh, yes. Minny! Minny! Come here! I need you to help me! –My mother called out to one of the maids. She started taking the dress off.

I spent the next hour suffering. Tug after tug, pull after pull. I hated balls. I hated dresses. I hated the King. I hated Erwin. I hated Levi. I hated Hanji. I hated everyone.

-You're ready, honey! –My mother squealed, placing me in front of the mirror like some kind of trophy and giggling.

I forced myself to open my eyes. I gasped when I saw my reflection. I looked like my old self, with my short hair somehow pulled into a messy yet classy bun. There was a gold olive wreath over my head. My face was covered in makeup. My lips were red. The dress was white. As white as a cloud. It didn't look like any other dress I had seen before.

-Mother, where did you…? –I asked.

-I had it made for you. It was supposed to be your wedding dress. –She explained.

-I…don't think I should be wearing this, mother. –I tried to reject it.

-Nonsense. I had it fixed. It no longer looks like one. But tell me, isn't it beautiful? –She insisted.

-It is. –I smiled.

* * *

" _The art of life is to know how to enjoy a little and to endure very much." –William Hazlitt_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Please feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**


	59. Chapter 58: Threnody For Royalty

**A/N: Prepare your Uranus. SOON. I hope you enjoy.**

 **IMPORTANT: I've now changed my username to JuxtaposedVixen. If you wish to find me, please look me up with that name. As always, thank you.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan.**

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The ball room was packed with people. I had long forgotten how a ball looked. The beautiful music being played by the orchestra. The expensive curtains hanging from the immense windows that made you think there were no walls. The marble floors shining and the sound of glasses clinking together. The yellow lights and golden decorations. The arrogant women gossiping and men discussing business. Rich children being forced to stay quiet and put because running around the ball room was "inappropriate". Teenagers sneaking out to the gardens so that they could engage in heavy make out sessions or some "innocent" fellatio. The aristocrats lived a life full of excess. Full of sex, money and parties. It was absolutely no wonder I was never able to accept it, to embrace such life.

Levi squeezed my hand, as if to remind me that we were in the ball for a reason. My parents had taken the lead and where speaking to people I didn't recognize nor know. My little brother had found a nice place to sit down, ignore people and read. He had turned out as unaccepting of such excesses as me. I had the urge to do the same thing.

I turned my head to look at Levi. He looked as uncomfortable as I did, but he looked as if he belonged. His appearance was that of a rich man. His suit hugged his body perfectly. He looked handsome as hell. I could see many young women giving him lustful stares. I could see many teenagers giggling as they passed us. Insecurity filled me, making me feel small. I had always felt small compared to blond girls. I never knew why. They just seemed like the most beautiful ones.

He noticed my discomfort and leaned down to whisper in my ear.

-Is something wrong? –He asked, smirking at my brother who glared from afar.

-I…nothing. –I brushed it off.

-I can tell it's not nothing. What's bothering you, Merethe? –He turned to me and stared into my eyes. I melted into a puddle in his arms. I was embarassed.

-I…it's those girls. All blonde and beautiful. I hate how perfect they are. –I confessed looking away.

Levi chuckled, bringing his arm around my shoulders and pulling me close to his body. He slowly started walking around the room with me next to him.

-I do not like blond women, love. I'm more into redheads. –He stated kissing the top of my head gently. I smiled.

-I'm not a complete redhead, Levi. My hair is brown. –I half-heartedly argued. We passed by a group of men that ogled me. I gripped Levi's arm.

-That's where you are mistaken. You are a dark redhead. –He said, glaring at them. The men instantly turned away.

-Fine. –I laughed, trying to keep it lady-like enough for people to ignore me.

-You look beautiful tonight, Merethe. _You_ are the only perfect woman in this room. Embrace it, love. –Levi complimented me.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw my mother fast approaching us. I stopped and waited for her to reach us. Levi seemed quite uncomfortable by her expression. She seemed overzealous, filled with joy. I gripped his hand with more force than necessary and he took notice of it. He returned the gesture.

-Merethe, honey, you must come with me! –My mother squealed. I raised an eyebrow in confusion.

-What for? –I asked, letting go of Levi's hand.

-The King wants to meet you. I've spoken to him about you and he seems interested. –She beamed, clapping her hands happily.

-I…yes, mother. –I answered. I was about to ask Levi to accompany me when I noticed that he was nowhere to be found. Panicked, I scanned the room. I caught sight of him sitting next to my brother and chatting away. He felt my gaze on him and he lifted his eyes from the glass in his hand to give me a reassuring nod. I gulped.

My mother took my hand and guided through the crowd. She greeted and introduced me to some people on her way. I could only mutter a couple of awkward hellos. Almost out of thin air, a man appeared before my mother. His hair was pulled back and he wore a dashing smile.

-Hello, Miss Soltvedt. –He greeted, kissing her hand in a gentleman-like manner.

-Hello. It's been a long time. –My mother seemed uncomfortable. I couldn't fathom the reason behind her discomfort until I identified the man.

-It has been, indeed. I have not seen you since your daughter refused to marry me. How are you, Merethe? –He asked, his voice holding the tiniest bit of hatred. It was no surprise. After all, I had rejected him and that, probably, had not left my family on his good side.

-I've been perfectly fine, thank you, your highness. –I answered coldly. He took my hand and kissed it.

-I trust life has been treating you well. –He commented, staring at the engagement band on my hand. I refrained from slapping his hand away.

-It has, your highness. –I stated, looking away. He took it as an act of modesty, when in reality I couldn't bear to see his stupid face.

-No need to call me that, Merethe. I'm not a king yet. I am but a mere prince. –He whispered in my ear, snaking his arm around my waist.

-I understand, your highness. If you excuse me, I've got somewhere to be. –I excused myself, disentangling him from me and walking away. My mother followed me closely.

-I'll see you later. –He shouted. I felt chills running down my spine. I was damn glad I had rejected his ass when I was younger. Albeit he was undoubtedly attractive, he was also incredibly ominous. The suggestive sound of his voice had only helped to further creep me out. He had seen the ring, yet that had not stopped him from flirting. I scoffed.

-Merethe, wait, honey. –My mother panted, holding onto my arm for dear life.

-Sorry, mother. –I apologized, stopping and allowing her to catch her breath.

-I'm not as young as I used to be. –She sighed.

-Yet still as beautiful. –I complimented. My mother laughed at my words and took my hand, guiding me to the place where the King was waiting.

As soon as we reached him, I felt pain on my wrist. I managed to disguise my groan with a cough, but barely. My hand was twitching violently, and I had to hide it behind my back. The King smiled at me and took my other hand to kiss it. What was wrong with a simple handshake?

-It's a pleasure to finally meet the famous Merethe Soltvedt. A beautiful young lady, indeed. –He said, smiling at my parents. My parents were clearly pleased with his words. I wasn't. There was something wrong with the man, and my wrist and I fucking knew it.

-The pleasure is mine, your highness. –I answered. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and gestured the orchestra to begin playing. The music resonated through the room. Women squealed with delight and stood up as soon as men asked them to dance.

-May I have this dance? –He asked, taking my small hand in his and leading me to the dance floor without waiting for my answer.

* * *

He wrapped his arm around my waist and started moving. I followed his steps whilst carefully studying the area for possible escape routes if I felt like slapping him. I desperately looked for Levi. I didn't expect to find him on the dance floor, especially not dancing with my mother. My mother seemed delighted. She seemed happier than me. Goddamn it.

-I take it you're married now, Miss Soltvedt. –He spoke, directing my attention back to him.

-You may call me Merethe if you please, your highness. –I spoke back.

-Very well, Merethe. Are you married? –He asked.

-Not exactly, your highness. I am engaged. –I answered, not quite comfortable with spilling my private life to him.

-Oh? Who is the lucky young man? –He asked, loosening his hold on my waist to spin me. His hand travelled to the low of my back and I refrained from flinching. They were all fucking perverts.

-He must be around here somewhere. –I answered, giving Levi a pleading look. He glared at the King as soon as he noticed his hand on my back.

-Perhaps wooing some other young lady. –The king implied, lowering his hand to my ass. He smirked at me, and I smiled. I wanted to slap his fucking hand away and kick him in the balls.

-I highly doubt it, my king. He has been extremely faithful, you see. –I answered as the song came to its end.

-I could show you, darling, what a real man is like. –He whispered in my ear. I could feel the smell of alcohol coming off of him.

-I…-I was interrupted by Levi gently grabbing my hand.

His smile was polite, yet his eyes were threatening. If he had been glaring at me like that, I would've pissed my pants or...dress.

-May I have this dance? –He asked politely to the King, even though he was glaring daggers.

-Who are you to take away a young lady from _the King_? –The bastard slurred.

-Her fiancé. –He answered, slowly pulling me into his arms. I let out a sigh of relief.

-I see. Very well, then. May I have her for the next dance or are you having her for the rest of the night? –The king dared in a threatening tone.

-You may, your highness. –Levi faked a smile. The king seemed content with his answer and retreated, but he still had his gaze set on me.

Another song started playing, and I allowed my head to rest on Levi's shoulder. He remained silent as he snaked his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to his body. I could almost squeal in delight like those teenage girls that were being touched in the corner of the room.

-I'll be chopping his dick off as soon as we have him. –Levi whispered, making me giggle.

-My knight in shining armour. –I joked, brining my arms around his neck.

-"A knight in a shining armour is a man who has never had his metal truly tested." –Levi quoted.

-I've heard the before. I can't seem to recall from where it was from, though. –I mused, lifting my head from his chest and staring into his eyes.

-Too bad I can't remember either. –He chuckled.

-I see that my mother enjoys having you around. –I commented, stealing a glance at my mother. She had my father's arms around her as they danced. She seemed truly happy.

-I see that the King enjoys your company more than he actually should. –Levi scoffed.

-You can only be nice to someone for so long before your kindness starts making you feel like a bloody doormat. –I answered, smirking. Levi chuckled at my words.

-We have to lure him away from the crowd. We need to capture him. –Levi whispered in my ear as a reminder. I closed my eyes.

-I know. The bastard already seems to like me. He offered to, and I quote, show me "what a real man is like". –I said laughing. Levi smirked.

-I'll show you what a real man is like. –Levi growled in my ear. I moaned silently as his hands found their way into my ass.

-Levi, stop. –I mewled, hiding my face in his chest.

-I don't want to. –He said in a child-like manner. He gripped harder.

-You have no idea what you are doing to me. You, sir, are going to fuck me senseless as soon as we are done with all this. –I whispered seductively. Levi groaned into my neck.

-Then we better get this done as soon as possible. –He stated, pulling away and guiding me back to the King.

-The gardens? –I asked in a rushed manner.

-Yes. –He said, handing me over to the King.

The King eyed me lustfully. He held my hand as he guided me somewhere in the back of the room. A table full of gourmet dishes was displayed in front of me, as soon as he stopped walking. He picked up a strawberry and he dipped it in chocolate. He took a bite out of it and gestured me to pick whatever I wanted. I, like any woman, did not wish to ruin my make-up. I accepted a glass of wine from one of the servants and sipped it. There was absolutely nothing better than expensive wine. And having Levi on top of me, making me moan his name.

-So you're marrying a soldier. –The king blurted out, making me tense up.

-Why the sudden interest, my king? –I asked in a sickeningly sweet manner.

-I know exactly who your fiancé is, darling. Levi Ackerman. Humanity's Strongest Soldier. How could I not? A vulgar choice in my opinion. –He commented whilst pigging out on cheese and a turkey leg. How ironic.

-Vulgar, my king? Perhaps you could…show me the _finer_ things in life. –I whispered in an attempt to distract him from the fact that Levi was a soldier. It could jeopardize our entire mission. The king looked at me with joy in his eyes. He seemed pleased with himself.

-Why, yes. Come, I'll show you my bedroom. –He urged, taking my hand and guiding me. I stopped, pulling him back with more strength than I actually meant to use.

-Why not the gardens? Does it not sound thrilling? –I asked, caressing his shoulder.

-You are right. How much I love young women. Always so full of life and passion. –He proudly agreed. What a fucking pig. He had fucked young girls out of pure lust, betraying his late wife.

* * *

I guided him into the gardens. As we walked by the door that led into them, he signalled the soldiers to close the door and stop anyone who dared to exit. The soldiers just shrugged, most likely accustomed to those kind of situations. I had the urge to gag. I hoped that Levi was somewhere hiding. I knew I would be able to bring the king down with just a punch, but I did not want to ruin my dress. I allowed him to lead me into the darkest part of the garden. When we got there, he pushed me against a tree and started kissing my neck.

-I've been meaning to ravage you ever since I laid my eyes on you. –He awkwardly groaned in what he thought was a sexy way.

-The feeling is not mutual, my king. –I said, pushing him away harshly. I was disgusted. I felt dirty and violated.

-What do you mean, you bitch?! –He spat out, trying to grab me.

His demeanour changed dramatically. A gentleman one second and a misogynist the other.

-You are not even half the man I need. You disgusting, dirty pig. You are a sorry excuse of a man. –I provoked.

-I'll show you, you whore! –He exclaimed, lunging at me. As his beer belly preventing him from walking too fast, he almost tripped.

-I don't think so. –Levi spoke, hitting him in the head. The king fell to the floor, unconscious.

-Fuck, Levi. We needed to knock him out, not kill him. –I scolded.

Levi did not pay attention to my words as he picked up the king and led him out of the castle. The soldiers that were supposed to be on duty only smirked at us. Levi nodded back as they opened the gate. The expensive chariot that my parents had used to bring us to the ball was waiting for us with Mikasa Ackerman as our charioteer. She was dressed like a man, an extremely beautiful girly man.

As soon as we were inside, Mikasa urged the horses. We arrived at the Survey Corps HQ as the time neared midnight.

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I got off the chariot so that I would not be in Levi's way as he pushed the King's unconscious body out. As Levi got off the chariot and picked up the King, Erwin approached us.

-Fantastic job. –He complimented.

-Thank you. –I answered.

-Whoa! Is that the King? –Eren asked, pointing at the man on Levi's back.

-Yes, Eren. –Armin's excited voice responded.

-This fucker is going to wake up any time soon. –Levi interrupted.

-Ah, yes. Come, let's lock him up. –Erwin ordered, turning around and leading the way.

I heard shuffling from behind me. I turned to see Levi struggling to keep the very conscious King still. My eyes widened as the King pulled out a syringe. Levi was having trouble keeping him still. I rushed to his aid, but I did not arrive on time. I watched in horror as the King tried to inject the syringe's content into his own arm, but failing miserably as Levi's hand obstructed the way.

My heart skipped a beat as the syringe's contents were emptied on Levi's clenched hand.

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 _"I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion." -Alexander The Great_

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 **A/N: Such a long chapter. I hope you enjoyed.**

 **Please, feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**


	60. Chapter 59: Golden Crown

**A/N: I apologize for the delay.** **I had rhinoplasty done and wasn't feeling well enough to write.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

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It seemed as if everything had gone to hell in just a matter of seconds. My hand was still reaching out to Levi. I could see the fear in his eyes. He had his mouth open in a silent scream of pain. I could see his trembling body and his shaking hands.

 _Kill him._

I shook my head, trying to get rid of the voice.

 _Kill him. He's only going to hurt him. He's going to hurt Levi._

I ran as fast as I could and tried to calm Levi down. He was groaning and tears started building in the corners of his eyes. He gritted his teeth. He kept of trying to stand up but his knees refused to obey him. He looked at me, asking me for help.

-Levi, don't move. –I whispered, trying to stop him from moving. His hand was twitching violently. He was screaming in agonizing pain, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to help him. He was trembling, sweating and groaning. He pulled out the syringe from his arm and threw it hell knows where.

-Merethe…-Levi managed to breathe out. I pulled him closer to my body and looked at him.

-I'm here. I'm not going anywhere…-I repeated over and over again in attempt to calm him down. He shook his head again and again.

-Run. –He uttered. Slowly pulling his body away from mine.

-What? –I questioned, confused by his choice of words. He had completely lost his fucking mind. I was not about to leave him. Not in his current state. Never in his current state.

-Run. –He repeated, his voice barely a whisper. He slowly stood up, with me in his arms. He was glaring at the people that stood behind me.

I had not expected to hear the sound of guns clicking from behind me. I had not expected to hear Hanji screaming in terror. I had not expected Levi to push me with enough strength to knock me off my feet. I had not expected him to turn into a 30 meter class titan. I had not expected to hear the sound of the King's body being crushed and torn into pieces inside the mouth of the titan that belonged to my fiancé.

I slowly backed away, trying not to provoke the titan. I had fucking read Eren's reports of his first transformation. If Levi's was to be similar…

-Squad Leader Soltvedt, get away from him! –I heard Armin yell at me.

I did not want to. I could only imagine how terrified Levi felt. He was inside of a titan he did not know how to control. His body was possibly burning and his head was killing him. He could not tell what he was doing nor what he felt. I wanted to take the pain, I wanted to be the one suffering and not him. I wanted to take all of his pain away.

Someone grabbed me by the waist and pulled me away from him. I kicked and punched, trying to return to Levi's side. It was then, when I finally noticed and realized that the cadets and soldiers, each and every one of them, were pointing their guns and Levi's nape. Eren and Annie had their hands inches away from their mouths. I knew it. They would not hesitate to bring Levi down if he was to put every person present at risk.

-No! Don't shoot him! –I yelled, elbowing the person that grabbed me and running back to Levi.

-Merethe! Get away from him! He's dangerous! –Mikasa screamed at me. I had hit her. She had been the one to pull me away from Levi. Her nose was bleeding.

-No! Just like you protect your little lap dog I will protect my fiancé! Put the fucking guns down! –I ordered, covering him with my body. It must've been a pretty hilarious sight. I, no taller than 1.45m, trying to protect and shield a 30 meter titan with my body. My wrist twitched and my head was spinning.

-Merethe, listen to me! He's dangerous! He's in no state to recognize you! –Erwin yelled.

-Put the fucking guns down! If he fucking loses it, I will control him! –I screamed, fury clouding my senses.

I heard the titan crouch down behind me. I felt his finger poke my back. I turned to look at the titan and tried to refrain myself from peeing my pants. Red eyes stared at me with a wicked glint, an evil smirk graced the titan's features. Levi's features. His eyes stared at me for a full minute before I noticed his gaze softening. I wasn't controlling him, but I had the urge to do so. I loved the man, but I did not want him to hurt me. I did not want him to die by the hands of his comrades. I wanted him to die of old age, asleep.

-Levi... –I whispered, reaching out to touch his nose. My hand trembled as it neared his skin. He was under some kind of hypnotizing spell. He stared at me. Slowly, his red eyes turned grey. When my skin finally connected with his, I flinched in pain. His skin was hot. Burning. I ignored the pain and started whispering to him. I did not know what I was saying, I could only remember the pain of seeing his eyes constantly turning red and grey, as if he was fighting to regain control of himself.

My hand was left touching nothing but the cold night air as I watched Levi's titan form disappear into the forest. I heard people running after him.

-Don't. –I ordered loud enough for everyone to hear.

-He could lose control. –Eren argued.

-I'll go. –I said, grabbing one of Eren's blades and mentally apologizing to my mother for what I was about to do to her dress. The fabric made a horrible sound as I cut it. I sighed.

-Are you…sure? –I heard my assistant, Marco, say.

-I am. Do not come after us. I'll bring him back. He won't be hard to miss. The guy's 30 meters tall. –I said, starting to feel the effects of my abilities even though I had yet to use them.

 _Kill them._

-Be careful…-I heard Erwin say.

-I will. –I answered, taking the horse that was being handed over to me and climbing on it.

 _He could be in danger._

I could hear the wind go past me, I could hear the trees creaking. The cold air attacked my skin whenever it had the chance and the metallic taste of blood on my mouth signalled me that something was wrong. My wrist was burning, my fingers trembled along with my hand and my head was swirling with conflicting thoughts. I had been hearing that voice. _Oh, I had heard it._ I had just managed to ignore it. But, being so close to a titan that I had not controlled was making it go insane. I was in a battle against the voice in my head. Against _her._ I knew very well I could not let my guard down. I had allowed her to control me before, to use me as she wished. I had allowed her to take control because I feared her. Because knowing that I was falling apart made her feel good. It made her regain her confidence.

 _You're not fast_ enough.

 _He could be dead._

 _What if he got hurt?_

 _You're weak._

 _Who is in control, Merethe?_

-Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I am! I am! –I yelled at nothing. I could feel tears welling up in the corners of my eyes. I refused to cry because of her. I wouldn't give her the pleasure of breaking down. I realized that I was alone. I was talking to myself. I was losing my mind. The horse slowed its pace. I closed my eyes in an attempt to calm myself down. Levi was in danger and I was selfishly thinking about myself.

 _He's most likely dead._

 _It's all your fault._

 _You shouldn't be alive._

-Fuck off! –I hissed, urging the horse to go faster. Trees and more trees greeted me, until a small castle came into view. It was quite hidden from every other structure in the forest, hidden from everyone. It was abandoned yet it looked like it had been used not too long ago.

As I neared the castle, which I later found out was a small base, I saw Levi's body on the floor. His titan had long evaporated, and under his body laid the evidence of his once gigantic form. As if he was using his shadow as a bed.

As I got off the horse, I prepared myself. I didn't know whether he was stable or not, and I did not want to risk him going homicidal. Step by step, I felt horrible. I was scared to touch him. I felt like he would break if I did. I chuckled bitterly when I kneeled down on the floor next to his unconscious body. I placed my hand on his chest and let out a sigh of relief when I confirmed his breathing.

-They got the better of us, didn't they? Bastards…-I whispered, accommodating his head on my lap and playing with his long hair. I was debating whether to wait for him to wake up or just take him back to base.

For every year that I was gone, there was a scar on his body. He had told me how he got each and every one of them. Six scars of considerable size. I trailed the one on his neck with my finger.

 _It's your fault._

I shook my head, ignoring the voice in my head and focusing on him. His eyelids kept on moving and his mouth was slightly open. I leaned down to kiss him. Softly and lovingly, I allowed his presence to soothe and fight against the demons in my head.

-I know I don't say it much, but I…love you. I love you, Levi. And right now, I need you. I need you to fight like you always have.–I murmured against his lips. I kept on caressing his neck. Without noticing, my hand found his. I lifted my gaze from his sleeping form and smiled sadly at the engagement band on his finger. He would definitely go around without a tan where his fourth finger met his knuckle.

-Alright. You're going to get sick if I keep you here any longer. Let's hope you're not fat, handsome. –I joked, clearly aware that he couldn't hear me.

I carefully positioned his unconscious body on the horse so that he wouldn't fall. I didn't want that pretty face of his to get ruined. He didn't even have wrinkles. I knew something inside of me had broken. I just wasn't sure what. I was calm, yet I knew I should've been freaking the fuck out. I was cracking up jokes, yet I knew I should've been crying my heart out. Little by little, she was starting to take over.

I slowly rode back the way to the headquarters. Every soldier remained in the same place where they had been when I left. Hanji and Erwin hurried over to help me with Levi's body. I watched in silence as he was taken into Hanji's laboratory. I watched in silence as every soldier was dismissed. I watched in silence as my reflection turned into a monster.

In silence, I made peace with my own demons; because I knew Levi's would eat us alive. He wouldn't wake up feeling happy. I knew exactly how he would feel.

I knew exactly what was about to happen to him.

I knew what was about to happen to us.

And it wouldn't be pretty.

* * *

" _Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." –Abraham Lincoln_

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 **A/N: I apologize if there are any mistakes. I am still recovering and some mistakes tend to slip by me.**


	61. Chapter 60: Human

**A/N: I have yet to fully recover, so I hope you understand the lack of chapters.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

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Glaring into Erwin's icy blue eyes, I found myself thinking of knocking his tall ass out. We had been yelling at each other for over an hour and we had yet to come to a solution to our problem. Levi was in no state to fight as a titan alongside Annie and Eren.

-We cannot send him off into battle if he can't control the titan! He'll be in danger! We will be in danger! –I exclaimed, hitting his desk with my hand.

-This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, Merethe! He is humanity's strongest soldier! And he now possesses what we need to win! –He argued.

-Humanity's strongest _soldier._ You said it yourself. He will die if we do it. If he loses control there is only so much I'll be able to do without injuring myself. I'm pregnant, Erwin. I can't risk my child's life. I can't risk Levi's life. Not now, not ever. –I countered.

-What if he gets injured? He will transform whether he wishes it or not. Ask Eren or Annie. They'll tell you how it is. –Erwin spat out, glaring at me.

-He rests as we speak. I highly doubt he'll even be fully recovered before the Homeland reaches the walls. And… -I stopped myself, knowing it would set off panic.

-And? –Erwin pressed.

My heart got caught in my throat. I had known. I had felt it, yet I had refused to believe what my mind told me. What _she_ whispered into my ear with malice before fucking my mind over and over. I had ignored her successfully when I was with Levi. He somehow made her fade into the background. I could never bear the thought of losing him.

My head started aching and I groaned in pain.

 _A little too late, cupcake. Too late._

My knees gave in and I held onto Erwin's desk to prevent myself from falling to the floor. He ran to my side to help me. I could hear him talking to me, but I couldn't make out the words he was uttering. I could hear the clock ticking everyone's life away. I cried out, feeling my arm burn.

-Merethe?! –Erwin shouted.

I struggled to stand up properly.

-They're here. –I said, gasping for air.

-What? –Erwin questioned, clearly perplexed by my words.

-They're here, Erwin. I can feel them. –I stated. I could feel every shifter.

Erwin's eyes widened like plates. He opened the door and started yelling orders to every living being that listened.

-Will you be ok? –He asked, helping me to the door.

-I'll be fine, go! –I exclaimed, pushing him. He nodded and ran down the hall.

I rested my back against a wall, trying to calm myself down. I couldn't let my own body get the best of me. I knew there was no way I would be allowed into the battlefield. I would have to stay behind and command my squad to fight. It was killing me. I had been there before, I had faced them. And they were in no way weak.

-Levi…-I said to myself, pushing my body off the wall and running in the direction of Hanji's laboratory.

I had to protect him.

* * *

I was greeted by the sight of Levi's scarred back. He was changing. He knew they were about to breach the walls once again. It was impossible for him not to know. Every soldier was proclaiming it to the bloody sky. He was starting to put on the harness when he heard my breathing.

-Merethe. –He turned to look at me as he spoke.

-How are you feeling? –I asked, approaching him and hugging him. He returned the hug, burying his face on my hair.

-Better. We need to hurry. –He said, letting go of me and resuming his previous actions.

-Levi, it's too dangerous. You shouldn't go. Not like this. –I advised, helping him.

-I have to. –He answered, taking his jacket from a nearby chair and putting it on.

I sighed and focused on his back. I knew very well I wouldn't be able to stop him even if I wanted to, because he was the leader of this rebellion. If someone was to willingly lead every military branch into an unknown destiny it would be him. He was a hero to many and a villain to others. A hero is someone who gives his or her life to something bigger than oneself.

-Don't look at me like that. –He voiced, snapping me out of my daydream.

-Like what? –I asked, lifting an eyebrow.

-Like it's the last time you are ever going to see me. I don't like it. –He answered, sitting down on a chair and pulling me down to sit his lap.

-I'm sorry. I…I fear for your life, Levi. I'm sure you can barely remember what happened yesterday. –I said, shaking my head.

He frowned, knowing precisely what I was talking about. He had successfully avoided the subject until I mentioned it.

-As long as I can keep it under control nothing will happen. –He assured me.

-What if you can't? –I pressed, caressing his cheek.

-Then…let them kill me. –He declared, looking down at the floor.

-You cannot be serious, Levi. If you lose control, I…-I was interrupted by his angry gaze.

-No. –He spat, his voice low.

-But…-I tried to argue.

-You will not control me. I forbid you to do it. –He interrupted again.

-Why? If you are in danger of dying, I will not hesitate to control you. –I challenged.

-Because Hanji already told me the dangers of you doing so. You are strong, Merethe…the strongest woman I've ever met, but there's things even you can't take. Your body won't be able to survive if you try to control me. You said it yourself, the taller and stronger the titan, the more it damages you to control it. –He maintained. I stood up and placed my hands on his shoulders.

-I would die for you. –I answered. His eyes widened, but he quickly composed himself.

-I would die for you and our child. –He echoed, not before adding the words that would surely make me lose the argument.

-Levi…-I whispered.

-Promise me that no matter how much danger I'm in, you will not control me. –He entreated.

I stared at his grey eyes. I ran my hand through his long raven locks. I let out a shaky sigh. He was asking me to promise him something impossible. It was his life before mine, but he didn't know that.

-I…-I started, but quickly shut my mouth. I was agreeing to let him die.

-Merethe, promise me. –He pressed, placing his hand on top of mine and squeezing it.

-I…promise. –I assented, fighting back the urge to cry. He had forced me to choose between our child and him.

-Thank you. –He thanked me, pulling me close for an embrace. With his head against my stomach, he smiled. I observed his expression.

-It's fascinating. Life grows inside of you. You did this. –He commented. He had his ear against my stomach, as if trying to hear or feel the baby.

-We did this. And, I doubt it'll move, Levi. Not yet, at least. –I said smiling. He lifted his head and chuckled.

-Perhaps you're right. –He added.

-I'm always right. –I joked.

We stared at each other in silence.

-Time is running out. The halls are almost empty. –He noted, glancing at the closed door. There was almost no sound coming from behind it, which meant that every soldier was most likely preparing their horses and manoeuvre gear.

-I guess I have to let you go now. –I mumbled.

-Correct. –He answered, standing up from his chair and kissing my forehead. I didn't follow him with my gaze, but I did listen to his every step. When his hand reached the doorknob, I turned to look at him.

-Levi. –I called out, my voice cracking.

-Yes? –He turned his head to look at me, his hand resting on the doorknob as a reminder that he had to leave.

-I love you. –I stated, fighting back my tears.

-I know. –He intoned before disappearing from my view.

* * *

" _A hero is someone who understands the responsibility that comes with his freedom." –Bob Dylan_

" _When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way._ _Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home." -_ _Tecumseh_

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Only a few more chapters to go. If you liked the chapter, please feel free to review, it really does help me out a lot.**


	62. Chapter 61: Broken Promises

**A/N: I apologize.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

The very gruesome scene of war unfolded before my eyes as I watched soldier after soldier fall to the floor, victims to violence and death. I was the only leader of the Survey Corps not fighting. Instead, I was tending to the wounded and yelling orders. Wall Rose had been completely evacuated in a matter of hours thanks to the collaboration of every military branch. Wall Sina was crowded, overflowing with people who feared for their lives.

It wasn't long before the prince noticed his father was gone. A search party had been sent but they had retreated when the first titan came through the walls. Even after the battle, the war wouldn't be over. They would have to eradicate every last member of the royal family once they were proven guilty after the King's display of involvement with the Homeland. A serum was almost impossible to find within the walls, and if it was, then someone had made it.

The Colossal titan had torn apart an immense portion of Wall Rose. They had invaded every corner of the city, forcing soldiers to engage in battle against them.

-Ma'am! –A soldier called out. I turned around immediately.

-Yes? –I asked.

-Commander Smith is injured. He'll be brought to you shortly. –He informed, saluting me and returning to the battlefield. I was on top of one of the tallest buildings inside Wall Rose, relatively out of danger. The titans that had entered the walls were not normal. They were all titan-shifters, agile and cunning. They were military trained. Even Mikasa and Levi were having trouble taking some of them down.

I was the only medical assistance available on that part of town, so I had had to figure out how to save some of the soldiers that had been brought to me. Some of them had died in my arms, muttering about their families. I had managed to resist the urge to break down, because I knew I couldn't give myself the luxury to do so. My hand had been twitching violently, making it almost impossible for me to concentrate.

The moment Erwin came into my view, I began preparing whatever medical supplies I would need. My breath got caught in my throat when I identified his "wound". He had lost a goddamn arm.

-Place him on the floor. –I ordered, kneeling down next to him and inspecting him.

-Merethe… -He murmured, fading in and out of consciousness. If he fell asleep, he wouldn't wake up.

-Stay with me, Erwin. You are not dying on me. –I stated, pouring alcohol on his armless shoulder. He hissed in pain.

-I'm tired…-He said, struggling to keep his eyes open. I desperately looked for anything to help me stop the bleeding for good.

-I know, dad. I know. Please, don't leave me. –I choked. My gaze landed on his blades and I mentally grimaced. I had done it before, and I knew it hurt like a fucking bitch. Cauterizing it would stop the bleeding, but that couldn't guarantee him living.

-I'm sorry. I wanted to…see my grandchild. –He coughed, closing his eyes.

-Fuck, fuck, fuck. –I muttered, reaching out for his blade and heating it on the bonfire that was located not too far away from us. I could hear his breathing slowing down and I was starting to lose my shit.

As soon as I deemed it hot enough, I placed the blade on Erwin's shoulder. He cried out in pain, tears falling from his eyes. I apologized over and over again. The wound was halfway cauterized when the blade lost its heat. I reheated it and repeated the process. With each passing second, Erwin lost consciousness. He eventually stopped moving.

I choked back a cry, after checking his pulse. Alive. He was a strong man, after all. Another soldier landed on my makeshift infirmary and saluted me. I motioned for her to take Erwin to the Military Police's headquarters. He was in no condition to keep fighting. I watched in silence as his body was taken back. I sighed, sitting down and wiping the sweat that lingered on my forehead with my hand. I directed my gaze to the battlefield and hoped Erwin would make it.

From afar, I identified Annie's titan. She was fighting against one of her former comrades. The Armoured titan was having a hard time avoiding each and every one of her hits. I watched as he slowly started losing the battle. Annie's eyes softened with every hit she delivered. The pain in her eyes had been enough to tell that she wouldn't be able to do it, that she wouldn't be able to kill her comrade. Her book was spilling red ink and she didn't want to add any more names to it. I was about to force her into killing him when I remembered Levi's words.

* * *

 _-Merethe, promise me. –He pressed, placing his hand on top of mine and squeezing it._

 _-I…promise. –I assented, fighting back the urge to cry. He had forced me to choose between our child and him._

* * *

When Eren's titan came into view, I sighed in relief. He gently pushed Annie aside and ended Reiner's life himself. It wasn't long before another titan shifter started attacking them. I watched powerlessly as everyone fought. I held one of the major cards in the game, but I wasn't allowed to use it. I stood up, acknowledging Armin's presence.

-Are you wounded? –I questioned, untying my hair. I had yet to look at him.

-It's Marco, ma'am. –He answered. My eyes widened as I turned around.

-Fuck, you scared me. –I cursed, kneeling down next to Marco and his dislocated shoulder.

-I'm sorry. It's just that I didn't want to keep fighting unless I was in top condition. I don't want to die, you know. –He said, scratching the back of his head with an embarrassed look on his face.

-No one wants to die. –I said, analysing whether to just relocate it or send him back to the headquarters.

-Jean asked me to marry him once all of this is over. –He stated. I looked up to meet his happy expression. I grinned.

-And? Did you agree? –I asked.

-Of course I did. Do you think I'll be a good husband? –He asked, wanting me to assure him he was just being insecure.

-You will. I'm willing to bet money on it. –I replied, chuckling.

-Thank you. –He uttered.

-Now, lay down on your back and abduct your arm. –I commanded. He did as told and closed his eyes.

I shook my head as I firmly grabbed his wrist and slowly pulled on his arm. He groaned in pain numerous times before I finally heard a "clunk" sound. I had successfully gotten back the shoulder back into its socket with relative ease. He stood up, inspecting his arm and smiling gratefully at me. I only nodded.

-Marco…we need to go back…right now! Look! –Armin exclaimed, bringing our attention back to him.

Seeing Annie and Eren trapped by the Colossal Titan's hold had forced adrenaline to run through my veins. One on each hand, they were being stripped away from their lives as the titan's hold on them tightened. They were not too far from us. I knew I could take the Colossal Titan on with Levi's help. Powerless, Eren was punching desperately Bertholdt's hand as an attempt to force him to let go. Unfazed by it, Bertholdt only continued tightening his hold on both their bodies.

Mikasa and Levi were looking for an opening on Bertholdt's nape, but they were unable to find any. He had hardened his skin, just like Annie. A countless number of soldiers had surrounded him, yet he was still winning. Little by little, more titans entered the walls. I hadn't even noticed how fast shit had gone downhill until the Colossal Titan began swatting soldiers away with enough strength to kill them.

Out of luck, he barely missed Levi. The very moment Levi's life was at risk, my own body reacted on its own. I closed my eyes and focused on Bertholdt. I knew it could end up killing me. Hell, it would be a miracle if it didn't fucking kill me.

-I'm sorry, Levi…-I whispered. My voice unintentionally catching Armin's attention.

-No! Merethe, don't! –He yelled, reaching out for my arm to stop me.

I opened my eyes and lost control of my own body. I heard Armin cry in pain as his hand connected with my skin.

 _We are one and the same._

* * *

I was in agonizing pain. I could hear people screaming and yelling things. I recognized a few voices among them all. I felt my body starting to lose strength. Darkness embraced me and lured me into an endless sleep I knew there would be no return from.

-We're losing her! –Hanji exclaimed, her voice desperate.

-She's losing too much blood! Make it fucking stop! –Eren yelled.

-Merethe, wake up goddammit! –Jean called out.

-She's not breathing anymore…-Armin said.

-Lift her head, I'm going to give her CPR. –Hanji ordered.

-It's no use, she's already gone! –Someone argued.

-Hey, fuck you! –Eren defended me.

-Her heart is not beating anymore. –Hanji whispered.

-Why is she bleeding so fucking much?! -Jean yelled.

-She's bleeding too fucking much. Make it stop, Hanji! -Mikasa hissed.

-I'm doing my best here! Merethe, wake the fuck up! -Hanji said.

-Her ears, her eyes, her mouth...there's too much opening to cover. -Armin pointed out.

-Give me some space, for fuck's sake! -Hanji's voice broke.

-Stop it. She's not coming back...-Marco cried.

Then, all the voices stopped. They faded into nothing but soft murmurs. I wanted to keep on listening to them. I wanted to listen to them forever. I heard someone lie down next to me. I could barely feel the heat radiating off their body. A voice started whispering to me.

-Merethe, love, please wake up…I can't lose you. Not again…please…please…goddammit, wake up, please…Merethe…I…can't do it without you…don't do this to me, love…please…goddammit…please! –I heard Levi talking to me.

His words were constantly interrupted by cries erupting from his throat. He was crying so hard it was making it difficult for him to breathe.

His voice, in the end, was the one thing that lulled me into never-ending sleep.

And I silently thanked him for it.

* * *

" _For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one." –Kahlil Gibran_

" _Life and death are one thread, the same line viewed from different sides." –Lao Tzu_

* * *

 **A/N: This is not the end. Please, feel free to review it really does help me out a lot.**


	63. Chapter 62: Beyond

**A/N: Death is a truly fascinating thing, isn't it?**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

 _Word after word, I found myself intrigued by the book I held in my hands. I could hear Levi scribbling away on whatever paperwork he was filling. The room was completely silent aside from the sound of the clock ticking and the sound of our breathing. I stopped reading, only to steal a glance at my fiancé. He had his hair down, his shirt slightly unbuttoned, and his lips formed a thin line as he read the letters and reports he had been given. Unlike him, I had long finished my own paperwork. I had had my assistant help me with it. Marco was a true sweetheart whenever I asked him to help me. My eyes travelled to that sinful part of Levi's uncovered chest. I involuntarily licked my lips. He let out a tired sigh, distracting me from my lustful thoughts. I lifted my gaze once again to stare at his face. Even though they were barely noticeable, there were bags under his eyes. He had confessed that ever since I had been taken, he had been unable to sleep for more than three or four hours. I knew that wasn't healthy, but there was absolutely nothing I could do to help him other than hold him. He was often restless at night because he had horrible dreams. We would both lay in the dark, side by side in silence, consumed by each other's nightmares._

 _I closed my book, knowing fully well that I wouldn't be able to concentrate on it any longer. I sat up and stretched my limbs, letting out a small yawn in the process. I fixated my gaze on Levi once again and smiled, his eyes kept on closing and his head fought to remain above the desk's surface. I stood up and sat back down in front of him. He didn't move an inch, he did not acknowledge my presence. I raised my eyebrows in confusion, and waved my hand in front of his face to get his attention. Either he was ignoring me or he was just too tired to pay attention to my antics. I didn't truly worry until I noticed the tears in his eyes threatening to fall. He dropped the pen and brought his hands to cover his face. He shook his head with every sob that escaped his throat._

 _-Levi? Are you alright? Is something wrong? –I spoke, my voice barely a whisper._

 _He abruptly got up from his chair and hit the desk with his hands. He was crying, his body was trembling with anger. I reached out to touch his hand and gasped when it just…went...through him. As if…I was a ghost. I felt fear starting to creep up on me. I stood up and stared at my blood covered hands. They were almost transparent. I could tell I was fading. I felt lighter, calmer, frightened. I walked up to him, going through his desk as if it wasn't even there. I tried to touch him again, but failed miserably. He started throwing things at the wall, screaming in frustration. I wanted to comfort him, but I had to settle by merely seeing him, by being close to him without him knowing._

 _I had been in that situation before. I knew I wasn't dead, but I wasn't alive either. It would only be a matter of time before I would be able to see the space that separated the world beyond us from the living. I couldn't cry, I wasn't able to. Little by little, I felt blood pouring from my eyes, ears, mouth. It was warm, soothing. I watched each drop fall to the floor in silence. I heard it. I heard the line beginning to appear. It trapped me in a small space where I could see both worlds. Each hand touched both of the walls that surrounded me. I wasn't trapped...I just had to choose._

 _On one side, I could see figures floating. Animals swimming in the air, erasing everything I knew about reality. Souls merging with each other, yet always alone. Lakes, mountains, rivers, forests all in one place. It was neither heaven nor hell, it was just…a place where you continued to exist after you died. I had identified one soul among them all, and it had ironically made me feel calm. Her short hair and her amber eyes had given her away. She was standing there, with a smile on her face and offering me her hand. She had once hated me. Petra Ral was standing there, wearing a white dress that reached her feet and a smile that could light up an entire room. And it had. She remained silent. I took a step towards her but…I heard Levi's sobbing and looked at the other wall._

 _There he was, the one man I had loved for most of my entire life, sitting on a chair with his head hung low. The room had changed. He was no longer in his office, but rather sitting next to a bed. I couldn't tell who was lying on the bed, but I had a pretty good idea. The flowers that rested on my hair and the long white dress that covered my body were beautiful. They were surely preparing to bury me. It was most likely that out of respect, they had decided to mourn me for at least a day or two before letting me join the earth in its eternal powerful life. Levi stood up, looked at me one last time, and left the room. The image of my own dead body slowly faded, replaced by what seemed like a kitchen. I couldn't help but to smile when I realized that Levi was wearing an apron whilst he cooked. Whatever it was that he was cooking, it smelled great. I heard someone running into the room. My breath got caught in my throat as I realized who it was. The small body, the messy black hair, the grey eyes and the freckles on the toddle's face tugged at my heart. The child poked Levi's leg, catching his attention. Levi kneeled down to pick the child up and kissed his forehead. The child let out a laugh and took a strand of Levi's hair in his small fingers. Levi chuckled softly and sat him down on a counter. He whispered something into the child's ear, making him nod._

 _Then, the image faded. I knew what I had to do. It had been obvious from the very beginning. Deep down, I had known it all along. The answer had always been clear, but it had never been an easy one to pick. The walls were almost impossible to see, only a few glimpses of what seemed like glass told me they were there. They were in no way hard, they were almost liquid. Water that stood still. I looked up. They didn't end, there wasn't a roof that signalled me that I was trapped. I was in a limbo. I just had to pick whether I wanted to live or die. I took Petra's hand, not quite crossing the line yet, and smiled. She smiled back, shaking her head whilst she chuckled. She squeezed my hand, reassuring me that it would be fine._

 _I've died twice already, I'm not afraid of death anymore._

* * *

" _The limbo of life is like a song, a melody that comes around occasionally but that sticks in your head and never goes away." –Leigh Hershkovich, Shattered Illusions._

* * *

 **A/N: Fucking A, man. This is downright depressing. I repeat, THIS IS NOT THE ENDING. If you liked it, please feel free to review, it really does help me a lot.**


	64. Chapter 63: Home

**A/N: with this final chapter, I bid my farewell; for the last episode will be the epilogue. Thank you for following and favouring.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

Pain filled my every bone and muscle, mercilessly destroying whatever remnants of calmness I had had whilst I was asleep. My body, even though it was in pain, felt as if I was floating through the air. I was surrounded by sleep, by every dream and nightmare I had ever had. I could make out sounds, yet I couldn't distinguish their origin. Little by little, I regained control of my senses. The cold air hit my skin, making me tremble slightly. I was lying on something soft, most likely a bed. I groaned softly as I tried to move my fingers. I couldn't believe the pain it caused me to perform such a simple action. Opening my eyes proved to be just as difficult and painful. The light burnt my eyes and I lifted my hand to shield my face from the rays of sunlight that invaded the room.

-Help…-I whispered, unable to speak louder because of the soreness of my throat. Eventually the light became too much for my eyes to bear, which forced me to close them. I focused on my breathing, trying to calm myself down. My forearm still remained on top of my face. Calmness had finally begun to find me when I heard something fall to the floor, followed by a gasp.

-Holy fucking shit. –Hanji said. A small smirk formed in my mouth, knowing that I had surprised her with my unexpected resurrection.

I felt her hands pull my arm away from my face gently so that she could see me. I slowly opened my eyes, trying once again to adjust to the light. Tears started falling from her face. I could barely move, hence the reason as to why I only smiled at her. I stole a glance at whatever object she had dropped. A golden bracelet laid on the floor, shining proudly. I assumed they would bury me with it.

-Hello. –I managed to croak out, bringing her out of her daze.

-I was fucking right. –She stated, grinning like a maniac as she slowly helped me sit up.

-About what? –I questioned.

-About you not being dead. I knew it. –She proudly answered.

-How? –I said as I refrained myself from crying out in pain as my muscles adjusted to the movement.

-Eren's titan gives him the ability to heal at an inhuman level. He has lost an arm and a leg before and grown them back. I theorized about the same thing with you. Though…it seems as if you heal much slower. –She explained, checking every single inch of my skin for any wounds.

-Is the baby…? –I couldn't finish the sentence, as I already feared the answer.

-I…don't know, Merethe. I mean, you just woke up. Oh, fuck…I need to tell Levi! –She exclaimed, running out of the room.

I sighed, bringing my hand to my stomach in an attempt to comfort myself about my child's welfare. I hated myself for what I had done. I had broken a promise, but I did not regret it one bit. I had been selfish when choosing. I had only considered my own feelings, never thinking about what my death would do to Levi. I did not think about our child as I allowed _her_ to take control. If I was still alive, and if my child somehow survived, I knew that she couldn't be completely evil. No one was. She was a part of me, whether I liked it or not. I had made peace with my own demons. I had embraced the bloodlust that engulfed me every time I allowed myself to become her. She loved Levi as much as I did, that much I knew. But…something was off.

In the past, I had been able to sense her from deep inside of me. As I lied there, in my deathbed, I couldn't seem to reach her. I couldn't find her. It felt as if a part of me had been amputated. I could feel the void.

I stared at the door, patiently waiting for Levi to come through it. When he finally did, I took in his appearance. Messy hair, undone shirt, bags under his eyes. A feeling of déjà vu came over me. I had witnessed his deterioration. I could only imagine and torture myself with the suffering he must've gone through. He slowly approached the bed. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. He dropped to his knees and started sobbing. My heart broke at the sight. I embraced him as he cried, and I cried along with him.

-Why, Merethe? –He choked out between sobs.

-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Levi. –I answered.

-Why did you do it? Why did you break your promise, you fool? –He scolded me, lifting his face to display a frightening glare.

-For honour? –I sheepishly replied.

-Stand in the ashes of a thousand dead soldiers and ask the ghosts if honour matters. –He hissed, lifting himself from the ground and pulling me close to him.

-I broke it…because I'm an idiot. And…I know it was impulsive, and I will never forgive myself for it…but…Levi, it was either them or you. I refused to let you die when I knew could've done something to prevent it. And I did. I'm certain you would've done the same thing for me. Without a fucking second thought. –I uttered, caressing his cheek.

-I fucking hate you. –He said.

-And I love you, Levi Ackerman. –I answered.

-I know. –He echoed the same answer he had always given me.

-I died, didn't I? I still remember…-I mentioned, breaking our embrace and looking at him.

-Your heart stopped beating. You were dead for two days, Merethe. We spent the first one trying to bring you back and…we gave up. You were not responding to anything. We couldn't even save the baby because it wasn't developed enough. –He claimed, his voice slightly breaking.

-I saw Petra. –I told him. His eyes widened and he cocked an eyebrow in confusion.

-What do you mean? –He asked.

-I've died twice already, you know? There's this thin line that divides the world beyond from the living. I was on that line, and…Petra was beyond it. She was just waiting for me to choose whether I wanted to live or to go with her. I only shook my head and told her "not today". I know it must sound fucking insane, but it's true. –I chuckled bitterly at my failed attempt of explaination.

Levi sighed as he sat down on the bed.

-Good to know she's fine. –He commented.

-Indeed. –I added.

Hanji was standing in the doorframe, watching us. She waited a couple of seconds before interrupting our conversation.

-I'd like to run some tests to see if the baby is still alive and to make sure Merethe is completely fine. One does not simply bleed out from every orifice in one's body without dying. –She joked.

-Very well. –Levi agreed, standing up and assisting me in doing the same thing. I could hear shouting in the distance and I smiled when I identified the owners and authors of such chaos.

As I was exiting the room, I found myself staring at the faces of the remaining members of the 104th trainee squad. They were no longer cadets. They had become experienced soldiers. I was flooded with questions and words I couldn't quite make out. I closed my eyes and focused on my child. I could feel energy coming from within me, and I knew the baby was fine. After all, the child growing inside of me was not the only son or daughter I had. Those teenagers had grown on me. Power had always been a part of me, from the interior and from the exterior alike. I had faced the very roots of death. I still didn't know what had happened whilst I was under the control of adrenaline and bloodlust, but I knew I had done something right. Every smiling face had told me so. Even Erwin's tired smile had filled me with joy. I felt Levi's arms wrap themselves around my waist and I rested my head on his chest. We had won the war.

And I exactly where I was. With Eren's grin, Hanji's wickedness, Erwin's guidance, Armin's knowledge, Marco's kindness, Jean's agressiveness, Mikasa's protectiveness, Connie and Sasha's shenanigans and Levi's strength.

I was right at home.

* * *

" _Things do not change; we change." –Henry David Thorean_

* * *

 _ **The end.**_


	65. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack On Titan**

* * *

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

 _To my son:_

 _In broken words, Eoghan, there's things I have to tell you. You just turned eighteen, and that means that you are an adult. At your age, I had already joined the military. Just like you. There's a reason as to why you have yet to find yourself joining your father on the field. And here I sit, anxious because I know that what you are about to read will define and change who you are. I can hear you laughing in the living room with your father. Every time you curse along with him, I giggle. I guess that is our fault. We never held back on our cursing and you picked it up. That's fine. Son, we love you. We love you so much. I would die for you and so would your father. I know that you are eager to join your uncles and aunts in the battlefield. You do realize they are not related to us, right? Not by blood, but by bond. They are your family as much as they are mine and your father's._

 _War is something that you know very well. You spent the first years of your life surrounded by it and up to this point, it has yet to be over. We've told you all about the Homeland and about titan-shifters. Your Uncle Eren and Aunt Annie are titan-shifters. You know that. You also know that your father was the one to lead the rebellion that ultimately achieved democracy. President Erwin Smith and first lady Hanji Zoe. Hard to believe, huh? Most people don't know how the battle was won, and that includes you. We've kept you in the dark about it because you were far too young to understand. To be honest, you still are._

 _After we won the battle, there was a time of peace. Eren had to find out what was on his basement, so we returned to the ruins of Wall Maria. We found books containing information about titans. And we found a photograph. You might be wondering what a photograph is. It is a picture taken with a camera. A camera is a technological device that captures images. You can ask Hanji about it. The photograph was found along with a letter that revealed one of the most frightening truths to humanity._

 _We are experiments. We are nothing more than test subjects to the "superior" human race. The military is trying to locate them. It's supposed to be classified. Information only available to those of the higher ranks. Your father and I are close to finding them. Far too close to be comfortable. Yet, it is our duty. Each day we grow older, and with us so do our ideals. Soon, you'll be facing whatever it is that we find. And we hope you will face it with bravery. I hope you stay when everyone else turns away in fear of the unknown._

 _I guess I've tergiversated long enough to annoy you. Son…my blood runs in your veins and so does your father's. My family, the Soltvedt family, has…a special ability. We are able to control titans. I can control them and so can you. That was how the war was won. I controlled the infamous Colossal Titan and every titan present at that time. I forced them to tear each other apart. I killed them. And I almost killed your father in the process. Your father is also a titan-shifter. One of the strongest titan-shifters out there. Far stronger than Eren. Now...that is a long story. You can ask him about it, although he doesn't remember much of it. I'll fill you in on whatever details he forgets later._

 _You are not a titan-shifter, do not get excited just yet. It is as much of a curse as it is a blessing. We have the serum prepared in case you decide to become one. Your sister is still far too young to know about her own abilities, but we will tell her in time._

 _Son, I hope you remain as amazing as you are. We'll give you time to take this in as soon as you read it._

 _When you're done, come find us in the kitchen. We'll be waiting for you._

 _Love,_

 _Mom._

 _P.D. Suit up, we are going to take you outside the walls._

* * *

I folded the letter, unable to believe what I had just read. My name is Eoghan Soltvedt, the son of Merethe Soltvedt and Levi Ackerman. I am 18 years old and I can control titans.

I should've known they were hiding something from me. They had always been secretive about what happened during the war. My mother was far stronger than she let out. And my father…he was also a titan-shifter. It seemed as if everyone in my family was cursed to remain in the military until every last one of us died. My parents were known as humanity's strongest soldiers. Living under their shadow, I had to live up to the expectations the military had set out for me. It was hard. I had to walk among cadets that hated me for no other reason than me being a descendant of the ones that fought the greatest battle known to humanity.

I looked outside of my window, watching the sun's rays disappear softly in an ethereal way. I sighed, knowing I would have to face my parents sooner or later. They were just waiting for me to go downstairs and talk to them about what I had just read. I didn't know how to process it. I didn't know whether I wanted to know more or not. I heard a soft knock at my door. I hoped my parents would respect my privacy and remain outside until I was ready to face them. Instead, I was greeted by the sight of my baby sister running towards me with a mischievous grin on her face.

-What do you want, Persephone? –I asked, annoyed at her sudden entrance. I hid the letter under a pillow, making sure it wouldn't be noticeable to her before turning to face her.

She threw herself into my arms, hugging me with all the strength her small body possessed. I still couldn't understand how she could love me unconditionally. I loved her as well, I just didn't let her know as much as she did. She lifted her small freckled face to stare into my eyes.

-I just wanted to hug you. I missed you. –She answered, breaking the hug and taking a step back.

-I've been in my room all this time. –I answered flatly.

-I know. –She said eagerly.

I chuckled at her shenanigans. She was a weird one, indeed. She pulled me up from my sitting position and forced me to stand in front of the mirror with her by my side. I lifted an eyebrow in confusion, I couldn't understand the meaning behind her actions. But, I studied our reflections nonetheless. She was short, pale, black hair and grey eyes. The female version of my father. On the other hand, I looked exactly like my mother. Red hair, almost brown, hazel eyes, freckles. I couldn't help but to smile at the image. She was gazing up at me with an admiring look on her face. I knew she looked up to me. And I looked up to her. She was always the one to cheer me up whenever something was bothering me. She was always the one to make me laugh with the stupid things she said. I loved my little sister and I wouldn't change her for the world. I was willing to die for her. I was willing to do anything for her. I could only hope to be there for her when our parents told her the truth.

-So, what do you want? –I asked, interrupting my daydream.

-I wanted to spend some time with you. You haven't been around much lately. You've been training too much. –She complained, squeezing my hand.

-And you haven't been training enough. –I scolded, knowing fully well that she spent a lot of time with Hanji instead of training with father.

-I know. It's just that…aunt Hanji has been talking a lot about "Greek mythology". She found a book the other day and we've been discussing it. Perhaps you should pay aunt Hanji a visit. –She scolded me back, knowing fully well that it would make me feel guilty.

-I know…it's just that I've been training to go out into the battlefield. –I answered in the same lame way she had.

-I don't want you to go out on the field. –She whispered.

-I know, Persephone. I know. –I said, kneeling down to her height and pinching her cheek.

-I don't want you to die. You're the only one who gets my jokes. You're the only one who consoles me when I'm sad. I know mom and dad could, but you are the only one who gets me. –She tried to speak without breaking down into tears.

I gave her a smile, and pulled her into my arms for a hug. She was far too young, far too naïve, far too precious to be let out into the world. I only wanted to protect her, as much as she protected me. I knew I wouldn't be there for her forever. I knew I wouldn't able to avoid harm from ever coming to her. I was not that powerful. I had yet to test my own abilities.

My sister pulled away and kissed me on the cheek, waving goodbye and exiting my room. Avoiding my parents was no longer an option. I had to talk to them about the letter. I had to find out, to know everything they had done. Everything they knew. I was tired of hiding behind them. I had to live up to their expectations, not because they wanted me to, but because I wanted to become as strong as them. Perhaps even more.

I wanted to be as kind and compassionate as Marco, as wise and curious as Armin, as protective as Mikasa, as passionate as Eren, as cunning as Annie, as persistent as Jean, as much of a leader as Erwin, as wicked as Hanji, as powerful and selfless as my father; and above it all, as strong and caring as my mother.

So, I put on my jacket, proudly wearing the Wings of Freedom on my back, and gave myself one last look on the mirror; my gaze lingering on the mark etched upon my skin for longer than I had anticipated.

And, I headed downstairs.

Ready to face whatever the world threw my way.

* * *

" _To be able to look back upon one's past life with satisfaction is to live twice." –Lord Acton_

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you to everyone who accompanied me throughout this journey. I couldn't have done it without your reviews and constant support.**

 **I dedicate this to everyone who supported the story. Because in the end, it was never mine. I was merely the narrator.** _ **You were the writers.**_


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